The looks differential in a marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he loves her?

Here's a brutally honest yet loving comment from one anonymous man (from https://ask.metafilter.com/212798/Im-ugly-now-what):

"My wife is ugly. She knows it and I know it, but we've never talked about it. It's that hard. Until I met her, fell in love with her, and married her, I never really understood what a burden ugliness is, especially for a woman.

I've never told her that she's beautiful, something that I just said automatically and spontaneously to so many girlfriends. In a candid sad moment once she told me that no one told her she was beautiful on our wedding day. When we watch movies and someone tells a woman how beautiful she is I cringe inside, because it is a reminder of how huge and every present this myth of beauty is. It's what every woman is told she is supposed to be pretty much from the day she's born, and my wife just isn't that. She fails it utterly, and there are just constant reminders of it.

So that's all very depressing, but I'm telling you this because I did fall in love with her and I did marry her, and we're very happy together, and we have two beautiful children (there's that word again, sorry). And in case it matters, I'm not ugly myself. I've been told that I'm attractive, and I went to a good college and have been reasonably successful in life. So I don't think she had to trade down to find someone to marry her. I didn't either, that's the thing.

I'm writing this because all these other people are responding kind of telling you not to worry about it, but I'm not sure they really understand how hard it is for a woman to be ugly, with uneven droopy eyes and uneven lips and bad skin and the rest. It's hard and I feel for you. But I also wanted to write to assure that there's still hope, and there's still love out there for you. There was and is for my wife, so I know there can be for you too."

This isn't loving to me. In fact it's kind of awful

NP. I totally agree. Just freaking tell her she's beautiful! Saying, "So don't lose faith, all you ugly girls out there -- you, too, can have a husband who never expresses desire for you!" is not inspirational in the least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of men want to security of knowing their wife won't cheat on them from what I have seen in my friend group. These men dated a lot of women before marriage and were good looking but insecure.

Ok, maybe, but how do they stomach being intimate with someone so unattractive? There’s a ton of beautiful women around; do they not see them and wish they’d done better?

- A man

Maybe they’re happy to be with someone who doesn’t value appearance as the whole of a person instead of a plastic, soulless figurinewho think sh they’re better than everyone just because they’re pretty.

Or, Maybe the homely one is a satisfying freak in the sheets.

DCUMland where no beautiful woman can ever have intelligence or substance. I guess that makes all of the Plain Janes feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who has the best personality ever- so funny and fun and warm, people just gravitate to her and want to be around her. She is honestly pretty plain looking though, while her husband is just delicious looking, but quiet and reserved. Opposites attract!

You missed the part where the wife is rude and cold.

Of course she is rude and cold to OP. She can see the judgment all over OP's shallow face.

Now this is just silly. You have no way of knowing that OP treats the wife in a judgemental way. It’s just impossible for DCUM to accept that the wife is both ugly and rude.

I have a feeling a woman like this is very used to other women wondering why she is with her (at first glance) “superior” husband. Why should she be polite to OP when OP is being so rude to her as to try to assess her value to her husband? Just because OPs rudeness is happening in her head doesn’t mean the wife isn’t picking up on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of men want to security of knowing their wife won't cheat on them from what I have seen in my friend group. These men dated a lot of women before marriage and were good looking but insecure.

Ok, maybe, but how do they stomach being intimate with someone so unattractive? There’s a ton of beautiful women around; do they not see them and wish they’d done better?

- A man

Maybe they’re happy to be with someone who doesn’t value appearance as the whole of a person instead of a plastic, soulless figurinewho think sh they’re better than everyone just because they’re pretty.

Or, Maybe the homely one is a satisfying freak in the sheets.

DCUMland where no beautiful woman can ever have intelligence or substance. I guess that makes all of the Plain Janes feel better.

DCUM think life is an 80s teen movie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who has the best personality ever- so funny and fun and warm, people just gravitate to her and want to be around her. She is honestly pretty plain looking though, while her husband is just delicious looking, but quiet and reserved. Opposites attract!

You missed the part where the wife is rude and cold.

Of course she is rude and cold to OP. She can see the judgment all over OP's shallow face.

Now this is just silly. You have no way of knowing that OP treats the wife in a judgemental way. It’s just impossible for DCUM to accept that the wife is both ugly and rude.

People often don’t hide their feelings as well as they think they are, and OP sounds pretty jealous and resentful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of men want to security of knowing their wife won't cheat on them from what I have seen in my friend group. These men dated a lot of women before marriage and were good looking but insecure.

Ok, maybe, but how do they stomach being intimate with someone so unattractive? There’s a ton of beautiful women around; do they not see them and wish they’d done better?

- A man

Maybe they’re happy to be with someone who doesn’t value appearance as the whole of a person instead of a plastic, soulless figurinewho think sh they’re better than everyone just because they’re pretty.

Or, Maybe the homely one is a satisfying freak in the sheets.

DCUMland where no beautiful woman can ever have intelligence or substance. I guess that makes all of the Plain Janes feel better.

And no woman could be beautiful, smart and into sex. Impossible!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, different strokes for different folks. Do you know how many men consider Rossy De Palma stunning?

She’s hot! But I like the crosseyed big nose types because they remind me of a girl in college who was, to this day, the best sex I’ve ever had.

2 weeks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we’re all accustomed to seeing couples where the woman is hotter but it’s really shocking when you encounter the opposite. I’ve been at parties where everyone is whispering about that couple all night.

It IS shocking when it’s an attractive male with a plain woman. It doesn’t happen much because those guys typically select equally good looking partners.

In a few cases that I know like that, the couples were on the same page or the woman was more attractive when they married. Then health issues permanently affected her looks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of men want to security of knowing their wife won't cheat on them from what I have seen in my friend group. These men dated a lot of women before marriage and were good looking but insecure.

Ok, maybe, but how do they stomach being intimate with someone so unattractive? There’s a ton of beautiful women around; do they not see them and wish they’d done better?

- A man

Maybe they’re happy to be with someone who doesn’t value appearance as the whole of a person instead of a plastic, soulless figurinewho think sh they’re better than everyone just because they’re pretty.

Or, Maybe the homely one is a satisfying freak in the sheets.

DCUMland where no beautiful woman can ever have intelligence or substance. I guess that makes all of the Plain Janes feel better.

And no woman could be beautiful, smart and into sex. Impossible!!

But Plain Jane is always a tiger in the bedroom!

[Anonymous]

If I was ugly and married to a hot guy I’d probably get a little rude too. People like OP are so harsh about a woman’s attractiveness and I’m sure she knows she is constantly judged for it. I’d probably save the food parts of my personality for people who were clearly respectful to me.

[Anonymous]

I’m probably a 5/6 and the men I’ve been with have all objectivity been much better looking than me. I have always been chubby. And I don’t really have a cute face. I am the proof that it’s not always only about looks. I am comfortable with who I am, kind, caring and compassionate. I’m generous, sex positive and normal (and not crazy although I’m aware of the hot/crazy ratio). I don’t understand makeup or fashion and I am not a good cook but I do have a lot of other qualities I bring to the table. I’m not pretentious. I’m not affluent but I am financially stable. I’m just a normal, real, self-sufficient person. I’ve never had an issue finding a date with a good looking man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I was ugly and married to a hot guy I’d probably get a little rude too. People like OP are so harsh about a woman’s attractiveness and I’m sure she knows she is constantly judged for it. I’d probably save the food parts of my personality for people who were clearly respectful to me.

+1. Some attractive women hold their status tight. They feel the need to tear other women down to make sure they stay at the top of the pack. News flash - not everyone over the age of 25 is merely looking for a pretty face. I don’t understand the mean girls club mentality, but it serves their purpose. And an ugly woman marrying an attractive man turns the laws of their universe upside down.

[Anonymous]

I am still in awe that someone as lovely as Kim K. has chosen someone as gangly as Pete Davidson to be her man vs. all the gorgeous celebrities that she could have in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

Men like women who stroke their ego and who love sex. Turn the lights off, face the other way, and it really doesn't matter.

-signed a woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men like women who stroke their ego and who love sex. Turn the lights off, face the other way, and it really doesn't matter.

-signed a woman

This is true. I married a beautiful woman who turned into a prude in bed. It's like having a race car with no engine. Looks fade anyway.