Reply to The looks differential in a marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Maybe he loves her?

Here's a brutally honest yet loving comment from one anonymous man (from https://ask.metafilter.com/212798/Im-ugly-now-what):

"My wife is ugly. She knows it and I know it, but we've never talked about it. It's that hard. Until I met her, fell in love with her, and married her, I never really understood what a burden ugliness is, especially for a woman.

I've never told her that she's beautiful, something that I just said automatically and spontaneously to so many girlfriends. In a candid sad moment once she told me that no one told her she was beautiful on our wedding day. When we watch movies and someone tells a woman how beautiful she is I cringe inside, because it is a reminder of how huge and every present this myth of beauty is. It's what every woman is told she is supposed to be pretty much from the day she's born, and my wife just isn't that. She fails it utterly, and there are just constant reminders of it.

So that's all very depressing, but I'm telling you this because I did fall in love with her and I did marry her, and we're very happy together, and we have two beautiful children (there's that word again, sorry). And in case it matters, I'm not ugly myself. I've been told that I'm attractive, and I went to a good college and have been reasonably successful in life. So I don't think she had to trade down to find someone to marry her. I didn't either, that's the thing.

I'm writing this because all these other people are responding kind of telling you not to worry about it, but I'm not sure they really understand how hard it is for a woman to be ugly, with uneven droopy eyes and uneven lips and bad skin and the rest. It's hard and I feel for you. But I also wanted to write to assure that there's still hope, and there's still love out there for you. There was and is for my wife, so I know there can be for you too."[/quote]

This isn't loving to me. In fact it's kind of awful [/quote]

NP.  I totally agree.  Just freaking tell her she's beautiful!  Saying, "So don't lose faith, all you ugly girls out there -- you, too, can have a husband who never expresses desire for you!" is not inspirational in the least.[/quote]

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