Frustrated with husband and mother in law

[Anonymous]

Can you call your parents to come stay with the kids?

[Anonymous]

It sucks she backed out but decent she knows her limits. Four and six are still young!

I think next time see if you can get a reliable college student to do this. But it’s still a lot. Also, what are you paying her per day? I’m curious.

Wakeup, bath time, and bed time are still not seamless with kids this age. Maybe if they were closer to 10 it would work.

Sorry OP. You set up a great system but she isn’t game. It stinks but next time take the kids with you.

[Anonymous]

I am often a "Defender of MIL" on these threads, but I do feel for OP here.

Setting aside all the arrangements you made to "make it easy" and the length of the planned trip, backing out at the last minute has to be hard for you to handle. I'm sure you put a lot of work into planning and were really looking forward to the trip.

I also feel for the MIL here. She decided it was too much. She absolutely should have thought hard about it a long time ago, but she must be truly uncomfortable to make changes at the last minute.

At this point, my advice would be to totally cancel/postpone the trip. Reschedule something down the road that either doesn't involve MIL at all or is shorter...

[Anonymous]

Yikes! I would NEVER EVER ask MIL for any child care help ever again. You did do much to ease everything for her. Yes, it's a 12 night trip but plenty of family members are close enough and are able to help each other out. Both my parents and in-laws are local, healthy and financially stable. They've taken the kids for overnighter for 12+years and they're the ones often asking US if we want to drop kids here and there.

At this point, agree with others to see if you can cancel the trip and make one for the future. And again OP, NEVER ask or accept her help. I can't believe there are people out there who would do this so last minute but still want a few days because they need the money. Lmao.

Please find overnight care for next time. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

When I was in 3rd grade my parents had to go on a 10 day work trip. They left me home with my beloved grandparents staying with me and my brother. I cried like my heart was breaking. I cried every night. And I was busy during the day and loved being with my grandparents. It was just too long, too far away, too much.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand when others don't know their own mind.
np here

[Anonymous]

BBQ at parents today. Just read this to them and they're completely flabbergasted, as am I. You don't cancel for care on a trip like this with such little notice without good reason. I'm really sorry your MIL did this. As mentioned by others, forget about her ever being an available number you can dial for help.

[Anonymous]

It's HORRENDOUSLY RUDE to announce this just a few days before an international trip, when everything has been booked.

I would be LIVID.

It's beyond entitled of her to expect you to eat up all these costs to shorten your trip.

She should have declined before you made your reservations, like any normal person would do.


I would yell at MIL that she has derailed an extremely expensive plan with her last minute cold feet, and that you cannot trust her again.

Then try to book plane seats for your kids and whatever else so that you take your kids with you, regardless of what your idiot husband says.
If you can't, you'll be forced to shorten your trip, but I would never give her money or include her again. I would be done with that kind of person. And your husband should be in the doghouse for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was in 3rd grade my parents had to go on a 10 day work trip. They left me home with my beloved grandparents staying with me and my brother. I cried like my heart was breaking. I cried every night. And I was busy during the day and loved being with my grandparents. It was just too long, too far away, too much.

That's... not age-appropriate and not normal.

[Anonymous]

I really don't relate to posters who are defending the grandmother. Any responsible person would make sure to cancel before anything is set in stone. It has nothing to do with length of trip, etc. The Grandma knew this before hand. Don't give me the "cold feet" crap. Grandma just ruined the start of OP's holiday and OP is left trying to salvage some fun and relaxation. Any of you would be furious if someone did this to your plans! I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I really don't relate to posters who are defending the grandmother. Any responsible person would make sure to cancel before anything is set in stone. It has nothing to do with length of trip, etc. The Grandma knew this before hand. Don't give me the "cold feet" crap. Grandma just ruined the start of OP's holiday and OP is left trying to salvage some fun and relaxation. Any of you would be furious if someone did this to your plans! I would.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I really don't relate to posters who are defending the grandmother. Any responsible person would make sure to cancel before anything is set in stone. It has nothing to do with length of trip, etc. The Grandma knew this before hand. Don't give me the "cold feet" crap. Grandma just ruined the start of OP's holiday and OP is left trying to salvage some fun and relaxation. Any of you would be furious if someone did this to your plans! I would.

+100

-100. I would not be furious. I would change my plans, and that’s life. Because my kids’ health and well-being and safety is more important than a vacation. And I’ve seen directly bad outcomes from caregivers who were stretched to thin, and we’ve certainly all read about them.

[Anonymous]

OP 12 days is difficult but you put in thoughtful provisions and safeguards for your MIL. Agree it’s not her no - it’s the lateness of it. Even if she changed her mind now she cannot be trusted.

And I was a stay at home mother when my kids were young but felt zero guilt for twice a year no kid trips. Especially like you having grandparents being who I left them with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just hire a sitter

Yes but on 3 days notice I am scrambling. This is something I would have liked to know about before booking so so could have taken the kids or interviewed sitters and found a good fit

If you want to abandon your kids for two weeks that’s on you but clearly she does not want to be responsible for them.

I cannot help but feel the same thing. Anybody would think a 12-day vacation away from the kids these days is appropriate is also somebody who steamrolled grandma into saying yes in the first place. I would cancel that trip and get serious family therapy.

This is just ridiculous. Plenty of people are happy to watch their grandkids for a couple of weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was in 3rd grade my parents had to go on a 10 day work trip. They left me home with my beloved grandparents staying with me and my brother. I cried like my heart was breaking. I cried every night. And I was busy during the day and loved being with my grandparents. It was just too long, too far away, too much.

What a delicate flower you must have been.