Those in your 40s and 50s, if you had kids later in life, do you regret it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I replied above and am happy to be an older mom, but I would also say that if money is the only thing holding you back, just do it. If you are homeless, then wait, but if you are just trying to save for a house or trying to feel more financially secure-just do it. Having a baby is always a risk, but you will figure out your money. My partner and I did not have high salaries or maternity leave, then we had a 1/2 million dollar preemie and I was in the hospital for over two weeks. Then our car died and we had 20k in medical debt. It sucked but we managed (with no help from family).

Agree with this. I just posted about waiting because I married late but I would not have waited barring being totally broke if I had married earlier.

Also agree! You just don’t know if you will have fertility problems until you try. I had my youngest when I was 36 (which seemed fine at the time) but now he’s 8 and it feels like long road until he even graduates high school. I love my kids but they really take a lot of energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Starting at 35+ is very normal in big cities these days. Incredibly difficult to afford a home in a city before that age without inheritance.

If you’re 35 and can’t afford a house, have a child anyway!

yeah most people can’t afford a house in a city, ever! delaying to finish schooling or get a career foothold makes sense, if that means delaying til 30. but if you’re 30, have a job, and a partner? waiting 5 years to save a downpayment is just foolish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I replied above and am happy to be an older mom, but I would also say that if money is the only thing holding you back, just do it. If you are homeless, then wait, but if you are just trying to save for a house or trying to feel more financially secure-just do it. Having a baby is always a risk, but you will figure out your money. My partner and I did not have high salaries or maternity leave, then we had a 1/2 million dollar preemie and I was in the hospital for over two weeks. Then our car died and we had 20k in medical debt. It sucked but we managed (with no help from family).

Agree with this. I just posted about waiting because I married late but I would not have waited barring being totally broke if I had married earlier.

Also agree! You just don’t know if you will have fertility problems until you try. I had my youngest when I was 36 (which seemed fine at the time) but now he’s 8 and it feels like long road until he even graduates high school. I love my kids but they really take a lot of energy.

I think one of the worst parts about delaying to mid/late 30s (whether you intended or not) is feeling rushed to have #2. I see late 30s moms with an 18 month old and newborn and just feel exhausted looking at them …

[Anonymous]

While I wish we would have done it earlier, no regrets at all -- 38 and 40 for the DC. In hindsight we should have done first at 27 or 28. We were just busy and having fun. I would never plan it later but what happened happened and we have enjoyed every moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You didn’t ask the child’s perspective but I had older parents and it was hard on me. I worried about my dad’s health even when I was in elementary school, people assumed he was my grandfather and he died when I was in college.

What age when he died?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I replied above and am happy to be an older mom, but I would also say that if money is the only thing holding you back, just do it. If you are homeless, then wait, but if you are just trying to save for a house or trying to feel more financially secure-just do it. Having a baby is always a risk, but you will figure out your money. My partner and I did not have high salaries or maternity leave, then we had a 1/2 million dollar preemie and I was in the hospital for over two weeks. Then our car died and we had 20k in medical debt. It sucked but we managed (with no help from family).

Agree with this. I just posted about waiting because I married late but I would not have waited barring being totally broke if I had married earlier.

Also agree! You just don’t know if you will have fertility problems until you try. I had my youngest when I was 36 (which seemed fine at the time) but now he’s 8 and it feels like long road until he even graduates high school. I love my kids but they really take a lot of energy.

I think one of the worst parts about delaying to mid/late 30s (whether you intended or not) is feeling rushed to have #2. I see late 30s moms with an 18 month old and newborn and just feel exhausted looking at them …

I was that mom with a newborn and 22 month old. It was exhausting the first year, but now at 5 and 7 they're best friends and play together for hours. They have all the same interests and extracurriculars, so I'm not rushing around to so many different activities. I would say in the long term it's much easier than a 4+ age gap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I replied above and am happy to be an older mom, but I would also say that if money is the only thing holding you back, just do it. If you are homeless, then wait, but if you are just trying to save for a house or trying to feel more financially secure-just do it. Having a baby is always a risk, but you will figure out your money. My partner and I did not have high salaries or maternity leave, then we had a 1/2 million dollar preemie and I was in the hospital for over two weeks. Then our car died and we had 20k in medical debt. It sucked but we managed (with no help from family).

Agree with this. I just posted about waiting because I married late but I would not have waited barring being totally broke if I had married earlier.

Also agree! You just don’t know if you will have fertility problems until you try. I had my youngest when I was 36 (which seemed fine at the time) but now he’s 8 and it feels like long road until he even graduates high school. I love my kids but they really take a lot of energy.

I think one of the worst parts about delaying to mid/late 30s (whether you intended or not) is feeling rushed to have #2. I see late 30s moms with an 18 month old and newborn and just feel exhausted looking at them …

I was that mom with a newborn and 22 month old. It was exhausting the first year, but now at 5 and 7 they're best friends and play together for hours. They have all the same interests and extracurriculars, so I'm not rushing around to so many different activities. I would say in the long term it's much easier than a 4+ age gap.

fine but nobody should be forced to do that because they were trying to save for a down payment. and of course risk of developmental disabilities rises with age. I know lots of 40-something parents with a closely-spaced autistic sibling.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read through this read but it was the best decision for us to have our child later in life.

We were financially secure. My career had more flexibility since I was experience so I can control my hours and still be present for school activities or field trips and sports and things. We travel a lot, because we have time and money. We can outsource things that we need so we have more free time for family .

I have traveled a lot, and I’ve had a lot of fun in my 20s and 30s. Been there, done that. No regrets with waiting. I wouldn’t change a thing and would do it all again.

We are also a one and only. I was happy with just one although DH was open to 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I replied above and am happy to be an older mom, but I would also say that if money is the only thing holding you back, just do it. If you are homeless, then wait, but if you are just trying to save for a house or trying to feel more financially secure-just do it. Having a baby is always a risk, but you will figure out your money. My partner and I did not have high salaries or maternity leave, then we had a 1/2 million dollar preemie and I was in the hospital for over two weeks. Then our car died and we had 20k in medical debt. It sucked but we managed (with no help from family).

Agree with this. I just posted about waiting because I married late but I would not have waited barring being totally broke if I had married earlier.

Also agree! You just don’t know if you will have fertility problems until you try. I had my youngest when I was 36 (which seemed fine at the time) but now he’s 8 and it feels like long road until he even graduates high school. I love my kids but they really take a lot of energy.

I think one of the worst parts about delaying to mid/late 30s (whether you intended or not) is feeling rushed to have #2. I see late 30s moms with an 18 month old and newborn and just feel exhausted looking at them …

I was that mom with a newborn and 22 month old. It was exhausting the first year, but now at 5 and 7 they're best friends and play together for hours. They have all the same interests and extracurriculars, so I'm not rushing around to so many different activities. I would say in the long term it's much easier than a 4+ age gap.

fine but nobody should be forced to do that because they were trying to save for a down payment. and of course risk of developmental disabilities rises with age. I know lots of 40-something parents with a closely-spaced autistic sibling.

Was anyone on this thread forced to have kids at any point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I replied above and am happy to be an older mom, but I would also say that if money is the only thing holding you back, just do it. If you are homeless, then wait, but if you are just trying to save for a house or trying to feel more financially secure-just do it. Having a baby is always a risk, but you will figure out your money. My partner and I did not have high salaries or maternity leave, then we had a 1/2 million dollar preemie and I was in the hospital for over two weeks. Then our car died and we had 20k in medical debt. It sucked but we managed (with no help from family).

Agree with this. I just posted about waiting because I married late but I would not have waited barring being totally broke if I had married earlier.

Also agree! You just don’t know if you will have fertility problems until you try. I had my youngest when I was 36 (which seemed fine at the time) but now he’s 8 and it feels like long road until he even graduates high school. I love my kids but they really take a lot of energy.

I think one of the worst parts about delaying to mid/late 30s (whether you intended or not) is feeling rushed to have #2. I see late 30s moms with an 18 month old and newborn and just feel exhausted looking at them …

I was that mom with a newborn and 22 month old. It was exhausting the first year, but now at 5 and 7 they're best friends and play together for hours. They have all the same interests and extracurriculars, so I'm not rushing around to so many different activities. I would say in the long term it's much easier than a 4+ age gap.

fine but nobody should be forced to do that because they were trying to save for a down payment. and of course risk of developmental disabilities rises with age. I know lots of 40-something parents with a closely-spaced autistic sibling.

It happens at 30, too. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You didn’t ask the child’s perspective but I had older parents and it was hard on me. I worried about my dad’s health even when I was in elementary school, people assumed he was my grandfather and he died when I was in college.

As an older parent it is always good to hear the child's perspective. Thanks for sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I replied above and am happy to be an older mom, but I would also say that if money is the only thing holding you back, just do it. If you are homeless, then wait, but if you are just trying to save for a house or trying to feel more financially secure-just do it. Having a baby is always a risk, but you will figure out your money. My partner and I did not have high salaries or maternity leave, then we had a 1/2 million dollar preemie and I was in the hospital for over two weeks. Then our car died and we had 20k in medical debt. It sucked but we managed (with no help from family).

Agree with this. I just posted about waiting because I married late but I would not have waited barring being totally broke if I had married earlier.

Also agree! You just don’t know if you will have fertility problems until you try. I had my youngest when I was 36 (which seemed fine at the time) but now he’s 8 and it feels like long road until he even graduates high school. I love my kids but they really take a lot of energy.

I think one of the worst parts about delaying to mid/late 30s (whether you intended or not) is feeling rushed to have #2. I see late 30s moms with an 18 month old and newborn and just feel exhausted looking at them …

I was that mom with a newborn and 22 month old. It was exhausting the first year, but now at 5 and 7 they're best friends and play together for hours. They have all the same interests and extracurriculars, so I'm not rushing around to so many different activities. I would say in the long term it's much easier than a 4+ age gap.

fine but nobody should be forced to do that because they were trying to save for a down payment. and of course risk of developmental disabilities rises with age. I know lots of 40-something parents with a closely-spaced autistic sibling.

It happens at 30, too. Ask me how I know.

No one said it doesn’t happen at 30. You can be in denial all you want but the fact is that the risk factor goes up significantly as one ages.

[Anonymous]

Shit yeah.
If I had kids earlier, they'd be done with college by now. I might actually live long enough to see and help out with grandchildren if I had kids earlier.
If I had kids earlier, I might have been more able to help my aging parents instead of being literally the only one caring for pre-school/K small kids.

[Anonymous]

Shit yeah above continued -
AND I would have jumped back into my career sooner after the SAHM stuff was over. I could have had a longer uninterrupted span in this phase of my career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I replied above and am happy to be an older mom, but I would also say that if money is the only thing holding you back, just do it. If you are homeless, then wait, but if you are just trying to save for a house or trying to feel more financially secure-just do it. Having a baby is always a risk, but you will figure out your money. My partner and I did not have high salaries or maternity leave, then we had a 1/2 million dollar preemie and I was in the hospital for over two weeks. Then our car died and we had 20k in medical debt. It sucked but we managed (with no help from family).

Agree with this. I just posted about waiting because I married late but I would not have waited barring being totally broke if I had married earlier.

Also agree! You just don’t know if you will have fertility problems until you try. I had my youngest when I was 36 (which seemed fine at the time) but now he’s 8 and it feels like long road until he even graduates high school. I love my kids but they really take a lot of energy.

I think one of the worst parts about delaying to mid/late 30s (whether you intended or not) is feeling rushed to have #2. I see late 30s moms with an 18 month old and newborn and just feel exhausted looking at them …

I was that mom with a newborn and 22 month old. It was exhausting the first year, but now at 5 and 7 they're best friends and play together for hours. They have all the same interests and extracurriculars, so I'm not rushing around to so many different activities. I would say in the long term it's much easier than a 4+ age gap.

fine but nobody should be forced to do that because they were trying to save for a down payment. and of course risk of developmental disabilities rises with age. I know lots of 40-something parents with a closely-spaced autistic sibling.

You're missing some data. Autism risk rises with a 5+ year age gap between siblings, an 18 month or less age gap between siblings, advanced paternal age, a large age gap between parents, and being a teen mom. But you also seem to forget that autism is also genetic. The risk doesn't apply to all "late 30s moms".