How to handle this? Photo display

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is prompting you to repost. I don’t see any new developments since Christmas and your husband agrees with you.

I'm the OP. Because we're visiting for the first time since Christmas and to be honest, I'm dreading seeing this photo displayed somewhere. I never said a thing at the time. It's weighing on me. The funeral was the worst day of my life. I am working with a grief therapist. I just don't know if I want to sit in my MIL's living room all day staring at this photo on her mantel.

Talk to your therapist about ways to manage your response to the photo during your visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is incredibly tacky.

I agree it is incredibly tacky of OP to keep going on and on about this. It is just a photo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is incredibly tacky.

I agree it is incredibly tacky of OP to keep going on and on about this. It is just a photo.

I agree with this and . I have lost a parent.was there when parent died, put in the body bag, wheeled out of the house and went to the funeral
Op should be glad her in laws cared enough hern and her mom to go to the funeral.

It's a goddamn photo it's been a freaking year. Let it go and perhaps consider medicine in top of therapy.

[Anonymous]

So your husband is not even included in the family photo?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That was very insensitive of them, both to take the picture and then frame it and present it in front of you.

But... did you already write about this a long time ago? Or is this something that is common?

Yes, this is the SECOND time at least that this topic has come up ... almost verbatim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like OP is angry/hurt that people weren't as sad as she was on the occasion of her mother's funeral and she wants to punish them for finding anything other than sadness at the funeral. They discretelytook photos together. So what? It's incredibly self-centered to remain so angry about it that you want them to put the photo away when you come to visit. Work with your grief counselor to get to the root of your anger and how to work through it. If you were my SIL/DIL and asked me to put away a family photo, in my head, I'd be rolling my eyes at your 'fragility'.

discreetly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is incredibly tacky.

I agree it is incredibly tacky of OP to keep going on and on about this. It is just a photo.

Have you ever lost someone you love? You do not use someone else's painful day as a joyful occasion and then display it. This is elementary human relations 101, 102, 103.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is incredibly tacky.

I agree it is incredibly tacky of OP to keep going on and on about this. It is just a photo.

Have you ever lost someone you love? You do not use someone else's painful day as a joyful occasion and then display it. This is elementary human relations 101, 102, 103.

DP. There are plenty of people on this thread who have lost loved ones (I lost 2 to suicide) and have no problem with this. It's hard to believe you're as old as you are and you still don't understand that not everyone thinks the way you do. I hope you can learn that someday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is incredibly tacky.

I agree it is incredibly tacky of OP to keep going on and on about this. It is just a photo.

Have you ever lost someone you love? You do not use someone else's painful day as a joyful occasion and then display it. This is elementary human relations 101, 102, 103.

DP. There are plenty of people on this thread who have lost loved ones (I lost 2 to suicide) and have no problem with this. It's hard to believe you're as old as you are and you still don't understand that not everyone thinks the way you do. I hope you can learn that someday.

I truly think this board prides itself on contrarian takes to rile people up and make OPs feel stupid. In the real world -- not anonymous message-board-land -- such behavior just isn't done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is incredibly tacky.

I agree it is incredibly tacky of OP to keep going on and on about this. It is just a photo.

Have you ever lost someone you love? You do not use someone else's painful day as a joyful occasion and then display it. This is elementary human relations 101, 102, 103.

DP. There are plenty of people on this thread who have lost loved ones (I lost 2 to suicide) and have no problem with this. It's hard to believe you're as old as you are and you still don't understand that not everyone thinks the way you do. I hope you can learn that someday.

I truly think this board prides itself on contrarian takes to rile people up and make OPs feel stupid. In the real world -- not anonymous message-board-land -- such behavior just isn't done.

But it clearly is done in the real world. Just because you’ve never done it doesn’t mean it must not happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was very insensitive of them, both to take the picture and then frame it and present it in front of you.

But... did you already write about this a long time ago? Or is this something that is common?

Yes, this is the SECOND time at least that this topic has come up ... almost verbatim.

It’s the same post. 6 months later and OP has done nothing but post it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is incredibly tacky.

I agree it is incredibly tacky of OP to keep going on and on about this. It is just a photo.

Have you ever lost someone you love? You do not use someone else's painful day as a joyful occasion and then display it. This is elementary human relations 101, 102, 103.

DP. There are plenty of people on this thread who have lost loved ones (I lost 2 to suicide) and have no problem with this. It's hard to believe you're as old as you are and you still don't understand that not everyone thinks the way you do. I hope you can learn that someday.

I truly think this board prides itself on contrarian takes to rile people up and make OPs feel stupid. In the real world -- not anonymous message-board-land -- such behavior just isn't done.

But it clearly is done in the real world. Just because you’ve never done it doesn’t mean it must not happen.

Agreed, my father died a few years ago and we hosted the wake at our house. I love looking at the pictures from that weekend with all of the relatives and extended family all dressed up and together. OP I think that it is ok to be sad about your mother's death, but eventually you have to be able to move past the sadness and remember the good times that you spent with her. I don't know if you are religious or not, but my church calls memorial services "celebrations of life" and I really like that framing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is incredibly tacky.

I agree it is incredibly tacky of OP to keep going on and on about this. It is just a photo.

Have you ever lost someone you love? You do not use someone else's painful day as a joyful occasion and then display it. This is elementary human relations 101, 102, 103.

DP. There are plenty of people on this thread who have lost loved ones (I lost 2 to suicide) and have no problem with this. It's hard to believe you're as old as you are and you still don't understand that not everyone thinks the way you do. I hope you can learn that someday.

I truly think this board prides itself on contrarian takes to rile people up and make OPs feel stupid. In the real world -- not anonymous message-board-land -- such behavior just isn't done.

But it clearly is done in the real world. Just because you’ve never done it doesn’t mean it must not happen.

Agreed, my father died a few years ago and we hosted the wake at our house. I love looking at the pictures from that weekend with all of the relatives and extended family all dressed up and together. OP I think that it is ok to be sad about your mother's death, but eventually you have to be able to move past the sadness and remember the good times that you spent with her. I don't know if you are religious or not, but my church calls memorial services "celebrations of life" and I really like that framing.

I truly think a lot of people are missing the point here. In-laws, ostensibly there to join a grieving daughter-in-law/sister-in-law in mourning, took the opportunity to take a smiling photo with their own mother, who was alive. OK, fine. Perhaps you do that, but you share it among yourselves.

Instead, someone blew up a photo of a painful day and presented it as a framed gift, in front of the mourner, for a completely different reason -- to celebrate the living mother.

It's insensitive. It turned a sad occasion into a photo opportunity, and then a gifting opportunity, in front of someone for whom the day held pain.

This isn't even an immediate relative of the deceased gathering her brothers and sisters or something to mark togetherness. This is, as another PP put it, C-list attendees using the occasion for their own purposes. Then gifting it. A funeral is not a backdrop for a present. This really isn't complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is incredibly tacky.

I agree it is incredibly tacky of OP to keep going on and on about this. It is just a photo.

Have you ever lost someone you love? You do not use someone else's painful day as a joyful occasion and then display it. This is elementary human relations 101, 102, 103.

DP. There are plenty of people on this thread who have lost loved ones (I lost 2 to suicide) and have no problem with this. It's hard to believe you're as old as you are and you still don't understand that not everyone thinks the way you do. I hope you can learn that someday.

I truly think this board prides itself on contrarian takes to rile people up and make OPs feel stupid. In the real world -- not anonymous message-board-land -- such behavior just isn't done.

But it clearly is done in the real world. Just because you’ve never done it doesn’t mean it must not happen.

I mean, lots of things happen in the real world, but that doesn't make them polite...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is incredibly tacky.

I agree it is incredibly tacky of OP to keep going on and on about this. It is just a photo.

Have you ever lost someone you love? You do not use someone else's painful day as a joyful occasion and then display it. This is elementary human relations 101, 102, 103.

DP. There are plenty of people on this thread who have lost loved ones (I lost 2 to suicide) and have no problem with this. It's hard to believe you're as old as you are and you still don't understand that not everyone thinks the way you do. I hope you can learn that someday.

I truly think this board prides itself on contrarian takes to rile people up and make OPs feel stupid. In the real world -- not anonymous message-board-land -- such behavior just isn't done.

But it clearly is done in the real world. Just because you’ve never done it doesn’t mean it must not happen.

Agreed, my father died a few years ago and we hosted the wake at our house. I love looking at the pictures from that weekend with all of the relatives and extended family all dressed up and together. OP I think that it is ok to be sad about your mother's death, but eventually you have to be able to move past the sadness and remember the good times that you spent with her. I don't know if you are religious or not, but my church calls memorial services "celebrations of life" and I really like that framing.

Wow, it’s unusual to me that you love looking at photos from your dad’s funeral. I have to hold down the vomit when I come across a prayer card from my dad’s service in an old purse or something.