How to handle this? Photo display

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is prompting you to repost. I don’t see any new developments since Christmas and your husband agrees with you.

I'm the OP. Because we're visiting for the first time since Christmas and to be honest, I'm dreading seeing this photo displayed somewhere. I never said a thing at the time. It's weighing on me. The funeral was the worst day of my life. I am working with a grief therapist. I just don't know if I want to sit in my MIL's living room all day staring at this photo on her mantel.

OP, get your husband to say something in advance. If you see the picture, thank them again for coming and say the pictures of the day still make me sad because you miss your mom so much. Then sit with your back yo the picture.

I wonder what your grief counselor says? It feels like a situation where you are make a side issue into a huge issue to take the pain/attention away from the real issue.

I think this, pp, is the answer. Being furious about the photo is easier than facing the full-on grief of losing your mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is prompting you to repost. I don’t see any new developments since Christmas and your husband agrees with you.

I'm the OP. Because we're visiting for the first time since Christmas and to be honest, I'm dreading seeing this photo displayed somewhere. I never said a thing at the time. It's weighing on me. The funeral was the worst day of my life. I am working with a grief therapist. I just don't know if I want to sit in my MIL's living room all day staring at this photo on her mantel.

OP, get your husband to say something in advance. If you see the picture, thank them again for coming and say the pictures of the day still make me sad because you miss your mom so much. Then sit with your back yo the picture.

I wonder what your grief counselor says? It feels like a situation where you are make a side issue into a huge issue to take the pain/attention away from the real issue.

I gently suggest you not do this. As you can see from this thread, there is a great divide in the opinions on this. Your ILs are, clearly, on the side that believes there was no problem doing this. For you or your DH communicate to them that the photo is loaded for you, they're going to think you're nuts. You will be seen as the problem, as unreasonable and to be creating drama. Talk to your grief counselor about how to manage your feelings about it. Even if they were to put away the picture while you visit, you still have memories of this, it still bothers you and you need to find acceptance in order to move on - assuming you don't want to hold this anger forever and want a decent relationship with your ILs.

Creating "drama" would've been to pitch a fit when it was presented at Christmas (which staggers the mind!). I think DH saying something quietly to the MIL later gets the point across that it wasn't well-received without stirring the pot. It seems like the issue is mainly about the ILs insensitivity at this point.

If OP were my DIL/SIL and my son/brother brought this up, I'd definitely encorage my my son/brother to get her the mental health she needs. I'd also not remove the picture. If this is the hill she wsnts to die upon, so be it. I would imgaine she's controlling in other ways and my loved one needs to see it.

It was a thoughtless act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is prompting you to repost. I don’t see any new developments since Christmas and your husband agrees with you.

I'm the OP. Because we're visiting for the first time since Christmas and to be honest, I'm dreading seeing this photo displayed somewhere. I never said a thing at the time. It's weighing on me. The funeral was the worst day of my life. I am working with a grief therapist. I just don't know if I want to sit in my MIL's living room all day staring at this photo on her mantel.

OP, get your husband to say something in advance. If you see the picture, thank them again for coming and say the pictures of the day still make me sad because you miss your mom so much. Then sit with your back yo the picture.

I wonder what your grief counselor says? It feels like a situation where you are make a side issue into a huge issue to take the pain/attention away from the real issue.

I gently suggest you not do this. As you can see from this thread, there is a great divide in the opinions on this. Your ILs are, clearly, on the side that believes there was no problem doing this. For you or your DH communicate to them that the photo is loaded for you, they're going to think you're nuts. You will be seen as the problem, as unreasonable and to be creating drama. Talk to your grief counselor about how to manage your feelings about it. Even if they were to put away the picture while you visit, you still have memories of this, it still bothers you and you need to find acceptance in order to move on - assuming you don't want to hold this anger forever and want a decent relationship with your ILs.

Creating "drama" would've been to pitch a fit when it was presented at Christmas (which staggers the mind!). I think DH saying something quietly to the MIL later gets the point across that it wasn't well-received without stirring the pot. It seems like the issue is mainly about the ILs insensitivity at this point.

If OP were my DIL/SIL and my son/brother brought this up, I'd definitely encorage my my son/brother to get her the mental health she needs. I'd also not remove the picture. If this is the hill she wsnts to die upon, so be it. I would imgaine she's controlling in other ways and my loved one needs to see it.

It was a thoughtless act.

No one can change what happened in the past. OP needs to learn how to move on from this. Her inability to do so indicates she has larger mental health issues that she needs to address.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is prompting you to repost. I don’t see any new developments since Christmas and your husband agrees with you.

I'm the OP. Because we're visiting for the first time since Christmas and to be honest, I'm dreading seeing this photo displayed somewhere. I never said a thing at the time. It's weighing on me. The funeral was the worst day of my life. I am working with a grief therapist. I just don't know if I want to sit in my MIL's living room all day staring at this photo on her mantel.

OP, get your husband to say something in advance. If you see the picture, thank them again for coming and say the pictures of the day still make me sad because you miss your mom so much. Then sit with your back yo the picture.

I wonder what your grief counselor says? It feels like a situation where you are make a side issue into a huge issue to take the pain/attention away from the real issue.

I gently suggest you not do this. As you can see from this thread, there is a great divide in the opinions on this. Your ILs are, clearly, on the side that believes there was no problem doing this. For you or your DH communicate to them that the photo is loaded for you, they're going to think you're nuts. You will be seen as the problem, as unreasonable and to be creating drama. Talk to your grief counselor about how to manage your feelings about it. Even if they were to put away the picture while you visit, you still have memories of this, it still bothers you and you need to find acceptance in order to move on - assuming you don't want to hold this anger forever and want a decent relationship with your ILs.

Creating "drama" would've been to pitch a fit when it was presented at Christmas (which staggers the mind!). I think DH saying something quietly to the MIL later gets the point across that it wasn't well-received without stirring the pot. It seems like the issue is mainly about the ILs insensitivity at this point.

If OP were my DIL/SIL and my son/brother brought this up, I'd definitely encorage my my son/brother to get her the mental health she needs. I'd also not remove the picture. If this is the hill she wsnts to die upon, so be it. I would imgaine she's controlling in other ways and my loved one needs to see it.

Wow, what a dreadful person you are.

[Anonymous]

There are photos taken like this in my family and they are so incredibly painful to look at. My mother’s brother died of an overdose and the parents and 5 remaining siblings are all attempting to smile at his funeral lunch to grab a family pic. They all look agonized even 40 years later. No one wants to see these pics. I don’t know what they were thinking.

[Anonymous]

I think they were insensitive but it wouldn’t bother me enough to say anything. It’s just a photo. Don’t look at it. I barely glance at the photos in my MIL’s house.

[Anonymous]

In your original post, you said the photo was given as a gift to all the siblings including your husband. It wasn’t just a gift to the mom.

I can understand asking your husband to put away the photo in your own home. I assume you asked your husband to do this.

I would not proceed to have DH ask his family to hide the picture when you visit.