How to handle this? Photo display

[Anonymous]

You need to move on. You don't get to tell someone what photos are displayed in their home, particularly since it is a family photo - regardless of the circumstances under which it was taken. If this is so triggering for you, I suggest you work with a grief counselor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Accept that you’re mourning your Mother’s loss, but don’t let it make you bitter and petulant. Yes, it was in poor taste but say nothing. Give a little grace and accept that no ill will toward you was intended.

Agree. And the fact that in laws attended is amazing.

This doesn't seem that amazing to me, it seems standard in my experience!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to move on. You don't get to tell someone what photos are displayed in their home, particularly since it is a family photo - regardless of the circumstances under which it was taken. If this is so triggering for you, I suggest you work with a grief counselor.

+1. A few years ago my cousin passed away rather young (mid-40s), and although a sad occasion, some of his relatives on the other side took family photos at the memorial service. Everyone was there, they were all dressed up, etc. My mother later said she regretted that they hadn't thought to take a family photo or at least one with her two sisters. My aunt who lost her son then passed away unexpectedly a few months later, and my mother regretted even more not taking a photo with her and their other sister at my cousin's service.

This is all just to say that families gather at weddings and funerals and sometimes those are the only opportunities to take family photos. Try to separate the photo from the location where it was taken and, as PP said, if it is that triggering, seek grief counseling. I'm sorry for your loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to move on. You don't get to tell someone what photos are displayed in their home, particularly since it is a family photo - regardless of the circumstances under which it was taken. If this is so triggering for you, I suggest you work with a grief counselor.

+1. A few years ago my cousin passed away rather young (mid-40s), and although a sad occasion, some of his relatives on the other side took family photos at the memorial service. Everyone was there, they were all dressed up, etc. My mother later said she regretted that they hadn't thought to take a family photo or at least one with her two sisters. My aunt who lost her son then passed away unexpectedly a few months later, and my mother regretted even more not taking a photo with her and their other sister at my cousin's service.

This is all just to say that families gather at weddings and funerals and sometimes those are the only opportunities to take family photos. Try to separate the photo from the location where it was taken and, as PP said, if it is that triggering, seek grief counseling. I'm sorry for your loss.

I really think this is extremely wrong -- especially handing out such a photo at Christmas!
"The only opportunities to take family photos?" At an in-laws' funeral? Come ON. Nope nope nope. Your sense of decency should override your desire for a photo op.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a troll, OP, because you already posted about this.

There is no one right answer. You can tell them to put away the photo. It's not rude to ask given the circumstances! You can also live with the photo. If it's in a highly trafficked area, perhaps it will inadvertently shatter when an errant elbow bumps it off wherever it is... lots of things can happen.

[Anonymous]

I can definitely see why this pained you when it happened. But you definitely need to move on. I think in the moment I would have said "oh wow was that from my mom's funeral?" and then wept in the bathroom so they would have caught on it was tasteless. But now it's done.

It's just a picture of a group of people who love each other. Try to see that side. I am sorry about your mom, it's never easy to lose such a formative figure in your life. But it's probably not worth stewing over this 6 months later.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think they did any of this to be malicious, but it is in extremely poor taste. Who takes photos at a funeral? Disrespectful, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think they did any of this to be malicious, but it is in extremely poor taste. Who takes photos at a funeral? Disrespectful, IMO.

It's in really poor taste; the issue, to me, seems less about the photo's memories and more the fact that it was even taken and presented.

[Anonymous]

What is prompting you to repost. I don’t see any new developments since Christmas and your husband agrees with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is prompting you to repost. I don’t see any new developments since Christmas and your husband agrees with you.

I'm the OP. Because we're visiting for the first time since Christmas and to be honest, I'm dreading seeing this photo displayed somewhere. I never said a thing at the time. It's weighing on me. The funeral was the worst day of my life. I am working with a grief therapist. I just don't know if I want to sit in my MIL's living room all day staring at this photo on her mantel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is prompting you to repost. I don’t see any new developments since Christmas and your husband agrees with you.

I'm the OP. Because we're visiting for the first time since Christmas and to be honest, I'm dreading seeing this photo displayed somewhere. I never said a thing at the time. It's weighing on me. The funeral was the worst day of my life. I am working with a grief therapist. I just don't know if I want to sit in my MIL's living room all day staring at this photo on her mantel.

You need therapy. You’re still up in arms over this as much as you were the last time you posted. It happened, it isn’t the end of the world or the worst thing someone could have done. Get over it.

Real question- do you suffer from anxiety in other aspects of your life? Your obsessing over this reminds me of my mom who literally worst-case-scenarios everything. It’s exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is prompting you to repost. I don’t see any new developments since Christmas and your husband agrees with you.

I'm the OP. Because we're visiting for the first time since Christmas and to be honest, I'm dreading seeing this photo displayed somewhere. I never said a thing at the time. It's weighing on me. The funeral was the worst day of my life. I am working with a grief therapist. I just don't know if I want to sit in my MIL's living room all day staring at this photo on her mantel.

I think your plan of having your DH all his mom not to have it displayed while you visit is perfectly fine. I wouldn’t do anything beyond that and hopefully with time you can forget the whole thing.

[Anonymous]

Why did you make a second thread about this when nothing new has happened? Did you not get enough attention the first time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think they did any of this to be malicious, but it is in extremely poor taste. Who takes photos at a funeral? Disrespectful, IMO.

I think sometimes it's a good idea. I went to a family funeral with my Dad and his cousin was there. He hadn't seen her in a LONG time, and she doesn't live close by. They are the only 2 of their generation left. So I did ask to snap a photo of them. The family member who died was 80, and though it was sudden, he would have heartily approved. Funerals are really for the living. No one is pretending it was a terrific reason to get together, but honestly the reason I went is because I may never see that arm of the family again without the "link" person alive. So it was sort of a goodbye thing too. Like some last memories with these people who are sort of distant relatives. Some spread out and extended families only see each other at weddings and funerals, so I can see some reasoning.

Now I realize OP's feelings are really hurt by this. And I'd have her DH ask to have the photo tucked away during the visit. Especially if you will only be visiting twice a year.

[Anonymous]

didn't you post about this a couple months ago? Let it go!!