How to handle this? Photo display

[Anonymous]

My mother died last year. My in-laws attended the funeral. Apparently they took their own family photos outside, because on Christmas, my SIL then presented her mother with a large framed photo of the entire family against the backdrop of the yard where my mom's celebration was being held. Seeing my MIL unwrap this photo was really painful for me, especially on my first holiday without my own mother and primarily due to the setting where it was taken. I said nothing at the time, but I think it was really inappropriate to (a) take a photo at a funeral like this and (b) then give the photo as a gift on Christmas in front of me.

I really just don't want to see this picture ever again and my DH is in complete agreement that it was insensitive. He has said he will speak to his mother before our visit to please ask that she put away the photo if it's displayed, both because it's painful for us to see and also to get the point across that giving it wasn't in the best taste to begin with.

Is this the right route to take? It just feels like something too "weird" to go unsaid.

[Anonymous]

That sounds like a good way to handle it to me. Sorry, OP, both for the loss of your mom and for the thoughtless act of your SIL.

[Anonymous]

That was very insensitive of them, both to take the picture and then frame it and present it in front of you.

But... did you already write about this a long time ago? Or is this something that is common?

[Anonymous]

Is it unusual for them all to be together? Just trying to see it from their POV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That was very insensitive of them, both to take the picture and then frame it and present it in front of you.

But... did you already write about this a long time ago? Or is this something that is common?

This sounded familiar to me too

[Anonymous]

Accept that you’re mourning your Mother’s loss, but don’t let it make you bitter and petulant. Yes, it was in poor taste but say nothing. Give a little grace and accept that no ill will toward you was intended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was very insensitive of them, both to take the picture and then frame it and present it in front of you.

But... did you already write about this a long time ago? Or is this something that is common?

This sounded familiar to me too

We had this thread before!

[Anonymous]

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1024077.page#21587142

[Anonymous]

Yes, I am the OP of the original but haven't been back since the holidays.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get that it feels insensitive to you. But the fact is they went to your mother's funeral. Very few in-laws go at all, and how many times have posters come on to say their IL family is insensitive to not going.

This feels a little like a no-win for IL family. Maybe think of it in terms of they were nice enough to attend.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry about your mom. But this seems like you're looking to create something and make it about you. Let it go, it's not worth it. Figure out how to process your own grief. Let your inlaws enjoy the time and memories they have together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it unusual for them all to be together? Just trying to see it from their POV.

They should also see it from her point of view and how insensitive it was/is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother died last year. My in-laws attended the funeral. Apparently they took their own family photos outside, because on Christmas, my SIL then presented her mother with a large framed photo of the entire family against the backdrop of the yard where my mom's celebration was being held. Seeing my MIL unwrap this photo was really painful for me, especially on my first holiday without my own mother and primarily due to the setting where it was taken. I said nothing at the time, but I think it was really inappropriate to (a) take a photo at a funeral like this and (b) then give the photo as a gift on Christmas in front of me.

I really just don't want to see this picture ever again and my DH is in complete agreement that it was insensitive. He has said he will speak to his mother before our visit to please ask that she put away the photo if it's displayed, both because it's painful for us to see and also to get the point across that giving it wasn't in the best taste to begin with.

Is this the right route to take? It just feels like something too "weird" to go unsaid.

Has your DH already spoken to his mother about this? seeing as it's been over 5 months since the incident. Would this just be a continuation of an already discussed topic, or the first time he is brining it to her attention?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Accept that you’re mourning your Mother’s loss, but don’t let it make you bitter and petulant. Yes, it was in poor taste but say nothing. Give a little grace and accept that no ill will toward you was intended.

Agree. And the fact that in laws attended is amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother died last year. My in-laws attended the funeral. Apparently they took their own family photos outside, because on Christmas, my SIL then presented her mother with a large framed photo of the entire family against the backdrop of the yard where my mom's celebration was being held. Seeing my MIL unwrap this photo was really painful for me, especially on my first holiday without my own mother and primarily due to the setting where it was taken. I said nothing at the time, but I think it was really inappropriate to (a) take a photo at a funeral like this and (b) then give the photo as a gift on Christmas in front of me.

I really just don't want to see this picture ever again and my DH is in complete agreement that it was insensitive. He has said he will speak to his mother before our visit to please ask that she put away the photo if it's displayed, both because it's painful for us to see and also to get the point across that giving it wasn't in the best taste to begin with.

Is this the right route to take? It just feels like something too "weird" to go unsaid.

Has your DH already spoken to his mother about this? seeing as it's been over 5 months since the incident. Would this just be a continuation of an already discussed topic, or the first time he is brining it to her attention?

We didn't say anything at Christmas and didn't want to make it an issue, but it was really hard.