I ruined my marriage with my soulmate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Communicate to her in writing a brief note that you didn't cheat just once, but approx. x amount of times.

It will help erase any potential fleeting doubts she may have on an off day about ending things.

No need, she is very satisfied with her decision and started a relationship with someone else. She mourned the relationship while still being married but separated, and gradually moved on. She met someone else right before divorcing me by text message.

You sound like a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Communicate to her in writing a brief note that you didn't cheat just once, but approx. x amount of times.

It will help erase any potential fleeting doubts she may have on an off day about ending things.

No need, she is very satisfied with her decision and started a relationship with someone else. She mourned the relationship while still being married but separated, and gradually moved on. She met someone else right before divorcing me by text message.

You sound like a troll.

I am not. She has a great support system which helped her put her needs first and make the decision to leave me. She was very determined. Meeting someone who expressed interest in her and whom she likes also helped. She is trauma bond and can't stay alone for too long. I am not a troll. I am frankly struggling to stay alive over what I did to our marriage, to her, and to myself. Images and memories are haunting me as I write this. Not looking for pity. Just not understanding how and why I ruined something unique and so special.

[Anonymous]

Therapy. If you actually mean what you say here, unpack this with a competent therapist.

[Anonymous]

You're weird. Pouring your soul out to a bunch of anons is just weird. Yeah, you should work on not being weird and icky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're weird. Pouring your soul out to a bunch of anons is just weird. Yeah, you should work on not being weird and icky.

I am more desperate than weird. I seek support and advice wherever I can.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry you are currently enduring all of this.
It sounds like you are truly in a bad place at this time. 💔

You have learned a very important life lesson about love here.
Take your hurt & learn valuable lessons on it.
Life has consequences and you have learned that tenfold.

I strongly encourage you to seek out professional individual counseling.
It may help you to cope w/your immense pain.
Perhaps going on a good antidepressant temporarily may also lessen the sting.

I wish you the best in your recovery.

[Anonymous]

If you are serious about getting better, you have to commit to staying away from women for a while (like at least 2yrs) while you do some major work with a therapist. Then you have to work through your obvious addiction to women and using them to fulfill some hole you have inside you. Fill up that hole with something else by working on improving yourself as a human being. You cannot even begin to know how love someone else until you become whole on your own and respect yourself.

[Anonymous]

What exactly did you think would happen? You’d get to keep on cheating the rest of your life and she’d never know?

[Anonymous]

OP, your posts have been eliciting negative reactions because they’re basically a bottomless pit of self-flagellation and extreme emotion. There’s nowhere to go with this but stuck in the muck.

While what you did was morally wrong, you are splitting things off and idealizing your ex-wife as “all good” and yourself as “all bad” and idealizing her and your lost relationship. She is human, you hurt her deeply, yes - but you also were very self-destructive and hurt yourself as well.

Your post is “emotion vomit” and I read it with irritation and thought “snap the F out of it, pull yourself together”. Sitting in your therapist’s office and saying over and over again “I’m a sh*t, I ruined everything, I’m an awful person and I hurt my angelic, perfect, soulmate wife” isn’t going to get you out of the muck. Sit with these feelings, try to understand yourself and what was at the root of your behavior and dysfunction, and take responsibility. Keep working on it every day. But no more self-pity or s**tting all over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your posts have been eliciting negative reactions because they’re basically a bottomless pit of self-flagellation and extreme emotion. There’s nowhere to go with this but stuck in the muck.

While what you did was morally wrong, you are splitting things off and idealizing your ex-wife as “all good” and yourself as “all bad” and idealizing her and your lost relationship. She is human, you hurt her deeply, yes - but you also were very self-destructive and hurt yourself as well.

Your post is “emotion vomit” and I read it with irritation and thought “snap the F out of it, pull yourself together”. Sitting in your therapist’s office and saying over and over again “I’m a sh*t, I ruined everything, I’m an awful person and I hurt my angelic, perfect, soulmate wife” isn’t going to get you out of the muck. Sit with these feelings, try to understand yourself and what was at the root of your behavior and dysfunction, and take responsibility. Keep working on it every day. But no more self-pity or s**tting all over yourself.

This is exactly what my therapist told me. Thank you. I wish I could internalize it. But I can't find a way to live without my ex-wife. And accept that I lost my marriage - the most precious thing I had - over a sexual addiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly did you think would happen? You’d get to keep on cheating the rest of your life and she’d never know?

I was hoping I would stop, and be forgiven. But I kept acting like a piece of shit till she left. My therapist thinks I have a sexual addiction, on top of strong narcissist traits. What kind of monster have I become.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are serious about getting better, you have to commit to staying away from women for a while (like at least 2yrs) while you do some major work with a therapist. Then you have to work through your obvious addiction to women and using them to fulfill some hole you have inside you. Fill up that hole with something else by working on improving yourself as a human being. You cannot even begin to know how love someone else until you become whole on your own and respect yourself.

That's exactly what my therapist told me. What is it that I truly believe I can't live without my ex-wife? While, while she was with me, I neglected her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry you are currently enduring all of this.
It sounds like you are truly in a bad place at this time. 💔

You have learned a very important life lesson about love here.
Take your hurt & learn valuable lessons on it.
Life has consequences and you have learned that tenfold.

I strongly encourage you to seek out professional individual counseling.
It may help you to cope w/your immense pain.
Perhaps going on a good antidepressant temporarily may also lessen the sting.

I wish you the best in your recovery.

This is very kind of you, thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What exactly did you think would happen? You’d get to keep on cheating the rest of your life and she’d never know?

I was hoping I would stop, and be forgiven. But I kept acting like a piece of shit till she left. My therapist thinks I have a sexual addiction, on top of strong narcissist traits. What kind of monster have I become.

Why didn’t you stop? It’s not that hard to not stick your d!ck in other women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are serious about getting better, you have to commit to staying away from women for a while (like at least 2yrs) while you do some major work with a therapist. Then you have to work through your obvious addiction to women and using them to fulfill some hole you have inside you. Fill up that hole with something else by working on improving yourself as a human being. You cannot even begin to know how love someone else until you become whole on your own and respect yourself.

That's exactly what my therapist told me. What is it that I truly believe I can't live without my ex-wife? While, while she was with me, I neglected her?

I think you're coming on here for more attention from women - whether it is negative or whether it is sympathy, I don't think you care at this point. You use women to fill your bottomless hole for need for attention. In the beginnings of a relationship, there is more intensity, more time spent together, more attention, also in the early stages you are able to manipulate them more to give you this kind of attention. You never loved your ex-wife. At all. You used her and then she became useless to you.