I ruined my marriage with my soulmate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't you get with one of your APs? Surely that will bring lasting happiness.

I never had feelings for anyone but my ex-wife and I would genuinely do everything I could just to be forgiven or undo the harm I inflicted. My only hope is to find a way to live, not just survive, without her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're weird. Pouring your soul out to a bunch of anons is just weird. Yeah, you should work on not being weird and icky.

I am more desperate than weird. I seek support and advice wherever I can.

I guess you can add therapists four and five to your roster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry you are currently enduring all of this.
It sounds like you are truly in a bad place at this time. 💔

You have learned a very important life lesson about love here.
Take your hurt & learn valuable lessons on it.
Life has consequences and you have learned that tenfold.

I strongly encourage you to seek out professional individual counseling.
It may help you to cope w/your immense pain.
Perhaps going on a good antidepressant temporarily may also lessen the sting.

I wish you the best in your recovery.

+1 I think it's really sad and pathetic that so many people are attacking this person. It's clear that he knows and understands how much pain he's caused and has admitted to being depressed and suicidal. Some of the comments in this thread are just nasty and mean. Stop projecting!! If you don't have anything half-way decent to offer then shut up. Geesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't you get with one of your APs? Surely that will bring lasting happiness.

I never had feelings for anyone but my ex-wife and I would genuinely do everything I could just to be forgiven or undo the harm I inflicted. My only hope is to find a way to live, not just survive, without her.

Oh god. THE DRAMA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't you get with one of your APs? Surely that will bring lasting happiness.

I never had feelings for anyone but my ex-wife and I would genuinely do everything I could just to be forgiven or undo the harm I inflicted. My only hope is to find a way to live, not just survive, without her.

Oh god. THE DRAMA.

I truly wish I was being dramatic. This is how I feel, and it has been four months since the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't you get with one of your APs? Surely that will bring lasting happiness.

I never had feelings for anyone but my ex-wife and I would genuinely do everything I could just to be forgiven or undo the harm I inflicted. My only hope is to find a way to live, not just survive, without her.

Oh god. THE DRAMA.

I truly wish I was being dramatic. This is how I feel, and it has been four months since the divorce.

I'm a woman who has been cheated on many times by her soulmate (I do believe soulmates exist. People are really piling on you but I won't. You made a mistake and you're sorry about it. Time really does heal (most0 wounds. You sound like you have learned and grown and there will be someone else out there for you. Perhaps she wasn't your soulmate - perhaps you and she needed to be together for different reasons to get you each on the right path. You'll find your soulmate down the road somewhere. Don't give up and don't despair and keep growing and learning.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, yeah. My ex husband had an affair, and also threatened to kill himself when I divorced him. I took it so seriously, and tried to help. He was faking, it was just to get attention. OP, any heartbreak you are feeling is only a fraction of the pain you caused your wife. You deserve all this pain. Grow from it. Soak in it. Grow into a real, solid, good human. Leave your ex alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, yeah. My ex husband had an affair, and also threatened to kill himself when I divorced him. I took it so seriously, and tried to help. He was faking, it was just to get attention. OP, any heartbreak you are feeling is only a fraction of the pain you caused your wife. You deserve all this pain. Grow from it. Soak in it. Grow into a real, solid, good human. Leave your ex alone.

I never mentioned suicide to her. It has been 4 months of hell and I have not been able to grow from that endless pain and depression. I hate that I was a cause of her own pain. I am doing therapy, taking meds, but I am truly unable to live without her. Memories haunt me constantly. I feel absolutely empty, with only regrets, remorse, anxiety and sadness inside me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ruined my 3 years marriage and 6 years relationship and been divorced 3 months ago. She did not feel valued and respected for years. I was avoidant. I was not emotionally available and was feeling depressed throughout our relationship for personal reasons (guilt over my old father who I felt I "abandoned" by moving to a different country, job below my qualifications). I was also a serial cheater. One day, I felt too much guilt and confessed to her (to one cheating only). I also thought she deserved to know. Even after confessing, I was still acting like an entitled piece of shit, sending flirting messages to women, which she found out. This started a process that led to the divorce.

It has been 3 months and I am hitting rock bottom every day. It is hell. She was my soulmate. My everything. I can't live without her. I am empty. The divorce took the little sense of self I had. I am consumed with regrets, guilt, self-hatred and remorses. I also am a covert narcissist. Doing therapy.

Death and suicide are always on my mind, but I am too scared to hurt myself. I just can't live without her and can't accept that I repeatedly did everything to ruin the most precious thing I ever had. While she now feels happy without me.

I can't live with myself.

You’re done with that life. Go move back to your homeland or get a job you do like and start over.
If you have the guts to improve your morals and ethics, do that as well.
Leave your ex wife alone, you’ve hurt her enough.
Get some meds for your depression and your own therapist, and NEVER play the suicide card for attention from your ex or children/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ruined my 3 years marriage and 6 years relationship and been divorced 3 months ago. She did not feel valued and respected for years. I was avoidant. I was not emotionally available and was feeling depressed throughout our relationship for personal reasons (guilt over my old father who I felt I "abandoned" by moving to a different country, job below my qualifications). I was also a serial cheater. One day, I felt too much guilt and confessed to her (to one cheating only). I also thought she deserved to know. Even after confessing, I was still acting like an entitled piece of shit, sending flirting messages to women, which she found out. This started a process that led to the divorce.

It has been 3 months and I am hitting rock bottom every day. It is hell. She was my soulmate. My everything. I can't live without her. I am empty. The divorce took the little sense of self I had. I am consumed with regrets, guilt, self-hatred and remorses. I also am a covert narcissist. Doing therapy.

Death and suicide are always on my mind, but I am too scared to hurt myself. I just can't live without her and can't accept that I repeatedly did everything to ruin the most precious thing I ever had. While she now feels happy without me.

I can't live with myself.

You’re done with that life. Go move back to your homeland or get a job you do like and start over.
If you have the guts to improve your morals and ethics, do that as well.
Leave your ex wife alone, you’ve hurt her enough.
Get some meds for your depression and your own therapist, and NEVER play the suicide card for attention from your ex or children/

I have left her alone a while ago. And did everything you suggested. I spend the day in self-pity, hating the narcissistic person I have become. A weak, vulnerable narcissist who is now facing his collapse.