I ruined my marriage with my soulmate

[Anonymous]

You thought she would love you unconditionally. You loved that she loved you (despite your cheating ways). You took comfort that she was your wife and you had a nice life together (again, despite your infidelity).

You sound like a kid who was let loose at the candy store, but the minute you got a tummyache you wanted your blankee...but you left it behind to run into the candy store and now it's gone.

[Anonymous]

You were only married THREE years and you managed to cheat that much. Wtf?

Someone in a midlife crisis after being monogamous for twenty years, I don’t like, but that might be forgivable if it was a blip and they were remorseful and did therapy.

But screwing others like a maniac at the jump? No, oh no.

Your wife is better off. Let her go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You thought she would love you unconditionally. You loved that she loved you (despite your cheating ways). You took comfort that she was your wife and you had a nice life together (again, despite your infidelity).

You sound like a kid who was let loose at the candy store, but the minute you got a tummyache you wanted your blankee...but you left it behind to run into the candy store and now it's gone.

I agree. I acted like an entitled kid. I hurt her. And I lost everything. It is hard to accept. I have so much remorse and regrets. I hate myself for what I have done and who I was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were only married THREE years and you managed to cheat that much. Wtf?

Someone in a midlife crisis after being monogamous for twenty years, I don’t like, but that might be forgivable if it was a blip and they were remorseful and did therapy.

But screwing others like a maniac at the jump? No, oh no.

Your wife is better off. Let her go.

I share the same disbelief. I don't understand. Why would I do that to her and to myself? How come I could put at risk such a precious thing? I truly don't understand. I will probably never understand. And never forgive myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were only married THREE years and you managed to cheat that much. Wtf?

Someone in a midlife crisis after being monogamous for twenty years, I don’t like, but that might be forgivable if it was a blip and they were remorseful and did therapy.

But screwing others like a maniac at the jump? No, oh no.

Your wife is better off. Let her go.

I share the same disbelief. I don't understand. Why would I do that to her and to myself? How come I could put at risk such a precious thing? I truly don't understand. I will probably never understand. And never forgive myself.

Stop with the all or nothing thinking, OP. You are not taking anything in from this thread. You can’t change the past but you can do better in the future.

[Anonymous]

Yeah bro, don’t feel bad after you admitted to still chasing tail even after admitting cheating the first time. Sounds like she was gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and then you were still selfish instead of working on your marriage.

[Anonymous]

No sympathy for cheaters, especially serial offenders. You did this. Be an adult and get professional help and be better.

[Anonymous]

You didn't have to tell us that you are a covert narcissist. Everything about your post screams narcissism, including your remorse. Your post and your replies are all about you, you, you. I do feel sorry for you but you have serious work to do. Stop marinating in self-pity, get off your ass, and start fixing yourself.

[Anonymous]

"I'll never forgive myself" is just so...self-centered. Ugh. Just stop it already. Take all that "me" energy and do something constructive with it, like really examining yourself and figuring out what is needed to change. And stop it with the "my soulmate" stuff. She is her own person, a fully rounded human, not just YOUR whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You didn't have to tell us that you are a covert narcissist. Everything about your post screams narcissism, including your remorse. Your post and your replies are all about you, you, you. I do feel sorry for you but you have serious work to do. Stop marinating in self-pity, get off your ass, and start fixing yourself.

+1. OP is very clearly either a narcissist or a troll (or both). Unfortunately narcissists usually can’t be fixed.

[Anonymous]

You cope as if this was a death (and in a way it is a; the death of a marriage and the former lifestyle of being a husband/wife).

You find closure. Maybe you need to write in a journal, maybe you need to take a trip to clear your mind, maybe you should find a support group for divorced people, maybe dive into hard-core volunteer work, maybe your therapist can give you some practical day to day advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah bro, don’t feel bad after you admitted to still chasing tail even after admitting cheating the first time. Sounds like she was gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and then you were still selfish instead of working on your marriage.

That's why I can't forgive myself. I can't make sense of my selfishness and arrogance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I'll never forgive myself" is just so...self-centered. Ugh. Just stop it already. Take all that "me" energy and do something constructive with it, like really examining yourself and figuring out what is needed to change. And stop it with the "my soulmate" stuff. She is her own person, a fully rounded human, not just YOUR whatever.

I am examining myself. I am doing a lot of therapy. I am reading a lot about psychology and emotional abuse. By saying she is my soulmate, I don't deny she is her own person. I am just in intense pain and lost the will to live because I hurt the person who is the most precious to me, and she is no longer part of my life. And I don't know how to live with that.

Again, I left her alone. I am just dying inside because I am in love with her, everything reminds me of her, and I ruined everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You didn't have to tell us that you are a covert narcissist. Everything about your post screams narcissism, including your remorse. Your post and your replies are all about you, you, you. I do feel sorry for you but you have serious work to do. Stop marinating in self-pity, get off your ass, and start fixing yourself.

+1. OP is very clearly either a narcissist or a troll (or both). Unfortunately narcissists usually can’t be fixed.

I have strong narcissist traits, and I am probably a vulnerable narcissist. It destroyed my life. My divorce acted as a corrective event though, to an extent. I realized how evil I was and truly have remorse, not just regrets, over my horrendous actions that hurt my ex-wife. I am also extremely insecure, anxious with a weak sense of self and little self stability.

[Anonymous]

Can't you get with one of your APs? Surely that will bring lasting happiness.