Good provider, super attentive sexually, but not into the family -- what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Sounds lame. I’d have trouble connecting intimately with someone who doesn’t care about people who depend on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds lame. I’d have trouble connecting intimately with someone who doesn’t care about people who depend on him.

+1

I guess everyone's different, but I find DH being a wonderful dad very attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds lame. I’d have trouble connecting intimately with someone who doesn’t care about people who depend on him.

+1

I guess everyone's different, but I find DH being a wonderful dad very attractive.

Ditto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you asked your DH why he doesn't connect with the kids?

Hahahahahha. Silence or put downs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds lame. I’d have trouble connecting intimately with someone who doesn’t care about people who depend on him.

Except we have no idea how this plays out in reality. Op hasn’t told us anything about her dh’s interaction with their kids except that he “can’t relate” to their under 5yo children. What does that even mean?

[Anonymous]

OP, your husband isn't going to change, and its really sad. He doesn't really care about being a dad and prioritizes work over the kids, but being nice and attentive to you is how he gets consistently laid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds lame. I’d have trouble connecting intimately with someone who doesn’t care about people who depend on him.

+1

I guess everyone's different, but I find DH being a wonderful dad very attractive.

Ditto.

+2 (3?)

[Anonymous]

The alternative of breaking up your family are much worse. Also, many men have a hard time relating to young kids, but things can get better as the kids get older. There is a reason there are almost no male kindergarten teachers but a fair number of male high school teachers.

[Anonymous]

This seems so trollish

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The alternative of breaking up your family are much worse. Also, many men have a hard time relating to young kids, but things can get better as the kids get older. There is a reason there are almost no male kindergarten teachers but a fair number of male high school teachers.

This isn’t an either or. There are things OP can try to make the situation better. It might not be natural but men can relate to toddlers. It’s a skill that can be learned.

[Anonymous]

This is so dumb, like the other thread that was exactly the same. I know nobody in real life in this scenario. But, let’s play. My husband is awesome with my older kids and wasn’t great when they were little. This is pretty common. It ebbs and flows. So, give it time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not a problem. Really. Do not blow up your marriage.

It is difficult to explain the emotional long-term damage people can sustain when they have a parent who ignores them. As a young child I always felt that it was my fault my father didn’t like us. He didn’t know when our birthdays were, he never attended any events that were important to us, he never purchased a gift for us, and preferred to vacation without us. Particularly for young girls it’s important to have a father. My sister married very young to a man who is incredibly abusive. I think this is at least in part because she was looking for a father figure because even though we had a father in many ways we didn’t . Children usually feel that this is their fault and it’s because that they have done something wrong.

These kids are both under the age of five and it could totally change; it is not representative of your entire childhood at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of guys find babies and young kids perplexing, scary, annoying, and/ or boring. Once they can do sports and activities with them, they come along.

this

No. Checked out fathers who can’t talk or relate to others remain checked out. And divorced.

Not true. Very common for dads not to connect with kids until they are older.

[Anonymous]

I would not find my DH attractive if he failed to nurture our children.
Why does DH believe that he shouldn't have to care for his own children? That all he should be doing is working and earning $$$, and have his sexual needs cared for by his wife?
Are you married to an NBA player?

[Anonymous]

Do we even know what OP means when she says her DH can't connect with the kids? How does this present? What are the kids' reactions? Without this information, everyone is just jumping to crazy conclusions.