Good provider, super attentive sexually, but not into the family -- what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My DH is extremely successful in his career and very tender towards me. We have a great sex life, and he is extremely attentive to my needs/desires. On the downside, he just can't relate to our relatively young kids (both under 5). I am worried that this is not going to work out long term. Any advice?

Get him involved, make a big deal of every effort he makes. If necessary have a session with a family therapist for improving parental bonding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of guys find babies and young kids perplexing, scary, annoying, and/ or boring. Once they can do sports and activities with them, they come along.

this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of guys find babies and young kids perplexing, scary, annoying, and/ or boring. Once they can do sports and activities with them, they come along.

+1 I am the mom and feel the same. Kids will be kept safe, cared for, and happy, but I cannot wait until they’re real people.

[Anonymous]

Little kids are temporary and the main thing is that they are loved and well-cared for. They’ll re-form connections or not later on.

[Anonymous]

Just read your subject like Op. it answers itself.

Egotistical paycheck who only interacts with his family for sex - what should I do??

You married a self centered narc. Dump him before he tires of his toy and dumps you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of guys find babies and young kids perplexing, scary, annoying, and/ or boring. Once they can do sports and activities with them, they come along.

this

No. Checked out fathers who can’t talk or relate to others remain checked out. And divorced.

[Anonymous]

What a great life! He does everything he wants and shoved off any other responsibilities.

He works all week
He has in demand sex
He ignores his kids and house
He has trained his wife and kids not to ask anything if him.

Great life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sex? Check.
Attentive? Check.
Provider? Check.
Not into his own young kids? Like 9 out of 10 guyes. But, no doubt, op will find that one in a million guy who will be just as good to her as her DH and will be so into her kids like their own dad is not!
Oh, and probably will be a pe*o too!

9 out of 10 guys are not into their own kids?! Not even close. I don't disagree it is common, but maybe 4 out of 10.

Maybe I am just forgetting the younger years??? My kids are 9 and 11 and all the dads seem very into their kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, whose idea was it to have the kids? Yours, I'm guessing. It's hard to imagine that he was excited about the process (other than the sex part) or any of that.He may have been completely fine being child free. This is something you wanted in a primal and social way. It's "normal" to be married, and it's "normal" to want children. Be honest with yourself.

And now that you're living this reality, is it really terrible? Do you work or have outside interests? It sounds like he's good where he's good. And I agree with the others that he may morph into his fatherhood role more as the children grow a bit.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like there's a lot to try in between where you are now and divorce.

Try to encourage a stronger relationship between your husband and the kids. Every night at dinner, we all share our highs and lows of the day. It helps everyone to know what's going on with everyone else. Pick some easy tasks for your husband to do with the kids, like reading a story, walking with them on their bikes or scooters, taking them out for a treat. Make plans for all of you to go to a fun park or Mount Vernon or something together. Find an activity that everyone can enjoy together like hiking or going to an indoor pool.

Try bringing your husband into the fold a little more and see how that goes before jumping to divorce. Since he's a high earner, outsource whatever drudgery you don't do so his time with the family is more pleasant. It will be better for everyone, especially the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sex? Check.
Attentive? Check.
Provider? Check.
Not into his own young kids? Like 9 out of 10 guyes. But, no doubt, op will find that one in a million guy who will be just as good to her as her DH and will be so into her kids like their own dad is not!
Oh, and probably will be a pe*o too!

9 out of 10 guys are not into their own kids?! Not even close. I don't disagree it is common, but maybe 4 out of 10.

Maybe I am just forgetting the younger years??? My kids are 9 and 11 and all the dads seem very into their kids.

Men when they are surveyed said the most unhappy time of their life is when they have young kids and the happiest time is when the kids are out of the house. Conversely, women are happiest with young kids. Some men do better with older kids (9 and above) because they can talk to them, take them to sports/activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Wait, are you the OP of the other thread about your surgeon husband who works "7 days a week", "hot sex" with you daily, yada yada, but can't be bothered with family/kids?

I think that thread was deleted because it was clearly a troll post?

Nope. Honest question on my part -- what should I do?

Honest question: Do you think some other random guy you meet and date us going to be more interested in your kids?

That’s a harsh way of putting it but there’s nothing to do. Divorcing him only makes life worse fir your kids. It’s not like it would be easy to find another guy to take his place. It sucks. Make the best of it.

Who cares about another guy?

Do you know how F’d up it is to be a child in the house and your Dad, if home, just ignores you and your mom? Rarely talks, rarely interacts, rarely proposes an idea or game or outing, maybe tags along but still is T present or sticks in his phone? Do you know what that kind of neglect and inattentiveness does to a child?

Well for starters they will latch on to other male figures for attention. They also have that expectation of how they will be as a male adult or who they will seek out as a male partner. They will beg for shreds of attention from him, and be disappointed over and over again. They will wonder what they did wrong that Daddy always ignores them. They will go to a friends house for dinner sometime and be shocked that their friends dad talks, asks questions, plans some stuff and chit chats over dinner with everyone. They will wonder what is wrong.

[Anonymous]

OP are you SAHM or if working make significantly less than your DH? If either is true he may just be assuming you're mostly responsible for the kids since he brings home the $$$.
I'm not saying it's right, but this is very common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not a problem. Really. Do not blow up your marriage.

as the mother, though, I would find this to be a problem.

But a PP had it right.. getting a divorce over this is not wise, clearly.

Some men cannot connect with very young children; they don't know how to. They don't like playing silly games; they don't like doing bathtime/bedtime routines. The only thing you can do is to plan family fun trips in hopes that the dad does *something* with the kid, but too often, I see dads disengaged with the kids at events, parks, etc... They stare at their phones more than they look at their kids.

I'll say it again... most men should not have children.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you asked your DH why he doesn't connect with the kids?