Good provider, super attentive sexually, but not into the family -- what would you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let him relate to them in his own/preferred way. (For example, taking them for nature walks, dancing around with them, etc. - whatever brings out that joy.)

I am not a little-baby-and-toddler person (and I'm the mom!). My DH gets frustrated sometimes when I say I'll get more into parenting when our kid gets older. But it's true. Some people are just not good at certain ages. A kindergarten teacher probably wouldn't make an ideal newborn nanny or college professor. As long as he's warm and loving, you need to just accept that this is not his favorite season of childrearing.

Re: The bold, asking seriously and not snarkily, PP: If your kid is still in the young stage, how do you know for sure that you will get more into parenting when he or she gets older? That can depend a lot on the child's personality, not just age. Do you have good relationships with older nieces and nephews or whatever, making you feel confident you'll "get more into parenting" in an undefined future? Becuase we say on these threads that "the parent just isn't liking/isn't great at the baby stage/toddler stage/kindergarten stage and things will change," but what if things don't change?

Yes, I have a close bond with older nephews and with my several-years-younger brother whom I took care of when he was elementary age. And the things I find challenging about these stages are not present (or not nearly AS present) in older stages. Limited speech/communication, terrible 2's style tantrums, needing parent assistance for everything, physically taxing aspect (lifting into car seat, lifting out of crib, carrying). Doesn't take rocket science to infer that someone who doesn't like changing diapers or dealing with toddler meltdowns, but DOES like coloring, playing on playgrounds, having actual conversations with kids, reading books together...might enjoy caring for a 6-year-old more than a 2-year-old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
My DH is extremely successful in his career and very tender towards me. We have a great sex life, and he is extremely attentive to my needs/desires. On the downside, he just can't relate to our relatively young kids (both under 5). I am worried that this is not going to work out long term. Any advice?

Its not like kids would be better off if you left him. Just mention it to him why its important for him and kids to have one on one time with each other.

Yeah mention it and?

He’s busy. With his stuff.

Kids see that, no matter what he says.

[Anonymous]

I have an idea, start peeing all over the floor and toilet!

[Anonymous]

Stay with your DH, OP!

He will be more into the kids when they get older. A close friend's spouse was like that---utterly indifferent until kids got to be around 10 and they could start enjoying hunting, fishing, and sailing at a level that was enjoyable for both spouse and kids. Was she super annoyed with her spouse when kids were young? Yes. But they stuck it out and family is all very happy today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is not attentive to any of us. Consider yourself lucky. Also, your kids are very young. Things might change as they get older.

THIS!!!!!!!

+1M

You have too much time on your hands OP to look for problems

+1 million. She is creating issues where there are none. Ridiculous

[Anonymous]

OP again. I am sorry I have not been responding. I had something come up with a relative’s health and it has required my full attention. And I did not expect so many responses!

Yes, I am a SAHM. Yes, the kids were mostly my idea. I am glad to hear others whose DHs have gotten more interested as the kids got older. DH is in no way abusive but he does believe in discipline and not “sparing the rod,” as he puts it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP again. I am sorry I have not been responding. I had something come up with a relative’s health and it has required my full attention. And I did not expect so many responses!

Yes, I am a SAHM. Yes, the kids were mostly my idea. I am glad to hear others whose DHs have gotten more interested as the kids got older. DH is in no way abusive but he does believe in discipline and not “sparing the rod,” as he puts it.

You sound like you have a great life and a fantastic relationship and one thing isn’t completely perfect but it will likely change in the future and you’re complaining on here? You need to find ways to spend your time instead of creating problems in your marriage. Get a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP again. I am sorry I have not been responding. I had something come up with a relative’s health and it has required my full attention. And I did not expect so many responses!

Yes, I am a SAHM. Yes, the kids were mostly my idea. I am glad to hear others whose DHs have gotten more interested as the kids got older. DH is in no way abusive but he does believe in discipline and not “sparing the rod,” as he puts it.

You sound like you have a great life and a fantastic relationship and one thing isn’t completely perfect but it will likely change in the future and you’re complaining on here? You need to find ways to spend your time instead of creating problems in your marriage. Get a job.

In my culture family is paramount, so this does not seem like a minor problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP again. I am sorry I have not been responding. I had something come up with a relative’s health and it has required my full attention. And I did not expect so many responses!

Yes, I am a SAHM. Yes, the kids were mostly my idea. I am glad to hear others whose DHs have gotten more interested as the kids got older. DH is in no way abusive but he does believe in discipline and not “sparing the rod,” as he puts it.

You sound like you have a great life and a fantastic relationship and one thing isn’t completely perfect but it will likely change in the future and you’re complaining on here? You need to find ways to spend your time instead of creating problems in your marriage. Get a job.

In my culture family is paramount, so this does not seem like a minor problem.

You keep missing that these are little kids and many many men do not relate to little kids. Grow up and get a grip. And newsflash: in most cultures family is really important and that does not mean that men are relating to children under five years old!