Friends family made cruel remarks about 4.5 yr old wearing pull-ups at night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your five year old in a diaper? A pull up is a diaper.

I am not the OP but my 5 year old insists on wearing a pull up. He hasn’t wet himself in a year and a half but says he wants it “just in case”. I choose not to fight that battle and we revisit occasionally.

That should say wearing a pull up *at night

[Anonymous]

But what did you say to the 13 year old who was shaming your 4 year old? I would have said "Sophia, some bodies take longer to figure out the bathroom at night. Luke's body is still working on it, which is very normal for a 4 year old" and then just moved along. But if everyone sat there in awkward silence, of course it was weird!

She's also a kid, who didn't understand why he was wearing a diaper. Just explain it. Move on, don't make a huge deal.

[Anonymous]

This is your fault OP.

It’s not age appropriate to have a four year old waking around in diapers and a shirt at night. It’s just not. I get that kids can take longer to be night train and bed wetting can happen even in older kids. As a parent you should talk about privacy and set up your child for success. You set him up to fail and be embarrassed.

My 4 year old is potty trained and I wouldn’t have him running around the house in his underwear and a shirt. He’s not a baby.

[Anonymous]

The girl is rude and should have been reprimanded by her mother. But I'm an immigrant, so I'm sure that informs my perception of what's "rude" and what isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a normal interaction between kids. I feel bad for your son but yeah, lesson learned. You run around in your incontinence underwear and a person who is not sophisticated enough to turn a blind eye might comment on it.

As far as the other kid goes, if she says something again I would be very KIND and say, "Larla, it hurts Johnny's feelings when people say that. He was wearing the pull up just in case of accidents, but no he doesn't usually wear diapers or pee his pants. But these are private issues so it's not polite for us to talk about them publicly; let's change the subject". DON'T be mean or defensive.

Larla's mom was probably mortified by the whole thing and didn't know what to say.

Meanwhile yes, I'd endeavor to get my son out of pull ups.

Well, OP decided to make put a private issue a VERY public one by having her kid walking around the house in his diapers and no pants.

I would be weirded out by any kid walking around in their underwear in this situation. I have vacationed with many families abd this isn’t a thing. Diapers or not, he’s still 4 so you need to treat him like a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a normal interaction between kids. I feel bad for your son but yeah, lesson learned. You run around in your incontinence underwear and a person who is not sophisticated enough to turn a blind eye might comment on it.

As far as the other kid goes, if she says something again I would be very KIND and say, "Larla, it hurts Johnny's feelings when people say that. He was wearing the pull up just in case of accidents, but no he doesn't usually wear diapers or pee his pants. But these are private issues so it's not polite for us to talk about them publicly; let's change the subject". DON'T be mean or defensive.

Larla's mom was probably mortified by the whole thing and didn't know what to say.

Meanwhile yes, I'd endeavor to get my son out of pull ups.

Just don't have your kid run around in diapers and nothing else on bottom, and there won't be a reason for her to comment again.

[Anonymous]

OP, my 4.5 year old wears pull ups to bed still. It's not unusual. These PPs are acting superior for no reason at all. Because they can, I guess? Our pediatrician has told us that between a third to half of her 4 yr olds are not fully night trained yet. You're good.

What's not normal is watching your child tease and make fun of a younger child over a developmental milestone and saying nothing. That really surprises me. I would absolutely mention it to your friends and also let them know that this is something you care about. We don't hang out with people who condone teasing or name calling, and especially not if it's an older or bigger child doing it to someone younger. Our family believes everyone deserves respect and kindness, and you don't have to "earn" it by wearing underwear to bed or making sure your kids wear underwear to bed. You just get it for being a human.

To all these PPs: congrats on not pissing your bed at night, that's a big win! Now see if you can learn other adult skills like empathy, kindness, and accepting that not everyone does everything on your timeline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my 4.5 year old wears pull ups to bed still. It's not unusual. These PPs are acting superior for no reason at all. Because they can, I guess? Our pediatrician has told us that between a third to half of her 4 yr olds are not fully night trained yet. You're good.

What's not normal is watching your child tease and make fun of a younger child over a developmental milestone and saying nothing. That really surprises me. I would absolutely mention it to your friends and also let them know that this is something you care about. We don't hang out with people who condone teasing or name calling, and especially not if it's an older or bigger child doing it to someone younger. Our family believes everyone deserves respect and kindness, and you don't have to "earn" it by wearing underwear to bed or making sure your kids wear underwear to bed. You just get it for being a human.

To all these PPs: congrats on not pissing your bed at night, that's a big win! Now see if you can learn other adult skills like empathy, kindness, and accepting that not everyone does everything on your timeline.

You’re assigning a lot of ill intent and judgement to another very young child so you’re not as kind as you’d like to think. What people are trying to tell you is that it’s completely normal for a 12 year old to ask a kid why they’re wearing diapers. Especially if they’ve seen that same kid using the bathroom and wearing regular clothes during the day.

What’s not normal is for an adult to infantilize their child by having them walk around in diapers in front of other people. Along the same lines, if the 4 year old had been walking around in underwear, it would have been normal for the 12 year old to ask “why aren’t you wearing pants!?!”

OP, your child is 4 years old not 4 months old. He needs to wear pants or shorts in front of other people. Period. Buy some pajamas. It’s (past) time.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry but I’m going with it’s not normal for a 12/13 year old to be loudly wondering those questions and asking a kid if they “pee their pants.” It seems very weird to me. I wasn’t the most socially aware 12 year old, but I’m 100% sure I wouldn’t have said anything to my younger cousins if they wore pull-ups to bed. Someone should say something to the 12 year old - ideally her parent. I’d be limiting my time with this family from now on, there’s no need to “bubble” with people anymore really.

I would also make sure your kid wears PJ pants around other people to avoid this situation in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but I’m going with it’s not normal for a 12/13 year old to be loudly wondering those questions and asking a kid if they “pee their pants.” It seems very weird to me. I wasn’t the most socially aware 12 year old, but I’m 100% sure I wouldn’t have said anything to my younger cousins if they wore pull-ups to bed. Someone should say something to the 12 year old - ideally her parent. I’d be limiting my time with this family from now on, there’s no need to “bubble” with people anymore really.

I would also make sure your kid wears PJ pants around other people to avoid this situation in the future.

Umm. Your kid should be wearing pajama pants around other even after he’s fully night trained.

OP is the one who made the mistake here.

[Anonymous]

If a kid needs to wear a pullup overnight, then the kid is not fully toilet trained. There's nothing wrong with this girl asking. She was curious, she felt in a safe space where she wouldn't be judged about something she thought was weird, so she asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my 4.5 year old wears pull ups to bed still. It's not unusual. These PPs are acting superior for no reason at all. Because they can, I guess? Our pediatrician has told us that between a third to half of her 4 yr olds are not fully night trained yet. You're good.

What's not normal is watching your child tease and make fun of a younger child over a developmental milestone and saying nothing. That really surprises me. I would absolutely mention it to your friends and also let them know that this is something you care about. We don't hang out with people who condone teasing or name calling, and especially not if it's an older or bigger child doing it to someone younger. Our family believes everyone deserves respect and kindness, and you don't have to "earn" it by wearing underwear to bed or making sure your kids wear underwear to bed. You just get it for being a human.

To all these PPs: congrats on not pissing your bed at night, that's a big win! Now see if you can learn other adult skills like empathy, kindness, and accepting that not everyone does everything on your timeline.

You’re assigning a lot of ill intent and judgement to another very young child so you’re not as kind as you’d like to think. What people are trying to tell you is that it’s completely normal for a 12 year old to ask a kid why they’re wearing diapers. Especially if they’ve seen that same kid using the bathroom and wearing regular clothes during the day.

What’s not normal is for an adult to infantilize their child by having them walk around in diapers in front of other people. Along the same lines, if the 4 year old had been walking around in underwear, it would have been normal for the 12 year old to ask “why aren’t you wearing pants!?!”

OP, your child is 4 years old not 4 months old. He needs to wear pants or shorts in front of other people. Period. Buy some pajamas. It’s (past) time.

+1. Most parents of tweens/teens know that it's pretty normal for them to have no filter. They also know that correcting them is best done in private, which the mom in this situation may have done.

The OP is the one most at fault here. As an adult, she should be aware that 4 year olds shouldn't be running around in pull-ups in front of other people.

[Anonymous]

My 4.5 year old who still wears pullups at night would have brushed that comment off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 4.5 year old who still wears pullups at night would have brushed that comment off.

This. My kindergartener is still in night pull-ups. As are most of his friends at school, he tells me, since they talked about it. He would't care if someone commented. It's totally normal. Sounds like you are the embarrassed one, OP.

[Anonymous]

Op - your silence and lack of sticking up/rebuttal for your kid was 1000x worse than the tweets comment.