How to raise disciplined and high achieving children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is part mostly internal motivation. But there are some things that may be helpful, or not, I don't know. But I am very average. I do have a great work ethic and am highly motivated, but I grew up with parents that were hyper-involved in their own needs and their divorces (and re-marriages). I do believe, with my DH, we have helped our kids do well so far. We have 3 kids and they are all high achievers and advanced in academics and the sports they do.


-Model the behaviors you want to see in them. Read often, both to them and to yourself so they see you reading frequently.

-Always always make school/learning the priority. Even when they don't have homework and on weekends, give them small assignments to keep their mind engaged and learning.

-Discuss things at meals. When I'm just not feeling up to talking, I turn on NPR's daily news hour and we listen (it is only a couple of minutes) then talk about what we heard

-Make them make their beds daily and clean their rooms weekly. Insist on it.

-Take them to museums, do music lessons, enroll in one sport each for them to focus on

-Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics.

-Steer them toward friendship with peers that are hard working and high achieving.

Sounds exhausting. Give them homework assignments? WTF. Let them have some downtime and play! You sound tiger-ish

DP here. How is this exhausting when it is good parenting? You sound like a bad parent and a potty-mouth. Being a good parent is tiger-ish? Well, that is a compliment then.

Making kids do Kumon worksheets because their school didn’t give enough homework is pathetic. Is this a public school mentality?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is part mostly internal motivation. But there are some things that may be helpful, or not, I don't know. But I am very average. I do have a great work ethic and am highly motivated, but I grew up with parents that were hyper-involved in their own needs and their divorces (and re-marriages). I do believe, with my DH, we have helped our kids do well so far. We have 3 kids and they are all high achievers and advanced in academics and the sports they do.


-Model the behaviors you want to see in them. Read often, both to them and to yourself so they see you reading frequently.

-Always always make school/learning the priority. Even when they don't have homework and on weekends, give them small assignments to keep their mind engaged and learning.

-Discuss things at meals. When I'm just not feeling up to talking, I turn on NPR's daily news hour and we listen (it is only a couple of minutes) then talk about what we heard

-Make them make their beds daily and clean their rooms weekly. Insist on it.

-Take them to museums, do music lessons, enroll in one sport each for them to focus on

-Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics.

-Steer them toward friendship with peers that are hard working and high achieving.

Some these are obvious but can you elaborate on them a bit? I mostly agree but can't fully articulate it myself so wondering you could.

There are very few activities that lead to discipline and high achievement like gymnastics, so whoever thinks it's smart to steer kids away is clearly not very bright.

LOL gymnastics. What do you do after that, teach PE?

What an absurd argument. What do kids do with any of the childhood activities they pursue? Or are you one of those parents who is absolutely convinced little Larla is destined to be first chair at the New York Philharmonic? Childhood activities instill discipline and tenacity in children, the point is not to serve as training for their careers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's innate.

I agree. - mom of 3

I don’t agree. -Disciplined and high-achieving person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is part mostly internal motivation. But there are some things that may be helpful, or not, I don't know. But I am very average. I do have a great work ethic and am highly motivated, but I grew up with parents that were hyper-involved in their own needs and their divorces (and re-marriages). I do believe, with my DH, we have helped our kids do well so far. We have 3 kids and they are all high achievers and advanced in academics and the sports they do.


-Model the behaviors you want to see in them. Read often, both to them and to yourself so they see you reading frequently.

-Always always make school/learning the priority. Even when they don't have homework and on weekends, give them small assignments to keep their mind engaged and learning.

-Discuss things at meals. When I'm just not feeling up to talking, I turn on NPR's daily news hour and we listen (it is only a couple of minutes) then talk about what we heard

-Make them make their beds daily and clean their rooms weekly. Insist on it.

-Take them to museums, do music lessons, enroll in one sport each for them to focus on

-Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics.

-Steer them toward friendship with peers that are hard working and high achieving.

Some these are obvious but can you elaborate on them a bit? I mostly agree but can't fully articulate it myself so wondering you could.

There are very few activities that lead to discipline and high achievement like gymnastics, so whoever thinks it's smart to steer kids away is clearly not very bright.

My husband is a big law partner and a D1 college football player. Football absolutely helped his discipline in life, as well as his college prospects. This is such a broad and absurd statement. There's pros and cons to every activity.

The bad news is that he’s going to have to quit working early because of CTE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is part mostly internal motivation. But there are some things that may be helpful, or not, I don't know. But I am very average. I do have a great work ethic and am highly motivated, but I grew up with parents that were hyper-involved in their own needs and their divorces (and re-marriages). I do believe, with my DH, we have helped our kids do well so far. We have 3 kids and they are all high achievers and advanced in academics and the sports they do.


-Model the behaviors you want to see in them. Read often, both to them and to yourself so they see you reading frequently.

-Always always make school/learning the priority. Even when they don't have homework and on weekends, give them small assignments to keep their mind engaged and learning.

-Discuss things at meals. When I'm just not feeling up to talking, I turn on NPR's daily news hour and we listen (it is only a couple of minutes) then talk about what we heard

-Make them make their beds daily and clean their rooms weekly. Insist on it.

-Take them to museums, do music lessons, enroll in one sport each for them to focus on

-Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics.

-Steer them toward friendship with peers that are hard working and high achieving.

Sounds exhausting. Give them homework assignments? WTF. Let them have some downtime and play! You sound tiger-ish

PP is on point for the OP subject line. You don't need to follow the advice if you're not interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+3. And genetic. But positive role modeling can have a positive effect.

I don't think I agree. I have a friend who is the daughter of a highly accomplished lawyer and is accomplished herself. Her older brothers though have basically not done much and live off their Dad's money.

So good genetics from Dad, right? Well no, my friend is the one who's adopted, her brothers were not.

So her bio parents couldn't have been high achievers or carried those genes? Her brothers couldn't have inherited other genes from mom?

And you think all genes are inherited equally?

[Anonymous]

I think it's innate, but can also be nutured in a kid who leans that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is part mostly internal motivation. But there are some things that may be helpful, or not, I don't know. But I am very average. I do have a great work ethic and am highly motivated, but I grew up with parents that were hyper-involved in their own needs and their divorces (and re-marriages). I do believe, with my DH, we have helped our kids do well so far. We have 3 kids and they are all high achievers and advanced in academics and the sports they do.


-Model the behaviors you want to see in them. Read often, both to them and to yourself so they see you reading frequently.

-Always always make school/learning the priority. Even when they don't have homework and on weekends, give them small assignments to keep their mind engaged and learning.

-Discuss things at meals. When I'm just not feeling up to talking, I turn on NPR's daily news hour and we listen (it is only a couple of minutes) then talk about what we heard

-Make them make their beds daily and clean their rooms weekly. Insist on it.

-Take them to museums, do music lessons, enroll in one sport each for them to focus on

-Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics.

-Steer them toward friendship with peers that are hard working and high achieving.

Some these are obvious but can you elaborate on them a bit? I mostly agree but can't fully articulate it myself so wondering you could.

There are very few activities that lead to discipline and high achievement like gymnastics, so whoever thinks it's smart to steer kids away is clearly not very bright.

My husband is a big law partner and a D1 college football player. Football absolutely helped his discipline in life, as well as his college prospects. This is such a broad and absurd statement. There's pros and cons to every activity.

The bad news is that he’s going to have to quit working early because of CTE.

Who says that about someone's parent? You're a disgusting person.

[Anonymous]

OP, did you start the thread on Off Topic on the high achieving brother and SIL you envy? There was some great advice there.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1017671.page

[Anonymous]

Another vote for innate and genetics and not necessarily your traits. My eldest has been a perfectionist since birth: highly focus, very high aptitude, cautious and analytical about everything. She is in the top 1% of MCPS students as far as aptitude but her teachers ask me all the time what I did. The answer is nothing. I let her be herself, support her in whatever she wants to do, set the stage for lifelong learning, and I did teach her good study habits. The rest she did on her own. My youngest is not the same but I love her just the same. She has a different set of qualities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is part mostly internal motivation. But there are some things that may be helpful, or not, I don't know. But I am very average. I do have a great work ethic and am highly motivated, but I grew up with parents that were hyper-involved in their own needs and their divorces (and re-marriages). I do believe, with my DH, we have helped our kids do well so far. We have 3 kids and they are all high achievers and advanced in academics and the sports they do.


-Model the behaviors you want to see in them. Read often, both to them and to yourself so they see you reading frequently.

-Always always make school/learning the priority. Even when they don't have homework and on weekends, give them small assignments to keep their mind engaged and learning.

-Discuss things at meals. When I'm just not feeling up to talking, I turn on NPR's daily news hour and we listen (it is only a couple of minutes) then talk about what we heard

-Make them make their beds daily and clean their rooms weekly. Insist on it.

-Take them to museums, do music lessons, enroll in one sport each for them to focus on

-Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics.

-Steer them toward friendship with peers that are hard working and high achieving.

Some these are obvious but can you elaborate on them a bit? I mostly agree but can't fully articulate it myself so wondering you could.

There are very few activities that lead to discipline and high achievement like gymnastics, so whoever thinks it's smart to steer kids away is clearly not very bright.

LOL gymnastics. What do you do after that, teach PE?

What an absurd argument. What do kids do with any of the childhood activities they pursue? Or are you one of those parents who is absolutely convinced little Larla is destined to be first chair at the New York Philharmonic? Childhood activities instill discipline and tenacity in children, the point is not to serve as training for their careers.

Agree! And it is horrible to just stereotype “ -Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics. “

Whoever posted that: you do realize you just made generalizations about those legitimate sports, right??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is part mostly internal motivation. But there are some things that may be helpful, or not, I don't know. But I am very average. I do have a great work ethic and am highly motivated, but I grew up with parents that were hyper-involved in their own needs and their divorces (and re-marriages). I do believe, with my DH, we have helped our kids do well so far. We have 3 kids and they are all high achievers and advanced in academics and the sports they do.


-Model the behaviors you want to see in them. Read often, both to them and to yourself so they see you reading frequently.

-Always always make school/learning the priority. Even when they don't have homework and on weekends, give them small assignments to keep their mind engaged and learning.

-Discuss things at meals. When I'm just not feeling up to talking, I turn on NPR's daily news hour and we listen (it is only a couple of minutes) then talk about what we heard

-Make them make their beds daily and clean their rooms weekly. Insist on it.

-Take them to museums, do music lessons, enroll in one sport each for them to focus on

-Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics.

-Steer them toward friendship with peers that are hard working and high achieving.

Some these are obvious but can you elaborate on them a bit? I mostly agree but can't fully articulate it myself so wondering you could.

There are very few activities that lead to discipline and high achievement like gymnastics, so whoever thinks it's smart to steer kids away is clearly not very bright.

My husband is a big law partner and a D1 college football player. Football absolutely helped his discipline in life, as well as his college prospects. This is such a broad and absurd statement. There's pros and cons to every activity.

The bad news is that he’s going to have to quit working early because of CTE.

Who says that about someone's parent? You're a disgusting person.

A. There are no kids mentioned in that post.

B. Since I'm here in a thread filled with eugenicists I'm not really worried about who is disgusting. The bar is on the floor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is part mostly internal motivation. But there are some things that may be helpful, or not, I don't know. But I am very average. I do have a great work ethic and am highly motivated, but I grew up with parents that were hyper-involved in their own needs and their divorces (and re-marriages). I do believe, with my DH, we have helped our kids do well so far. We have 3 kids and they are all high achievers and advanced in academics and the sports they do.


-Model the behaviors you want to see in them. Read often, both to them and to yourself so they see you reading frequently.

-Always always make school/learning the priority. Even when they don't have homework and on weekends, give them small assignments to keep their mind engaged and learning.

-Discuss things at meals. When I'm just not feeling up to talking, I turn on NPR's daily news hour and we listen (it is only a couple of minutes) then talk about what we heard

-Make them make their beds daily and clean their rooms weekly. Insist on it.

-Take them to museums, do music lessons, enroll in one sport each for them to focus on

-Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics.

-Steer them toward friendship with peers that are hard working and high achieving.

Some these are obvious but can you elaborate on them a bit? I mostly agree but can't fully articulate it myself so wondering you could.

There are very few activities that lead to discipline and high achievement like gymnastics, so whoever thinks it's smart to steer kids away is clearly not very bright.

LOL gymnastics. What do you do after that, teach PE?

My best friend got a full ride to an Ivy League school on a gymnastics scholarship. She’s incredibly successful in her field (not teaching pe). I’m sure her teammates are doing fine as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re talking in circles unless we define “high-achieving.”

If it means: college graduate, employed in a relatively professional job, that’s one thing.

If it means: doctor/lawyer/financial executive, in million dollar home, with country club membership and private school… that’s a different thing.

I want to know this as well. DH and i aren’t living in a million dollar home, but consider ourselves productive, fulfilled, and successful. We have graduate degrees and do well in our fields.

Do you need your kid to have a high powered job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is part mostly internal motivation. But there are some things that may be helpful, or not, I don't know. But I am very average. I do have a great work ethic and am highly motivated, but I grew up with parents that were hyper-involved in their own needs and their divorces (and re-marriages). I do believe, with my DH, we have helped our kids do well so far. We have 3 kids and they are all high achievers and advanced in academics and the sports they do.


-Model the behaviors you want to see in them. Read often, both to them and to yourself so they see you reading frequently.

-Always always make school/learning the priority. Even when they don't have homework and on weekends, give them small assignments to keep their mind engaged and learning.

-Discuss things at meals. When I'm just not feeling up to talking, I turn on NPR's daily news hour and we listen (it is only a couple of minutes) then talk about what we heard

-Make them make their beds daily and clean their rooms weekly. Insist on it.

-Take them to museums, do music lessons, enroll in one sport each for them to focus on

-Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics.

-Steer them toward friendship with peers that are hard working and high achieving.

Some these are obvious but can you elaborate on them a bit? I mostly agree but can't fully articulate it myself so wondering you could.

There are very few activities that lead to discipline and high achievement like gymnastics, so whoever thinks it's smart to steer kids away is clearly not very bright.

LOL gymnastics. What do you do after that, teach PE?

My best friend got a full ride to an Ivy League school on a gymnastics scholarship. She’s incredibly successful in her field (not teaching pe). I’m sure her teammates are doing fine as well.

There are no athletic scholarships in the Ivy league