How to raise disciplined and high achieving children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is part mostly internal motivation. But there are some things that may be helpful, or not, I don't know. But I am very average. I do have a great work ethic and am highly motivated, but I grew up with parents that were hyper-involved in their own needs and their divorces (and re-marriages). I do believe, with my DH, we have helped our kids do well so far. We have 3 kids and they are all high achievers and advanced in academics and the sports they do.


-Model the behaviors you want to see in them. Read often, both to them and to yourself so they see you reading frequently.

-Always always make school/learning the priority. Even when they don't have homework and on weekends, give them small assignments to keep their mind engaged and learning.

-Discuss things at meals. When I'm just not feeling up to talking, I turn on NPR's daily news hour and we listen (it is only a couple of minutes) then talk about what we heard

-Make them make their beds daily and clean their rooms weekly. Insist on it.

-Take them to museums, do music lessons, enroll in one sport each for them to focus on

-Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics.

-Steer them toward friendship with peers that are hard working and high achieving.

Some these are obvious but can you elaborate on them a bit? I mostly agree but can't fully articulate it myself so wondering you could.

There are very few activities that lead to discipline and high achievement like gymnastics, so whoever thinks it's smart to steer kids away is clearly not very bright.

LOL gymnastics. What do you do after that, teach PE?

What an absurd argument. What do kids do with any of the childhood activities they pursue? Or are you one of those parents who is absolutely convinced little Larla is destined to be first chair at the New York Philharmonic? Childhood activities instill discipline and tenacity in children, the point is not to serve as training for their careers.

Agree! And it is horrible to just stereotype “ -Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics. “

Whoever posted that: you do realize you just made generalizations about those legitimate sports, right??

Yes, yes I do. There are outliers, of course. But your child is likely not to be one so best just avoid the whole sh*t show that comes with those sports. The stereotypes exist because they are largely true

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is part mostly internal motivation. But there are some things that may be helpful, or not, I don't know. But I am very average. I do have a great work ethic and am highly motivated, but I grew up with parents that were hyper-involved in their own needs and their divorces (and re-marriages). I do believe, with my DH, we have helped our kids do well so far. We have 3 kids and they are all high achievers and advanced in academics and the sports they do.


-Model the behaviors you want to see in them. Read often, both to them and to yourself so they see you reading frequently.

-Always always make school/learning the priority. Even when they don't have homework and on weekends, give them small assignments to keep their mind engaged and learning.

-Discuss things at meals. When I'm just not feeling up to talking, I turn on NPR's daily news hour and we listen (it is only a couple of minutes) then talk about what we heard

-Make them make their beds daily and clean their rooms weekly. Insist on it.

-Take them to museums, do music lessons, enroll in one sport each for them to focus on

-Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics.

-Steer them toward friendship with peers that are hard working and high achieving.

No. Ballet has been a wonderful creative outlet for my high achieving daughter. It is the definition of an extracurricular that instills rigor and discipline.

You know very well that most kids that are in “dance” are not doing some highly disciplined form of ballet study

+1

Then perhaps that person should have been more specific before slamming an entire artistic discipline without differentiation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is part mostly internal motivation. But there are some things that may be helpful, or not, I don't know. But I am very average. I do have a great work ethic and am highly motivated, but I grew up with parents that were hyper-involved in their own needs and their divorces (and re-marriages). I do believe, with my DH, we have helped our kids do well so far. We have 3 kids and they are all high achievers and advanced in academics and the sports they do.


-Model the behaviors you want to see in them. Read often, both to them and to yourself so they see you reading frequently.

-Always always make school/learning the priority. Even when they don't have homework and on weekends, give them small assignments to keep their mind engaged and learning.

-Discuss things at meals. When I'm just not feeling up to talking, I turn on NPR's daily news hour and we listen (it is only a couple of minutes) then talk about what we heard

-Make them make their beds daily and clean their rooms weekly. Insist on it.

-Take them to museums, do music lessons, enroll in one sport each for them to focus on

-Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics.

-Steer them toward friendship with peers that are hard working and high achieving.

Some these are obvious but can you elaborate on them a bit? I mostly agree but can't fully articulate it myself so wondering you could.

There are very few activities that lead to discipline and high achievement like gymnastics, so whoever thinks it's smart to steer kids away is clearly not very bright.

LOL gymnastics. What do you do after that, teach PE?

What an absurd argument. What do kids do with any of the childhood activities they pursue? Or are you one of those parents who is absolutely convinced little Larla is destined to be first chair at the New York Philharmonic? Childhood activities instill discipline and tenacity in children, the point is not to serve as training for their careers.

Agree! And it is horrible to just stereotype “ -Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics. “

Whoever posted that: you do realize you just made generalizations about those legitimate sports, right??

Yes, yes I do. There are outliers, of course. But your child is likely not to be one so best just avoid the whole sh*t show that comes with those sports. The stereotypes exist because they are largely true

Zero evidence that those sports interfere with a child’s growth in discipline or achievement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is part mostly internal motivation. But there are some things that may be helpful, or not, I don't know. But I am very average. I do have a great work ethic and am highly motivated, but I grew up with parents that were hyper-involved in their own needs and their divorces (and re-marriages). I do believe, with my DH, we have helped our kids do well so far. We have 3 kids and they are all high achievers and advanced in academics and the sports they do.


-Model the behaviors you want to see in them. Read often, both to them and to yourself so they see you reading frequently.

-Always always make school/learning the priority. Even when they don't have homework and on weekends, give them small assignments to keep their mind engaged and learning.

-Discuss things at meals. When I'm just not feeling up to talking, I turn on NPR's daily news hour and we listen (it is only a couple of minutes) then talk about what we heard

-Make them make their beds daily and clean their rooms weekly. Insist on it.

-Take them to museums, do music lessons, enroll in one sport each for them to focus on

-Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics.

-Steer them toward friendship with peers that are hard working and high achieving.

Some these are obvious but can you elaborate on them a bit? I mostly agree but can't fully articulate it myself so wondering you could.

There are very few activities that lead to discipline and high achievement like gymnastics, so whoever thinks it's smart to steer kids away is clearly not very bright.

My husband is a big law partner and a D1 college football player. Football absolutely helped his discipline in life, as well as his college prospects. This is such a broad and absurd statement. There's pros and cons to every activity.

The bad news is that he’s going to have to quit working early because of CTE.

Who says that about someone's parent? You're a disgusting person.

A. There are no kids mentioned in that post.

B. Since I'm here in a thread filled with eugenicists I'm not really worried about who is disgusting. The bar is on the floor.

Ok well I will say it now: my husband has children. That's why I'm on a parenting board. Saying my kids' father will someday suffer from a debilitating disease is pretty gross.

I haven't seen a single mention of eugenics on this thread.

Clean up your own house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is part mostly internal motivation. But there are some things that may be helpful, or not, I don't know. But I am very average. I do have a great work ethic and am highly motivated, but I grew up with parents that were hyper-involved in their own needs and their divorces (and re-marriages). I do believe, with my DH, we have helped our kids do well so far. We have 3 kids and they are all high achievers and advanced in academics and the sports they do.


-Model the behaviors you want to see in them. Read often, both to them and to yourself so they see you reading frequently.

-Always always make school/learning the priority. Even when they don't have homework and on weekends, give them small assignments to keep their mind engaged and learning.

-Discuss things at meals. When I'm just not feeling up to talking, I turn on NPR's daily news hour and we listen (it is only a couple of minutes) then talk about what we heard

-Make them make their beds daily and clean their rooms weekly. Insist on it.

-Take them to museums, do music lessons, enroll in one sport each for them to focus on

-Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics.

-Steer them toward friendship with peers that are hard working and high achieving.

Some these are obvious but can you elaborate on them a bit? I mostly agree but can't fully articulate it myself so wondering you could.

There are very few activities that lead to discipline and high achievement like gymnastics, so whoever thinks it's smart to steer kids away is clearly not very bright.

My husband is a big law partner and a D1 college football player. Football absolutely helped his discipline in life, as well as his college prospects. This is such a broad and absurd statement. There's pros and cons to every activity.

The bad news is that he’s going to have to quit working early because of CTE.

Who says that about someone's parent? You're a disgusting person.

A. There are no kids mentioned in that post.

B. Since I'm here in a thread filled with eugenicists I'm not really worried about who is disgusting. The bar is on the floor.

Ok well I will say it now: my husband has children. That's why I'm on a parenting board. Saying my kids' father will someday suffer from a debilitating disease is pretty gross.

I haven't seen a single mention of eugenics on this thread.

Clean up your own house.

IDK what you think you know about my house. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

It's a delicate balance of supporting them and motivating them to do better (or to the best of their abilities). You also have to lead by example. Kids really pick up on what you do, not what you say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is part mostly internal motivation. But there are some things that may be helpful, or not, I don't know. But I am very average. I do have a great work ethic and am highly motivated, but I grew up with parents that were hyper-involved in their own needs and their divorces (and re-marriages). I do believe, with my DH, we have helped our kids do well so far. We have 3 kids and they are all high achievers and advanced in academics and the sports they do.


-Model the behaviors you want to see in them. Read often, both to them and to yourself so they see you reading frequently.

-Always always make school/learning the priority. Even when they don't have homework and on weekends, give them small assignments to keep their mind engaged and learning.

-Discuss things at meals. When I'm just not feeling up to talking, I turn on NPR's daily news hour and we listen (it is only a couple of minutes) then talk about what we heard

-Make them make their beds daily and clean their rooms weekly. Insist on it.

-Take them to museums, do music lessons, enroll in one sport each for them to focus on

-Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics.

-Steer them toward friendship with peers that are hard working and high achieving.

Some these are obvious but can you elaborate on them a bit? I mostly agree but can't fully articulate it myself so wondering you could.

There are very few activities that lead to discipline and high achievement like gymnastics, so whoever thinks it's smart to steer kids away is clearly not very bright.

My husband is a big law partner and a D1 college football player. Football absolutely helped his discipline in life, as well as his college prospects. This is such a broad and absurd statement. There's pros and cons to every activity.

The bad news is that he’s going to have to quit working early because of CTE.

Who says that about someone's parent? You're a disgusting person.

A. There are no kids mentioned in that post.

B. Since I'm here in a thread filled with eugenicists I'm not really worried about who is disgusting. The bar is on the floor.

Ok well I will say it now: my husband has children. That's why I'm on a parenting board. Saying my kids' father will someday suffer from a debilitating disease is pretty gross.

I haven't seen a single mention of eugenics on this thread.

Clean up your own house.

IDK what you think you know about my house. Good luck.

It means anyone spreading that kind of negative garbage towards a stranger on the internet should look in the mirror before accusing others of being disgusting.

[Anonymous]

The belt.

[Anonymous]

I am not very high achieving but I am disciplined and fairly motivated (especially so in my youth).
I think it was due to my bad home life (hoarding situation) and wanting to get away, as well as desire to be comfortable and independent.
As soon as I achieved minimal comfort I stopped striving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not very high achieving but I am disciplined and fairly motivated (especially so in my youth).
I think it was due to my bad home life (hoarding situation) and wanting to get away, as well as desire to be comfortable and independent.
As soon as I achieved minimal comfort I stopped striving.

To add, my son has a much more comfy home life just by virtue of his parents being sane, and having more money than his grandparents. So of course he is less motivated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is part mostly internal motivation. But there are some things that may be helpful, or not, I don't know. But I am very average. I do have a great work ethic and am highly motivated, but I grew up with parents that were hyper-involved in their own needs and their divorces (and re-marriages). I do believe, with my DH, we have helped our kids do well so far. We have 3 kids and they are all high achievers and advanced in academics and the sports they do.


-Model the behaviors you want to see in them. Read often, both to them and to yourself so they see you reading frequently.

-Always always make school/learning the priority. Even when they don't have homework and on weekends, give them small assignments to keep their mind engaged and learning.

-Discuss things at meals. When I'm just not feeling up to talking, I turn on NPR's daily news hour and we listen (it is only a couple of minutes) then talk about what we heard

-Make them make their beds daily and clean their rooms weekly. Insist on it.

-Take them to museums, do music lessons, enroll in one sport each for them to focus on

-Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics.

-Steer them toward friendship with peers that are hard working and high achieving.

Some these are obvious but can you elaborate on them a bit? I mostly agree but can't fully articulate it myself so wondering you could.

There are very few activities that lead to discipline and high achievement like gymnastics, so whoever thinks it's smart to steer kids away is clearly not very bright.

LOL gymnastics. What do you do after that, teach PE?

What an absurd argument. What do kids do with any of the childhood activities they pursue? Or are you one of those parents who is absolutely convinced little Larla is destined to be first chair at the New York Philharmonic? Childhood activities instill discipline and tenacity in children, the point is not to serve as training for their careers.

Agree! And it is horrible to just stereotype “ -Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics. “

Whoever posted that: you do realize you just made generalizations about those legitimate sports, right??

Yes, yes I do. There are outliers, of course. But your child is likely not to be one so best just avoid the whole sh*t show that comes with those sports. The stereotypes exist because they are largely true

So no one should do anything unless they're going to be the best at it? I can guarantee you that is absolutely NOT the way to raise disciplined and high achieving children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is part mostly internal motivation. But there are some things that may be helpful, or not, I don't know. But I am very average. I do have a great work ethic and am highly motivated, but I grew up with parents that were hyper-involved in their own needs and their divorces (and re-marriages). I do believe, with my DH, we have helped our kids do well so far. We have 3 kids and they are all high achievers and advanced in academics and the sports they do.


-Model the behaviors you want to see in them. Read often, both to them and to yourself so they see you reading frequently.

-Always always make school/learning the priority. Even when they don't have homework and on weekends, give them small assignments to keep their mind engaged and learning.

-Discuss things at meals. When I'm just not feeling up to talking, I turn on NPR's daily news hour and we listen (it is only a couple of minutes) then talk about what we heard

-Make them make their beds daily and clean their rooms weekly. Insist on it.

-Take them to museums, do music lessons, enroll in one sport each for them to focus on

-Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics.

-Steer them toward friendship with peers that are hard working and high achieving.

Some these are obvious but can you elaborate on them a bit? I mostly agree but can't fully articulate it myself so wondering you could.

Np. Higher incidences of physical and mental harm.

[Anonymous]

My kids are very high achievers. I let them do what they wanted to do, including gymnastics and cheer. Let kids be kids for crying out loud. We live only once and life is short. Can't kids get any pleasure and joy? Let kids be kids. They have the whole rest of their lives to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is part mostly internal motivation. But there are some things that may be helpful, or not, I don't know. But I am very average. I do have a great work ethic and am highly motivated, but I grew up with parents that were hyper-involved in their own needs and their divorces (and re-marriages). I do believe, with my DH, we have helped our kids do well so far. We have 3 kids and they are all high achievers and advanced in academics and the sports they do.


-Model the behaviors you want to see in them. Read often, both to them and to yourself so they see you reading frequently.

-Always always make school/learning the priority. Even when they don't have homework and on weekends, give them small assignments to keep their mind engaged and learning.

-Discuss things at meals. When I'm just not feeling up to talking, I turn on NPR's daily news hour and we listen (it is only a couple of minutes) then talk about what we heard

-Make them make their beds daily and clean their rooms weekly. Insist on it.

-Take them to museums, do music lessons, enroll in one sport each for them to focus on

-Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics.

-Steer them toward friendship with peers that are hard working and high achieving.

Some these are obvious but can you elaborate on them a bit? I mostly agree but can't fully articulate it myself so wondering you could.

There are very few activities that lead to discipline and high achievement like gymnastics, so whoever thinks it's smart to steer kids away is clearly not very bright.

LOL gymnastics. What do you do after that, teach PE?

What an absurd argument. What do kids do with any of the childhood activities they pursue? Or are you one of those parents who is absolutely convinced little Larla is destined to be first chair at the New York Philharmonic? Childhood activities instill discipline and tenacity in children, the point is not to serve as training for their careers.

Agree! And it is horrible to just stereotype “ -Stay away from dance, cheer, football, gymnastics. “

Whoever posted that: you do realize you just made generalizations about those legitimate sports, right??

Yes, yes I do. There are outliers, of course. But your child is likely not to be one so best just avoid the whole sh*t show that comes with those sports. The stereotypes exist because they are largely true

So no one should do anything unless they're going to be the best at it? I can guarantee you that is absolutely NOT the way to raise disciplined and high achieving children.

The definition of high achieving is being the best in something! If a kid didn’t make the JV team by 15 then for the purpose of resume building for competitive colleges it is probably best to cut back on the sport and redirect that time to something that they can get a significant achievement in. That’s common sense surely. That doesn’t mean they can’t play the odd pick up game at the park with friends at the weekend to have fun.

[Anonymous]

What if the child isn’t particularly great at anything, and is not much of a striver? That’s my child so far (tween). He likes to draw but doesn’t want to take classes. Otherwise he likes to read and play videogames. That is all! And he tried many many things.