Are There Any Red Flags Here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree to keep an eye on it.

Here’s the deal - the only way to keep our weight in check is to watch what we eat & exercise. That applies to grown women and it applies to 11 year olds. I wish we lived in a magic world where we didn’t have to put effort into it. For some lucky girls and women, you don’t! For the rest of us, we have to, and it doesn’t equate to an eating disorder. It’s just the cold hard truth of staying in shape. If she seems confident and happy with herself and without any OCD tendencies, then I would feel reassured.

This is true for adults, but I don't think it's appropriate for 11 year olds to be thinking about six pack abs and weight/diet/fitness. They still have baby fat, for god-sakes.

DP.

What OP's daughter is doing is not even true for many adults. Pretty much all of my skinny friends and adults eat everything; they just eat in moderation. It those of us(myself included) who are addicted to food who have to cut out certain things completely.

An 11 year old cutting out sugars (or certain types of food that she enjoys) completely because she cannot stop if she has a taste is a huge red flag. It's huge enough to see a therapist.

You need to read Robert Lustig's books. There is absolutely no redeeming quality in table sugar and it can act like a drug in the brain. Some people are set off by it to want more, more, more. It is a sad state of affairs when the obesity rates are sky high, fattly liver disease is going up big time among kids and someone thinks a tween deciding she is done with table sugar is bad. OP didn't say she won't eat fruit, which has sugar in it's natural form and vitamins and fiber.

I also have to side eye only allowing a tween to exercise a certain way. Lacrosse or swimming is fine, but exercise videos are a huge red flag. Seriously people? Let her exercise. It's not like she is doing for 2 hours. Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When this happened to my daughter I did not find the peditrician helpful. I went to a therapist that specialized in eating disorders and they evaluated my daughter. After my daughter spent some sessions with her it was determined that she was anorexic and needed intensive out patient therapy. I had to wait 6 weeks to get her into a program and that was quick....most places had at least 2 month waiting lists to get into those programs. And it was a scary wait and I had to sit with her daily to get her to even eat 1000 calories of food a day. She was only 12 years old. I suggest you start with a therapist that specializes in eating disorders to see how they diagnosis your daughter. It may be nothing....but if it isn't you will be happy you got early intervention.

This seems suspicious to me. If she lost her period/had laguno hair/was restricting calories below what is needed for her age or other thing you would have to have a very out of touch pediatrician to miss full blown anorexia. Was she underweight? Something is missing from this story to from a pediatrician who doesn't think there is an issue to a serious psychiatric diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

It concerns me as a mom of a DD with an eating disorder. I can tell you that it all started for my DD when she was 12. She ended up being able to lose about 10 lbs in a month by severely limiting her calories and not snacking. It didn't concern me at the time because she always had a bit of "baby fat" and is an athlete, so losing ten lbs was fine, though very unusual how quickly that came off. It didn't last long, she went back to normal quite quickly so i didn't think it was a concern.

Fast forward post puberty and she still has of course gained weight and her body has changed (as it should) but she still had it stuck in her head how quickly she lost that weight and how happy she was at that time. This desire to control her weight in this way led to full fledged eating disorder and ultimately bulimia when she was 16.

I am not sure there is anything you can/should do right now, but I would keep a very close eye and be ready with some resources such as a nutritionist or therapist specializing in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree to keep an eye on it.

Here’s the deal - the only way to keep our weight in check is to watch what we eat & exercise. That applies to grown women and it applies to 11 year olds. I wish we lived in a magic world where we didn’t have to put effort into it. For some lucky girls and women, you don’t! For the rest of us, we have to, and it doesn’t equate to an eating disorder. It’s just the cold hard truth of staying in shape. If she seems confident and happy with herself and without any OCD tendencies, then I would feel reassured.

This is true for adults, but I don't think it's appropriate for 11 year olds to be thinking about six pack abs and weight/diet/fitness. They still have baby fat, for god-sakes.

DP.

What OP's daughter is doing is not even true for many adults. Pretty much all of my skinny friends and adults eat everything; they just eat in moderation. It those of us(myself included) who are addicted to food who have to cut out certain things completely.

An 11 year old cutting out sugars (or certain types of food that she enjoys) completely because she cannot stop if she has a taste is a huge red flag. It's huge enough to see a therapist.

You need to read Robert Lustig's books. There is absolutely no redeeming quality in table sugar and it can act like a drug in the brain. Some people are set off by it to want more, more, more. It is a sad state of affairs when the obesity rates are sky high, fattly liver disease is going up big time among kids and someone thinks a tween deciding she is done with table sugar is bad. OP didn't say she won't eat fruit, which has sugar in it's natural form and vitamins and fiber.

I also have to side eye only allowing a tween to exercise a certain way. Lacrosse or swimming is fine, but exercise videos are a huge red flag. Seriously people? Let her exercise. It's not like she is doing for 2 hours. Get a grip.

She most definitely eats fruits. There are some junky snacks she will eat. She's an excellent baker, and if she bakes something, she will eat it. She told me she's planning to bake this weekend (doesn't know what, probably something long and complicated and 'aesthetic'). Mostly, she seems to be keeping herself from eating things that come in a bag, and not so much stuff we make at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree to keep an eye on it.

Here’s the deal - the only way to keep our weight in check is to watch what we eat & exercise. That applies to grown women and it applies to 11 year olds. I wish we lived in a magic world where we didn’t have to put effort into it. For some lucky girls and women, you don’t! For the rest of us, we have to, and it doesn’t equate to an eating disorder. It’s just the cold hard truth of staying in shape. If she seems confident and happy with herself and without any OCD tendencies, then I would feel reassured.

This is true for adults, but I don't think it's appropriate for 11 year olds to be thinking about six pack abs and weight/diet/fitness. They still have baby fat, for god-sakes.

DP.

What OP's daughter is doing is not even true for many adults. Pretty much all of my skinny friends and adults eat everything; they just eat in moderation. It those of us(myself included) who are addicted to food who have to cut out certain things completely.

An 11 year old cutting out sugars (or certain types of food that she enjoys) completely because she cannot stop if she has a taste is a huge red flag. It's huge enough to see a therapist.

You need to read Robert Lustig's books. There is absolutely no redeeming quality in table sugar and it can act like a drug in the brain. Some people are set off by it to want more, more, more. It is a sad state of affairs when the obesity rates are sky high, fattly liver disease is going up big time among kids and someone thinks a tween deciding she is done with table sugar is bad. OP didn't say she won't eat fruit, which has sugar in it's natural form and vitamins and fiber.

I also have to side eye only allowing a tween to exercise a certain way. Lacrosse or swimming is fine, but exercise videos are a huge red flag. Seriously people? Let her exercise. It's not like she is doing for 2 hours. Get a grip.

This is a quote from OP: "She is jealous of her friends who are able to eat whatever they want, not exercise, and still look to be in decent shape."

Does the above sound to you like a child who is cutting out table sugar because it has no redeeming value? I am not suggesting that OP's daughter definitely has an eating disorder. I am suggesting that given her age and the attitued of her peers with and without eating disorders, her daughter's attitude towards table sugar is a red flag. And a red flag does not necessariy mean that her attitude is "bad" as you put it. It means she should be closely watched by OP and examined by a professional. If it turns out that she is reasoning the way you are, then that will be fantastic!

And if her daughter is set off by table sugar as you suggest (I am by the way), I think seeing a therapist can only help her navigate what that means for her and her lifestyle/decision making. It's not something I would want an 11 year old to figure out by themselves as they run the risk of developing bad habits to overcome this problem. For example, social media algorithms can lead children who are seeking this kind of help down the wrong path. I have searched for exercising videos on youtube and ended up with "How to water fast for 10 days" suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree to keep an eye on it.

Here’s the deal - the only way to keep our weight in check is to watch what we eat & exercise. That applies to grown women and it applies to 11 year olds. I wish we lived in a magic world where we didn’t have to put effort into it. For some lucky girls and women, you don’t! For the rest of us, we have to, and it doesn’t equate to an eating disorder. It’s just the cold hard truth of staying in shape. If she seems confident and happy with herself and without any OCD tendencies, then I would feel reassured.

This is true for adults, but I don't think it's appropriate for 11 year olds to be thinking about six pack abs and weight/diet/fitness. They still have baby fat, for god-sakes.

DP.

What OP's daughter is doing is not even true for many adults. Pretty much all of my skinny friends and adults eat everything; they just eat in moderation. It those of us(myself included) who are addicted to food who have to cut out certain things completely.

An 11 year old cutting out sugars (or certain types of food that she enjoys) completely because she cannot stop if she has a taste is a huge red flag. It's huge enough to see a therapist.

You need to read Robert Lustig's books. There is absolutely no redeeming quality in table sugar and it can act like a drug in the brain. Some people are set off by it to want more, more, more. It is a sad state of affairs when the obesity rates are sky high, fattly liver disease is going up big time among kids and someone thinks a tween deciding she is done with table sugar is bad. OP didn't say she won't eat fruit, which has sugar in it's natural form and vitamins and fiber.

I also have to side eye only allowing a tween to exercise a certain way. Lacrosse or swimming is fine, but exercise videos are a huge red flag. Seriously people? Let her exercise. It's not like she is doing for 2 hours. Get a grip.

She most definitely eats fruits. There are some junky snacks she will eat. She's an excellent baker, and if she bakes something, she will eat it. She told me she's planning to bake this weekend (doesn't know what, probably something long and complicated and 'aesthetic'). Mostly, she seems to be keeping herself from eating things that come in a bag, and not so much stuff we make at home.

So in other words she avoids processed junk which we all should do. If she is really into baking for others, but never eats it that can be a red flag of an unhealthy food obsession. Have known several girls with anorexia obsessed with baking who barely sampled. If she has a serving of a baked good that made herself then I truly don't see a big deal. Honestly going off added sugar of any kind is fine too. Great that she eats fruit. Fruit is the best way to satisfy the craving for sweets anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree to keep an eye on it.

Here’s the deal - the only way to keep our weight in check is to watch what we eat & exercise. That applies to grown women and it applies to 11 year olds. I wish we lived in a magic world where we didn’t have to put effort into it. For some lucky girls and women, you don’t! For the rest of us, we have to, and it doesn’t equate to an eating disorder. It’s just the cold hard truth of staying in shape. If she seems confident and happy with herself and without any OCD tendencies, then I would feel reassured.

This is true for adults, but I don't think it's appropriate for 11 year olds to be thinking about six pack abs and weight/diet/fitness. They still have baby fat, for god-sakes.

DP.

What OP's daughter is doing is not even true for many adults. Pretty much all of my skinny friends and adults eat everything; they just eat in moderation. It those of us(myself included) who are addicted to food who have to cut out certain things completely.

An 11 year old cutting out sugars (or certain types of food that she enjoys) completely because she cannot stop if she has a taste is a huge red flag. It's huge enough to see a therapist.

You need to read Robert Lustig's books. There is absolutely no redeeming quality in table sugar and it can act like a drug in the brain. Some people are set off by it to want more, more, more. It is a sad state of affairs when the obesity rates are sky high, fattly liver disease is going up big time among kids and someone thinks a tween deciding she is done with table sugar is bad. OP didn't say she won't eat fruit, which has sugar in it's natural form and vitamins and fiber.

I also have to side eye only allowing a tween to exercise a certain way. Lacrosse or swimming is fine, but exercise videos are a huge red flag. Seriously people? Let her exercise. It's not like she is doing for 2 hours. Get a grip.

This is a quote from OP: "She is jealous of her friends who are able to eat whatever they want, not exercise, and still look to be in decent shape."

Does the above sound to you like a child who is cutting out table sugar because it has no redeeming value? I am not suggesting that OP's daughter definitely has an eating disorder. I am suggesting that given her age and the attitued of her peers with and without eating disorders, her daughter's attitude towards table sugar is a red flag. And a red flag does not necessariy mean that her attitude is "bad" as you put it. It means she should be closely watched by OP and examined by a professional. If it turns out that she is reasoning the way you are, then that will be fantastic!

And if her daughter is set off by table sugar as you suggest (I am by the way), I think seeing a therapist can only help her navigate what that means for her and her lifestyle/decision making. It's not something I would want an 11 year old to figure out by themselves as they run the risk of developing bad habits to overcome this problem. For example, social media algorithms can lead children who are seeking this kind of help down the wrong path. I have searched for exercising videos on youtube and ended up with "How to water fast for 10 days" suggestions.

About 92% of society is jealous of those who can eat whatever they want and not gain. Big deal. She is being honest. That doesn't mean she has an eating disorder. I understand you want to catch these things early, I do. However think of something like depression. If your child tells you she is feeling down, but it doesn't interfere with her functioning and the mood passes a few hours later, you don't need to run to a therapist and get her evaluated for depression and meds. It would be too much. If she tells you she fantasizes about suicide or she is cutting herself or she has no tools for coping with bad days, they yes, get her help. Do you see the difference?

[Anonymous]

Honestly OP just reading this is huge red flags. She is 11. Most 11 years olds "work out" by being involved in sports, biking the neighborhood, going on hikes with their families, dog walks, etc. Your daughter is by herself watching youtube workout videos. That alone is a red flag. She is well on her way to disordered eating at a young age. The whole baking something that is long, complicated and aesthetically pleasing can be a sign of an eating disorder. The cutting out types of food IS a sign. So while she may never get to full flown eating disorder she is on her way to a terrible relationship with food and most importantly her body. Nip this in the bud now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP just reading this is huge red flags. She is 11. Most 11 years olds "work out" by being involved in sports, biking the neighborhood, going on hikes with their families, dog walks, etc. Your daughter is by herself watching youtube workout videos. That alone is a red flag. She is well on her way to disordered eating at a young age. The whole baking something that is long, complicated and aesthetically pleasing can be a sign of an eating disorder. The cutting out types of food IS a sign. So while she may never get to full flown eating disorder she is on her way to a terrible relationship with food and most importantly her body. Nip this in the bud now!

Cutting out all carbs is a sign of disordered eating. That is what is meant by cutting food groups. News flash....sugar is not a food group. Avoiding processed junk food is not a sign of anything but a kid who is ahead of the other kids. Talk to real experts- those who do research in this area. Ask a pediatric endocrinologist if it's a red flag for a kid to avoid table sugar. That doctor will probably high five your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree to keep an eye on it.

Here’s the deal - the only way to keep our weight in check is to watch what we eat & exercise. That applies to grown women and it applies to 11 year olds. I wish we lived in a magic world where we didn’t have to put effort into it. For some lucky girls and women, you don’t! For the rest of us, we have to, and it doesn’t equate to an eating disorder. It’s just the cold hard truth of staying in shape. If she seems confident and happy with herself and without any OCD tendencies, then I would feel reassured.

This is true for adults, but I don't think it's appropriate for 11 year olds to be thinking about six pack abs and weight/diet/fitness. They still have baby fat, for god-sakes.

DP.

What OP's daughter is doing is not even true for many adults. Pretty much all of my skinny friends and adults eat everything; they just eat in moderation. It those of us(myself included) who are addicted to food who have to cut out certain things completely.

An 11 year old cutting out sugars (or certain types of food that she enjoys) completely because she cannot stop if she has a taste is a huge red flag. It's huge enough to see a therapist.

You need to read Robert Lustig's books. There is absolutely no redeeming quality in table sugar and it can act like a drug in the brain. Some people are set off by it to want more, more, more. It is a sad state of affairs when the obesity rates are sky high, fattly liver disease is going up big time among kids and someone thinks a tween deciding she is done with table sugar is bad. OP didn't say she won't eat fruit, which has sugar in it's natural form and vitamins and fiber.

I also have to side eye only allowing a tween to exercise a certain way. Lacrosse or swimming is fine, but exercise videos are a huge red flag. Seriously people? Let her exercise. It's not like she is doing for 2 hours. Get a grip.

This is a quote from OP: "She is jealous of her friends who are able to eat whatever they want, not exercise, and still look to be in decent shape."

Does the above sound to you like a child who is cutting out table sugar because it has no redeeming value? I am not suggesting that OP's daughter definitely has an eating disorder. I am suggesting that given her age and the attitued of her peers with and without eating disorders, her daughter's attitude towards table sugar is a red flag. And a red flag does not necessariy mean that her attitude is "bad" as you put it. It means she should be closely watched by OP and examined by a professional. If it turns out that she is reasoning the way you are, then that will be fantastic!

And if her daughter is set off by table sugar as you suggest (I am by the way), I think seeing a therapist can only help her navigate what that means for her and her lifestyle/decision making. It's not something I would want an 11 year old to figure out by themselves as they run the risk of developing bad habits to overcome this problem. For example, social media algorithms can lead children who are seeking this kind of help down the wrong path. I have searched for exercising videos on youtube and ended up with "How to water fast for 10 days" suggestions.

About 92% of society is jealous of those who can eat whatever they want and not gain. Big deal. She is being honest. That doesn't mean she has an eating disorder. I understand you want to catch these things early, I do. However think of something like depression. If your child tells you she is feeling down, but it doesn't interfere with her functioning and the mood passes a few hours later, you don't need to run to a therapist and get her evaluated for depression and meds. It would be too much. If she tells you she fantasizes about suicide or she is cutting herself or she has no tools for coping with bad days, they yes, get her help. Do you see the difference?

Most 11 year olds I know are not jealous about "those who can eat whatever they want and not gain" Maybe there is a difference in the population of 11 year olds that you are familiar with vs the population that I am familiar with.

[Anonymous]

I just want to say that your daughter sounds amazing.

Just keep an eye on things. But I don't think that exercising, baking, doing sports, and cutting out processed sugar are signs of an eating disorder.

[Anonymous]

I think that nothing your DD is doing is itself alarming and if this is the end point, she's actually doing great. It's good to eat healthily, be aware of how our nutritional choices effect us and work out/stay in shape. If this was a 25 year old, we'd all be like A+.

But there is also a chance that this is the start of a path that ends in a bad place. There is nothing really to do but check in with her frequently over the next few years, try to keep her away from bad influences (social media and overly obsessed friends, especially) and model healthy behavior.

From an eating perspective, I'd be worried about any signs of portion control or cutting out entire categories of foods that do have nutritional value (carbs, fats) or any focus at all on calories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly OP just reading this is huge red flags. She is 11. Most 11 years olds "work out" by being involved in sports, biking the neighborhood, going on hikes with their families, dog walks, etc. Your daughter is by herself watching youtube workout videos. That alone is a red flag. She is well on her way to disordered eating at a young age. The whole baking something that is long, complicated and aesthetically pleasing can be a sign of an eating disorder. The cutting out types of food IS a sign. So while she may never get to full flown eating disorder she is on her way to a terrible relationship with food and most importantly her body. Nip this in the bud now!

She is involved in a sport (diving), which is not exactly exercise intensive, and she had to start it, because her injury prevents her from doing what she has done for years (and I think that the kind of work she has to do for diving is helping with her injury). She used to do martial arts, but had to stop because of her injury. She has limitations on the type of exercise she can do because of her injury, and bad feet. So for instance, hiking/dog walks are difficult. She loves to bike and swim, both of which she does for fun, but those are weekend activities. She is not watching YouTube workout videos by herself, I help her choose appropriate workouts, because I want to be sure that it is someone that pays attention to form, so she does not hurt herself.

I am curious about the bolded. We both enjoy baking, and as a general rule, we don't just make simple cakes or cookies (except banana bread; that's a staple, to keep bananas from going bad). For instance, for Christmas, we baked and decorated a yule log - sponge cake, whipped cream filling, ganache covering, chocolate bark for decorations, meringue mushrooms, sugared cranberries and rosemary, etc. So what she chooses to bake are things that often have multiple components, or interesting technique. She loves to decorate especially (artsy kid), and eats what we bake.

[Anonymous]

Is there anxiety or OCD in your family? Does your DD have perfectionistic tendencies?

I think you are hearing something in your gut that you should listen to. The progression of a thought pattern like that can happen very quickly. There's very little harm in finding a therapist (especially if they specialize in eating disorders) for her to talk to about whatever is bothering her--if her body image is an issue, it will come up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there anxiety or OCD in your family? Does your DD have perfectionistic tendencies?

I think you are hearing something in your gut that you should listen to. The progression of a thought pattern like that can happen very quickly. There's very little harm in finding a therapist (especially if they specialize in eating disorders) for her to talk to about whatever is bothering her--if her body image is an issue, it will come up.

No anxiety or OCD in the family. She has perfectionist tendencies with some things, like her art and music, but that was a much bigger problem when she was little, where she had unreasonable expectations. I always thought that an eating disorder would present itself with things like portion control, overly concerned with whether foods have too many calories or fat, eating salads, that sort of thing, and she doesn't really do any of that (she had one of her favorite deep fried foods for dinner, for instance). She is a pretty normal kid, other than being disciplined about not eating processed foods, and working out.