Are There Any Red Flags Here?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
During last year's school year, my 10 year old stayed home with 3 of her friends, and they all did DL together. There was a lot of junk food consumption going on (even if I had nothing, the other kids would bring things to share), and it was tough year, and I let it slide. Combined with an injury which led to inactivity, and puberty, DD put on a bit of weight, although she is still well within a healthy range. Over the summer, DD (now 11), decided that she needed to be more active, and started working out on a regular basis. That has continued through the beginning of the school year - hardly a day goes by that she does not work out. She has found some fitness YouTubers she likes. This is in addition to her normal activities that she has been able to somewhat resume.
Around the start of the school year, she also started talking about eating healthier. She has almost completely stopped eating junk food, even when offered by friends. Although she hasn't said anything to me, I can see that if I pack something that fits in the junk category (like a macaron), she gives it away. She has said repeatedly that she finds that if she eats something sugary (for instance, same applies to crunchy/savory snacks), then she craves more, and she finds it easier to not take that first step. None of us are particularly obsessed about weight or appearance, and when she has talked about food and exercise, she nearly always talks about being fit, feeling strong, being able to do handstands, or whatever her fitness goals are. She is jealous of her friends who are able to eat whatever they want, not exercise, and still look to be in decent shape. I am a little surprised at her will power, and not finding anything particularly alarming about what she's saying or doing. At least in part, I think it's a function of her age, and being more conscious about how she looks. DH is concerned that this is some sort of step towards eating disorder, that at her age, she is showing so much self restraint. So, should we be worried? |
Anonymous
| I wouldn’t be concerned yet, but I would keep paying attention to what she says, does and eats, as you’ve been doing. Most girls her age are self conscious, but don’t develop eating disorders. |
Anonymous
|
Like PP, I'd keep an eye on it.
I have a daughter the same age who is also into fitness and nutrition, and the only part that concerns me a bit is the jealousy toward her friends. |
Anonymous
| I'd keep an eye on it. The potential red flag to me would be if she's become significantly more "disciplined" with food/fitness than she has with other spheres of her life. The need for control often underlies eating disorders. |
Anonymous
|
Um, it took me much longer to figure out if I eat something sugary, I just want more, but if I avoid it I'm fine. There are no red flags with avoiding junk because you don't like what it does to you and it's sad to think anyone could come on here are tell you differently and in case anyone goes there...no this is not orthorexia. It does sound like she is getting consumed with health and fitness culture which is OK to a degree as long as it does not interfere with her well being and happiness.
Major Red flags are: -Low BMI and laguno fuzz -Loss of menstrual cycle -Giving up previously enjoyed activities to exercise and restrict food -throwing up on purpose -restricting calories to an unhealthy level -Signs of osteopenia |
Anonymous
| Yes, I would be very worried. Working out daily (not playing sports, or having fun being active, but doing workouts) and dieting at 11, restricting herself to no treats, and parroting stuff like she's jealous that her friends can eat whatever they want and stay thin or if she has one sweet she craves more. She didn't get that stuff on her own but learned it somewhere. |
Anonymous
| An 11 year old simply should not be that consumed with fitness and diet. |
Anonymous
Agreed. I see a real red flag that she is jealous of her friends who are able to stay in shape. I didn't have that sort of vocabulary until my 20s, and I grew up with parents who would go on the occasional diet. I also exercised/did athletics/was active at that age, but I really think you need to keep a close watch on this and maybe take her out for a walk/drive and try to feel her out if she is dealing with unhealthy feelings/fears about her body. --mom of an 11 yr old DD |
Anonymous
Maybe. But I think it depends. My 11yo is obsessed with football. So on days he doesnt have practice, he's working out. And over the past few months, he's voluntarily cut junk out of his diet because he believe it slows him down on the football field. So, he's obsessed with his fitness and diet as a means to better play on the football field. I don't see that as a bad thing |
Anonymous
| PP here-- actually, as I probably would unwittingly eff it up if tried to wing this sort of discussion with my daughter, I might consult a child therapist or talk to someone you can confide in/whose parenting you admire, to come up with a script. |
Anonymous
I'm not so sure she learned it elsewhere. She was saying that if her friends offer her Takis, and she eats one or two, she wants to eat a whole bag, and that is harder stop, than saying no in the first place, and not eating it at all. She is not restrictive in what she eats otherwise - fried rice, pasta, dumplings, it's all good. She has just seriously cut down on sweets and processed foods. She also has fun being active (goes for bike rides with friends), and playing sports (dives and swims). To the PP who said something about discipline - she is fairly disciplined otherwise, too. For instance, she is a night owl like me, but because she finds that she has less time in the evenings to just talk to friends and such if she leaves all her work for later, has been waking up an hour early, 3x a week, to get most of it out of the way. |
Anonymous
| Mainly the age would be a red flag for me. Is she going through puberty? Because when hips naturally widen and the body holds on to fat differently is a vulnerable time. And as we're leaning from these Facebook leaks, girls searching for healthy recipes are quickly being lead into pro anorexia content online. Girls can be missed into thinking their normal body changes are bad. |
Anonymous
|
I would try and limit the YouTube videos. Watching a bunch of super fit, perky, beautiful 20 year olds can't possibly be good for your DD's self esteem. Does she have access to other social media? You should listen to the Wall Street Journal podcast on the Facebook papers, if you haven't already. One episode interviews a girl who started down a fitness rabbit hole on Instagram around your DD's age.
I do think that if your DD continues down this path you know where she will end up. It's just a question of whether this is as 'extreme' as she gets or if she keeps getting more restrictive. |
Anonymous
I have been doing this on an ongoing basis, actually. In the beginning, she asked me how she can get a 6 pack. I told her about the amount of discipline that takes, and she said nope, she doesn't need a 6 pack if it means she can't eat anything she enjoys, or has to work out for hours at a time. I have asked her what her goals are with the working out (it's 30-45 minutes a day), and she said that she wants to be fit. Not fitness model fit, but strong, able to do pushups, situps, squats, and beat the boys at it, surprise the PE teacher. The eating cleaner thing seems to have come out of that, in that she learned how much eating junk can sabotage any gains made by working out. The PP's story about her son and soccer also rings a bell. It was right around the time she started that she heard about a relative who is a serious soccer player, who is on a diet/exercise program (prescribed by the coach) because of their goals on the field. She has never said that it has influenced her thinking, however. |
Anonymous
DD works out to Growingannanas, Heather Robertson, and Sydney Cummings . She has no other access to social media. |