Reply to Are There Any Red Flags Here?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I agree to keep an eye on it.

Here’s the deal - the only way to keep our weight in check is to watch what we eat & exercise. That applies to grown women and it applies to 11 year olds.  I wish we lived in a magic world where we didn’t have to put effort into it. For some lucky girls and women, you don’t! For the rest of us, we have to, and it doesn’t equate to an eating disorder. It’s just the cold hard truth of staying in shape. If she seems confident and happy with herself and without any OCD tendencies, then I would feel reassured. [/quote]

This is true for adults, but I don't think it's appropriate for 11 year olds to be thinking about six pack abs and weight/diet/fitness. They still have baby fat, for god-sakes. [/quote]

DP.

What OP's daughter is doing is not even true for many adults. Pretty much all of my skinny friends and adults eat everything; they just eat in moderation. It those of us(myself included) who are addicted to food who have to cut out certain things completely.

[b]An 11 year old cutting out sugars[/b] (or certain types of food that she enjoys) completely because she cannot stop if she has a taste is a [b]huge red flag.[/b] It's huge enough to see a therapist. [/quote]

You need to read Robert Lustig's books. There is absolutely no redeeming quality in table sugar and it can act like a drug in the brain. Some people are set off by it to want more, more, more. It is a sad state of affairs when the obesity rates are sky high, fattly liver disease is going up big time among kids and someone thinks a tween deciding she is done with table sugar is bad. OP didn't say she won't eat fruit, which has sugar in it's natural form and vitamins and fiber.

I also have to side eye only allowing a tween to exercise a certain way. Lacrosse or swimming is fine, but exercise videos are a huge red flag. Seriously people? Let her exercise. It's not like she is doing for 2 hours. Get a grip. [/quote]

This is a quote from OP: "She is jealous of her friends who are able to eat whatever they want, not exercise, and still look to be in decent shape."

Does the above sound to you like a child who is cutting out table sugar because it has no redeeming value? I am  not suggesting that OP's daughter definitely has an eating disorder.  I am suggesting that given her age and the attitued of her peers with and without eating disorders, her daughter's attitude towards table sugar is a red flag. And a red flag does not necessariy mean that her attitude is "bad" as you put it. It means she should be closely watched by OP and examined by a professional.  If it turns out that she is reasoning the way you are, then that will be fantastic!

And if her daughter is set off by table sugar as you suggest (I am by the way), I think seeing a therapist can only help her navigate what that means for her and her lifestyle/decision making. It's not something I would want an 11 year old to figure out by themselves as they run the risk of developing bad habits to overcome this problem. For example, social media algorithms can lead children who are seeking this kind of help down the wrong path.  I have searched for exercising videos on youtube and ended up with "How to water fast for 10 days" suggestions. 
[/quote]

About 92% of society is jealous of those who can eat whatever they want and not gain. Big deal. She is being honest. That doesn't mean she has an eating disorder. I understand you want to catch these things early, I do. However think of something like depression. If your child tells you she is feeling down, but it doesn't interfere with her functioning and the mood passes a few hours later, you don't need to run to a therapist and get her evaluated for depression and meds. It would be too much. If she tells you she fantasizes about suicide or she is cutting herself or she has no tools for coping with bad days, they yes, get her help. Do you see the difference?[/quote]

Most 11 year olds I know are not jealous about "those who can eat whatever they want and not gain" Maybe there is a difference in the population of 11 year olds that you are familiar with vs the population that I am familiar with.[/quote]

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