Extreme resentment over mental load

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote: Your kids who take the SAT should be signing themselves up. You guys make your own problems.

DP. No, parents have responsibility here. A husband should be capable of knowing this and assigning himself the task. If the husband is too incompetent or cannot be asked, its on the other parent and there is a case for resentment here.

The Venmo for the teacher gifts is optional. Tell the teacher your husband is too incompetent to parent and for the sake of your mental load, you needed to take responsibility for the SAT. They'll understand.

These are kids who are 2 years from attending college. In many cases, a $$$$$ college. The fact that you exempt the student from responsibility here shows the issue - you do not understand who owns what responsibility. If your 16 year old cannot sign up for the SAT, you have been doing too much.

I'm not saying the parent is fully responsible. I'm saying the parent has a responsibility to ensure the child has what they need to complete the task. Maybe that's nothing. Maybe that's next-to-nothing. It's at least an on-call event for the parent.

On-call event is a big difference than signing the kid up. Which is it? And by the way, on-call event sounds like basic parenting of teens. Are you saying some of your husbands don’t even do that?

I just said parents "have responsibility" here. I was not intending that to mean the responsibility must always involve signing up.

What is a parent’s responsibility with regard to the SAT? And did either of your parents carry that responsibility?

All already answered this: on-call if needed. My parents were not needed, but available if needed.

+1.

I grew up abroad, and 15 year olds researched the U.S SATs, found study materials and registration information. All parents needed to do was pay.

After taking the SATs, these kids researched U.S schools, applications and visa letters, visa requirements/appointments. All parents did was provide bank information.

I mean, I did that in the US in the 90s. The world has changed since then and people are not willing to let their kids sink.

The world has changed because people with anxiety disorders are loud in their conviction that everyone has to be as neurotic and crazy as they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Your kids who take the SAT should be signing themselves up. You guys make your own problems.

DP. No, parents have responsibility here. A husband should be capable of knowing this and assigning himself the task. If the husband is too incompetent or cannot be asked, its on the other parent and there is a case for resentment here.

The Venmo for the teacher gifts is optional. Tell the teacher your husband is too incompetent to parent and for the sake of your mental load, you needed to take responsibility for the SAT. They'll understand.

These are kids who are 2 years from attending college. In many cases, a $$$$$ college. The fact that you exempt the student from responsibility here shows the issue - you do not understand who owns what responsibility. If your 16 year old cannot sign up for the SAT, you have been doing too much.

I'm not saying the parent is fully responsible. I'm saying the parent has a responsibility to ensure the child has what they need to complete the task. Maybe that's nothing. Maybe that's next-to-nothing. It's at least an on-call event for the parent.

On-call event is a big difference than signing the kid up. Which is it? And by the way, on-call event sounds like basic parenting of teens. Are you saying some of your husbands don’t even do that?

I just said parents "have responsibility" here. I was not intending that to mean the responsibility must always involve signing up.

What is a parent’s responsibility with regard to the SAT? And did either of your parents carry that responsibility?

All already answered this: on-call if needed. My parents were not needed, but available if needed.

+1.

I grew up abroad, and 15 year olds researched the U.S SATs, found study materials and registration information. All parents needed to do was pay.

After taking the SATs, these kids researched U.S schools, applications and visa letters, visa requirements/appointments. All parents did was provide bank information.

I mean, I did that in the US in the 90s. The world has changed since then and people are not willing to let their kids sink.

The world has changed because people with anxiety disorders are loud in their conviction that everyone has to be as neurotic and crazy as they are.

Even more to the point, people are using their "disorders" to get accommodations to get a leg up in testing and college admissions. This is the sort of "change" that mommy needs to ensure is handled to keep DC "competitive". This is what is meant by "sign them up for the SAT".

Must keep up those UMC standards!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Now that I reread your post it’s even more apparent that men are a real problem and threat.

I mean, if men are as bad and disrespectful as some are reporting, I pray they are not pressuring daughters to marry and have children with men. They ought to be pressuring them to avoid men. It’s not worth the risk for women.

I would never encourage my daughters to have children. If asked, I would tell them they should do what they want to do, but share that it drastically reduces a woman’s QOL.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If OP's angst is about Christmas and getting ready, there is an expression, "Tradition is the tyranny of fixed expectations."

I think that OP’s angst is that her husband expects her to do all of these things, but he doesn’t explicitly say it. So she is left wondering how this got to be her job.

It’s kind of wild that so many people are telling her to just accept that it’s her job, calling her whiny, and giving her tips on how to be more efficient.

Her husband does jobs when asked. What difference does it make what he "doesn't explicitly say". She asks for a tree, he provides tree.

I swear some of you are determined to manufacture problems out of nothing.

Why does he need to be asked? He's an adult. OP is not the project manager.

Because OP wants it done and doesn't want to do it. It's not his expectation, it's hers. Therefore, she's responsible for asking for what she wants/needs. He can leave it undone and be totally happy.

That's a copout. These are children and household related things that need to get done. DH doesn't get to say, "our household and kids need only the bare minimum, and no holiday observance" and call it a day.

Yeah, actually, he does. And then, if it's important to her to do these non-essential things, she gets to do them.

What in your view is "essential"?

[Anonymous]

From Liberating Motherhood, with Zain Villines:

If you’re a father, here are a few of the privileges that are likely yours for the taking:

I can show up to every holiday celebration in a bad mood, and someone else will do all the emotional labor of maintaining connections for me.
I get to believe that “everything will just work out" because someone ensures it always does.
I don’t feel pressure to be beautiful around the holidays.
I have never worried that having children has negatively affected how I look in my holiday attire.
My kids will get presents even if I don’t buy, select, or wrap them.
If I show up to a school holiday event, I’m an amazing dad. If I miss an event because I have to work, no one bats an eye. If my female partner misses such an event, she’s a terrible mother. If she shows up, it’s neutral, and she’ll probably be judged for how she shows up, including what she wears, does, says, and brings.
I can dismiss much of the work my partner does as unnecessary. This is because she consistently does it, so I have never had to confront the consequences of not doing it.
If the holidays aren’t sufficiently magical, no one will blame me.
I won’t buy anything for my extended family, and will expect my partner to do it. If she doesn’t, I’ll get angry with her for refusing to do something I also refused to do.
I will complain about the stress of the holidays while I sit and relax and my partner frantically wraps presents.
No one will consider it abusive that my partner works on the holiday project all day, that I get to relax for much of the time she does this, and that at the end of the day, I will expect her to want to have [likely low quality] sex with me.
I will not be judged for the presents my children get or don’t get. If I buy a single present, I will be roundly praised, and will never have to worry that the present is the wrong aesthetic, or that it’s not wood, or that it’s not Montessori, or that it won’t help my child fit in with their friends, or that others will assess me as tacky, or a myriad of other concerns that cause women to be met with real and aggressive judgment.
Even if my partner has just had a baby, surgery, or a major trauma in her life, I will still expect her to do the majority of the work of the holidays.
I do not maintain a list of family holiday activities, and will not plan such activities.
I don’t plan or schedule playdates for when my kids are out of school, yet playdates still happen.
No matter how exhausted my partner is, how little I have done to help, or how mean I have been to her, I will expect sex, define sex as that which pleases me not her, and guilt her if I don’t get that sex when I want it.
I have never thought about teacher gifts.
I do not have a holiday to-do list.
I will not cook any of the holiday meals.
My workload does not significantly increase around the holidays.
If we go on a vacation, I will show up for it, but will not plan it, pack for it, or get the children ready.
My partner will ensure we have pictures of our family at the holidays.
I do not buy holiday clothing for my children.
No one will blame me if the holidays are not sufficiently magical.
We always attend various holiday events, but I don’t have to plan any of them.
I can make whatever plans I want, confident someone else will arrange childcare and clean the house when I am gone.
If I get sick during the holidays, I’ll be able to rest while someone else takes care of everything.
I do not arrange childcare when my children are out of school during the holidays.
I do not put away or organize my children’s holiday gifts.
I can pretend that I don’t notice or care about the holiday labor my partner does.
Very few people will consider it a problem that I do not participate equitably in the holidays.
I can tell myself my partner does all the holiday work because she enjoys it, rather than admitting that she does it because I don’t.
If my kids misbehave at the holidays, no one will blame me.
No matter what I do with my kids or where I go, people will praise me for being a good dad. My partner’s mothering will never be enough.
I will not thank my partner for the work she does, but I will expect her to thank me.
My partner will have to ask me multiple times to do the few holiday tasks she has outsourced to me.
I will get angry at my partner when she asks me to take on more of the holiday load.
Any action I take to care for my kids will earn me praise from friends, family, and strangers. My partner’s actions will be met with judgment. She’s doing too much, or too little, or doing things in the wrong way. Even when she does things perfectly, this is coded as neutral, and she’ll almost never be actively complimented for her skill as a mother.
Even if I get divorced, my partner will continue to take on a disproportionate share of the holiday load—perhaps even more than before—allowing me to be the fun parent.
I never have to think about or be accountable for this privilege, and I feel entitled to get angry when people point it out to me.

[Anonymous]

I don’t feel pressure to be beautiful around the holidays.

This isn't doing any favors for the "essential labor" parents here.

No one will blame me if the holidays are not sufficiently magical.

This has to be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Your kids who take the SAT should be signing themselves up. You guys make your own problems.

DP. No, parents have responsibility here. A husband should be capable of knowing this and assigning himself the task. If the husband is too incompetent or cannot be asked, its on the other parent and there is a case for resentment here.

The Venmo for the teacher gifts is optional. Tell the teacher your husband is too incompetent to parent and for the sake of your mental load, you needed to take responsibility for the SAT. They'll understand.

These are kids who are 2 years from attending college. In many cases, a $$$$$ college. The fact that you exempt the student from responsibility here shows the issue - you do not understand who owns what responsibility. If your 16 year old cannot sign up for the SAT, you have been doing too much.

I'm not saying the parent is fully responsible. I'm saying the parent has a responsibility to ensure the child has what they need to complete the task. Maybe that's nothing. Maybe that's next-to-nothing. It's at least an on-call event for the parent.

On-call event is a big difference than signing the kid up. Which is it? And by the way, on-call event sounds like basic parenting of teens. Are you saying some of your husbands don’t even do that?

I just said parents "have responsibility" here. I was not intending that to mean the responsibility must always involve signing up.

What is a parent’s responsibility with regard to the SAT? And did either of your parents carry that responsibility?

All already answered this: on-call if needed. My parents were not needed, but available if needed.

+1.

I grew up abroad, and 15 year olds researched the U.S SATs, found study materials and registration information. All parents needed to do was pay.

After taking the SATs, these kids researched U.S schools, applications and visa letters, visa requirements/appointments. All parents did was provide bank information.

I mean, I did that in the US in the 90s. The world has changed since then and people are not willing to let their kids sink.

If your kid will sink, without you duct taping him into place, your child has tons of issue. You are creating the man that everyone seems to be complaining about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Your kids who take the SAT should be signing themselves up. You guys make your own problems.

DP. No, parents have responsibility here. A husband should be capable of knowing this and assigning himself the task. If the husband is too incompetent or cannot be asked, its on the other parent and there is a case for resentment here.

The Venmo for the teacher gifts is optional. Tell the teacher your husband is too incompetent to parent and for the sake of your mental load, you needed to take responsibility for the SAT. They'll understand.

These are kids who are 2 years from attending college. In many cases, a $$$$$ college. The fact that you exempt the student from responsibility here shows the issue - you do not understand who owns what responsibility. If your 16 year old cannot sign up for the SAT, you have been doing too much.

I'm not saying the parent is fully responsible. I'm saying the parent has a responsibility to ensure the child has what they need to complete the task. Maybe that's nothing. Maybe that's next-to-nothing. It's at least an on-call event for the parent.

On-call event is a big difference than signing the kid up. Which is it? And by the way, on-call event sounds like basic parenting of teens. Are you saying some of your husbands don’t even do that?

I just said parents "have responsibility" here. I was not intending that to mean the responsibility must always involve signing up.

What is a parent’s responsibility with regard to the SAT? And did either of your parents carry that responsibility?

All already answered this: on-call if needed. My parents were not needed, but available if needed.

+1.

I grew up abroad, and 15 year olds researched the U.S SATs, found study materials and registration information. All parents needed to do was pay.

After taking the SATs, these kids researched U.S schools, applications and visa letters, visa requirements/appointments. All parents did was provide bank information.

I mean, I did that in the US in the 90s. The world has changed since then and people are not willing to let their kids sink.

The world has changed because people with anxiety disorders are loud in their conviction that everyone has to be as neurotic and crazy as they are.

Even more to the point, people are using their "disorders" to get accommodations to get a leg up in testing and college admissions. This is the sort of "change" that mommy needs to ensure is handled to keep DC "competitive". This is what is meant by "sign them up for the SAT".

Must keep up those UMC standards!

I was the one who initially said something about signing my son up for the SAT. I was checking my email while looking at DCUM, and I got an email from the school with a link to sign up my sophomore for the SAT in February, so I signed him up.

DH got the same email and didn’t even open it.

Some of you come from some pretty dysfunctional families. I forget how lucky I am to have the parents I did.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t read thread but I could’ve written the op post. You’re not alone. It’s overwhelming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Your kids who take the SAT should be signing themselves up. You guys make your own problems.

DP. No, parents have responsibility here. A husband should be capable of knowing this and assigning himself the task. If the husband is too incompetent or cannot be asked, its on the other parent and there is a case for resentment here.

The Venmo for the teacher gifts is optional. Tell the teacher your husband is too incompetent to parent and for the sake of your mental load, you needed to take responsibility for the SAT. They'll understand.

These are kids who are 2 years from attending college. In many cases, a $$$$$ college. The fact that you exempt the student from responsibility here shows the issue - you do not understand who owns what responsibility. If your 16 year old cannot sign up for the SAT, you have been doing too much.

I'm not saying the parent is fully responsible. I'm saying the parent has a responsibility to ensure the child has what they need to complete the task. Maybe that's nothing. Maybe that's next-to-nothing. It's at least an on-call event for the parent.

On-call event is a big difference than signing the kid up. Which is it? And by the way, on-call event sounds like basic parenting of teens. Are you saying some of your husbands don’t even do that?

I just said parents "have responsibility" here. I was not intending that to mean the responsibility must always involve signing up.

What is a parent’s responsibility with regard to the SAT? And did either of your parents carry that responsibility?

All already answered this: on-call if needed. My parents were not needed, but available if needed.

+1.

I grew up abroad, and 15 year olds researched the U.S SATs, found study materials and registration information. All parents needed to do was pay.

After taking the SATs, these kids researched U.S schools, applications and visa letters, visa requirements/appointments. All parents did was provide bank information.

I mean, I did that in the US in the 90s. The world has changed since then and people are not willing to let their kids sink.

The world has changed because people with anxiety disorders are loud in their conviction that everyone has to be as neurotic and crazy as they are.

Even more to the point, people are using their "disorders" to get accommodations to get a leg up in testing and college admissions. This is the sort of "change" that mommy needs to ensure is handled to keep DC "competitive". This is what is meant by "sign them up for the SAT".

Must keep up those UMC standards!

I was the one who initially said something about signing my son up for the SAT. I was checking my email while looking at DCUM, and I got an email from the school with a link to sign up my sophomore for the SAT in February, so I signed him up.

DH got the same email and didn’t even open it.

Some of you come from some pretty dysfunctional families. I forget how lucky I am to have the parents I did.

Since your child’s father didn’t open this email, does your child come from a dysfunctional home? If your child lucky to have his father?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Your kids who take the SAT should be signing themselves up. You guys make your own problems.

DP. No, parents have responsibility here. A husband should be capable of knowing this and assigning himself the task. If the husband is too incompetent or cannot be asked, its on the other parent and there is a case for resentment here.

The Venmo for the teacher gifts is optional. Tell the teacher your husband is too incompetent to parent and for the sake of your mental load, you needed to take responsibility for the SAT. They'll understand.

At least in my kids' classrooms, classroom arrangements, signup genius links, venmo requests, etc. are all done through a group chat via the school's app. All classroom parents are added. Emails are also sent to all classroom parents. Not ONE husband responds to chats, emails, signup genius. It's 100% moms. On the class party day there's decent dad turnout, so I know they're aware. And I know the majority of moms are working moms. It's been like this since daycare!

I also handle most kid admin in my house. My husband is no slouch otherwise, but there are times when I'm underwater and need help and he is completely blind to this kind of work no matter how many app notifications/emails/paperwork are sent. I have to directly ask. Yes, some of it's fluff, no one will die if we forget cookies for the teacher cookie exchange, but we DO need to get the required class shirt, recorder, contribute to group activities, pay for field trips, sign online permission slips, check grades and homework, update parental settings on devices, and on and on. I truly believe the idea that planning around children's lives is "women's work" is so pervasive, the vast majority of men will not change, even if it's subconscious and they present a flexible, equitable mindset.

Do not get me started on Christmas.

Same for us regarding all dads being on these chats and it being totally moms dealing with it. There are two dads (out of 40-some families across two classes) who participate.

And ALL the moms work, and many have jobs every bit as challenging as their husband's. Some are fily breadwinners.

Also, the two dads that participate -- their wives also participate. But for a lot of other families, the dad has zero involvement.

This is a UMC public school in DC. Also, some of the class and PTA stuff is dumb make work (I don't do that) but a lot of this is just necessary stuff -- making sure kids have supplies, knowing deadlines, ensuring there are sufficient chaperones for school trips, disseminating info about aftercare, administrative deadlines, etc.

That's how I know that the women in this thread saying "it's unequal" are not BSing. It's not! And it's not because all the women are bad communicators or just live feeling resentful or whatever. It's because it's just not equal. Most moms work, but few dads do as much parenting/household admin as moms. And that's just the truth. It's no wonder women sometimes complain. It is a testament to our fortitude that we don't complain more.

This is because MEN DON’T CARE about this pointless make-work pissing contest that WOMEN initiate and WOMEN expect other WOMEN to engage in! Even if you ask your husband if he thinks it’s important and he says “yes” he probably doesn’t. You can test this by not doing it - if he doesn’t do it himself, it’s because he simply DOES NOT GIVE A CRAP.

They don’t care about aftercare so both can work? They don’t mind if as an UMC educated family they have absolutely NO contact with the school? No parent teacher conferences, kids stay at the school while classmates go on field trips, etc. Are you aware that in some states and at a nice enough school this will get you a call from CPS?

I'm the PP here and thank you. I specifically ignore the posts to the group chats and the emails about make-work. I'm talking about stuff that has to be done. My DH would 100% just let the aftercare sign up date just slide by and then, on the first day of the semester, express surprise and outrage that our kids aren't in aftercare and there's a waitlist. That's not make work, it's essential. Fortunately, I actually read my emails from he school and make sure to meet these deadlines.

+100

For some reason my DH is shocked, shocked I tell you that you can’t sign-up for everything and anything the moment you need it and you have to reserve things or meet external deadlines (only related to household, family, and kid stuff).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Your kids who take the SAT should be signing themselves up. You guys make your own problems.

DP. No, parents have responsibility here. A husband should be capable of knowing this and assigning himself the task. If the husband is too incompetent or cannot be asked, its on the other parent and there is a case for resentment here.

The Venmo for the teacher gifts is optional. Tell the teacher your husband is too incompetent to parent and for the sake of your mental load, you needed to take responsibility for the SAT. They'll understand.

These are kids who are 2 years from attending college. In many cases, a $$$$$ college. The fact that you exempt the student from responsibility here shows the issue - you do not understand who owns what responsibility. If your 16 year old cannot sign up for the SAT, you have been doing too much.

I'm not saying the parent is fully responsible. I'm saying the parent has a responsibility to ensure the child has what they need to complete the task. Maybe that's nothing. Maybe that's next-to-nothing. It's at least an on-call event for the parent.

On-call event is a big difference than signing the kid up. Which is it? And by the way, on-call event sounds like basic parenting of teens. Are you saying some of your husbands don’t even do that?

I just said parents "have responsibility" here. I was not intending that to mean the responsibility must always involve signing up.

What is a parent’s responsibility with regard to the SAT? And did either of your parents carry that responsibility?

All already answered this: on-call if needed. My parents were not needed, but available if needed.

+1.

I grew up abroad, and 15 year olds researched the U.S SATs, found study materials and registration information. All parents needed to do was pay.

After taking the SATs, these kids researched U.S schools, applications and visa letters, visa requirements/appointments. All parents did was provide bank information.

I mean, I did that in the US in the 90s. The world has changed since then and people are not willing to let their kids sink.

The world has changed because people with anxiety disorders are loud in their conviction that everyone has to be as neurotic and crazy as they are.

Even more to the point, people are using their "disorders" to get accommodations to get a leg up in testing and college admissions. This is the sort of "change" that mommy needs to ensure is handled to keep DC "competitive". This is what is meant by "sign them up for the SAT".

Must keep up those UMC standards!

I was the one who initially said something about signing my son up for the SAT. I was checking my email while looking at DCUM, and I got an email from the school with a link to sign up my sophomore for the SAT in February, so I signed him up.

DH got the same email and didn’t even open it.

Some of you come from some pretty dysfunctional families. I forget how lucky I am to have the parents I did.

You're kind of proving the point. Your husband saw the email and thought "sophomore doesn't need to take the SAT yet", but you the snowplow parent went right on ahead (probably without even consulting DC)!!! Moreover, you readily admit how trivial this act is because you did it while scrolling DCUM and yet you go on about how much of a "burden" it is also. And now you are patting yourself on the back lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Your kids who take the SAT should be signing themselves up. You guys make your own problems.

DP. No, parents have responsibility here. A husband should be capable of knowing this and assigning himself the task. If the husband is too incompetent or cannot be asked, its on the other parent and there is a case for resentment here.

The Venmo for the teacher gifts is optional. Tell the teacher your husband is too incompetent to parent and for the sake of your mental load, you needed to take responsibility for the SAT. They'll understand.

These are kids who are 2 years from attending college. In many cases, a $$$$$ college. The fact that you exempt the student from responsibility here shows the issue - you do not understand who owns what responsibility. If your 16 year old cannot sign up for the SAT, you have been doing too much.

I'm not saying the parent is fully responsible. I'm saying the parent has a responsibility to ensure the child has what they need to complete the task. Maybe that's nothing. Maybe that's next-to-nothing. It's at least an on-call event for the parent.

On-call event is a big difference than signing the kid up. Which is it? And by the way, on-call event sounds like basic parenting of teens. Are you saying some of your husbands don’t even do that?

I just said parents "have responsibility" here. I was not intending that to mean the responsibility must always involve signing up.

What is a parent’s responsibility with regard to the SAT? And did either of your parents carry that responsibility?

All already answered this: on-call if needed. My parents were not needed, but available if needed.

+1.

I grew up abroad, and 15 year olds researched the U.S SATs, found study materials and registration information. All parents needed to do was pay.

After taking the SATs, these kids researched U.S schools, applications and visa letters, visa requirements/appointments. All parents did was provide bank information.

I mean, I did that in the US in the 90s. The world has changed since then and people are not willing to let their kids sink.

The world has changed because people with anxiety disorders are loud in their conviction that everyone has to be as neurotic and crazy as they are.

Even more to the point, people are using their "disorders" to get accommodations to get a leg up in testing and college admissions. This is the sort of "change" that mommy needs to ensure is handled to keep DC "competitive". This is what is meant by "sign them up for the SAT".

Must keep up those UMC standards!

I was the one who initially said something about signing my son up for the SAT. I was checking my email while looking at DCUM, and I got an email from the school with a link to sign up my sophomore for the SAT in February, so I signed him up.

DH got the same email and didn’t even open it.

Some of you come from some pretty dysfunctional families. I forget how lucky I am to have the parents I did.

You're kind of proving the point. Your husband saw the email and thought "sophomore doesn't need to take the SAT yet", but you the snowplow parent went right on ahead (probably without even consulting DC)!!! Moreover, you readily admit how trivial this act is because you did it while scrolling DCUM and yet you go on about how much of a "burden" it is also. And now you are patting yourself on the back lol.

Not the PP, but sophomores do take the PSAT, which is what the poster probably meant.

And, in addition to being a good opportunity for student to practice (p part of psat) the Sat without affecting their future scores, the PSAT is also used for several scholarship awards.

Not taking it when it’s easily available, while not a disaster, is definitely a huge missed opportunity for someone who plans to go to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Your kids who take the SAT should be signing themselves up. You guys make your own problems.

DP. No, parents have responsibility here. A husband should be capable of knowing this and assigning himself the task. If the husband is too incompetent or cannot be asked, its on the other parent and there is a case for resentment here.

The Venmo for the teacher gifts is optional. Tell the teacher your husband is too incompetent to parent and for the sake of your mental load, you needed to take responsibility for the SAT. They'll understand.

These are kids who are 2 years from attending college. In many cases, a $$$$$ college. The fact that you exempt the student from responsibility here shows the issue - you do not understand who owns what responsibility. If your 16 year old cannot sign up for the SAT, you have been doing too much.

I'm not saying the parent is fully responsible. I'm saying the parent has a responsibility to ensure the child has what they need to complete the task. Maybe that's nothing. Maybe that's next-to-nothing. It's at least an on-call event for the parent.

On-call event is a big difference than signing the kid up. Which is it? And by the way, on-call event sounds like basic parenting of teens. Are you saying some of your husbands don’t even do that?

I just said parents "have responsibility" here. I was not intending that to mean the responsibility must always involve signing up.

What is a parent’s responsibility with regard to the SAT? And did either of your parents carry that responsibility?

All already answered this: on-call if needed. My parents were not needed, but available if needed.

+1.

I grew up abroad, and 15 year olds researched the U.S SATs, found study materials and registration information. All parents needed to do was pay.

After taking the SATs, these kids researched U.S schools, applications and visa letters, visa requirements/appointments. All parents did was provide bank information.

I mean, I did that in the US in the 90s. The world has changed since then and people are not willing to let their kids sink.

The world has changed because people with anxiety disorders are loud in their conviction that everyone has to be as neurotic and crazy as they are.

Even more to the point, people are using their "disorders" to get accommodations to get a leg up in testing and college admissions. This is the sort of "change" that mommy needs to ensure is handled to keep DC "competitive". This is what is meant by "sign them up for the SAT".

Must keep up those UMC standards!

I was the one who initially said something about signing my son up for the SAT. I was checking my email while looking at DCUM, and I got an email from the school with a link to sign up my sophomore for the SAT in February, so I signed him up.

DH got the same email and didn’t even open it.

Some of you come from some pretty dysfunctional families. I forget how lucky I am to have the parents I did.

You're kind of proving the point. Your husband saw the email and thought "sophomore doesn't need to take the SAT yet", but you the snowplow parent went right on ahead (probably without even consulting DC)!!! Moreover, you readily admit how trivial this act is because you did it while scrolling DCUM and yet you go on about how much of a "burden" it is also. And now you are patting yourself on the back lol.

Not the PP, but sophomores do take the PSAT, which is what the poster probably meant.

And, in addition to being a good opportunity for student to practice (p part of psat) the Sat without affecting their future scores, the PSAT is also used for several scholarship awards.

Not taking it when it’s easily available, while not a disaster, is definitely a huge missed opportunity for someone who plans to go to college.

She said February. PSATs are in the fall. Honestly it’s okay to acknowledge we have lots of snow plow parents are in our midst. And even in your version, it’s no big prize to do it now. We can acknowledge she made a lot of decisions without consulting the kid or other parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t feel pressure to be beautiful around the holidays.

This isn't doing any favors for the "essential labor" parents here.

No one will blame me if the holidays are not sufficiently magical.

This has to be a troll.

I hope the person who posted it wasn’t serious.