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[quote=Anonymous]From Liberating Motherhood, with Zain Villines:

If you’re a father, here are a few of the privileges that are likely yours for the taking:

I can show up to every holiday celebration in a bad mood, and someone else will do all the emotional labor of maintaining connections for me.
I get to believe that “everything will just work out" because someone ensures it always does.
I don’t feel pressure to be beautiful around the holidays.
I have never worried that having children has negatively affected how I look in my holiday attire.
My kids will get presents even if I don’t buy, select, or wrap them.
If I show up to a school holiday event, I’m an amazing dad. If I miss an event because I have to work, no one bats an eye. If my female partner misses such an event, she’s a terrible mother. If she shows up, it’s neutral, and she’ll probably be judged for how she shows up, including what she wears, does, says, and brings.
I can dismiss much of the work my partner does as unnecessary. This is because she consistently does it, so I have never had to confront the consequences of not doing it.
If the holidays aren’t sufficiently magical, no one will blame me.
I won’t buy anything for my extended family, and will expect my partner to do it. If she doesn’t, I’ll get angry with her for refusing to do something I also refused to do.
I will complain about the stress of the holidays while I sit and relax and my partner frantically wraps presents.
No one will consider it abusive that my partner works on the holiday project all day, that I get to relax for much of the time she does this, and that at the end of the day, I will expect her to want to have [likely low quality] sex with me.
I will not be judged for the presents my children get or don’t get. If I buy a single present, I will be roundly praised, and will never have to worry that the present is the wrong aesthetic, or that it’s not wood, or that it’s not Montessori, or that it won’t help my child fit in with their friends, or that others will assess me as tacky, or a myriad of other concerns that cause women to be met with real and aggressive judgment.
Even if my partner has just had a baby, surgery, or a major trauma in her life, I will still expect her to do the majority of the work of the holidays.
I do not maintain a list of family holiday activities, and will not plan such activities.
I don’t plan or schedule playdates for when my kids are out of school, yet playdates still happen.
No matter how exhausted my partner is, how little I have done to help, or how mean I have been to her, I will expect sex, define sex as that which pleases me not her, and guilt her if I don’t get that sex when I want it.
I have never thought about teacher gifts.
I do not have a holiday to-do list.
I will not cook any of the holiday meals.
My workload does not significantly increase around the holidays.
If we go on a vacation, I will show up for it, but will not plan it, pack for it, or get the children ready.
My partner will ensure we have pictures of our family at the holidays.
I do not buy holiday clothing for my children.
No one will blame me if the holidays are not sufficiently magical.
We always attend various holiday events, but I don’t have to plan any of them.
I can make whatever plans I want, confident someone else will arrange childcare and clean the house when I am gone.
If I get sick during the holidays, I’ll be able to rest while someone else takes care of everything.
I do not arrange childcare when my children are out of school during the holidays.
I do not put away or organize my children’s holiday gifts.
I can pretend that I don’t notice or care about the holiday labor my partner does.
Very few people will consider it a problem that I do not participate equitably in the holidays.
I can tell myself my partner does all the holiday work because she enjoys it, rather than admitting that she does it because I don’t.
If my kids misbehave at the holidays, no one will blame me.
No matter what I do with my kids or where I go, people will praise me for being a good dad. My partner’s mothering will never be enough.
I will not thank my partner for the work she does, but I will expect her to thank me.
My partner will have to ask me multiple times to do the few holiday tasks she has outsourced to me.
I will get angry at my partner when she asks me to take on more of the holiday load.
Any action I take to care for my kids will earn me praise from friends, family, and strangers. My partner’s actions will be met with judgment. She’s doing too much, or too little, or doing things in the wrong way. Even when she does things perfectly, this is coded as neutral, and she’ll almost never be actively complimented for her skill as a mother.
Even if I get divorced, my partner will continue to take on a disproportionate share of the holiday load—perhaps even more than before—allowing me to be the fun parent.
I never have to think about or be accountable for this privilege, and I feel entitled to get angry when people point it out to me.[/quote]

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