I’m 20w pregnant. My fiance told me he has herpes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The nonchalant attitude so many of you have towards a highly infectious permanent condition that requires some folks to take daily medication to manage is kind of insane.

I am truly confused how some of you seem to think this is just no big deal at all. If someone gave me genital herpes because they decided their previous (not 1 but 2) positive results were unimportant would be infuriating to me. There is no way I would stay with such a person. Like How frekan dare you.

The nonchalant attitude the rest of you have about encouraging OP to kick her baby daddy to the curb before her baby even enters the world is equally insane

Agree. They think somehow OP will be a winner in this zero sum game. But- these posters don't have to live her upcoming life.
Ha! What does she win? Let's see:
1. She leaves a guy who loves her. And it's clear he does. Mistakes were made, but he loves her and the baby.

2. She will have a baby that she will have only partial custody of.

3. Boyfriend will immediately move on and there will be step mom, there absolutely will, right in the inception of this baby's life, so, yes, she is Mom, too.

4. OP will have zero, and I mean ZERO control over what happens when she drops off this 3 month old, 3 years old, 10 year old, 16 year old kid to him. All medical decisions will have to go through him. School, church, even scouts.

5. OP will not necessarily move on. She's a single mom now of an infant, toddler, kid, teenager. And we all know how that plays out on Tinder. Plus, her backstory will be that she left him as he had herpes- she will likely test positive at some point, because that will always be a possibility- added bonus points on the dating scene there, right?

6. She will be in court for the next 22 years working out child support , custody, college, because raising a kid in her own will be more $$ than she ever thought it will be. And she will always have to deal with Mom # 2- you know, the one who didn't care about the herpes at all, and married the Dad because he wants to have a family. Millions of people have herpes. Millions.
Meanwhile, she will start off broke because getting a lawyer over this will be very expensive...and they aren't even married. She thinks she will have some legal upper hand with money or custody over this herpes disclosure, and I am here to say, no- she will have nothing. It's not a deal breaker in court at all.

7. Boyfriend will have more kids with new wife, and that will be baby's family. Those kids will be siblings.
8. She will never be able to move away from the area, and Daddy (and step mom) will have requests and opinions that she doesn't like ..everything from school to camp to sports to clothes, vacations, friends. All out of OP's control now. But most woman assume they are in control, and are shocked to find out how quickly they have no control over their kid really. It'a staggeringly depressing and really frightening, so let's add the declining mental state to her list of developments.

She will have not won anything. She's angry now, but let's assume after this revelation she will have counseling and make an appropriate decision.


Don't dive into the gene pool without a life guard, people.

Lady, work on your self esteem and develop self respect.

I have plenty of both, and much more experience than most people here about this. Try to look at this situation without your personal lens. It isn't helpful. OP is all about anger and reaction right now, and I can assure you that you do not have all the facts, and that OP is assuming a lot that doesn't add up. She loved him up until the night he told her, and enough to procreate with him, so, no, this isn't a liar and abuser situation. It's a problem that needs resolve, and my point is if she leaves him, and she might, she still will never be able to leave him. He will still be there, and so will lots of other people inserted into this fiasco. If she's looking at deal breakers, the future will definitely trump this. If there are other reasons to end this, sure! But if it's this, she needs to take a beat and get off social media. This is childish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really want OP to explain what she thinks she is going to do wrt child custody. based on the tenor of her responses I have no doubt she is gearing up to make some lawyers very rich as she tries to get full custody.

She would be stupid to do this. He has Herpes-absolutely nothing to do with how good of a father he will be. Default is always 50/50- and there has to be extremely serious reasons not to get that. Herpes isn’t one of them obviously.

Yeah, liars who sexually assault women are notoriously great fathers. GFY.

He is neither. Grow up.

Per the law he’s actually both! She’s entitled to damages. He should pay up for being such a f{}##ing nasty ass loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The nonchalant attitude so many of you have towards a highly infectious permanent condition that requires some folks to take daily medication to manage is kind of insane.

I am truly confused how some of you seem to think this is just no big deal at all. If someone gave me genital herpes because they decided their previous (not 1 but 2) positive results were unimportant would be infuriating to me. There is no way I would stay with such a person. Like How frekan dare you.

The nonchalant attitude the rest of you have about encouraging OP to kick her baby daddy to the curb before her baby even enters the world is equally insane

Agree. They think somehow OP will be a winner in this zero sum game. But- these posters don't have to live her upcoming life.
Ha! What does she win? Let's see:
1. She leaves a guy who loves her. And it's clear he does. Mistakes were made, but he loves her and the baby.

2. She will have a baby that she will have only partial custody of.

3. Boyfriend will immediately move on and there will be step mom, there absolutely will, right in the inception of this baby's life, so, yes, she is Mom, too.

4. OP will have zero, and I mean ZERO control over what happens when she drops off this 3 month old, 3 years old, 10 year old, 16 year old kid to him. All medical decisions will have to go through him. School, church, even scouts.

5. OP will not necessarily move on. She's a single mom now of an infant, toddler, kid, teenager. And we all know how that plays out on Tinder. Plus, her backstory will be that she left him as he had herpes- she will likely test positive at some point, because that will always be a possibility- added bonus points on the dating scene there, right?

6. She will be in court for the next 22 years working out child support , custody, college, because raising a kid in her own will be more $$ than she ever thought it will be. And she will always have to deal with Mom # 2- you know, the one who didn't care about the herpes at all, and married the Dad because he wants to have a family. Millions of people have herpes. Millions.
Meanwhile, she will start off broke because getting a lawyer over this will be very expensive...and they aren't even married. She thinks she will have some legal upper hand with money or custody over this herpes disclosure, and I am here to say, no- she will have nothing. It's not a deal breaker in court at all.

7. Boyfriend will have more kids with new wife, and that will be baby's family. Those kids will be siblings.
8. She will never be able to move away from the area, and Daddy (and step mom) will have requests and opinions that she doesn't like ..everything from school to camp to sports to clothes, vacations, friends. All out of OP's control now. But most woman assume they are in control, and are shocked to find out how quickly they have no control over their kid really. It'a staggeringly depressing and really frightening, so let's add the declining mental state to her list of developments.

She will have not won anything. She's angry now, but let's assume after this revelation she will have counseling and make an appropriate decision.


Don't dive into the gene pool without a life guard, people.

How can you say he loves her when he lied to her, infected her with an incurable disease and only came clean 4 years later? You're actually so insane for suggesting this is NBD and OP should stick by her lying diseased untrustworthy baby daddy.

All the rest of your reasons are just crap. Don't leave the liar who infected you with an incurable disease because... he may have more children? Jesus Christ your bar is beyond hell. I seriously hope that women never take this kind of advice. There is zero, I repeat ZERO reason that OP is better off staying with a lying AH who sexually assaulted her. What a shit take.

Because you are the one jumping to conclusions here about lying. Even with OP's bias here, and she of course has one- it's plain as day that he did not realize he had herpes 4 years ago. He actually said that. He did not understand it at all, like a lot of people here...just read this whole thread- this isn't a clear cut issue. He did realize it 4 months ago when something happened to make him check, and that would be the baby coming. So many people think they have it only when it shows up. This guy went through a very tough time trying to figure out what to say or do. No, he's not getting a pat in the back, but because he had no symptoms he could have NEVER said anything, ever. He realized now this could possibly affect the baby. It was clear by OP's post that he was in deep turmoil. He put the baby first.

He really didn't get it, that was clear. He isn't a liar, he isn't an abuser, he isn't a narcissist. He's dumb about herpes, so is OP. You are the one filling in a context that isn't there.

Both here are really naive, actually, and OP doesn't get to hold a torch of responsibility up because she is also late to the party. She never tested and didn't ask him to. Don't bring your personal issues into something that doesn't fit.

This thread should end. OP and boyfriend need counseling, and a doctor. That's all.

Oh my gospel lord jesus. He knew he had this. He told her “I had it for years”. Stop f**king making shit up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The nonchalant attitude so many of you have towards a highly infectious permanent condition that requires some folks to take daily medication to manage is kind of insane.

I am truly confused how some of you seem to think this is just no big deal at all. If someone gave me genital herpes because they decided their previous (not 1 but 2) positive results were unimportant would be infuriating to me. There is no way I would stay with such a person. Like How frekan dare you.

The nonchalant attitude the rest of you have about encouraging OP to kick her baby daddy to the curb before her baby even enters the world is equally insane

Agree. They think somehow OP will be a winner in this zero sum game. But- these posters don't have to live her upcoming life.
Ha! What does she win? Let's see:
1. She leaves a guy who loves her. And it's clear he does. Mistakes were made, but he loves her and the baby.

2. She will have a baby that she will have only partial custody of.

3. Boyfriend will immediately move on and there will be step mom, there absolutely will, right in the inception of this baby's life, so, yes, she is Mom, too.

4. OP will have zero, and I mean ZERO control over what happens when she drops off this 3 month old, 3 years old, 10 year old, 16 year old kid to him. All medical decisions will have to go through him. School, church, even scouts.

5. OP will not necessarily move on. She's a single mom now of an infant, toddler, kid, teenager. And we all know how that plays out on Tinder. Plus, her backstory will be that she left him as he had herpes- she will likely test positive at some point, because that will always be a possibility- added bonus points on the dating scene there, right?

6. She will be in court for the next 22 years working out child support , custody, college, because raising a kid in her own will be more $$ than she ever thought it will be. And she will always have to deal with Mom # 2- you know, the one who didn't care about the herpes at all, and married the Dad because he wants to have a family. Millions of people have herpes. Millions.
Meanwhile, she will start off broke because getting a lawyer over this will be very expensive...and they aren't even married. She thinks she will have some legal upper hand with money or custody over this herpes disclosure, and I am here to say, no- she will have nothing. It's not a deal breaker in court at all.

7. Boyfriend will have more kids with new wife, and that will be baby's family. Those kids will be siblings.
8. She will never be able to move away from the area, and Daddy (and step mom) will have requests and opinions that she doesn't like ..everything from school to camp to sports to clothes, vacations, friends. All out of OP's control now. But most woman assume they are in control, and are shocked to find out how quickly they have no control over their kid really. It'a staggeringly depressing and really frightening, so let's add the declining mental state to her list of developments.

She will have not won anything. She's angry now, but let's assume after this revelation she will have counseling and make an appropriate decision.


Don't dive into the gene pool without a life guard, people.

Lady, work on your self esteem and develop self respect.

I have plenty of both, and much more experience than most people here about this. Try to look at this situation without your personal lens. It isn't helpful. OP is all about anger and reaction right now, and I can assure you that you do not have all the facts, and that OP is assuming a lot that doesn't add up. She loved him up until the night he told her, and enough to procreate with him, so, no, this isn't a liar and abuser situation. It's a problem that needs resolve, and my point is if she leaves him, and she might, she still will never be able to leave him. He will still be there, and so will lots of other people inserted into this fiasco. If she's looking at deal breakers, the future will definitely trump this. If there are other reasons to end this, sure! But if it's this, she needs to take a beat and get off social media. This is childish.

You sound like a lonely desperate pick me. Women no longer need to settle for the garbage crumbs some men offer. Your denial of reality is not OPs problem.

No women should settle for men that abuse them. I’m sorry you think otherwise, but you’re wrong. OP deserves better, as does every woman alive. No one deserves to be treated like this. None. Zero.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The nonchalant attitude so many of you have towards a highly infectious permanent condition that requires some folks to take daily medication to manage is kind of insane.

I am truly confused how some of you seem to think this is just no big deal at all. If someone gave me genital herpes because they decided their previous (not 1 but 2) positive results were unimportant would be infuriating to me. There is no way I would stay with such a person. Like How frekan dare you.

The nonchalant attitude the rest of you have about encouraging OP to kick her baby daddy to the curb before her baby even enters the world is equally insane

Agree. They think somehow OP will be a winner in this zero sum game. But- these posters don't have to live her upcoming life.
Ha! What does she win? Let's see:
1. She leaves a guy who loves her. And it's clear he does. Mistakes were made, but he loves her and the baby.

2. She will have a baby that she will have only partial custody of.

3. Boyfriend will immediately move on and there will be step mom, there absolutely will, right in the inception of this baby's life, so, yes, she is Mom, too.

4. OP will have zero, and I mean ZERO control over what happens when she drops off this 3 month old, 3 years old, 10 year old, 16 year old kid to him. All medical decisions will have to go through him. School, church, even scouts.

5. OP will not necessarily move on. She's a single mom now of an infant, toddler, kid, teenager. And we all know how that plays out on Tinder. Plus, her backstory will be that she left him as he had herpes- she will likely test positive at some point, because that will always be a possibility- added bonus points on the dating scene there, right?

6. She will be in court for the next 22 years working out child support , custody, college, because raising a kid in her own will be more $$ than she ever thought it will be. And she will always have to deal with Mom # 2- you know, the one who didn't care about the herpes at all, and married the Dad because he wants to have a family. Millions of people have herpes. Millions.
Meanwhile, she will start off broke because getting a lawyer over this will be very expensive...and they aren't even married. She thinks she will have some legal upper hand with money or custody over this herpes disclosure, and I am here to say, no- she will have nothing. It's not a deal breaker in court at all.

7. Boyfriend will have more kids with new wife, and that will be baby's family. Those kids will be siblings.
8. She will never be able to move away from the area, and Daddy (and step mom) will have requests and opinions that she doesn't like ..everything from school to camp to sports to clothes, vacations, friends. All out of OP's control now. But most woman assume they are in control, and are shocked to find out how quickly they have no control over their kid really. It'a staggeringly depressing and really frightening, so let's add the declining mental state to her list of developments.

She will have not won anything. She's angry now, but let's assume after this revelation she will have counseling and make an appropriate decision.


Don't dive into the gene pool without a life guard, people.

How can you say he loves her when he lied to her, infected her with an incurable disease and only came clean 4 years later? You're actually so insane for suggesting this is NBD and OP should stick by her lying diseased untrustworthy baby daddy.

All the rest of your reasons are just crap. Don't leave the liar who infected you with an incurable disease because... he may have more children? Jesus Christ your bar is beyond hell. I seriously hope that women never take this kind of advice. There is zero, I repeat ZERO reason that OP is better off staying with a lying AH who sexually assaulted her. What a shit take.

Because you are the one jumping to conclusions here about lying. Even with OP's bias here, and she of course has one- it's plain as day that he did not realize he had herpes 4 years ago. He actually said that. He did not understand it at all, like a lot of people here...just read this whole thread- this isn't a clear cut issue. He did realize it 4 months ago when something happened to make him check, and that would be the baby coming. So many people think they have it only when it shows up. This guy went through a very tough time trying to figure out what to say or do. No, he's not getting a pat in the back, but because he had no symptoms he could have NEVER said anything, ever. He realized now this could possibly affect the baby. It was clear by OP's post that he was in deep turmoil. He put the baby first.

He really didn't get it, that was clear. He isn't a liar, he isn't an abuser, he isn't a narcissist. He's dumb about herpes, so is OP. You are the one filling in a context that isn't there.

Both here are really naive, actually, and OP doesn't get to hold a torch of responsibility up because she is also late to the party. She never tested and didn't ask him to. Don't bring your personal issues into something that doesn't fit.

This thread should end. OP and boyfriend need counseling, and a doctor. That's all.

“So I tested positive for herpes 4 yrs ago but thought NAH can’t be me”
“I tested positive for herpes 1 year ago but thought NAH can’t be me”

Be so fu##ing for real right now.
Idk if he’s a narc, but he’s sure as fu## an abuser and a liar. 1000x he is. You are an abuse enabler by trying to coerce op to stay with her abuser. Disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm very sorry you are going thru this. Unfortunately, I have a family member who went through something similar (i.e. a partner who had herpes) and I myself ended up with someone who had undisclosed herpes.

My view of this through my family member's experience shaped my own decision years later. My family member was pregnant, her husband had herpes. I don't know what the discussion was about that - whether he disclosed - prior to pregnancy, but I do know that she discovered that her baby was anencephalic (meaning developed without a brain) in the 8th month, as a consequence of herpes infection during pregnancy. She went through the trauma of deciding whether to have an abortion or birth the baby, the latter of which also involved thinking about whether the baby would be provided life saving supports like intubation, resuscitation, etc. if necessary. She decided to have an abortion, and when she went to the hospital for the procedure, she was informed that the baby was already without a heartbeat, and she ended up having a stillbirth. Because I worked in reproductive health policy at the time, the couple turned to me to ask questions about abortion, where to get one, how to handle the stillbirth, whether they should see the baby after birth, etc. The whole situation was heartbreaking.

More than 2 decades later, I came to find out that my partner, father of my child, also had herpes and actively hid the infection from me. I won't get into how I found out. He tried to convince me of what many are saying on this thread -- "it's only oral herpes, everyone has that and it's not dangerous". Except his oral herpes can be transmitted to my genitals through oral sex, so IMO he should have disclosed to me and let me make my own decision about whether to continue to have sex with him. He also tried to say he had it before we met, and it wasn't through any cheating, but that, OFC, turned out to be false.

TBH, I was never able to get past the lies. Sex with him started to feel very rapey to me - he was not giving me full informed consent to our sex. He lied about the herpes deliberately because he was afraid I would make a choice he didn't like, so he chose to control the information I had so that I would continue to sleep with him. I had no idea what was going on and exposed myself and a child (because I was pregnant after he knew he had herpes but before I knew he had herpes). Having had my family experience with pregnancy and herpes, I just could not accept the level of risk he was willing to place on me without my knowledge.

I asked him to move out. I kept full custody of our 2 children, who were only toddlers at the time, and he had visitation. Was it hard? Frightfully, but staying and raising children with a partner who was fundamentally a danger to me and the kids would have been way worse. The kind of person who would be so reckless and manipulative, also presented similar character problems as our children grew into adults. I was never going to be able to change him into the kind of person who would care about others, protect them and do the thing that would be hard for him but better for others.

There is not a day I have looked back and wished I stayed with him. I only wish I had left immediately, instead of taking a year to try and hear his side of the story (a story that he gaslight and trickle-truther about), get couples therapy, etc.

OFC, YMMV. What you decide to do is your choice.

I just wanted to share that it is OK to take this situation seriously and to end a relationship over it. I chose safety for myself, and that is OK.

Sorry this all happened to you PP. I also have a friend who lost a baby to a similar situation-late term baby developed without a brain. Not sure if she also has herpes but I have noticed her with a cold sore before so that could have been why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The nonchalant attitude so many of you have towards a highly infectious permanent condition that requires some folks to take daily medication to manage is kind of insane.

I am truly confused how some of you seem to think this is just no big deal at all. If someone gave me genital herpes because they decided their previous (not 1 but 2) positive results were unimportant would be infuriating to me. There is no way I would stay with such a person. Like How frekan dare you.

The nonchalant attitude the rest of you have about encouraging OP to kick her baby daddy to the curb before her baby even enters the world is equally insane

Agree. They think somehow OP will be a winner in this zero sum game. But- these posters don't have to live her upcoming life.
Ha! What does she win? Let's see:
1. She leaves a guy who loves her. And it's clear he does. Mistakes were made, but he loves her and the baby.

2. She will have a baby that she will have only partial custody of.

3. Boyfriend will immediately move on and there will be step mom, there absolutely will, right in the inception of this baby's life, so, yes, she is Mom, too.

4. OP will have zero, and I mean ZERO control over what happens when she drops off this 3 month old, 3 years old, 10 year old, 16 year old kid to him. All medical decisions will have to go through him. School, church, even scouts.

5. OP will not necessarily move on. She's a single mom now of an infant, toddler, kid, teenager. And we all know how that plays out on Tinder. Plus, her backstory will be that she left him as he had herpes- she will likely test positive at some point, because that will always be a possibility- added bonus points on the dating scene there, right?

6. She will be in court for the next 22 years working out child support , custody, college, because raising a kid in her own will be more $$ than she ever thought it will be. And she will always have to deal with Mom # 2- you know, the one who didn't care about the herpes at all, and married the Dad because he wants to have a family. Millions of people have herpes. Millions.
Meanwhile, she will start off broke because getting a lawyer over this will be very expensive...and they aren't even married. She thinks she will have some legal upper hand with money or custody over this herpes disclosure, and I am here to say, no- she will have nothing. It's not a deal breaker in court at all.

7. Boyfriend will have more kids with new wife, and that will be baby's family. Those kids will be siblings.
8. She will never be able to move away from the area, and Daddy (and step mom) will have requests and opinions that she doesn't like ..everything from school to camp to sports to clothes, vacations, friends. All out of OP's control now. But most woman assume they are in control, and are shocked to find out how quickly they have no control over their kid really. It'a staggeringly depressing and really frightening, so let's add the declining mental state to her list of developments.

She will have not won anything. She's angry now, but let's assume after this revelation she will have counseling and make an appropriate decision.


Don't dive into the gene pool without a life guard, people.

How can you say he loves her when he lied to her, infected her with an incurable disease and only came clean 4 years later? You're actually so insane for suggesting this is NBD and OP should stick by her lying diseased untrustworthy baby daddy.

All the rest of your reasons are just crap. Don't leave the liar who infected you with an incurable disease because... he may have more children? Jesus Christ your bar is beyond hell. I seriously hope that women never take this kind of advice. There is zero, I repeat ZERO reason that OP is better off staying with a lying AH who sexually assaulted her. What a shit take.

Because you are the one jumping to conclusions here about lying. Even with OP's bias here, and she of course has one- it's plain as day that he did not realize he had herpes 4 years ago. He actually said that. He did not understand it at all, like a lot of people here...just read this whole thread- this isn't a clear cut issue. He did realize it 4 months ago when something happened to make him check, and that would be the baby coming. So many people think they have it only when it shows up. This guy went through a very tough time trying to figure out what to say or do. No, he's not getting a pat in the back, but because he had no symptoms he could have NEVER said anything, ever. He realized now this could possibly affect the baby. It was clear by OP's post that he was in deep turmoil. He put the baby first.

He really didn't get it, that was clear. He isn't a liar, he isn't an abuser, he isn't a narcissist. He's dumb about herpes, so is OP. You are the one filling in a context that isn't there.

Both here are really naive, actually, and OP doesn't get to hold a torch of responsibility up because she is also late to the party. She never tested and didn't ask him to. Don't bring your personal issues into something that doesn't fit.

This thread should end. OP and boyfriend need counseling, and a doctor. That's all.

They don’t routinely test you for herpes. He asked for that test because he must’ve had an outbreak.

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine how pathetic of a human you’d have to be to tell a preggo woman that her fiancé lied and gave her herpes and she should be grateful 😂😂😂 like what universe are pps living in where this is some normal occurrence?! Like gurl, raise yo standards!!

Please, girls, women, female folk of any kind - you do not have to settle for this. Contrary to what these over two sock puppets want you to believe, there are so many (literally millions!) or men who won’t lie about having an std and infect you. Millions. Billions potentially.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine how pathetic of a human you’d have to be to tell a preggo woman that her fiancé lied and gave her herpes and she should be grateful 😂😂😂 like what universe are pps living in where this is some normal occurrence?! Like gurl, raise yo standards!!

Please, girls, women, female folk of any kind - you do not have to settle for this. Contrary to what these over two sock puppets want you to believe, there are so many (literally millions!) or men who won’t lie about having an std and infect you. Millions. Billions potentially.

+1 everyone I asked about STDs came clean about the fact they had herpes if they had it. All decent guys. Only once did a guy I dated who claimed to be std free test positive for one. Always get people tested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine how pathetic of a human you’d have to be to tell a preggo woman that her fiancé lied and gave her herpes and she should be grateful 😂😂😂 like what universe are pps living in where this is some normal occurrence?! Like gurl, raise yo standards!!

Please, girls, women, female folk of any kind - you do not have to settle for this. Contrary to what these over two sock puppets want you to believe, there are so many (literally millions!) or men who won’t lie about having an std and infect you. Millions. Billions potentially.

+1 everyone I asked about STDs came clean about the fact they had herpes if they had it. All decent guys. Only once did a guy I dated who claimed to be std free test positive for one. Always get people tested.

The more women call men on their shit, the fewer can run their scams in the shadows.

Do. Not. Settle. For liars and cheaters and men who give you diseases!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The nonchalant attitude so many of you have towards a highly infectious permanent condition that requires some folks to take daily medication to manage is kind of insane.

I am truly confused how some of you seem to think this is just no big deal at all. If someone gave me genital herpes because they decided their previous (not 1 but 2) positive results were unimportant would be infuriating to me. There is no way I would stay with such a person. Like How frekan dare you.

The nonchalant attitude the rest of you have about encouraging OP to kick her baby daddy to the curb before her baby even enters the world is equally insane

Agree. They think somehow OP will be a winner in this zero sum game. But- these posters don't have to live her upcoming life.
Ha! What does she win? Let's see:
1. She leaves a guy who loves her. And it's clear he does. Mistakes were made, but he loves her and the baby.

2. She will have a baby that she will have only partial custody of.

3. Boyfriend will immediately move on and there will be step mom, there absolutely will, right in the inception of this baby's life, so, yes, she is Mom, too.

4. OP will have zero, and I mean ZERO control over what happens when she drops off this 3 month old, 3 years old, 10 year old, 16 year old kid to him. All medical decisions will have to go through him. School, church, even scouts.

5. OP will not necessarily move on. She's a single mom now of an infant, toddler, kid, teenager. And we all know how that plays out on Tinder. Plus, her backstory will be that she left him as he had herpes- she will likely test positive at some point, because that will always be a possibility- added bonus points on the dating scene there, right?

6. She will be in court for the next 22 years working out child support , custody, college, because raising a kid in her own will be more $$ than she ever thought it will be. And she will always have to deal with Mom # 2- you know, the one who didn't care about the herpes at all, and married the Dad because he wants to have a family. Millions of people have herpes. Millions.
Meanwhile, she will start off broke because getting a lawyer over this will be very expensive...and they aren't even married. She thinks she will have some legal upper hand with money or custody over this herpes disclosure, and I am here to say, no- she will have nothing. It's not a deal breaker in court at all.

7. Boyfriend will have more kids with new wife, and that will be baby's family. Those kids will be siblings.
8. She will never be able to move away from the area, and Daddy (and step mom) will have requests and opinions that she doesn't like ..everything from school to camp to sports to clothes, vacations, friends. All out of OP's control now. But most woman assume they are in control, and are shocked to find out how quickly they have no control over their kid really. It'a staggeringly depressing and really frightening, so let's add the declining mental state to her list of developments.

She will have not won anything. She's angry now, but let's assume after this revelation she will have counseling and make an appropriate decision.


Don't dive into the gene pool without a life guard, people.

How can you say he loves her when he lied to her, infected her with an incurable disease and only came clean 4 years later? You're actually so insane for suggesting this is NBD and OP should stick by her lying diseased untrustworthy baby daddy.

All the rest of your reasons are just crap. Don't leave the liar who infected you with an incurable disease because... he may have more children? Jesus Christ your bar is beyond hell. I seriously hope that women never take this kind of advice. There is zero, I repeat ZERO reason that OP is better off staying with a lying AH who sexually assaulted her. What a shit take.

Because you are the one jumping to conclusions here about lying. Even with OP's bias here, and she of course has one- it's plain as day that he did not realize he had herpes 4 years ago. He actually said that. He did not understand it at all, like a lot of people here...just read this whole thread- this isn't a clear cut issue. He did realize it 4 months ago when something happened to make him check, and that would be the baby coming. So many people think they have it only when it shows up. This guy went through a very tough time trying to figure out what to say or do. No, he's not getting a pat in the back, but because he had no symptoms he could have NEVER said anything, ever. He realized now this could possibly affect the baby. It was clear by OP's post that he was in deep turmoil. He put the baby first.

He really didn't get it, that was clear. He isn't a liar, he isn't an abuser, he isn't a narcissist. He's dumb about herpes, so is OP. You are the one filling in a context that isn't there.

Both here are really naive, actually, and OP doesn't get to hold a torch of responsibility up because she is also late to the party. She never tested and didn't ask him to. Don't bring your personal issues into something that doesn't fit.

This thread should end. OP and boyfriend need counseling, and a doctor. That's all.

They don’t routinely test you for herpes. He asked for that test because he must’ve had an outbreak.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine how pathetic of a human you’d have to be to tell a preggo woman that her fiancé lied and gave her herpes and she should be grateful 😂😂😂 like what universe are pps living in where this is some normal occurrence?! Like gurl, raise yo standards!!

Please, girls, women, female folk of any kind - you do not have to settle for this. Contrary to what these over two sock puppets want you to believe, there are so many (literally millions!) or men who won’t lie about having an std and infect you. Millions. Billions potentially.

+ 100000000000000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine how pathetic of a human you’d have to be to tell a preggo woman that her fiancé lied and gave her herpes and she should be grateful 😂😂😂 like what universe are pps living in where this is some normal occurrence?! Like gurl, raise yo standards!!

Please, girls, women, female folk of any kind - you do not have to settle for this. Contrary to what these over two sock puppets want you to believe, there are so many (literally millions!) or men who won’t lie about having an std and infect you. Millions. Billions potentially.

+1 everyone I asked about STDs came clean about the fact they had herpes if they had it. All decent guys. Only once did a guy I dated who claimed to be std free test positive for one. Always get people tested.

Men will actually do a lot when they know sex is on the table. Getting tested is non negotiable for me when it comes to a relationship. And maybe if they didn’t know they were positive for something, you will help the next girl too. And if a guy refuses to get tested-well that should tell you everything you need to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The nonchalant attitude so many of you have towards a highly infectious permanent condition that requires some folks to take daily medication to manage is kind of insane.

I am truly confused how some of you seem to think this is just no big deal at all. If someone gave me genital herpes because they decided their previous (not 1 but 2) positive results were unimportant would be infuriating to me. There is no way I would stay with such a person. Like How frekan dare you.

The nonchalant attitude the rest of you have about encouraging OP to kick her baby daddy to the curb before her baby even enters the world is equally insane

Agree. They think somehow OP will be a winner in this zero sum game. But- these posters don't have to live her upcoming life.
Ha! What does she win? Let's see:
1. She leaves a guy who loves her. And it's clear he does. Mistakes were made, but he loves her and the baby.

2. She will have a baby that she will have only partial custody of.

3. Boyfriend will immediately move on and there will be step mom, there absolutely will, right in the inception of this baby's life, so, yes, she is Mom, too.

4. OP will have zero, and I mean ZERO control over what happens when she drops off this 3 month old, 3 years old, 10 year old, 16 year old kid to him. All medical decisions will have to go through him. School, church, even scouts.

5. OP will not necessarily move on. She's a single mom now of an infant, toddler, kid, teenager. And we all know how that plays out on Tinder. Plus, her backstory will be that she left him as he had herpes- she will likely test positive at some point, because that will always be a possibility- added bonus points on the dating scene there, right?

6. She will be in court for the next 22 years working out child support , custody, college, because raising a kid in her own will be more $$ than she ever thought it will be. And she will always have to deal with Mom # 2- you know, the one who didn't care about the herpes at all, and married the Dad because he wants to have a family. Millions of people have herpes. Millions.
Meanwhile, she will start off broke because getting a lawyer over this will be very expensive...and they aren't even married. She thinks she will have some legal upper hand with money or custody over this herpes disclosure, and I am here to say, no- she will have nothing. It's not a deal breaker in court at all.

7. Boyfriend will have more kids with new wife, and that will be baby's family. Those kids will be siblings.
8. She will never be able to move away from the area, and Daddy (and step mom) will have requests and opinions that she doesn't like ..everything from school to camp to sports to clothes, vacations, friends. All out of OP's control now. But most woman assume they are in control, and are shocked to find out how quickly they have no control over their kid really. It'a staggeringly depressing and really frightening, so let's add the declining mental state to her list of developments.

She will have not won anything. She's angry now, but let's assume after this revelation she will have counseling and make an appropriate decision.


Don't dive into the gene pool without a life guard, people.

How can you say he loves her when he lied to her, infected her with an incurable disease and only came clean 4 years later? You're actually so insane for suggesting this is NBD and OP should stick by her lying diseased untrustworthy baby daddy.

All the rest of your reasons are just crap. Don't leave the liar who infected you with an incurable disease because... he may have more children? Jesus Christ your bar is beyond hell. I seriously hope that women never take this kind of advice. There is zero, I repeat ZERO reason that OP is better off staying with a lying AH who sexually assaulted her. What a shit take.

Because you are the one jumping to conclusions here about lying. Even with OP's bias here, and she of course has one- it's plain as day that he did not realize he had herpes 4 years ago. He actually said that. He did not understand it at all, like a lot of people here...just read this whole thread- this isn't a clear cut issue. He did realize it 4 months ago when something happened to make him check, and that would be the baby coming. So many people think they have it only when it shows up. This guy went through a very tough time trying to figure out what to say or do. No, he's not getting a pat in the back, but because he had no symptoms he could have NEVER said anything, ever. He realized now this could possibly affect the baby. It was clear by OP's post that he was in deep turmoil. He put the baby first.

He really didn't get it, that was clear. He isn't a liar, he isn't an abuser, he isn't a narcissist. He's dumb about herpes, so is OP. You are the one filling in a context that isn't there.

Both here are really naive, actually, and OP doesn't get to hold a torch of responsibility up because she is also late to the party. She never tested and didn't ask him to. Don't bring your personal issues into something that doesn't fit.

This thread should end. OP and boyfriend need counseling, and a doctor. That's all.

They don’t routinely test you for herpes. He asked for that test because he must’ve had an outbreak.

Not if he asked for it after his divorce, which makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm very sorry you are going thru this. Unfortunately, I have a family member who went through something similar (i.e. a partner who had herpes) and I myself ended up with someone who had undisclosed herpes.

My view of this through my family member's experience shaped my own decision years later. My family member was pregnant, her husband had herpes. I don't know what the discussion was about that - whether he disclosed - prior to pregnancy, but I do know that she discovered that her baby was anencephalic (meaning developed without a brain) in the 8th month, as a consequence of herpes infection during pregnancy. She went through the trauma of deciding whether to have an abortion or birth the baby, the latter of which also involved thinking about whether the baby would be provided life saving supports like intubation, resuscitation, etc. if necessary. She decided to have an abortion, and when she went to the hospital for the procedure, she was informed that the baby was already without a heartbeat, and she ended up having a stillbirth. Because I worked in reproductive health policy at the time, the couple turned to me to ask questions about abortion, where to get one, how to handle the stillbirth, whether they should see the baby after birth, etc. The whole situation was heartbreaking.

More than 2 decades later, I came to find out that my partner, father of my child, also had herpes and actively hid the infection from me. I won't get into how I found out. He tried to convince me of what many are saying on this thread -- "it's only oral herpes, everyone has that and it's not dangerous". Except his oral herpes can be transmitted to my genitals through oral sex, so IMO he should have disclosed to me and let me make my own decision about whether to continue to have sex with him. He also tried to say he had it before we met, and it wasn't through any cheating, but that, OFC, turned out to be false.

TBH, I was never able to get past the lies. Sex with him started to feel very rapey to me - he was not giving me full informed consent to our sex. He lied about the herpes deliberately because he was afraid I would make a choice he didn't like, so he chose to control the information I had so that I would continue to sleep with him. I had no idea what was going on and exposed myself and a child (because I was pregnant after he knew he had herpes but before I knew he had herpes). Having had my family experience with pregnancy and herpes, I just could not accept the level of risk he was willing to place on me without my knowledge.

I asked him to move out. I kept full custody of our 2 children, who were only toddlers at the time, and he had visitation. Was it hard? Frightfully, but staying and raising children with a partner who was fundamentally a danger to me and the kids would have been way worse. The kind of person who would be so reckless and manipulative, also presented similar character problems as our children grew into adults. I was never going to be able to change him into the kind of person who would care about others, protect them and do the thing that would be hard for him but better for others.

There is not a day I have looked back and wished I stayed with him. I only wish I had left immediately, instead of taking a year to try and hear his side of the story (a story that he gaslight and trickle-truther about), get couples therapy, etc.

OFC, YMMV. What you decide to do is your choice.

I just wanted to share that it is OK to take this situation seriously and to end a relationship over it. I chose safety for myself, and that is OK.

Omg you are insane. You divorced your husband and took the kids because he gets COLD SORES? Also I am sorry about your sister but I don’t think there is any way to prove herpes caused that birth defect. And not sure how you got full custody but that is not happening these days unless something else is going on.