Reply to He's cheating. Now what?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you don't want a divorce, don't get a divorce. I personally would not leave over cheating if I was happy (and I am divorced...I am happy divorced, but I don't think you would be.) I had a bad marriage. If I was happy, I would stay...even with cheating. Sex is not the most important thing in marriage.[/quote]

It's not about sex at all -- you think cheating is about sex???
Not even a little bit. 
Men cheat because of the way the other woman makes him feel about himself -- probably a LOT like the way that his wife made him feel when they first got together (you're so hot, you're so funny, you're so smart, etc).  The other woman makes him feel like the greatest guy ever, she dotes on him and makes everything All. About. Him.

And he thinks this other woman is just about perfect (even if she's uglier, older or fatter than his wife) because again, she's making HIM feel like a rock star, she doesn't nag him about plunging the toilet or tell him how to dress,  she loves him just the way he is because he's PERFECT... blah, blah, blah.

That's because the other woman doesn't live with him -- she doesn't know about all of his disgusting habits & irresponsible spending.

It's all about him and how she makes HIM feel -- it's not about sex.

But let's say it was... how can you possibly think you're happy with the knowledge that your husband is lying, cheating & most likely gaslighting you??

The disrespect & deception alone would never make me trust him again... so how could you ever be "happy" with someone you don't trust?  How can you ever be happy with someone with such a clear lack of morals & ethics?

Or are you saying you'd be happy if it was all out on the table... no more lying & he can cheat with whomever he wants??

[/quote]

I agree with your take, there was a study done on men who were on ashley Madison and they came to the same conclusion—men often cheat because their egos need boosting and they need validation.

Sometimes men affair down and sometimes they affair up but the dynamic is often the same. Though I think the man might be more likely to be tempted show off his AP (and take her out in public or tell other people , leading to him getting caught) if she’s prettier, younger, and talented. [/quote]

They are old hags on there.  Affair down is real.[/quote]

So is affair up. I know DCUM likes to pretend all APs are hideous and poorly educated and old, but sometimes men do affair up with prettier, younger, successful  women. Not that it makes it okay, but it happens and I know of several cases where it did especially if the man is successful. 
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