How to handle this with DD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I married when my son was 12. That didn’t change a thing wrt college. We paid for it together. Our combined income determined his FAFSA status.
You are asking a lot of your teenager daughter to understand this. Like many of the adults on this thread, I don’t understand it. How has this not even been a conversation between you and your current husband? You sound like a kept woman.

This.
Seriously, OP, you seem to not give a crap about your daughter. And that's not about 'the entitlement' to someone's money.
Shame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start by being more sympathetic with your daughter. Out of her half and step siblings, mom, dad, step non, and step dad looks like she is the only one who suffers financially.

This. She went 0 for 2.

Divorce for kids stinks. I would not have remarried, until she was in college, under these circumstances.

+1 I'm on the low end of HHI for DCUM and my kids will be doing community college for 2 years (oldest is already doing it) and then transferring to a university. We're pretty thrifty and our kids have been working since they were 15. So, I'm all about living within your means, avoiding unnecessary debt and making prudent choices. I get that's what OP wants for her DD but it's also quite clear her DD is the only one not benefitting from the remarriage of both her parents. I don't blame her DD for being bitter and angry.

+1.
OP, don't be suprised if your daughter refuses to have a relationship with you down the road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s another idea — are you sure you only have $30k? Maybe you could liquidate your retirement to help her, since your DH has you covered. Not sure if you have a prenup but even in case of divorce you should get something.

I think OP should be honest that she's a gold digger. The only reason she has savings is because she chose someone rich over someone who would treat her daughter like his own. No good parent would do that.

This or the other word a prior poster called her... My guess is that they lived a paycheck to paycheck life before new husband and op is proud of herself for giving her daughter a better standard of living. Op thinks her dd should be happy because they live in a much nicer house and have better clothes. Op loves living a better life at the cost of her dd. Dd gets treated like an outsider and a problem. I bet op is one of those parents who looks for any excuse to kick her kid out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, I’m surprised by all the responses against OP!

You all really think this man should fork over FOUR HUNDRED K just because he’s been banging her mother for the past few years?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she can get married and then her aid would be dependent on her and her 18-22yr old husband. Does FAFSA work that way?

If there's a prize for the most idiotic response on this thread, WE HAVE A WINNER.

Oooh, she could get pregnant, I'll bet that could work!

Parental information is not required on the FAFSA of an independent
student. An applicant who has one or more dependents other than a
spouse is considered to be an independent student. (The refusal of the
applicant's parent to complete the FAFSA is irrelevant to the
determination of the applicant's dependency status.)

[Anonymous]

OP: when you say finances are separate, does that also mean all the money will go to his kids when he dies? Did you have a prenup or postnup? Has any provision been made for you?

I've seen this happen twice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Look, the situation is what it is. She has 30k she can decide what to do with. The rest is up to her. That’s not going to change unless she gets a scholarship.

Mostly, I want to know what to say to her to get her to stop lashing out at her step siblings and my H. I’ve tried talking to her and get nowhere.

There is nothing you can say to her to repair the damage in their relationships. She is not part of their nuclear family.
You can tell her that she doesn’t have to like them but she does have to be cordial while living under the same roof. Once she’s out of the house she doesn’t have to have contact with them anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Look, the situation is what it is. She has 30k she can decide what to do with. The rest is up to her. That’s not going to change unless she gets a scholarship.

Mostly, I want to know what to say to her to get her to stop lashing out at her step siblings and my H. I’ve tried talking to her and get nowhere.

You’re a cold witch . Mommy got what she want. Now inconvenient DD needs to stop making mommy’s new life uncomfortable. The lack of empathy is stunning.

Perfect summary of what is going on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Look, the situation is what it is. She has 30k she can decide what to do with. The rest is up to her. That’s not going to change unless she gets a scholarship.

Mostly, I want to know what to say to her to get her to stop lashing out at her step siblings and my H. I’ve tried talking to her and get nowhere.

You’re a cold witch . Mommy got what she want. Now inconvenient DD needs to stop making mommy’s new life uncomfortable. The lack of empathy is stunning.

Perfect summary of what is going on here.

Exactly.
The OP cares more about her new family judging her and what they think of her & her daughter, than her daughters feelings.

Something tells me that appearances are very important to not only mom, but probably step dad too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Look, the situation is what it is. She has 30k she can decide what to do with. The rest is up to her. That’s not going to change unless she gets a scholarship.

Mostly, I want to know what to say to her to get her to stop lashing out at her step siblings and my H. I’ve tried talking to her and get nowhere.

There is nothing you can say to her to repair the damage in their relationships. She is not part of their nuclear family.
You can tell her that she doesn’t have to like them but she does have to be cordial while living under the same roof. Once she’s out of the house she doesn’t have to have contact with them anymore.

She probably won’t want to have any contact with her gold-digger mom either.

[Anonymous]

NP. Can someone answer definitively whether OP marrying this rich guy meant that DD is no longer entitled to financial aid that she definitely would have been entitled to before?

[Anonymous]

You have to report stepparent income and assets when applying for financial aid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. Can someone answer definitively whether OP marrying this rich guy meant that DD is no longer entitled to financial aid that she definitely would have been entitled to before?

yes, this is absolutely the case assuming that OP and her daughter are correctly assessing colleges involved. however, these are highly competitive schools and this cannot be taken for granted. if DD is rejected at top lsacs and instead goes to lower ranked skills she might not have been eligible for the same amount of need based aid. but for as along as a daughter is contender for top schools, she has lost financial aid in the range of hundreds of thousands of dollars by the virtue of her mother's' marriage.

[Anonymous]

no less important is the fact that the daughter can't take enough loans to cover attending UMD much an expensive private. so this a completely false dilemma that OP set up here, further setting up her daughter to look like a spoiled brat while in fact the daughter basically can't go to college (thanks to mom's marriage).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. Can someone answer definitively whether OP marrying this rich guy meant that DD is no longer entitled to financial aid that she definitely would have been entitled to before?

Only the more competitive schools offer guaranteed need based aid. So, it's possible that if her mother wasn't married, she wouldn't have gotten in some place she couldn't afford. However, it appears that she's done the work she needs to do to get into a school where she would get need based aid.

It's also possible that mom has enough resources that she's not mentioning, that even if mom wasn't married the amount that the DD would be asked to pay is more than the amount that she could afford.