is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They get no attention or interest from guys at their respective schools and there are dozens of friends like them at each of their colleges. It's weird out there.

Since roughly Middle School and continuing all the way through HS, the boys at DS's school have been cautioned against any appearance of sexual harassment towards girls.

This even has included explicit caution even about just asking a girl out (unless she wanted to be asked out and how does one know without asking?).

DS and his male friends find it all very confusing and have trouble discerning if there is any "safe harbor" where asking a girl out will not result in a harassment complaint.

Parents of boys at other schools tell us their sons are being given roughly the same messaging. So our case is no special or uncommon today. Of course, as with anything, there will be both variation from school to school and some exceptions.

By contrast, the same school only warns girls to be scared of guys. There apparently is no such thing as "sexual harassment" from a gal toward a guy.

In times gone by, there was much less of this guidance to boys (in my day, the rule was "no touching" but approaching a girl verbally was fine).

Bottom line today is that girls/women ought not wait to be asked out. Smart ones will seize the initiative and initiate with boys/men they are interested in. (Also, best to not be too subtle; many boys/men do not detect subtle.)

Is this really YOUR SONS' perspective and not yours?

I ask because I also have a sophomore son who attended a private school and he and his friends all dated in high school. They had no deep-seated fears of being seen as sexually harassing girls. They all dated very attractive girls from across the DMV.
My daughter (freshman) and her friends did not date because frankly they somewhat overlooked for not being hot enough. The boys looked elsewhere and they could because they were in such demand. This whole dynamic has continued in college. The hottest girls have no issue dating.The boys (both attractive and not attractive) have their pick. The girls who are a step below the upper crust are left out.There are just way too many attractive girls and girls period.

I find this rather startling. I’m used to the idea that there are “too many” girls at co-ed schools that are 55% female. But now you’re saying that there are “too many” high-school aged girls in the DMV? How? What happened to their brothers?

I think it's because girls mature at a much faster rate and are also more likely to be socially engaged in high school on. There are a decent number of boys at every step of the game that spend a lot of time in their rooms playing video games, are socially withdrawn, etc so it makes for an imbalance in the dating pool even in high school. Many of these boys will mature with time but some will not.

I am saying this as a mom of both boys and girls so this is not an anti-boy post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried if my kid were attending a school in a red state. Don't want to end up with MAGA in-laws.

I hope my kids find great life-long friends in college. If one becomes a spouse, then great, but no pressure at all to find someone when they're so young.

This is why ivy/t15 private is so important! Quality friends with the right intelligence level and great spouse potential

Ivies these days are 50% kids on full aid and 50% Asian (with some overlap between the two). Frankly, that dating pool isn't highly desirable at all for those looking to "marry well."

Endogamy will ensure your white daughter is in little danger of finding a mate at an Ivy school from now on.

The landscape is shifting. Yes, asian females that are starting to find asian males more desirable than they used to, so we soo more asian endogamy. But all females are finding asian males more desirable than they used to, including white females. And while most males have a preference for asian females, asian males seem to have a preference for latinas who seem to be largely immune to the charms of the asian male.

White males still have a dating advantage in america and white females are more open to non-white partners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They get no attention or interest from guys at their respective schools and there are dozens of friends like them at each of their colleges. It's weird out there.

Since roughly Middle School and continuing all the way through HS, the boys at DS's school have been cautioned against any appearance of sexual harassment towards girls.

This even has included explicit caution even about just asking a girl out (unless she wanted to be asked out and how does one know without asking?).

DS and his male friends find it all very confusing and have trouble discerning if there is any "safe harbor" where asking a girl out will not result in a harassment complaint.

Parents of boys at other schools tell us their sons are being given roughly the same messaging. So our case is no special or uncommon today. Of course, as with anything, there will be both variation from school to school and some exceptions.

By contrast, the same school only warns girls to be scared of guys. There apparently is no such thing as "sexual harassment" from a gal toward a guy.

In times gone by, there was much less of this guidance to boys (in my day, the rule was "no touching" but approaching a girl verbally was fine).

Bottom line today is that girls/women ought not wait to be asked out. Smart ones will seize the initiative and initiate with boys/men they are interested in. (Also, best to not be too subtle; many boys/men do not detect subtle.)

Is this really YOUR SONS' perspective and not yours?

I ask because I also have a sophomore son who attended a private school and he and his friends all dated in high school. They had no deep-seated fears of being seen as sexually harassing girls. They all dated very attractive girls from across the DMV.
My daughter (freshman) and her friends did not date because frankly they somewhat overlooked for not being hot enough. The boys looked elsewhere and they could because they were in such demand. This whole dynamic has continued in college. The hottest girls have no issue dating.The boys (both attractive and not attractive) have their pick. The girls who are a step below the upper crust are left out.There are just way too many attractive girls and girls period.

I find this rather startling. I’m used to the idea that there are “too many” girls at co-ed schools that are 55% female. But now you’re saying that there are “too many” high-school aged girls in the DMV? How? What happened to their brothers?

I think they are talking about private school.

Families with girls are more likely to send their kids to private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of dcums are going to have to accept one of these things for their umc white kids…

…they either bring someone home of similar or higher ses, but is a diffent race

…or they bring someone home of a similar race but lower ses

…or they are going to stay single and not have grandkids for you

The # of high ses white kids that will stay high ses in the north east or west coast is not high enough in numbers for everyone to pair off.

Asian families have had to deal with this for a generation or so and it is mostly white male and asian daughter. Not everybody is happy about this but 2 things happened.

1) Our sons started seeing more dating success.
2) The mixed raced grandkids were objectively gorgeous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had not thought about this issue earlier but my DS freshman got a GF very quickly and even brought her here for a weekend. Sweet and kind girl.

Fast forward to this week, when I learned that DS’s roommate had withdrawn from college two weeks ago. The GF (who already had her own small single) has basically moved in with my DS.

There is nothing I can do, as he is an adult. And I know from my own experience that an RA wouldn’t intervene. But isn’t there some adult on campus who could stop them from playing house?

I am praying.

Praying might help. Praying and condoms would probably help more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the Ivies+ will be plurality-Asian within the next 5 years.

This is quite literally Trump’s fault.

I don't understand why. Did Trump pass the 14th amendment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried if my kid were attending a school in a red state. Don't want to end up with MAGA in-laws.

I hope my kids find great life-long friends in college. If one becomes a spouse, then great, but no pressure at all to find someone when they're so young.

So are Asian students dating and finding potential mates


This is why ivy/t15 private is so important! Quality friends with the right intelligence level and great spouse potential

Ivies these days are 50% kids on full aid and 50% Asian (with some overlap between the two). Frankly, that dating pool isn't highly desirable at all for those looking to "marry well."

Asians have had to deal with their daughters bringing home white guys for a while now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried if my kid were attending a school in a red state. Don't want to end up with MAGA in-laws.

I hope my kids find great life-long friends in college. If one becomes a spouse, then great, but no pressure at all to find someone when they're so young.

This is why ivy/t15 private is so important! Quality friends with the right intelligence level and great spouse potential

“Great spouse potential”


Sure - if you don’t mind a robotic, emotionless son-in-law who’s intelligence is limited to book-smarts only, and does not have a creative thought in his head.

You think that is who is getting into T-15?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried if my kid were attending a school in a red state. Don't want to end up with MAGA in-laws.

I hope my kids find great life-long friends in college. If one becomes a spouse, then great, but no pressure at all to find someone when they're so young.

This is why ivy/t15 private is so important! Quality friends with the right intelligence level and great spouse potential

Ivies these days are 50% kids on full aid and 50% Asian (with some overlap between the two). Frankly, that dating pool isn't highly desirable at all for those looking to "marry well."

Unfortunately, this is the situation in which our daughters find themselves presently.

We lived through a generation of our daughters bringing home white guys. It's not going to kill you if your daughter brings home an asian guy.

As a consolation, the grandkids are adorable as babies and gorgeous as adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They get no attention or interest from guys at their respective schools and there are dozens of friends like them at each of their colleges. It's weird out there.

Since roughly Middle School and continuing all the way through HS, the boys at DS's school have been cautioned against any appearance of sexual harassment towards girls.

This even has included explicit caution even about just asking a girl out (unless she wanted to be asked out and how does one know without asking?).

DS and his male friends find it all very confusing and have trouble discerning if there is any "safe harbor" where asking a girl out will not result in a harassment complaint.

Parents of boys at other schools tell us their sons are being given roughly the same messaging. So our case is no special or uncommon today. Of course, as with anything, there will be both variation from school to school and some exceptions.

By contrast, the same school only warns girls to be scared of guys. There apparently is no such thing as "sexual harassment" from a gal toward a guy.

In times gone by, there was much less of this guidance to boys (in my day, the rule was "no touching" but approaching a girl verbally was fine).

Bottom line today is that girls/women ought not wait to be asked out. Smart ones will seize the initiative and initiate with boys/men they are interested in. (Also, best to not be too subtle; many boys/men do not detect subtle.)

Is this really YOUR SONS' perspective and not yours?

I ask because I also have a sophomore son who attended a private school and he and his friends all dated in high school. They had no deep-seated fears of being seen as sexually harassing girls. They all dated very attractive girls from across the DMV.
My daughter (freshman) and her friends did not date because frankly they somewhat overlooked for not being hot enough. The boys looked elsewhere and they could because they were in such demand. This whole dynamic has continued in college. The hottest girls have no issue dating.The boys (both attractive and not attractive) have their pick. The girls who are a step below the upper crust are left out.There are just way too many attractive girls and girls period.

I find this rather startling. I’m used to the idea that there are “too many” girls at co-ed schools that are 55% female. But now you’re saying that there are “too many” high-school aged girls in the DMV? How? What happened to their brothers?

I think they are talking about private school.

Families with girls are more likely to send their kids to private school.

What? This post and your other post at 15:04 are just chock full of claims you have totally made up. Stop spewing nonsense unless you have citations to back it up.
DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the Ivies+ will be plurality-Asian within the next 5 years.

This is quite literally Trump’s fault.

I don't understand why. Did Trump pass the 14th amendment?

Trump stacked the Supreme Court with republicans, who in turn effectively stopped universities from considering a student’s skin color in making admissions decisions.

Now, we are stuck with a system where universities have to treat everyone the same. Trump is horrible!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the Ivies+ will be plurality-Asian within the next 5 years.

This is quite literally Trump’s fault.

I don't understand why. Did Trump pass the 14th amendment?

Trump stacked the Supreme Court with republicans, who in turn effectively stopped universities from considering a student’s skin color in making admissions decisions.

Now, we are stuck with a system where universities have to treat everyone the same. Trump is horrible!

You can thank the selfishness of Ruth Bader Ginsburg for this. Just sayin’…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried if my kid were attending a school in a red state. Don't want to end up with MAGA in-laws.

I hope my kids find great life-long friends in college. If one becomes a spouse, then great, but no pressure at all to find someone when they're so young.

So are Asian students dating and finding potential mates


This is why ivy/t15 private is so important! Quality friends with the right intelligence level and great spouse potential

Ivies these days are 50% kids on full aid and 50% Asian (with some overlap between the two). Frankly, that dating pool isn't highly desirable at all for those looking to "marry well."

Asians have had to deal with their daughters bringing home white guys for a while now.

So who are the white girls dating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the Ivies+ will be plurality-Asian within the next 5 years.

This is quite literally Trump’s fault.

I don't understand why. Did Trump pass the 14th amendment?

Trump stacked the Supreme Court with republicans, who in turn effectively stopped universities from considering a student’s skin color in making admissions decisions.

Now, we are stuck with a system where universities have to treat everyone the same. Trump is horrible!

I hope this is satire. You think it's somehow bad that we have to treat all people the same, regardless of race?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Outdated in elite schools. Every one, male or female, is so career oriented. No one is investing in "finding spouse" seriously. Most break up at graduation due to jobs in different locations anyway.

BS. Two ivy kids. Both married their significant other from college. This is the highest probability of finding a match that is similar to your kid’s IQ , earning potential and socio-economic environment. They will never again be around that many eligible singles in their lives…..