is anyone worried about their kid finding their spouse in college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried if my kid were attending a school in a red state. Don't want to end up with MAGA in-laws.

I hope my kids find great life-long friends in college. If one becomes a spouse, then great, but no pressure at all to find someone when they're so young.

So are Asian students dating and finding potential mates


This is why ivy/t15 private is so important! Quality friends with the right intelligence level and great spouse potential

Ivies these days are 50% kids on full aid and 50% Asian (with some overlap between the two). Frankly, that dating pool isn't highly desirable at all for those looking to "marry well."

Asians have had to deal with their daughters bringing home white guys for a while now.

So who are the white girls dating?

At UCs, guys from all racial and interracial backgrounds.

[Anonymous]

My kid is at an Ivy and has dated, and is in a serious relationship now. I was initially not super on board worrying about distraction, but now i think a lot of benefit to being around other highly motivated peers with similar life goals. One is aspiring med, one is law, so will not have a lot of control over future locations so we shall see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read twenty pages of this thread but I really hope that my kids don’t get married until they are in their 30s. Every single wedding
I went to for people who met in college and got married afterwards has ended in divorce. None of the couples who married in their 30s or later have gotten divorced.

You simply change so much over the course of 18-28/30. It’s also the time to find out who YOU are without constraints of being defined by another person or your family. Divorce is really hard and traumatic to people. It permanently scars kids. Blended families never work. I just wouldn’t want my kids to put themselves at such a high risk for a bad outcome.

As for where they live, I want them to go where they are happy. If that’s very far away, it’s OK. I view my job as a parent as giving them life not stealing theirs to extend mine.

Better have kids and divorce than marry in 30s, have kids close to their 40s and either fertility struggle or you’ll be a very old grandma

Very fertile, but I’ll happily be an old grandma if I get to do it with DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:or is that outdated now? it seems much less common than it was, say 30 years ago.
If you are, is it worth making sure their school is the right fit for it and if not, transfer?

Currently have a HS senior interested in big rah rah and greek life...

I wasn't "worried" about it, but it happened for one of my kids. She did not expect this and wasn't looking for it, but she and her boyfriend met as teenagers in college, fell madly in love, and they're still together almost ten years later. As young adults with ambitions, high-stress jobs, grad school, etc., they've had to make some compromises, but they've been lucky and things worked out for them. They are now married and very, very happy. I would say both benefitted greatly from their relationship, and the advantages to them far outweighed the disadvantages. My niece also met her husband in college when both were teenagers. It worked out beautifully for them, too. This is fairly rare, from what I've seen with my kids and their friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried if my kid were attending a school in a red state. Don't want to end up with MAGA in-laws.

I hope my kids find great life-long friends in college. If one becomes a spouse, then great, but no pressure at all to find someone when they're so young.

Well, my kid is at school in a super red state and found a very lovely partner from that very red state who is just as smart, kind, and liberal as they are.

Do you people lack the self awareness to realize your ridiculous bias…and dare I say, ignorance?

My niece married a young man from a MAGA family. They were 18 when they met, and they grew into liberalism together. Now they're married with a kid. The MAGA family is still conservative, but my niece and her husband are making inroads, and the in-laws are much more open than they used to be. It hasn't been a massive problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They get no attention or interest from guys at their respective schools and there are dozens of friends like them at each of their colleges. It's weird out there.

Since roughly Middle School and continuing all the way through HS, the boys at DS's school have been cautioned against any appearance of sexual harassment towards girls.

This even has included explicit caution even about just asking a girl out (unless she wanted to be asked out and how does one know without asking?).

DS and his male friends find it all very confusing and have trouble discerning if there is any "safe harbor" where asking a girl out will not result in a harassment complaint.

Parents of boys at other schools tell us their sons are being given roughly the same messaging. So our case is no special or uncommon today. Of course, as with anything, there will be both variation from school to school and some exceptions.

By contrast, the same school only warns girls to be scared of guys. There apparently is no such thing as "sexual harassment" from a gal toward a guy.

In times gone by, there was much less of this guidance to boys (in my day, the rule was "no touching" but approaching a girl verbally was fine).

Bottom line today is that girls/women ought not wait to be asked out. Smart ones will seize the initiative and initiate with boys/men they are interested in. (Also, best to not be too subtle; many boys/men do not detect subtle.)

Well done. Love the satire of the stereotypical conservative “Boy Dad”. 😂

[Anonymous]

What I hope is that they find a great group of lifelong friends in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I hope is that they find a great group of lifelong friends in college.

+ 1. Me too. My son has an amazing group of friends from elementary and HS who are still very tight, but I hope he gets a few of these friendships in college also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at an Ivy and has dated, and is in a serious relationship now. I was initially not super on board worrying about distraction, but now i think a lot of benefit to being around other highly motivated peers with similar life goals. One is aspiring med, one is law, so will not have a lot of control over future locations so we shall see.

Excuse me while I vomit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be worried if my kid were attending a school in a red state. Don't want to end up with MAGA in-laws.

I hope my kids find great life-long friends in college. If one becomes a spouse, then great, but no pressure at all to find someone when they're so young.

Well, my kid is at school in a super red state and found a very lovely partner from that very red state who is just as smart, kind, and liberal as they are.

Do you people lack the self awareness to realize your ridiculous bias…and dare I say, ignorance?

My niece married a young man from a MAGA family. They were 18 when they met, and they grew into liberalism together. Now they're married with a kid. The MAGA family is still conservative, but my niece and her husband are making inroads, and the in-laws are much more open than they used to be. It hasn't been a massive problem.

This was not without pain, count on it

But do keep on talking about how "it hasn't been a massive problem."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at an Ivy and has dated, and is in a serious relationship now. I was initially not super on board worrying about distraction, but now i think a lot of benefit to being around other highly motivated peers with similar life goals. One is aspiring med, one is law, so will not have a lot of control over future locations so we shall see.

Excuse me while I vomit.

DP, it’s only okay to talk about landing a hot trophy wife or future hotshot regional executive at an SEC school? Loads of people applaud and support that on here. They found their peer match, why is the reverse wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at an Ivy and has dated, and is in a serious relationship now. I was initially not super on board worrying about distraction, but now i think a lot of benefit to being around other highly motivated peers with similar life goals. One is aspiring med, one is law, so will not have a lot of control over future locations so we shall see.

Excuse me while I vomit.

DP, it’s only okay to talk about landing a hot trophy wife or future hotshot regional executive at an SEC school? Loads of people applaud and support that on here. They found their peer match, why is the reverse wrong?

One comes naturally the other is living your parents dream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outdated in elite schools. Every one, male or female, is so career oriented. No one is investing in "finding spouse" seriously. Most break up at graduation due to jobs in different locations anyway.

BS. Two ivy kids. Both married their significant other from college. This is the highest probability of finding a match that is similar to your kid’s IQ , earning potential and socio-economic environment. They will never again be around that many eligible singles in their lives…..

This. One caveat, though: girls will have to initiate with many of the clueless boys. Those that refuse because they want more confident men are the ones who end up single in their mid-30s, watching their now-confident male former peers date whoever they want. Then they will have to “settle” or not have kids, or both, given their age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outdated in elite schools. Every one, male or female, is so career oriented. No one is investing in "finding spouse" seriously. Most break up at graduation due to jobs in different locations anyway.

BS. Two ivy kids. Both married their significant other from college. This is the highest probability of finding a match that is similar to your kid’s IQ , earning potential and socio-economic environment. They will never again be around that many eligible singles in their lives…..

This. One caveat, though: girls will have to initiate with many of the clueless boys. Those that refuse because they want more confident men are the ones who end up single in their mid-30s, watching their now-confident male former peers date whoever they want. Then they will have to “settle” or not have kids, or both, given their age.

Eh..

They can pursue, get the man, have the kids, only to be dumped by man when he's older because a younger woman who is in awe of him makes him feel "confident."

But true, they will have the kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outdated in elite schools. Every one, male or female, is so career oriented. No one is investing in "finding spouse" seriously. Most break up at graduation due to jobs in different locations anyway.

BS. Two ivy kids. Both married their significant other from college. This is the highest probability of finding a match that is similar to your kid’s IQ , earning potential and socio-economic environment. They will never again be around that many eligible singles in their lives…..

This. One caveat, though: girls will have to initiate with many of the clueless boys. Those that refuse because they want more confident men are the ones who end up single in their mid-30s, watching their now-confident male former peers date whoever they want. Then they will have to “settle” or not have kids, or both, given their age.

Antiquated