I am heartbroken

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many people insisting on abortion or it ruining everyone’s life are children of teen mothers? I bet a bunch.

Nope!

This isn't complicated. Stop trying to insist OP should insist on helping her DD who is an adult. Who, OP says basically did this on purpose, with zero thought on how she will take care of a child. She has no job, no education and has made immature poor choices prior to this.

I volunteer with women and children of domestic violence. I have worked in Foster care. This will not end well for anyone. Statistics are clear on this.

She won’t end up like that with family support.

OPis just being emotional when she said she did it on purpose. Her D did not say that and she was on the pill.

OP here - yes, I am being emotional and no she was not on the pill. even though I got the pill for her, she did not take it and yes, this was on purpose.

Why do you think this is, OP? Is there any background on why you might think this would be an appealing option to her? No college plans? Wants to keep the bf? Why do you think she would intentionally think this was a good future plan?

[Anonymous]

OP...you or your daughter are not going to get the advice you need on this internet forum. There's too much snark and judging. Suggest you cast a wider net for advice with real people in organizations that can provide it.

Blessings to you and your daughter and her pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP...you or your daughter are not going to get the advice you need on this internet forum. There's too much snark and judging. Suggest you cast a wider net for advice with real people in organizations that can provide it.

Blessings to you and your daughter and her pregnancy.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hope you weren't planning on settling into retirement OP. Make sure she gets child support, even if she doesn't need the money, set it aside for the child to have.

As a mom of a boy, I feel so bad for the father in this situation

Why, did she dupe him into having unprotected sex with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hope you weren't planning on settling into retirement OP. Make sure she gets child support, even if she doesn't need the money, set it aside for the child to have.

As a mom of a boy, I feel so bad for the father in this situation

Why, did she dupe him into having unprotected sex with her?

NP here and it's kinda like they both were stupid and decided to drive on the wrong side of the road. Now, they see a car coming and OP's DD is pressing down on the gas.

He made a stupid youthful mistake that he's going to have to deal with for the rest of his life. The DD does too, but at least she still has an eject button.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many people insisting on abortion or it ruining everyone’s life are children of teen mothers? I bet a bunch.

Nope!

This isn't complicated. Stop trying to insist OP should insist on helping her DD who is an adult. Who, OP says basically did this on purpose, with zero thought on how she will take care of a child. She has no job, no education and has made immature poor choices prior to this.

I volunteer with women and children of domestic violence. I have worked in Foster care. This will not end well for anyone. Statistics are clear on this.

She won’t end up like that with family support.

OPis just being emotional when she said she did it on purpose. Her D did not say that and she was on the pill.

Of course all the statistics on this are wrong? OP's daughter has made poor choices before according to OP. She does not have a job, education etc.. OP wants to now spend the rest of her life raising her daughter still and another one, that's up to her. This kid will not have an easy life. They will have a complete screw up for a mother and the father who knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a mom at 19 although married so a little different, as I have detailed in a previous comment.

Here is my advice to you OP, based on my experience with my own mother:

Do not push your daughter away, offer her your love and moral support in a non-judgmental way. Let her know that your love for her is bigger than any expectations you had for her education, her career, and her future that may not actually happen now.

However, this does not mean that you offer financial support or a place to live to raise the baby or babysitting services if you do not want to. Those are separate issues that you must decide if you can offer or not.

I would suggest that your daughter needs your love and moral support as she navigates her way through this situation of her own making, hopefully with the help of the baby's father. I can't see where rejection, or banishing her from your home, will go well at all or help her or even help you.

+1
Grace is everything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many people insisting on abortion or it ruining everyone’s life are children of teen mothers? I bet a bunch.

Nope!

This isn't complicated. Stop trying to insist OP should insist on helping her DD who is an adult. Who, OP says basically did this on purpose, with zero thought on how she will take care of a child. She has no job, no education and has made immature poor choices prior to this.

I volunteer with women and children of domestic violence. I have worked in Foster care. This will not end well for anyone. Statistics are clear on this.

She won’t end up like that with family support.

OPis just being emotional when she said she did it on purpose. Her D did not say that and she was on the pill.

OP here - yes, I am being emotional and no she was not on the pill. even though I got the pill for her, she did not take it and yes, this was on purpose.

It is very interesting that as hard as you're pushing her away, she was trying to get away … Think about that for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe not - but it doesn't sound like you do, either.

https://www.cnbc.com/2019/11/26/when-your-insurer-does-not-cover-your-maternity-costs.html

OP - this may be important information for you.

OP here - Thank you - I will check with my insurance. I never thought they wouldn't cover it - so thanks!

If your daughter has difficulty covering the cost of pregnancy and childbirth, have her contact some prolife organizations. They will help her raise the funds.

[Anonymous]

My granddaughter had a baby at 22 out of wedlock, she was on my son's insurance at the time (being under 26) and her pregnancy and delivery were covered.

The baby was not covered once it was born. The baby's father was an auto mechanic in a job with benefits so his health insurance covered the baby.

Medicaid is another option for the baby.

[Anonymous]

Op- my mom’s birth mom was 16 when my mom was born- then given up for adoption. My mom is truly awesome. And without her I wouldn’t be here.
It’s difficult for you to see now but that baby is beautiful. Please stretch your heart and be loving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many people insisting on abortion or it ruining everyone’s life are children of teen mothers? I bet a bunch.

Nope!

This isn't complicated. Stop trying to insist OP should insist on helping her DD who is an adult. Who, OP says basically did this on purpose, with zero thought on how she will take care of a child. She has no job, no education and has made immature poor choices prior to this.

I volunteer with women and children of domestic violence. I have worked in Foster care. This will not end well for anyone. Statistics are clear on this.

She won’t end up like that with family support.

OPis just being emotional when she said she did it on purpose. Her D did not say that and she was on the pill.

OP here - yes, I am being emotional and no she was not on the pill. even though I got the pill for her, she did not take it and yes, this was on purpose.

I get why you are frustrated and mad. We try to teach our children good choices and when they mess up their lives it feels so awful.

That said, she is no longer your little baby to protect, she is a woman now. She came to you because she needs a woman’s wisdom to navigate this situation. Go back to her, apologize. Tell her you are calm and listen to her. This is an opportunity for you to affirm her strength and her own inner wisdom about what is best to do. By helping her compassionately you can make this a healing moment in your relationship and one that makes her stronger in the long run. This is a moment of crisis and she either walks away stronger or traumatized for many years to cone. Your choice. What is done is done. Now you still have choices about how to carry this.

Personally, I believe a woman knows whether it is time or not to have a baby. There can be wisdom in both choices. Help her understand that and be strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why all the abortion suggestions? Adoption is harder, but so many people would love a baby. OP I feel for you, and hope for the best. Hugs.

This is why. Adoption is torturously painful for most relinquishing mothers. It is a pain that never, ever goes away. I would never ever ever ever counsel my daughter to go the adoption route, ever. Raising a child alone would be much better for her emotionally. If she doesn’t want to parent, terminating the pregnancy is the best choice.

As a parent, the fact that other people would like my child to give both so that they can have the baby is irrelevant to me. I’m not going to encourage a child to consign herself go a lifetime of pain to make other people happy. I’m going to support what is best for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why all the abortion suggestions? Adoption is harder, but so many people would love a baby. OP I feel for you, and hope for the best. Hugs.

This is why. Adoption is torturously painful for most relinquishing mothers. It is a pain that never, ever goes away. I would never ever ever ever counsel my daughter to go the adoption route, ever. Raising a child alone would be much better for her emotionally. If she doesn’t want to parent, terminating the pregnancy is the best choice.

As a parent, the fact that other people would like my child to give both so that they can have the baby is irrelevant to me. I’m not going to encourage a child to consign herself go a lifetime of pain to make other people happy. I’m going to support what is best for her.

I kind of agree, I have read that the number of people who regret abortion is minuscule and the number of people who regret adoptions is almost 100% at some point in their lives, but my mom was always vehemently anti-abortion and put her money where her mouth was when she placed a child for adoption at age 19. Sometimes she is so sad about it (and she’s 68) but for her abortion would have been way worse. She truly thinks abortion is murder. That’s a view I don’t understand in the least (I had an abortion and I’m not ashamed in the least and I don’t think I’ll ever in my life regret it) but seriously every woman is different.

But you are so correct about having a child because so many people want the baby. Truly that is dystopian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hope you weren't planning on settling into retirement OP. Make sure she gets child support, even if she doesn't need the money, set it aside for the child to have.

As a mom of a boy, I feel so bad for the father in this situation

Why, did she dupe him into having unprotected sex with her?

NP here and it's kinda like they both were stupid and decided to drive on the wrong side of the road. Now, they see a car coming and OP's DD is pressing down on the gas.

He made a stupid youthful mistake that he's going to have to deal with for the rest of his life. The DD does too, but at least she still has an eject button.

She can decide to keep the baby, he’s responsible for support, and has zero say in that decision. What if he wanted to keep it, but she didn’t? He can’t force her to and force her to pay child support, is that fair?