I am heartbroken

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

You know, I work with a lot of adoptees. I have never ever heard a single one of them express your sentiments. I'm not calling you a liar but I am...surprised...by your opinion. I'm sorry for you. I hope your life gets better and you learn how to be happier.

You have reading problems. And I damn sure am an adoptee. Just found my birth mother's family last year through ancestry.com. And the whole sordid story behind it. I waited 60 years to be able to find out what happened. It certainly brought me a sense of closure, but being forced to have a child she didn't want was devastating to my birth mother.

Because you "waited 60 years" you must be in your 60s or 70s. You have a lot of anger. I hope that you are seeing a therapist to help you with it. I'm sorry that you feel more strongly about your birth mother than you do about yourself.

NP here -- you got all that from that comment? I saw compassion, not anger.

That is not compassion, unfortunately. Of course, I am speculating that the respondent is a troll, look at the inconsistencies of her posts, but I do hope she gets help. I am especially concerned about "sacrificed myself for my mother's future." In my work the only time I hear statements like that is when someone is suicidal. Again, the poster probably is only a troll trying to provoke a response but on the off chance it isn't then I am writing to encourage her to reach out to her support team or therapist today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why all the abortion suggestions? Adoption is harder, but so many people would love a baby. OP I feel for you, and hope for the best. Hugs.

This is why. Adoption is torturously painful for most relinquishing mothers. It is a pain that never, ever goes away. I would never ever ever ever counsel my daughter to go the adoption route, ever. Raising a child alone would be much better for her emotionally. If she doesn’t want to parent, terminating the pregnancy is the best choice.

As a parent, the fact that other people would like my child to give both so that they can have the baby is irrelevant to me. I’m not going to encourage a child to consign herself go a lifetime of pain to make other people happy. I’m going to support what is best for her.

+1,000,000.

As an adoptive parent, I agree x1,000

I would never suggest this option if my child became pregnant as a teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

You know, I work with a lot of adoptees. I have never ever heard a single one of them express your sentiments. I'm not calling you a liar but I am...surprised...by your opinion. I'm sorry for you. I hope your life gets better and you learn how to be happier.

You have reading problems. And I damn sure am an adoptee. Just found my birth mother's family last year through ancestry.com. And the whole sordid story behind it. I waited 60 years to be able to find out what happened. It certainly brought me a sense of closure, but being forced to have a child she didn't want was devastating to my birth mother.

Because you "waited 60 years" you must be in your 60s or 70s. You have a lot of anger. I hope that you are seeing a therapist to help you with it. I'm sorry that you feel more strongly about your birth mother than you do about yourself.

NP here -- you got all that from that comment? I saw compassion, not anger.

I hear a lot of anger and self loathing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

You know, I work with a lot of adoptees. I have never ever heard a single one of them express your sentiments. I'm not calling you a liar but I am...surprised...by your opinion. I'm sorry for you. I hope your life gets better and you learn how to be happier.

You have reading problems. And I damn sure am an adoptee. Just found my birth mother's family last year through ancestry.com. And the whole sordid story behind it. I waited 60 years to be able to find out what happened. It certainly brought me a sense of closure, but being forced to have a child she didn't want was devastating to my birth mother.

Because you "waited 60 years" you must be in your 60s or 70s. You have a lot of anger. I hope that you are seeing a therapist to help you with it. I'm sorry that you feel more strongly about your birth mother than you do about yourself.

NP here -- you got all that from that comment? I saw compassion, not anger.

I hear a lot of anger and self loathing.

She said it was amlaxy argument and she isn't wrong. All of your faux concern about her is transparent.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I made contact yesterday with my DD and we are meeting up to talk things over. If you cant beat them, join them. I don't agree with her decision and I am super heartbroken for her lost childhood, but if this is what she is choosing, I better get on the train and support her. Thanks for all you inputs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I made contact yesterday with my DD and we are meeting up to talk things over. If you cant beat them, join them. I don't agree with her decision and I am super heartbroken for her lost childhood, but if this is what she is choosing, I better get on the train and support her. Thanks for all you inputs.

Excellent. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I made contact yesterday with my DD and we are meeting up to talk things over. If you cant beat them, join them. I don't agree with her decision and I am super heartbroken for her lost childhood, but if this is what she is choosing, I better get on the train and support her. Thanks for all you inputs.

Good luck. I don't think you will regret supporting her. Hopefully she keeps herself on track to a successful adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I made contact yesterday with my DD and we are meeting up to talk things over. If you cant beat them, join them. I don't agree with her decision and I am super heartbroken for her lost childhood, but if this is what she is choosing, I better get on the train and support her. Thanks for all you inputs.

Good luck. I don't think you will regret supporting her. Hopefully she keeps herself on track to a successful adulthood.

Of course she will.

Now she will be a parent for another 20 years. She already created one mess, an irresponsible person who will not change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I made contact yesterday with my DD and we are meeting up to talk things over. If you cant beat them, join them. I don't agree with her decision and I am super heartbroken for her lost childhood, but if this is what she is choosing, I better get on the train and support her. Thanks for all you inputs.

Good luck. I don't think you will regret supporting her. Hopefully she keeps herself on track to a successful adulthood.

Of course she will.

Now she will be a parent for another 20 years. She already created one mess, an irresponsible person who will not change.

If you were correct, then that would mean that all accidental teen mothers end up being irresponsible people their whole lives. The data do not bear that out. Certainly, some are, but certainly not all.
Good luck OP. You are doing the right thing. It's the hardest thing to parent the children we have, and not the ones we expected. (Of course, you would be doing the right thing supporting her if she decided on abortion, too.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

You know, I work with a lot of adoptees. I have never ever heard a single one of them express your sentiments. I'm not calling you a liar but I am...surprised...by your opinion. I'm sorry for you. I hope your life gets better and you learn how to be happier.

You have reading problems. And I damn sure am an adoptee. Just found my birth mother's family last year through ancestry.com. And the whole sordid story behind it. I waited 60 years to be able to find out what happened. It certainly brought me a sense of closure, but being forced to have a child she didn't want was devastating to my birth mother.

Because you "waited 60 years" you must be in your 60s or 70s. You have a lot of anger. I hope that you are seeing a therapist to help you with it. I'm sorry that you feel more strongly about your birth mother than you do about yourself.

NP here -- you got all that from that comment? I saw compassion, not anger.

That is not compassion, unfortunately. Of course, I am speculating that the respondent is a troll, look at the inconsistencies of her posts, but I do hope she gets help. I am especially concerned about "sacrificed myself for my mother's future." In my work the only time I hear statements like that is when someone is suicidal. Again, the poster probably is only a troll trying to provoke a response but on the off chance it isn't then I am writing to encourage her to reach out to her support team or therapist today.

There is nothing inconsistent about my posts. I am not a troll, even though you'd like to think so. What "work" do you do with adoptees that you are so arrogant you think we know how we all feel?

I am not "suicidal." What a nutty thing to say. I am angry, though. Getting pregnant young and dumb sucks for everyone, including the child. THere's kind of no winning. Either you grow up in a home where you don't look like everyone, or you grow up with someone too young and broke to really take care of you, and you often don't know your father. It's all broken.

I made the best of it all growing up, but now I know exactly what happened after meeting my siblings on my one side and aunts and cousins on the other, I see what I missed.

It's lose-lose all around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I made contact yesterday with my DD and we are meeting up to talk things over. If you cant beat them, join them. I don't agree with her decision and I am super heartbroken for her lost childhood, but if this is what she is choosing, I better get on the train and support her. Thanks for all you inputs.

Good luck. I don't think you will regret supporting her. Hopefully she keeps herself on track to a successful adulthood.

Of course she will.

Now she will be a parent for another 20 years. She already created one mess, an irresponsible person who will not change.

If you were correct, then that would mean that all accidental teen mothers end up being irresponsible people their whole lives. The data do not bear that out. Certainly, some are, but certainly not all.
Good luck OP. You are doing the right thing. It's the hardest thing to parent the children we have, and not the ones we expected. (Of course, you would be doing the right thing supporting her if she decided on abortion, too.)

The data certainly bear that out. Having a child in your teens is disastrous for your lifetime income, and the child’s outcome is also very likely to be difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

You know, I work with a lot of adoptees. I have never ever heard a single one of them express your sentiments. I'm not calling you a liar but I am...surprised...by your opinion. I'm sorry for you. I hope your life gets better and you learn how to be happier.

You have reading problems. And I damn sure am an adoptee. Just found my birth mother's family last year through ancestry.com. And the whole sordid story behind it. I waited 60 years to be able to find out what happened. It certainly brought me a sense of closure, but being forced to have a child she didn't want was devastating to my birth mother.

Because you "waited 60 years" you must be in your 60s or 70s. You have a lot of anger. I hope that you are seeing a therapist to help you with it. I'm sorry that you feel more strongly about your birth mother than you do about yourself.

NP here -- you got all that from that comment? I saw compassion, not anger.

That is not compassion, unfortunately. Of course, I am speculating that the respondent is a troll, look at the inconsistencies of her posts, but I do hope she gets help. I am especially concerned about "sacrificed myself for my mother's future." In my work the only time I hear statements like that is when someone is suicidal. Again, the poster probably is only a troll trying to provoke a response but on the off chance it isn't then I am writing to encourage her to reach out to her support team or therapist today.

There is nothing inconsistent about my posts. I am not a troll, even though you'd like to think so. What "work" do you do with adoptees that you are so arrogant you think we know how we all feel?

I am not "suicidal." What a nutty thing to say. I am angry, though. Getting pregnant young and dumb sucks for everyone, including the child. THere's kind of no winning. Either you grow up in a home where you don't look like everyone, or you grow up with someone too young and broke to really take care of you, and you often don't know your father. It's all broken.

I made the best of it all growing up, but now I know exactly what happened after meeting my siblings on my one side and aunts and cousins on the other, I see what I missed.

It's lose-lose all around.

DP. PP is not the only one with these sentiments. Many adoptees struggle. A lot. Google it.

My dad was adopted and he was completely happy with the arrangement but it’s really unsurprising that people would have different experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

You know, I work with a lot of adoptees. I have never ever heard a single one of them express your sentiments. I'm not calling you a liar but I am...surprised...by your opinion. I'm sorry for you. I hope your life gets better and you learn how to be happier.

You have reading problems. And I damn sure am an adoptee. Just found my birth mother's family last year through ancestry.com. And the whole sordid story behind it. I waited 60 years to be able to find out what happened. It certainly brought me a sense of closure, but being forced to have a child she didn't want was devastating to my birth mother.

Because you "waited 60 years" you must be in your 60s or 70s. You have a lot of anger. I hope that you are seeing a therapist to help you with it. I'm sorry that you feel more strongly about your birth mother than you do about yourself.

NP here -- you got all that from that comment? I saw compassion, not anger.

That is not compassion, unfortunately. Of course, I am speculating that the respondent is a troll, look at the inconsistencies of her posts, but I do hope she gets help. I am especially concerned about "sacrificed myself for my mother's future." In my work the only time I hear statements like that is when someone is suicidal. Again, the poster probably is only a troll trying to provoke a response but on the off chance it isn't then I am writing to encourage her to reach out to her support team or therapist today.

There is nothing inconsistent about my posts. I am not a troll, even though you'd like to think so. What "work" do you do with adoptees that you are so arrogant you think we know how we all feel?

I am not "suicidal." What a nutty thing to say. I am angry, though. Getting pregnant young and dumb sucks for everyone, including the child. THere's kind of no winning. Either you grow up in a home where you don't look like everyone, or you grow up with someone too young and broke to really take care of you, and you often don't know your father. It's all broken.

I made the best of it all growing up, but now I know exactly what happened after meeting my siblings on my one side and aunts and cousins on the other, I see what I missed.

It's lose-lose all around.

So basically you are completely ungrateful that your birth mother chose to give you life and place you for adoption with adoptive parents who wanted you, loved you with all their hearts and could provide you with a stable home.

That is a shame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

You know, I work with a lot of adoptees. I have never ever heard a single one of them express your sentiments. I'm not calling you a liar but I am...surprised...by your opinion. I'm sorry for you. I hope your life gets better and you learn how to be happier.

You have reading problems. And I damn sure am an adoptee. Just found my birth mother's family last year through ancestry.com. And the whole sordid story behind it. I waited 60 years to be able to find out what happened. It certainly brought me a sense of closure, but being forced to have a child she didn't want was devastating to my birth mother.

Because you "waited 60 years" you must be in your 60s or 70s. You have a lot of anger. I hope that you are seeing a therapist to help you with it. I'm sorry that you feel more strongly about your birth mother than you do about yourself.

NP here -- you got all that from that comment? I saw compassion, not anger.

That is not compassion, unfortunately. Of course, I am speculating that the respondent is a troll, look at the inconsistencies of her posts, but I do hope she gets help. I am especially concerned about "sacrificed myself for my mother's future." In my work the only time I hear statements like that is when someone is suicidal. Again, the poster probably is only a troll trying to provoke a response but on the off chance it isn't then I am writing to encourage her to reach out to her support team or therapist today.

There is nothing inconsistent about my posts. I am not a troll, even though you'd like to think so. What "work" do you do with adoptees that you are so arrogant you think we know how we all feel?

I am not "suicidal." What a nutty thing to say. I am angry, though. Getting pregnant young and dumb sucks for everyone, including the child. THere's kind of no winning. Either you grow up in a home where you don't look like everyone, or you grow up with someone too young and broke to really take care of you, and you often don't know your father. It's all broken.

I made the best of it all growing up, but now I know exactly what happened after meeting my siblings on my one side and aunts and cousins on the other, I see what I missed.

It's lose-lose all around.

DP. PP is not the only one with these sentiments. Many adoptees struggle. A lot. Google it.

My dad was adopted and he was completely happy with the arrangement but it’s really unsurprising that people would have different experiences.

Usually with maturity comes a certain amount of empathy and understanding as to why a birth mother would feel it was in the best interests of her baby and herself to place the child up for adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You handle it by taking her to an abortion clinic.

. I thought it was her body her choice or is that just meaningless rhetoric.