I am heartbroken

[Anonymous]

And for those of you chiding the adoptee, one reason my dh and I decided not to adopt is that I grew up with too many unhappy adoptees who in later life we thrilled to find their "real" families.

Hopefully OP, her ex dh and the child's dad and his parents can all work something out. It's too bad the daughter intentionally became pregnant, but good to help her succeed at this point. Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
And for those of you chiding the adoptee, one reason my dh and I decided not to adopt is that I grew up with too many unhappy adoptees who in later life we thrilled to find their "real" families.

Hopefully OP, her ex dh and the child's dad and his parents can all work something out. It's too bad the daughter intentionally became pregnant, but good to help her succeed at this point. Good luck OP.

A 60 year old adoptee who is wishing their mother had never given birth is not a happy person. I don't know what their issues are but they go way beyond the fact that they were raised by adoptive parents.

Having questions about your birth mom/dad/family = completely normal. Wishing that your life had never happened = some serious life regrets of your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
And for those of you chiding the adoptee, one reason my dh and I decided not to adopt is that I grew up with too many unhappy adoptees who in later life we thrilled to find their "real" families.

Hopefully OP, her ex dh and the child's dad and his parents can all work something out. It's too bad the daughter intentionally became pregnant, but good to help her succeed at this point. Good luck OP.

A 60 year old adoptee who is wishing their mother had never given birth is not a happy person. I don't know what their issues are but they go way beyond the fact that they were raised by adoptive parents.

Having questions about your birth mom/dad/family = completely normal. Wishing that your life had never happened = some serious life regrets of your own.

That's not what I said, is it? What I said is I would have sacrificed being born in order for her not to have experienced what she did -- I have the adoption counseling notes from my birth mom. She was trapped. Ostracized by her family and friends, ditched by my birth father, no money to raise me by herself. She went into hiding into one of those unwed mother's homes and was basically coerced into the decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - I made contact yesterday with my DD and we are meeting up to talk things over. If you cant beat them, join them. I don't agree with her decision and I am super heartbroken for her lost childhood, but if this is what she is choosing, I better get on the train and support her. Thanks for all you inputs.

Wishing you and your daughter all the best, Op. It's good that you are choosing to support your daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

You know, I work with a lot of adoptees. I have never ever heard a single one of them express your sentiments. I'm not calling you a liar but I am...surprised...by your opinion. I'm sorry for you. I hope your life gets better and you learn how to be happier.

You have reading problems. And I damn sure am an adoptee. Just found my birth mother's family last year through ancestry.com. And the whole sordid story behind it. I waited 60 years to be able to find out what happened. It certainly brought me a sense of closure, but being forced to have a child she didn't want was devastating to my birth mother.

Because you "waited 60 years" you must be in your 60s or 70s. You have a lot of anger. I hope that you are seeing a therapist to help you with it. I'm sorry that you feel more strongly about your birth mother than you do about yourself.

NP here -- you got all that from that comment? I saw compassion, not anger.

That is not compassion, unfortunately. Of course, I am speculating that the respondent is a troll, look at the inconsistencies of her posts, but I do hope she gets help. I am especially concerned about "sacrificed myself for my mother's future." In my work the only time I hear statements like that is when someone is suicidal. Again, the poster probably is only a troll trying to provoke a response but on the off chance it isn't then I am writing to encourage her to reach out to her support team or therapist today.

There is nothing inconsistent about my posts. I am not a troll, even though you'd like to think so. What "work" do you do with adoptees that you are so arrogant you think we know how we all feel?

I am not "suicidal." What a nutty thing to say. I am angry, though. Getting pregnant young and dumb sucks for everyone, including the child. THere's kind of no winning. Either you grow up in a home where you don't look like everyone, or you grow up with someone too young and broke to really take care of you, and you often don't know your father. It's all broken.

I made the best of it all growing up, but now I know exactly what happened after meeting my siblings on my one side and aunts and cousins on the other, I see what I missed.

It's lose-lose all around.

So basically you are completely ungrateful that your birth mother chose to give you life and place you for adoption with adoptive parents who wanted you, loved you with all their hearts and could provide you with a stable home.

That is a shame.

What's a shame is your naivete. You have a hallmark version of adoption in your head. What really happened is much uglier. My mother had me because she felt duped and abandoned, then trapped with an unwanted pregnancy that would have resulted in her being disowned if it had ever been found out. Women like this were terribly conflicted. Didn't want to be pregnant, but didn't want -- or couldn't -- keep the baby.

As to the adopted parents, they did love me. But one was a raging alcoholic and the other manic depressive. It's not the Hallmark movie you're selling.

I also missed out on my birthright. Growing up with siblings and cousins and aunts, uncles, etc. They were stunned and happy to meet me, and have thrown open the doors, so that has been nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
And for those of you chiding the adoptee, one reason my dh and I decided not to adopt is that I grew up with too many unhappy adoptees who in later life we thrilled to find their "real" families.

Hopefully OP, her ex dh and the child's dad and his parents can all work something out. It's too bad the daughter intentionally became pregnant, but good to help her succeed at this point. Good luck OP.

A 60 year old adoptee who is wishing their mother had never given birth is not a happy person. I don't know what their issues are but they go way beyond the fact that they were raised by adoptive parents.

Having questions about your birth mom/dad/family = completely normal. Wishing that your life had never happened = some serious life regrets of your own.

That's not what I said, is it? What I said is I would have sacrificed being born in order for her not to have experienced what she did -- I have the adoption counseling notes from my birth mom. She was trapped. Ostracized by her family and friends, ditched by my birth father, no money to raise me by herself. She went into hiding into one of those unwed mother's homes and was basically coerced into the decision.

These days, young women have much better options. There are both open and closed adoptions. There are nonprofit organizations that run group homes for young moms and their babies.

What happened to your mom was terrible but if it happened today she would have much more support and guidance than she had back then.

Regardless of what your mom went through, I'm sure that she thought of you often and prayed that you were doing well. That's what moms do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

You know, I work with a lot of adoptees. I have never ever heard a single one of them express your sentiments. I'm not calling you a liar but I am...surprised...by your opinion. I'm sorry for you. I hope your life gets better and you learn how to be happier.

You have reading problems. And I damn sure am an adoptee. Just found my birth mother's family last year through ancestry.com. And the whole sordid story behind it. I waited 60 years to be able to find out what happened. It certainly brought me a sense of closure, but being forced to have a child she didn't want was devastating to my birth mother.

Because you "waited 60 years" you must be in your 60s or 70s. You have a lot of anger. I hope that you are seeing a therapist to help you with it. I'm sorry that you feel more strongly about your birth mother than you do about yourself.

NP here -- you got all that from that comment? I saw compassion, not anger.

That is not compassion, unfortunately. Of course, I am speculating that the respondent is a troll, look at the inconsistencies of her posts, but I do hope she gets help. I am especially concerned about "sacrificed myself for my mother's future." In my work the only time I hear statements like that is when someone is suicidal. Again, the poster probably is only a troll trying to provoke a response but on the off chance it isn't then I am writing to encourage her to reach out to her support team or therapist today.

There is nothing inconsistent about my posts. I am not a troll, even though you'd like to think so. What "work" do you do with adoptees that you are so arrogant you think we know how we all feel?

I am not "suicidal." What a nutty thing to say. I am angry, though. Getting pregnant young and dumb sucks for everyone, including the child. THere's kind of no winning. Either you grow up in a home where you don't look like everyone, or you grow up with someone too young and broke to really take care of you, and you often don't know your father. It's all broken.

I made the best of it all growing up, but now I know exactly what happened after meeting my siblings on my one side and aunts and cousins on the other, I see what I missed.

It's lose-lose all around.

So basically you are completely ungrateful that your birth mother chose to give you life and place you for adoption with adoptive parents who wanted you, loved you with all their hearts and could provide you with a stable home.

That is a shame.

What's a shame is your naivete. You have a hallmark version of adoption in your head. What really happened is much uglier. My mother had me because she felt duped and abandoned, then trapped with an unwanted pregnancy that would have resulted in her being disowned if it had ever been found out. Women like this were terribly conflicted. Didn't want to be pregnant, but didn't want -- or couldn't -- keep the baby.

As to the adopted parents, they did love me. But one was a raging alcoholic and the other manic depressive. It's not the Hallmark movie you're selling.

I also missed out on my birthright. Growing up with siblings and cousins and aunts, uncles, etc. They were stunned and happy to meet me, and have thrown open the doors, so that has been nice.

I'm sorry that your adoptive parents had some major issues but I can assure you that is not the norm, at least from what I've seen. Many families, including birth families, are not exactly the Hallmark channel. People are imperfect and do the best that they can at the time. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

My daughter took the approach that adoption was one chapter in her life story. She didn’t make it the entire book. She happy, well-adjusted and thankful her birth mom chose life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

You know, I work with a lot of adoptees. I have never ever heard a single one of them express your sentiments. I'm not calling you a liar but I am...surprised...by your opinion. I'm sorry for you. I hope your life gets better and you learn how to be happier.

You have reading problems. And I damn sure am an adoptee. Just found my birth mother's family last year through ancestry.com. And the whole sordid story behind it. I waited 60 years to be able to find out what happened. It certainly brought me a sense of closure, but being forced to have a child she didn't want was devastating to my birth mother.

Because you "waited 60 years" you must be in your 60s or 70s. You have a lot of anger. I hope that you are seeing a therapist to help you with it. I'm sorry that you feel more strongly about your birth mother than you do about yourself.

NP here -- you got all that from that comment? I saw compassion, not anger.

That is not compassion, unfortunately. Of course, I am speculating that the respondent is a troll, look at the inconsistencies of her posts, but I do hope she gets help. I am especially concerned about "sacrificed myself for my mother's future." In my work the only time I hear statements like that is when someone is suicidal. Again, the poster probably is only a troll trying to provoke a response but on the off chance it isn't then I am writing to encourage her to reach out to her support team or therapist today.

There is nothing inconsistent about my posts. I am not a troll, even though you'd like to think so. What "work" do you do with adoptees that you are so arrogant you think we know how we all feel?

I am not "suicidal." What a nutty thing to say. I am angry, though. Getting pregnant young and dumb sucks for everyone, including the child. THere's kind of no winning. Either you grow up in a home where you don't look like everyone, or you grow up with someone too young and broke to really take care of you, and you often don't know your father. It's all broken.

I made the best of it all growing up, but now I know exactly what happened after meeting my siblings on my one side and aunts and cousins on the other, I see what I missed.

It's lose-lose all around.

So basically you are completely ungrateful that your birth mother chose to give you life and place you for adoption with adoptive parents who wanted you, loved you with all their hearts and could provide you with a stable home.

That is a shame.

What's a shame is your naivete. You have a hallmark version of adoption in your head. What really happened is much uglier. My mother had me because she felt duped and abandoned, then trapped with an unwanted pregnancy that would have resulted in her being disowned if it had ever been found out. Women like this were terribly conflicted. Didn't want to be pregnant, but didn't want -- or couldn't -- keep the baby.

As to the adopted parents, they did love me. But one was a raging alcoholic and the other manic depressive. It's not the Hallmark movie you're selling.

I also missed out on my birthright. Growing up with siblings and cousins and aunts, uncles, etc. They were stunned and happy to meet me, and have thrown open the doors, so that has been nice.

I'm sorry that your adoptive parents had some major issues but I can assure you that is not the norm, at least from what I've seen. Many families, including birth families, are not exactly the Hallmark channel. People are imperfect and do the best that they can at the time. It is what it is.

How wonderful you know SO MANY adoptive family situations that you can say what the "norm" is!!! My father is adopted and I also know other adopted people, and their experience is more in line with the the PPs experience . . . So much for your "norm."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

You know, I work with a lot of adoptees. I have never ever heard a single one of them express your sentiments. I'm not calling you a liar but I am...surprised...by your opinion. I'm sorry for you. I hope your life gets better and you learn how to be happier.

You have reading problems. And I damn sure am an adoptee. Just found my birth mother's family last year through ancestry.com. And the whole sordid story behind it. I waited 60 years to be able to find out what happened. It certainly brought me a sense of closure, but being forced to have a child she didn't want was devastating to my birth mother.

Because you "waited 60 years" you must be in your 60s or 70s. You have a lot of anger. I hope that you are seeing a therapist to help you with it. I'm sorry that you feel more strongly about your birth mother than you do about yourself.

NP here -- you got all that from that comment? I saw compassion, not anger.

That is not compassion, unfortunately. Of course, I am speculating that the respondent is a troll, look at the inconsistencies of her posts, but I do hope she gets help. I am especially concerned about "sacrificed myself for my mother's future." In my work the only time I hear statements like that is when someone is suicidal. Again, the poster probably is only a troll trying to provoke a response but on the off chance it isn't then I am writing to encourage her to reach out to her support team or therapist today.

There is nothing inconsistent about my posts. I am not a troll, even though you'd like to think so. What "work" do you do with adoptees that you are so arrogant you think we know how we all feel?

I am not "suicidal." What a nutty thing to say. I am angry, though. Getting pregnant young and dumb sucks for everyone, including the child. THere's kind of no winning. Either you grow up in a home where you don't look like everyone, or you grow up with someone too young and broke to really take care of you, and you often don't know your father. It's all broken.

I made the best of it all growing up, but now I know exactly what happened after meeting my siblings on my one side and aunts and cousins on the other, I see what I missed.

It's lose-lose all around.

So basically you are completely ungrateful that your birth mother chose to give you life and place you for adoption with adoptive parents who wanted you, loved you with all their hearts and could provide you with a stable home.

That is a shame.

You have absolutely NO right to shame this person about their feelings, asshole. None.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

You know, I work with a lot of adoptees. I have never ever heard a single one of them express your sentiments. I'm not calling you a liar but I am...surprised...by your opinion. I'm sorry for you. I hope your life gets better and you learn how to be happier.

You have reading problems. And I damn sure am an adoptee. Just found my birth mother's family last year through ancestry.com. And the whole sordid story behind it. I waited 60 years to be able to find out what happened. It certainly brought me a sense of closure, but being forced to have a child she didn't want was devastating to my birth mother.

Because you "waited 60 years" you must be in your 60s or 70s. You have a lot of anger. I hope that you are seeing a therapist to help you with it. I'm sorry that you feel more strongly about your birth mother than you do about yourself.

NP here -- you got all that from that comment? I saw compassion, not anger.

That is not compassion, unfortunately. Of course, I am speculating that the respondent is a troll, look at the inconsistencies of her posts, but I do hope she gets help. I am especially concerned about "sacrificed myself for my mother's future." In my work the only time I hear statements like that is when someone is suicidal. Again, the poster probably is only a troll trying to provoke a response but on the off chance it isn't then I am writing to encourage her to reach out to her support team or therapist today.

There is nothing inconsistent about my posts. I am not a troll, even though you'd like to think so. What "work" do you do with adoptees that you are so arrogant you think we know how we all feel?

I am not "suicidal." What a nutty thing to say. I am angry, though. Getting pregnant young and dumb sucks for everyone, including the child. THere's kind of no winning. Either you grow up in a home where you don't look like everyone, or you grow up with someone too young and broke to really take care of you, and you often don't know your father. It's all broken.

I made the best of it all growing up, but now I know exactly what happened after meeting my siblings on my one side and aunts and cousins on the other, I see what I missed.

It's lose-lose all around.

So basically you are completely ungrateful that your birth mother chose to give you life and place you for adoption with adoptive parents who wanted you, loved you with all their hearts and could provide you with a stable home.

That is a shame.

You have absolutely NO right to shame this person about their feelings, asshole. None.

I agree. It is PP who should be ashamed of attacking someone for telling their own very difficult truth.

Let’s stop encouraging young people to produce babies with rose-tinted spectacles that it will all turn out for the best. It very often doesn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

You know, I work with a lot of adoptees. I have never ever heard a single one of them express your sentiments. I'm not calling you a liar but I am...surprised...by your opinion. I'm sorry for you. I hope your life gets better and you learn how to be happier.

You have reading problems. And I damn sure am an adoptee. Just found my birth mother's family last year through ancestry.com. And the whole sordid story behind it. I waited 60 years to be able to find out what happened. It certainly brought me a sense of closure, but being forced to have a child she didn't want was devastating to my birth mother.

Because you "waited 60 years" you must be in your 60s or 70s. You have a lot of anger. I hope that you are seeing a therapist to help you with it. I'm sorry that you feel more strongly about your birth mother than you do about yourself.

NP here -- you got all that from that comment? I saw compassion, not anger.

That is not compassion, unfortunately. Of course, I am speculating that the respondent is a troll, look at the inconsistencies of her posts, but I do hope she gets help. I am especially concerned about "sacrificed myself for my mother's future." In my work the only time I hear statements like that is when someone is suicidal. Again, the poster probably is only a troll trying to provoke a response but on the off chance it isn't then I am writing to encourage her to reach out to her support team or therapist today.

There is nothing inconsistent about my posts. I am not a troll, even though you'd like to think so. What "work" do you do with adoptees that you are so arrogant you think we know how we all feel?

I am not "suicidal." What a nutty thing to say. I am angry, though. Getting pregnant young and dumb sucks for everyone, including the child. THere's kind of no winning. Either you grow up in a home where you don't look like everyone, or you grow up with someone too young and broke to really take care of you, and you often don't know your father. It's all broken.

I made the best of it all growing up, but now I know exactly what happened after meeting my siblings on my one side and aunts and cousins on the other, I see what I missed.

It's lose-lose all around.

So basically you are completely ungrateful that your birth mother chose to give you life and place you for adoption with adoptive parents who wanted you, loved you with all their hearts and could provide you with a stable home.

That is a shame.

You have absolutely NO right to shame this person about their feelings, asshole. None.

I agree. It is PP who should be ashamed of attacking someone for telling their own very difficult truth.

Let’s stop encouraging young people to produce babies with rose-tinted spectacles that it will all turn out for the best. It very often doesn’t.

I feel better seeing at least some sensible comments here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

You know, I work with a lot of adoptees. I have never ever heard a single one of them express your sentiments. I'm not calling you a liar but I am...surprised...by your opinion. I'm sorry for you. I hope your life gets better and you learn how to be happier.

You have reading problems. And I damn sure am an adoptee. Just found my birth mother's family last year through ancestry.com. And the whole sordid story behind it. I waited 60 years to be able to find out what happened. It certainly brought me a sense of closure, but being forced to have a child she didn't want was devastating to my birth mother.

Because you "waited 60 years" you must be in your 60s or 70s. You have a lot of anger. I hope that you are seeing a therapist to help you with it. I'm sorry that you feel more strongly about your birth mother than you do about yourself.

NP here -- you got all that from that comment? I saw compassion, not anger.

That is not compassion, unfortunately. Of course, I am speculating that the respondent is a troll, look at the inconsistencies of her posts, but I do hope she gets help. I am especially concerned about "sacrificed myself for my mother's future." In my work the only time I hear statements like that is when someone is suicidal. Again, the poster probably is only a troll trying to provoke a response but on the off chance it isn't then I am writing to encourage her to reach out to her support team or therapist today.

There is nothing inconsistent about my posts. I am not a troll, even though you'd like to think so. What "work" do you do with adoptees that you are so arrogant you think we know how we all feel?

I am not "suicidal." What a nutty thing to say. I am angry, though. Getting pregnant young and dumb sucks for everyone, including the child. THere's kind of no winning. Either you grow up in a home where you don't look like everyone, or you grow up with someone too young and broke to really take care of you, and you often don't know your father. It's all broken.

I made the best of it all growing up, but now I know exactly what happened after meeting my siblings on my one side and aunts and cousins on the other, I see what I missed.

It's lose-lose all around.

So basically you are completely ungrateful that your birth mother chose to give you life and place you for adoption with adoptive parents who wanted you, loved you with all their hearts and could provide you with a stable home.

That is a shame.

What's a shame is your naivete. You have a hallmark version of adoption in your head. What really happened is much uglier. My mother had me because she felt duped and abandoned, then trapped with an unwanted pregnancy that would have resulted in her being disowned if it had ever been found out. Women like this were terribly conflicted. Didn't want to be pregnant, but didn't want -- or couldn't -- keep the baby.

As to the adopted parents, they did love me. But one was a raging alcoholic and the other manic depressive. It's not the Hallmark movie you're selling.

I also missed out on my birthright. Growing up with siblings and cousins and aunts, uncles, etc. They were stunned and happy to meet me, and have thrown open the doors, so that has been nice.

I'm sorry that your adoptive parents had some major issues but I can assure you that is not the norm, at least from what I've seen. Many families, including birth families, are not exactly the Hallmark channel. People are imperfect and do the best that they can at the time. It is what it is.

How wonderful you know SO MANY adoptive family situations that you can say what the "norm" is!!! My father is adopted and I also know other adopted people, and their experience is more in line with the the PPs experience . . . So much for your "norm."

I actually do know a fair amount of adoptees. None of them talk negatively about their adoptive parents because they have had pretty darned good lives. I know some who really aren't even that interested about finding out about their biological parents/families.

People who want children badly enough to jump through all of the hurdles of the adoption process REALLY want children. They tend to adore their kids beyond measure.

This is not to say that young mothers should be pressured into placing their babies up for adoption but this fearmongering regarding adoption is just really unnecessary. If you know that many unhappy adoptees it's probably because you run with a rather dysfunctional crowd to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

You know, I work with a lot of adoptees. I have never ever heard a single one of them express your sentiments. I'm not calling you a liar but I am...surprised...by your opinion. I'm sorry for you. I hope your life gets better and you learn how to be happier.

You have reading problems. And I damn sure am an adoptee. Just found my birth mother's family last year through ancestry.com. And the whole sordid story behind it. I waited 60 years to be able to find out what happened. It certainly brought me a sense of closure, but being forced to have a child she didn't want was devastating to my birth mother.

Because you "waited 60 years" you must be in your 60s or 70s. You have a lot of anger. I hope that you are seeing a therapist to help you with it. I'm sorry that you feel more strongly about your birth mother than you do about yourself.

NP here -- you got all that from that comment? I saw compassion, not anger.

That is not compassion, unfortunately. Of course, I am speculating that the respondent is a troll, look at the inconsistencies of her posts, but I do hope she gets help. I am especially concerned about "sacrificed myself for my mother's future." In my work the only time I hear statements like that is when someone is suicidal. Again, the poster probably is only a troll trying to provoke a response but on the off chance it isn't then I am writing to encourage her to reach out to her support team or therapist today.

There is nothing inconsistent about my posts. I am not a troll, even though you'd like to think so. What "work" do you do with adoptees that you are so arrogant you think we know how we all feel?

I am not "suicidal." What a nutty thing to say. I am angry, though. Getting pregnant young and dumb sucks for everyone, including the child. THere's kind of no winning. Either you grow up in a home where you don't look like everyone, or you grow up with someone too young and broke to really take care of you, and you often don't know your father. It's all broken.

I made the best of it all growing up, but now I know exactly what happened after meeting my siblings on my one side and aunts and cousins on the other, I see what I missed.

It's lose-lose all around.

So basically you are completely ungrateful that your birth mother chose to give you life and place you for adoption with adoptive parents who wanted you, loved you with all their hearts and could provide you with a stable home.

That is a shame.

What's a shame is your naivete. You have a hallmark version of adoption in your head. What really happened is much uglier. My mother had me because she felt duped and abandoned, then trapped with an unwanted pregnancy that would have resulted in her being disowned if it had ever been found out. Women like this were terribly conflicted. Didn't want to be pregnant, but didn't want -- or couldn't -- keep the baby.

As to the adopted parents, they did love me. But one was a raging alcoholic and the other manic depressive. It's not the Hallmark movie you're selling.

I also missed out on my birthright. Growing up with siblings and cousins and aunts, uncles, etc. They were stunned and happy to meet me, and have thrown open the doors, so that has been nice.

I'm sorry that your adoptive parents had some major issues but I can assure you that is not the norm, at least from what I've seen. Many families, including birth families, are not exactly the Hallmark channel. People are imperfect and do the best that they can at the time. It is what it is.

How wonderful you know SO MANY adoptive family situations that you can say what the "norm" is!!! My father is adopted and I also know other adopted people, and their experience is more in line with the the PPs experience . . . So much for your "norm."

I actually do know a fair amount of adoptees. None of them talk negatively about their adoptive parents because they have had pretty darned good lives. I know some who really aren't even that interested about finding out about their biological parents/families.

People who want children badly enough to jump through all of the hurdles of the adoption process REALLY want children. They tend to adore their kids beyond measure.

This is not to say that young mothers should be pressured into placing their babies up for adoption but this fearmongering regarding adoption is just really unnecessary. If you know that many unhappy adoptees it's probably because you run with a rather dysfunctional crowd to begin with.

i

Wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

You know, I work with a lot of adoptees. I have never ever heard a single one of them express your sentiments. I'm not calling you a liar but I am...surprised...by your opinion. I'm sorry for you. I hope your life gets better and you learn how to be happier.

You have reading problems. And I damn sure am an adoptee. Just found my birth mother's family last year through ancestry.com. And the whole sordid story behind it. I waited 60 years to be able to find out what happened. It certainly brought me a sense of closure, but being forced to have a child she didn't want was devastating to my birth mother.

Because you "waited 60 years" you must be in your 60s or 70s. You have a lot of anger. I hope that you are seeing a therapist to help you with it. I'm sorry that you feel more strongly about your birth mother than you do about yourself.

NP here -- you got all that from that comment? I saw compassion, not anger.

That is not compassion, unfortunately. Of course, I am speculating that the respondent is a troll, look at the inconsistencies of her posts, but I do hope she gets help. I am especially concerned about "sacrificed myself for my mother's future." In my work the only time I hear statements like that is when someone is suicidal. Again, the poster probably is only a troll trying to provoke a response but on the off chance it isn't then I am writing to encourage her to reach out to her support team or therapist today.

There is nothing inconsistent about my posts. I am not a troll, even though you'd like to think so. What "work" do you do with adoptees that you are so arrogant you think we know how we all feel?

I am not "suicidal." What a nutty thing to say. I am angry, though. Getting pregnant young and dumb sucks for everyone, including the child. THere's kind of no winning. Either you grow up in a home where you don't look like everyone, or you grow up with someone too young and broke to really take care of you, and you often don't know your father. It's all broken.

I made the best of it all growing up, but now I know exactly what happened after meeting my siblings on my one side and aunts and cousins on the other, I see what I missed.

It's lose-lose all around.

So basically you are completely ungrateful that your birth mother chose to give you life and place you for adoption with adoptive parents who wanted you, loved you with all their hearts and could provide you with a stable home.

That is a shame.

You have absolutely NO right to shame this person about their feelings, asshole. None.

Like it or not, that person is judging a birth mother and biological grandparents that they never met. And they don't seem to realize that times have changed a lot since their own adoption happened.

Adoptive parents are screened thoroughly and there are different kinds of adoptions available. The birth mother can even select the adoptive parents for their baby if that is what they want to do. It's a different time now. Adoption is a solid choice and birth mothers' wishes are respected - no one is pressuring them into giving up their babies.