I am heartbroken

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:As a non-aborted adopted person, I'm trying (again) to figure out how to phrase my opinion and offer advice to the OP on this board with out it being deleted instantly. Jeff, please delete this post if you think I'd have been better off being killed as an embryo. We can start there.


Thanks!

x1000 I am very glad you are here PP. I am the mother of adopted children. I thank God every single day that their mothers made the choice for life for these precious human beings.

This is such a lazy argument. I am adopted. If I hadn't been born, I would have never known. I appreciate my life, but it came at a huge cost to my birth mother, who was traumatized by it the rest of her life.

Also, these means if you don't start pumping out babies from the time you are 15, you are a horrible person because you are PREVENTING all those babies from being born. Quiverful or bust.

To put it another way, I would have sacrificed myself for my mother's future.

You know, I work with a lot of adoptees. I have never ever heard a single one of them express your sentiments. I'm not calling you a liar but I am...surprised...by your opinion. I'm sorry for you. I hope your life gets better and you learn how to be happier.

You have reading problems. And I damn sure am an adoptee. Just found my birth mother's family last year through ancestry.com. And the whole sordid story behind it. I waited 60 years to be able to find out what happened. It certainly brought me a sense of closure, but being forced to have a child she didn't want was devastating to my birth mother.

Because you "waited 60 years" you must be in your 60s or 70s. You have a lot of anger. I hope that you are seeing a therapist to help you with it. I'm sorry that you feel more strongly about your birth mother than you do about yourself.

NP here -- you got all that from that comment? I saw compassion, not anger.

That is not compassion, unfortunately. Of course, I am speculating that the respondent is a troll, look at the inconsistencies of her posts, but I do hope she gets help. I am especially concerned about "sacrificed myself for my mother's future." In my work the only time I hear statements like that is when someone is suicidal. Again, the poster probably is only a troll trying to provoke a response but on the off chance it isn't then I am writing to encourage her to reach out to her support team or therapist today.

There is nothing inconsistent about my posts. I am not a troll, even though you'd like to think so. What "work" do you do with adoptees that you are so arrogant you think we know how we all feel?

I am not "suicidal." What a nutty thing to say. I am angry, though. Getting pregnant young and dumb sucks for everyone, including the child. THere's kind of no winning. Either you grow up in a home where you don't look like everyone, or you grow up with someone too young and broke to really take care of you, and you often don't know your father. It's all broken.

I made the best of it all growing up, but now I know exactly what happened after meeting my siblings on my one side and aunts and cousins on the other, I see what I missed.

It's lose-lose all around.

So basically you are completely ungrateful that your birth mother chose to give you life and place you for adoption with adoptive parents who wanted you, loved you with all their hearts and could provide you with a stable home.

That is a shame.

What's a shame is your naivete. You have a hallmark version of adoption in your head. What really happened is much uglier. My mother had me because she felt duped and abandoned, then trapped with an unwanted pregnancy that would have resulted in her being disowned if it had ever been found out. Women like this were terribly conflicted. Didn't want to be pregnant, but didn't want -- or couldn't -- keep the baby.

As to the adopted parents, they did love me. But one was a raging alcoholic and the other manic depressive. It's not the Hallmark movie you're selling.

I also missed out on my birthright. Growing up with siblings and cousins and aunts, uncles, etc. They were stunned and happy to meet me, and have thrown open the doors, so that has been nice.

I'm sorry that your adoptive parents had some major issues but I can assure you that is not the norm, at least from what I've seen. Many families, including birth families, are not exactly the Hallmark channel. People are imperfect and do the best that they can at the time. It is what it is.

How wonderful you know SO MANY adoptive family situations that you can say what the "norm" is!!! My father is adopted and I also know other adopted people, and their experience is more in line with the the PPs experience . . . So much for your "norm."

I actually do know a fair amount of adoptees. None of them talk negatively about their adoptive parents because they have had pretty darned good lives. I know some who really aren't even that interested about finding out about their biological parents/families.

People who want children badly enough to jump through all of the hurdles of the adoption process REALLY want children. They tend to adore their kids beyond measure.

This is not to say that young mothers should be pressured into placing their babies up for adoption but this fearmongering regarding adoption is just really unnecessary. If you know that many unhappy adoptees it's probably because you run with a rather dysfunctional crowd to begin with.

+1 Well said, PP.

[Anonymous]

new adoptee poster here. You sound like some really bad stuff has happened to you. I am part of an adoptee support group and I have never heard anyone with feelings like yours. Ever, after getting to know hundreds of adoptees. Some had issues, but not like yours. You sound like you hate your life, never accepted your adoptive family as legitimate, and thought maybe you would have had a better life with your birth family.

Therapy, fast

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:new adoptee poster here. You sound like some really bad stuff has happened to you. I am part of an adoptee support group and I have never heard anyone with feelings like yours. Ever, after getting to know hundreds of adoptees. Some had issues, but not like yours. You sound like you hate your life, never accepted your adoptive family as legitimate, and thought maybe you would have had a better life with your birth family.

Therapy, fast

Just because you had a great experience with Adoption that might not be the case for others.

Adoption is an option and so would be abortion. That's why it's called Pro choice. Each person has their own reason why they chose to do the things they do, and that is their choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:new adoptee poster here. You sound like some really bad stuff has happened to you. I am part of an adoptee support group and I have never heard anyone with feelings like yours. Ever, after getting to know hundreds of adoptees. Some had issues, but not like yours. You sound like you hate your life, never accepted your adoptive family as legitimate, and thought maybe you would have had a better life with your birth family.

Therapy, fast

Just because you had a great experience with Adoption that might not be the case for others.

Adoption is an option and so would be abortion. That's why it's called Pro choice. Each person has their own reason why they chose to do the things they do, and that is their choice.

+ a million

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:new adoptee poster here. You sound like some really bad stuff has happened to you. I am part of an adoptee support group and I have never heard anyone with feelings like yours. Ever, after getting to know hundreds of adoptees. Some had issues, but not like yours. You sound like you hate your life, never accepted your adoptive family as legitimate, and thought maybe you would have had a better life with your birth family.

Therapy, fast

Just because you had a great experience with Adoption that might not be the case for others.

Adoption is an option and so would be abortion. That's why it's called Pro choice. Each person has their own reason why they chose to do the things they do, and that is their choice.

Well... not quite each person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:new adoptee poster here. You sound like some really bad stuff has happened to you. I am part of an adoptee support group and I have never heard anyone with feelings like yours. Ever, after getting to know hundreds of adoptees. Some had issues, but not like yours. You sound like you hate your life, never accepted your adoptive family as legitimate, and thought maybe you would have had a better life with your birth family.

Therapy, fast

Just because you had a great experience with Adoption that might not be the case for others.

Adoption is an option and so would be abortion. That's why it's called Pro choice. Each person has their own reason why they chose to do the things they do, and that is their choice.

Well... not quite each person.

I hate it when people play stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:new adoptee poster here. You sound like some really bad stuff has happened to you. I am part of an adoptee support group and I have never heard anyone with feelings like yours. Ever, after getting to know hundreds of adoptees. Some had issues, but not like yours. You sound like you hate your life, never accepted your adoptive family as legitimate, and thought maybe you would have had a better life with your birth family.

Therapy, fast

Just because you had a great experience with Adoption that might not be the case for others.

Adoption is an option and so would be abortion. That's why it's called Pro choice. Each person has their own reason why they chose to do the things they do, and that is their choice.

Well... not quite each person.

I hate it when people play stupid.

NP. Interestingly, I agree with you even though I think the two of us have completely different opinions about who is playing stupid, stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:new adoptee poster here. You sound like some really bad stuff has happened to you. I am part of an adoptee support group and I have never heard anyone with feelings like yours. Ever, after getting to know hundreds of adoptees. Some had issues, but not like yours. You sound like you hate your life, never accepted your adoptive family as legitimate, and thought maybe you would have had a better life with your birth family.

Therapy, fast

+1 to all of the above. I work with kids who have been adopted and I lead several support groups for kids where some children have been adopted. The one poster's response is alarming and her/his perspective is radically different from anything I've ever heard from any adoptee child I've worked with. I hope that poster comes back and takes your/our encouragement to get therapy. It will make a world of difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:new adoptee poster here. You sound like some really bad stuff has happened to you. I am part of an adoptee support group and I have never heard anyone with feelings like yours. Ever, after getting to know hundreds of adoptees. Some had issues, but not like yours. You sound like you hate your life, never accepted your adoptive family as legitimate, and thought maybe you would have had a better life with your birth family.

Therapy, fast

+1 to all of the above. I work with kids who have been adopted and I lead several support groups for kids where some children have been adopted. The one poster's response is alarming and her/his perspective is radically different from anything I've ever heard from any adoptee child I've worked with. I hope that poster comes back and takes your/our encouragement to get therapy. It will make a world of difference.

I do not work with adoptees and I am not sure I currently know any adoptees (well enough for it to have come up). But when I was in college, my roommate was a person who felt like this person. She felt guilty about her birth mom and didn’t really “click” with her parents. I remember telling her that all sorts of kids feel like their parents are aliens but she attributed to being adopted. So my only data point supports the pp.