I am heartbroken

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You handle it by taking her to an abortion clinic.

+1

It's the best decision for everyone.

That’s what I would do.

Me, too. Sorry, OP, this is tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why all the abortion suggestions? Adoption is harder, but so many people would love a baby. OP I feel for you, and hope for the best. Hugs.

This is why. Adoption is torturously painful for most relinquishing mothers. It is a pain that never, ever goes away. I would never ever ever ever counsel my daughter to go the adoption route, ever. Raising a child alone would be much better for her emotionally. If she doesn’t want to parent, terminating the pregnancy is the best choice.

As a parent, the fact that other people would like my child to give both so that they can have the baby is irrelevant to me. I’m not going to encourage a child to consign herself go a lifetime of pain to make other people happy. I’m going to support what is best for her.

+1,000,000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many people insisting on abortion or it ruining everyone’s life are children of teen mothers? I bet a bunch.

Nope!

This isn't complicated. Stop trying to insist OP should insist on helping her DD who is an adult. Who, OP says basically did this on purpose, with zero thought on how she will take care of a child. She has no job, no education and has made immature poor choices prior to this.

I volunteer with women and children of domestic violence. I have worked in Foster care. This will not end well for anyone. Statistics are clear on this.

She won’t end up like that with family support.

OPis just being emotional when she said she did it on purpose. Her D did not say that and she was on the pill.

OP here - yes, I am being emotional and no she was not on the pill. even though I got the pill for her, she did not take it and yes, this was on purpose.

I get why you are frustrated and mad. We try to teach our children good choices and when they mess up their lives it feels so awful.

That said, she is no longer your little baby to protect, she is a woman now. She came to you because she needs a woman’s wisdom to navigate this situation. Go back to her, apologize. Tell her you are calm and listen to her. This is an opportunity for you to affirm her strength and her own inner wisdom about what is best to do. By helping her compassionately you can make this a healing moment in your relationship and one that makes her stronger in the long run. This is a moment of crisis and she either walks away stronger or traumatized for many years to cone. Your choice. What is done is done. Now you still have choices about how to carry this.

Personally, I believe a woman knows whether it is time or not to have a baby. There can be wisdom in both choices. Help her understand that and be strong.

Woman? She is 100% reliant on her parents to provide her with food/clothing/shelter. 18 is not some sort of magical age where they instantly become self sufficient and able to take care of themselves. This girl has limited education and pretty much zero work history. The teenage father is the same.

These two teenagers are going to be heavily reliant on more experienced adults (their parents) to help provide and care for this baby. These are not self sufficient, independent grown ups - not yet. They both still have A LOT of growing up to do which is why they are in this situation to begin with.

[Anonymous]

I had an abortion at 18. I’m 40 now. I had my kids when married and established in a career at age 32 and 36. I never thought about it to be honest. Didn’t impact me over the medium or long term. In the short term I was relieved. I was 7 weeks and it was never a person to me. I got pregnant with my kids after 4 and 1 month of trying. I did think of it when I got my period after month 3 of trying for my first, but I still knew it was the right thing. I did not find abortion at 18 Difficult. I went to college 5 months later and never looked back. Didn’t ever tell my mom. She still has no idea. Didn’t marry the guy either. I have a happy life now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why all the abortion suggestions? Adoption is harder, but so many people would love a baby. OP I feel for you, and hope for the best. Hugs.

This is why. Adoption is torturously painful for most relinquishing mothers. It is a pain that never, ever goes away. I would never ever ever ever counsel my daughter to go the adoption route, ever. Raising a child alone would be much better for her emotionally. If she doesn’t want to parent, terminating the pregnancy is the best choice.

As a parent, the fact that other people would like my child to give both so that they can have the baby is irrelevant to me. I’m not going to encourage a child to consign herself go a lifetime of pain to make other people happy. I’m going to support what is best for her.

+1,000,000.

I have known adoptive parents and seen first hand how much they want and adore their adoptive children. My kids have friends who were adopted. Those kids lead good lives in loving, stable homes, they are well provided for and they are able to reach their full potential because they do have such a stable home life.

If my teenager was in this situation I would strongly advocate for adoption. It is a heart wrenching decision but when you are considering what is in the best interests of the child, it is often the most wise and loving decision possible. Obviously, the teenage parents are the ones who have to make the decision.

[Anonymous]

I had my DD at 18. The best thing my mother did was support me emotionally and let me make my own decision. It will be extremely difficult but it can work out in some cases if she is interested in continuing her pregnancy. I did not read all the posts but I hope you can be there for whatever she decides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why all the abortion suggestions? Adoption is harder, but so many people would love a baby. OP I feel for you, and hope for the best. Hugs.

This is why. Adoption is torturously painful for most relinquishing mothers. It is a pain that never, ever goes away. I would never ever ever ever counsel my daughter to go the adoption route, ever. Raising a child alone would be much better for her emotionally. If she doesn’t want to parent, terminating the pregnancy is the best choice.

As a parent, the fact that other people would like my child to give both so that they can have the baby is irrelevant to me. I’m not going to encourage a child to consign herself go a lifetime of pain to make other people happy. I’m going to support what is best for her.

+1,000,000.

I have known adoptive parents and seen first hand how much they want and adore their adoptive children. My kids have friends who were adopted. Those kids lead good lives in loving, stable homes, they are well provided for and they are able to reach their full potential because they do have such a stable home life.

If my teenager was in this situation I would strongly advocate for adoption. It is a heart wrenching decision but when you are considering what is in the best interests of the child, it is often the most wise and loving decision possible. Obviously, the teenage parents are the ones who have to make the decision.

The child in this case is 18 and pregnant. What’s in her best interest? Have you met girls and women who placed their kids for adoption? I know several older women who placed kids for adoption long ago, and I don’t think they’d do it again knowing what they know now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why all the abortion suggestions? Adoption is harder, but so many people would love a baby. OP I feel for you, and hope for the best. Hugs.

This is why. Adoption is torturously painful for most relinquishing mothers. It is a pain that never, ever goes away. I would never ever ever ever counsel my daughter to go the adoption route, ever. Raising a child alone would be much better for her emotionally. If she doesn’t want to parent, terminating the pregnancy is the best choice.

As a parent, the fact that other people would like my child to give both so that they can have the baby is irrelevant to me. I’m not going to encourage a child to consign herself go a lifetime of pain to make other people happy. I’m going to support what is best for her.

+1,000,000.

I have known adoptive parents and seen first hand how much they want and adore their adoptive children. My kids have friends who were adopted. Those kids lead good lives in loving, stable homes, they are well provided for and they are able to reach their full potential because they do have such a stable home life.

If my teenager was in this situation I would strongly advocate for adoption. It is a heart wrenching decision but when you are considering what is in the best interests of the child, it is often the most wise and loving decision possible. Obviously, the teenage parents are the ones who have to make the decision.

Rose colored glasses. You cannot guarantee that the home they go to will remain loving and stable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had an abortion at 18. I’m 40 now. I had my kids when married and established in a career at age 32 and 36. I never thought about it to be honest. Didn’t impact me over the medium or long term. In the short term I was relieved. I was 7 weeks and it was never a person to me. I got pregnant with my kids after 4 and 1 month of trying. I did think of it when I got my period after month 3 of trying for my first, but I still knew it was the right thing. I did not find abortion at 18 Difficult. I went to college 5 months later and never looked back. Didn’t ever tell my mom. She still has no idea. Didn’t marry the guy either. I have a happy life now.

This is me as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an abortion at 18. I’m 40 now. I had my kids when married and established in a career at age 32 and 36. I never thought about it to be honest. Didn’t impact me over the medium or long term. In the short term I was relieved. I was 7 weeks and it was never a person to me. I got pregnant with my kids after 4 and 1 month of trying. I did think of it when I got my period after month 3 of trying for my first, but I still knew it was the right thing. I did not find abortion at 18 Difficult. I went to college 5 months later and never looked back. Didn’t ever tell my mom. She still has no idea. Didn’t marry the guy either. I have a happy life now.

This is me as well.

Same here. It never occurred to me to keep the pregnancy and I’ve never had regrets. I have two daughters and would recommend the same if they had an unwanted and unplanned pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an abortion at 18. I’m 40 now. I had my kids when married and established in a career at age 32 and 36. I never thought about it to be honest. Didn’t impact me over the medium or long term. In the short term I was relieved. I was 7 weeks and it was never a person to me. I got pregnant with my kids after 4 and 1 month of trying. I did think of it when I got my period after month 3 of trying for my first, but I still knew it was the right thing. I did not find abortion at 18 Difficult. I went to college 5 months later and never looked back. Didn’t ever tell my mom. She still has no idea. Didn’t marry the guy either. I have a happy life now.

This is me as well.

Me as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an abortion at 18. I’m 40 now. I had my kids when married and established in a career at age 32 and 36. I never thought about it to be honest. Didn’t impact me over the medium or long term. In the short term I was relieved. I was 7 weeks and it was never a person to me. I got pregnant with my kids after 4 and 1 month of trying. I did think of it when I got my period after month 3 of trying for my first, but I still knew it was the right thing. I did not find abortion at 18 Difficult. I went to college 5 months later and never looked back. Didn’t ever tell my mom. She still has no idea. Didn’t marry the guy either. I have a happy life now.

This is me as well.

Same here. It never occurred to me to keep the pregnancy and I’ve never had regrets. I have two daughters and would recommend the same if they had an unwanted and unplanned pregnancy.

You knew you didn’t want to keep the baby and acted quickly. OP says her daughter appears to have become deliberately pregnant. How is she going to force her to have an abortion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an abortion at 18. I’m 40 now. I had my kids when married and established in a career at age 32 and 36. I never thought about it to be honest. Didn’t impact me over the medium or long term. In the short term I was relieved. I was 7 weeks and it was never a person to me. I got pregnant with my kids after 4 and 1 month of trying. I did think of it when I got my period after month 3 of trying for my first, but I still knew it was the right thing. I did not find abortion at 18 Difficult. I went to college 5 months later and never looked back. Didn’t ever tell my mom. She still has no idea. Didn’t marry the guy either. I have a happy life now.

This is me as well.

And me, except I was 19 and am 45 now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an abortion at 18. I’m 40 now. I had my kids when married and established in a career at age 32 and 36. I never thought about it to be honest. Didn’t impact me over the medium or long term. In the short term I was relieved. I was 7 weeks and it was never a person to me. I got pregnant with my kids after 4 and 1 month of trying. I did think of it when I got my period after month 3 of trying for my first, but I still knew it was the right thing. I did not find abortion at 18 Difficult. I went to college 5 months later and never looked back. Didn’t ever tell my mom. She still has no idea. Didn’t marry the guy either. I have a happy life now.

This is me as well.

Same here. It never occurred to me to keep the pregnancy and I’ve never had regrets. I have two daughters and would recommend the same if they had an unwanted and unplanned pregnancy.

You knew you didn’t want to keep the baby and acted quickly. OP says her daughter appears to have become deliberately pregnant. How is she going to force her to have an abortion?

Not one person is suggesting OP “force” her daughter to have an abortion, whatever that even would mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why all the abortion suggestions? Adoption is harder, but so many people would love a baby. OP I feel for you, and hope for the best. Hugs.

This is why. Adoption is torturously painful for most relinquishing mothers. It is a pain that never, ever goes away. I would never ever ever ever counsel my daughter to go the adoption route, ever. Raising a child alone would be much better for her emotionally. If she doesn’t want to parent, terminating the pregnancy is the best choice.

As a parent, the fact that other people would like my child to give both so that they can have the baby is irrelevant to me. I’m not going to encourage a child to consign herself go a lifetime of pain to make other people happy. I’m going to support what is best for her.

+1,000,000.

+1,000,001