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Tweens and Teens
I am heartbroken
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Anonymous
iud. Done |
Anonymous
| OP here. She does want the baby, so no abortion. She has been on the pill, the chip and was using condoms at various times. I think she wanted to get pregnant, just not sure why. This is not how she was raised, we are pretty open family. |
Anonymous
Not OP - but Birth Control is 100% - especially with teens who can't remember to take their pills exactly on the right day/right time. Condoms are 100%. So, stop with the judgment. Offer support. That said - heartbroken for you - bigger kids = bigger problems. She's an adult, and you'll need to have some adult conversations with her. What does she want to do - adoption, abortion, keep the baby (and you would be a big part of all those decisions - both emotionally, financially, and physically supporting her)? Ultimately, it is her decision, but you can offer guidance and support for what she wants to do. It's not the end of her world - nor yours - it's just a path that she needs to figure out now. Also, the father (and his parents) may want input - again, it's her body/her ultimate decision, but you may want to discuss how she deals with that component of the equation. |
Anonymous
I would habe told my mom because I needed somebody to talk to about and wanted guidance. I told my mom everything. |
Anonymous
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What does your daughter want, OP? Does she want to terminate? Is she in a relationship? Is she in school?
Handle it by supporting her decision. Legally she's an adult. If she wants to terminate, you help. If she wants to have the baby, you discuss together what that's going to look like. I don't have this same exact experience, but I have a few friends who got pregnant very young, ranging from 17 to 20, and several had the babies. We are nearly 40 and everyone is doing great. |
Anonymous
Was your daughter heading to college in the fall? Is she in a serious relationship with the father? |
Anonymous
I would think about how much you want to help raise the baby and see boundaries now, with lots of love. This will probably destroy her financial future unless you pay for childcare or do it yourself and she needs to know that. Good luck to you both. |
Anonymous
| I don't know why people always assume teen pregnancies were an accident. The teen parents I knew would privately admit it was intentional (or at least intentionally leaving things to chance). |
Anonymous
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Congratulations. This is when she needs you the most. You can help her raise this little one while she goes to college. She MUST get a degree! With ever-growing automation, it is more important for this generation than ours! And no guilt, no shame, no nothing. Just get going with plans. You can do it! |
Anonymous
Well, lets be honest. Some teen moms and their kids do great, but tons and tons do not do great. This is a very serious, life-altering situation for a young adult, and not all children of teen moms become "blessings" and success stories. Don't sugar coat it. |
Anonymous
| Hope you weren't planning on settling into retirement OP. Make sure she gets child support, even if she doesn't need the money, set it aside for the child to have. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| OP - I didn't handle the situation good, I was so mad at her that I told her she can live with her Father. He picked her and all her clothing up that night. I cannot comprehend how she thinks this is a good idea. She does have a boyfriend who is supportive, but no job, no money or place to live (other than with parents). This is the dumbest choice she made (and she made many prior to this). I begged her not to get pregnant when and she promised she wouldn't. Well - that didn't work. |
Anonymous
| Some teens want to feel loved and think a baby is the answers. I don’t think you are not providing your child love but you’d be surprised by how many teens think a child is the answer to what’s missing in their lives. It doesn’t have to be the end of the world but I would make sure she starts has a four year plan for a job and a childcare. Unless you can afford to pay for daycare or become care for the baby yourself get ready to have her live with you until she can provide for herself and child. You will also need to take the father to court for child support. Unfortunately it takes two to tango and he is just as responsible for this child as she is. |
Anonymous
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OP, teen pregnancy happens at all levels. I know you are in shock right now.
Don't say anything that will permanently damage your relationship with your dd. If you don't have a therapist already, maybe you can get one and go to counseling with your dd. I used to know someone who got pregnant at 16. She was the GC of the very large company where I worked when I knew her. She went to college and her parents gave her and her child a lot of support - but did not raise her child for her) and then law school at a top law school. Her story is unusual for that time and it would be easier to do these things now. Her ds is probably in his 30s now. |