WWYD? Struggling to help my devastated teen DD whose friends/teammates pranked her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this was a BRAZEN act that took some real cojones to pull off.

These girls clearly didn't have a concern in the world about getting caught.

Think about it.. if this plan were in the works for weeks, that means the entire team knew that this was about to going down FOR WEEKS & nobody blabbed.
Do you have any idea how implausible that is??

Any one of the 10-15 girl who knew during that time could have either grown a conscious and told their mother, the coach, your daughter, etc OR they could have done what typical teenagers do... blab to their other friends not on the team who are "safe" to tell, which also definitely could have gotten back to your daughter.

The fact that nobody leaked this information beforehand is either an absolute miracle, or more so as I suspect - good old intimidation.
I imagine that the other girls on the team were intimidated into not telling (ie; "if she finds out beforehand, whoever told won't get to go either!").

Either way, thes bullying girl's didn't have a concern in the world about repercussions if your daughter or the coach found out before the event. At the very least, they should have had a tad bit of fear... hesitation... something! They should have been scared to death that their mom would cancel the whole thing if she found out what was about to go down beforehand... but they weren't, right?
They were confident.

This tells me that these girls have probably been getting away with doing similar manipulative things like this probably on a smaller scale over the years & because nobody has called them out on their sh!t before, they have no fear of getting caught or in trouble.
These girls didn't just choose something as hurtful as this as their foray into manipulative bullying (better known as psychological warfare) & if they're not called out or punished, this certainly won't be their last.

They already have some gripe against your daughter, because girls don't do something as calculating & malicious as this this to a friend as a prank... they just don't.
This wasn't something that can be blamed on the lack of impulse control of teenagers, this wasn't done in the spur of the moment.

This was planned, it was methodical, devious & well thought out.
I can only imagine the dozens of text messages between the girls that went back & forth planning this.

This was never going to be a silly, harmless prank.

They knew with all certainty that this would DEVASTATE your daughter & that's exactly the result they were hoping for.
I imagine we could pick out the ones who planned this in the photos, as they were probably so excited to do it that they either
1) can't hide their satisfied expressions or 2) intentionally made a certain smirk/face as another way to taunt your daughter.

I understand that you want to respect your daughters wishes, however as a mother I'd be concerned about two specific things.
One, by saying nothing your daughter has already grown that target on her back exponentially, as she's now shown them that she will be a good little victim & not tell anyone. This will most definitely make her a much larger target in the future, as why would they move onto someone else to victimize who may actually stand up for themselves & get them in trouble, when they know that this victim will stay good & quiet no matter what they do?

Secondly, getting away with this gave them a little high & now that they got away with it, they're going to have to amp up the velocity of the "prank" they do next.

They'll need to outdo this one, get more of a reaction from their friends, otherwise they won't get the validation they so seek (which is why so many teens are so obsessed with the number of followers they have or how many likes their post get.. it's all about validation).

This may have started out as simply wanting to leave your daughter out for whatever reason, but now that they're going to get a sick kind of validation from their peers (trust me that everyone will find out about it, as I imagine they're very proud of themselves & gossip travels around high schools at the speed of sound), the skies will be the limit on what they do next, as they won't want to disappoint their new fans.

If I were you, I'd talk to the coach but make it absolutely clear that he knows that it can never come out it came from you. He can tell the principal or whoever asks that it came from either another member of the teams parents or the gossip got around school (please know that it definitely will) & he overheard it in the halls/during class/at lunch time, etc. Both are plausible, however with the latter he won't have to provide a name if asked who told.

Actually I could see how is would be a very simple act to pull off that no one would even notice until the actual event. The parent left it up to the kid to communicate the final details. The kid did so last minute. The kid did this by using some electronic means where she copied the whole team except the OPs DD. None one on the team went through to see who was copied to receive it, they just assumed it was the whole team. The event comes, all the team shows up but OPs DD and the kid in question then tells everyone what she did. Very little pre planning and no need to involve anyone else ahead of time.

The PP said it was a brazen act to pull off & they had a lot of balls to do it, not that it required a lot of planning... sheesh.

Read the next four paragraphs, you dimwit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this was a BRAZEN act that took some real cojones to pull off.

These girls clearly didn't have a concern in the world about getting caught.

Think about it.. if this plan were in the works for weeks, that means the entire team knew that this was about to going down FOR WEEKS & nobody blabbed.
Do you have any idea how implausible that is??

Any one of the 10-15 girl who knew during that time could have either grown a conscious and told their mother, the coach, your daughter, etc OR they could have done what typical teenagers do... blab to their other friends not on the team who are "safe" to tell, which also definitely could have gotten back to your daughter.

The fact that nobody leaked this information beforehand is either an absolute miracle, or more so as I suspect - good old intimidation.
I imagine that the other girls on the team were intimidated into not telling (ie; "if she finds out beforehand, whoever told won't get to go either!").

Either way, thes bullying girl's didn't have a concern in the world about repercussions if your daughter or the coach found out before the event. At the very least, they should have had a tad bit of fear... hesitation... something! They should have been scared to death that their mom would cancel the whole thing if she found out what was about to go down beforehand... but they weren't, right?
They were confident.

This tells me that these girls have probably been getting away with doing similar manipulative things like this probably on a smaller scale over the years & because nobody has called them out on their sh!t before, they have no fear of getting caught or in trouble.
These girls didn't just choose something as hurtful as this as their foray into manipulative bullying (better known as psychological warfare) & if they're not called out or punished, this certainly won't be their last.

They already have some gripe against your daughter, because girls don't do something as calculating & malicious as this this to a friend as a prank... they just don't.
This wasn't something that can be blamed on the lack of impulse control of teenagers, this wasn't done in the spur of the moment.

This was planned, it was methodical, devious & well thought out.
I can only imagine the dozens of text messages between the girls that went back & forth planning this.

This was never going to be a silly, harmless prank.

They knew with all certainty that this would DEVASTATE your daughter & that's exactly the result they were hoping for.
I imagine we could pick out the ones who planned this in the photos, as they were probably so excited to do it that they either
1) can't hide their satisfied expressions or 2) intentionally made a certain smirk/face as another way to taunt your daughter.

I understand that you want to respect your daughters wishes, however as a mother I'd be concerned about two specific things.
One, by saying nothing your daughter has already grown that target on her back exponentially, as she's now shown them that she will be a good little victim & not tell anyone. This will most definitely make her a much larger target in the future, as why would they move onto someone else to victimize who may actually stand up for themselves & get them in trouble, when they know that this victim will stay good & quiet no matter what they do?

Secondly, getting away with this gave them a little high & now that they got away with it, they're going to have to amp up the velocity of the "prank" they do next.

They'll need to outdo this one, get more of a reaction from their friends, otherwise they won't get the validation they so seek (which is why so many teens are so obsessed with the number of followers they have or how many likes their post get.. it's all about validation).

This may have started out as simply wanting to leave your daughter out for whatever reason, but now that they're going to get a sick kind of validation from their peers (trust me that everyone will find out about it, as I imagine they're very proud of themselves & gossip travels around high schools at the speed of sound), the skies will be the limit on what they do next, as they won't want to disappoint their new fans.

If I were you, I'd talk to the coach but make it absolutely clear that he knows that it can never come out it came from you. He can tell the principal or whoever asks that it came from either another member of the teams parents or the gossip got around school (please know that it definitely will) & he overheard it in the halls/during class/at lunch time, etc. Both are plausible, however with the latter he won't have to provide a name if asked who told.

Damnit Siri!

* conscience

Yeah, *that* was the problem with your post.

What a contribution to the discussion... very insightful.

The emoji really reinforces your dedication to thoughtful discourse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to laugh it off. Seriously. She needs to act like it doesn't bother her, and move on.

Yes, that was not a prank. But if she slinks away and quits her sport, that will not be good for DD either. Move on.

Agree with this.

I bet most of the girls think the “pranksters” are horrible and wonder if they are next. If your daughter laughs it off and holds her head high, she will get lots of respect.

The bully mom will say absolutely anything to make sure OP doesn't tell the coach.

You are really out of your gourd. I posted similar advice way back when and haven’t been back much to check this thread. Are you that psychotic to repeat ad nauseam that it must be “bully mom”? It’s reslly sad what a bunch of weak b*tches are actually responding to this thread. It’s not letting the bully win to act unbothered. YOU are winning when you are unbothered and go about your daily life with the “bullies” having little to no effect on it. You are LOSING at life if you have to call the principal and news media and cry injustice over everything. Obviously you didn’t grow up dealing with pranks or being the butt end of the joke from time to time if you think your reaction is a feasible and sustainable one. I feel bad for your kids who will have no life skills for dealing with adversity or unfairness. You really should be embarrassed for yourself.

[Anonymous]

It is kind of ironic that the last few posters decrying bullying are the ones name calling anyone who does not 100% speak or think like them.

Just saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to laugh it off. Seriously. She needs to act like it doesn't bother her, and move on.

Yes, that was not a prank. But if she slinks away and quits her sport, that will not be good for DD either. Move on.

Agree with this.

I bet most of the girls think the “pranksters” are horrible and wonder if they are next. If your daughter laughs it off and holds her head high, she will get lots of respect.

The bully mom will say absolutely anything to make sure OP doesn't tell the coach.

You are really out of your gourd. I posted similar advice way back when and haven’t been back much to check this thread. Are you that psychotic to repeat ad nauseam that it must be “bully mom”? It’s reslly sad what a bunch of weak b*tches are actually responding to this thread. It’s not letting the bully win to act unbothered. YOU are winning when you are unbothered and go about your daily life with the “bullies” having little to no effect on it. You are LOSING at life if you have to call the principal and news media and cry injustice over everything. Obviously you didn’t grow up dealing with pranks or being the butt end of the joke from time to time if you think your reaction is a feasible and sustainable one. I feel bad for your kids who will have no life skills for dealing with adversity or unfairness. You really should be embarrassed for yourself.

Again with the red herrings about calling the news media and the principal. The advice here is that OP talk to the the COACH.

Your constant hysteria about the media and lawyers doesn't make it seem like you're interested in helping OP's daughter.

[Anonymous]

At that age (and even now, in my 40s) I love pranking people. In turn, I also get a good laugh out of being pranked. I learned that the nature of 'good fun' is parties being comfortable reciprocating the jokes. If someone feels too intimidated to 'retaliate' that's an imbalance of power that lends itself to bullying. I think these girls were cruel and bullying. It wasn't telling her the wrong practice field, it resulted (they knew) in her missing out on a significant milestone/event that's part of team building. That was uncool and in my opinion, deliberate.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read every page of this, but as a soccer coach myself, I feel like the coach should absolutely be told. If not by the parent, then by one of the teammates.

A huge part of what a coach tries to do is build a sense of teamsmanship. Kids need to learn what it means to part of a team. A good coach would nip this kind of thing in the bud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read every page of this, but as a soccer coach myself, I feel like the coach should absolutely be told. If not by the parent, then by one of the teammates.

A huge part of what a coach tries to do is build a sense of teamsmanship. Kids need to learn what it means to part of a team. A good coach would nip this kind of thing in the bud.

You would have to kick the kids off the team. I do not think this is a real post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to laugh it off. Seriously. She needs to act like it doesn't bother her, and move on.

Yes, that was not a prank. But if she slinks away and quits her sport, that will not be good for DD either. Move on.

Agree with this.

I bet most of the girls think the “pranksters” are horrible and wonder if they are next. If your daughter laughs it off and holds her head high, she will get lots of respect.

The bully mom will say absolutely anything to make sure OP doesn't tell the coach.

You are really out of your gourd. I posted similar advice way back when and haven’t been back much to check this thread. Are you that psychotic to repeat ad nauseam that it must be “bully mom”? It’s reslly sad what a bunch of weak b*tches are actually responding to this thread. It’s not letting the bully win to act unbothered. YOU are winning when you are unbothered and go about your daily life with the “bullies” having little to no effect on it. You are LOSING at life if you have to call the principal and news media and cry injustice over everything. Obviously you didn’t grow up dealing with pranks or being the butt end of the joke from time to time if you think your reaction is a feasible and sustainable one. I feel bad for your kids who will have no life skills for dealing with adversity or unfairness. You really should be embarrassed for yourself.

Different poster. Rising above and ignoring this does not make her daughter stronger. This was a deliberate and evil plan to hurt someone and the school and the coach need to be told.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to laugh it off. Seriously. She needs to act like it doesn't bother her, and move on.

Yes, that was not a prank. But if she slinks away and quits her sport, that will not be good for DD either. Move on.

Agree with this.

I bet most of the girls think the “pranksters” are horrible and wonder if they are next. If your daughter laughs it off and holds her head high, she will get lots of respect.

The bully mom will say absolutely anything to make sure OP doesn't tell the coach.

You are really out of your gourd. I posted similar advice way back when and haven’t been back much to check this thread. Are you that psychotic to repeat ad nauseam that it must be “bully mom”? It’s reslly sad what a bunch of weak b*tches are actually responding to this thread. It’s not letting the bully win to act unbothered. YOU are winning when you are unbothered and go about your daily life with the “bullies” having little to no effect on it. You are LOSING at life if you have to call the principal and news media and cry injustice over everything. Obviously you didn’t grow up dealing with pranks or being the butt end of the joke from time to time if you think your reaction is a feasible and sustainable one. I feel bad for your kids who will have no life skills for dealing with adversity or unfairness. You really should be embarrassed for yourself.

+1

The repeat poster who keeps deflecting and over reacting really is discrediting herself. OP doesn't have to "walk away" (although it would not be a bad idea) - but adequate and comparable coping skills are priceless for your child. PRICELESS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She needs to laugh it off. Seriously. She needs to act like it doesn't bother her, and move on.

Yes, that was not a prank. But if she slinks away and quits her sport, that will not be good for DD either. Move on.

Agree with this.

I bet most of the girls think the “pranksters” are horrible and wonder if they are next. If your daughter laughs it off and holds her head high, she will get lots of respect.

Sometimes it isn't enough to walk away and maintain your so-called respect. Being a door mat actually does give the bully power, because it lets them know they can and will get away with it because the victim never tells, and because the girls who are afraid of being next also saw the bully got away with it, so they may hate her, but they will walk on eggshells around her so as not to get on her bad side and become the next victim, thus giving the bully even more power than her unearned social position and wealth already afford her.

We need to stop sending our children the message that letting people get away with breaking the rules somehow earns you respect. And we need to make sure that we don't send bullies the message that this method of gaining power is acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At that age (and even now, in my 40s) I love pranking people. In turn, I also get a good laugh out of being pranked. I learned that the nature of 'good fun' is parties being comfortable reciprocating the jokes. If someone feels too intimidated to 'retaliate' that's an imbalance of power that lends itself to bullying. I think these girls were cruel and bullying. It wasn't telling her the wrong practice field, it resulted (they knew) in her missing out on a significant milestone/event that's part of team building. That was uncool and in my opinion, deliberate.

Agreed. Haven't read every page, either, but I would definitely talk to the coach. The principal? Too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this was a BRAZEN act that took some real cojones to pull off.

These girls clearly didn't have a concern in the world about getting caught.

Think about it.. if this plan were in the works for weeks, that means the entire team knew that this was about to going down FOR WEEKS & nobody blabbed.
Do you have any idea how implausible that is??

Any one of the 10-15 girl who knew during that time could have either grown a conscious and told their mother, the coach, your daughter, etc OR they could have done what typical teenagers do... blab to their other friends not on the team who are "safe" to tell, which also definitely could have gotten back to your daughter.

The fact that nobody leaked this information beforehand is either an absolute miracle, or more so as I suspect - good old intimidation.
I imagine that the other girls on the team were intimidated into not telling (ie; "if she finds out beforehand, whoever told won't get to go either!").

Either way, thes bullying girl's didn't have a concern in the world about repercussions if your daughter or the coach found out before the event. At the very least, they should have had a tad bit of fear... hesitation... something! They should have been scared to death that their mom would cancel the whole thing if she found out what was about to go down beforehand... but they weren't, right?
They were confident.

This tells me that these girls have probably been getting away with doing similar manipulative things like this probably on a smaller scale over the years & because nobody has called them out on their sh!t before, they have no fear of getting caught or in trouble.
These girls didn't just choose something as hurtful as this as their foray into manipulative bullying (better known as psychological warfare) & if they're not called out or punished, this certainly won't be their last.

They already have some gripe against your daughter, because girls don't do something as calculating & malicious as this this to a friend as a prank... they just don't.
This wasn't something that can be blamed on the lack of impulse control of teenagers, this wasn't done in the spur of the moment.

This was planned, it was methodical, devious & well thought out.
I can only imagine the dozens of text messages between the girls that went back & forth planning this.

This was never going to be a silly, harmless prank.

They knew with all certainty that this would DEVASTATE your daughter & that's exactly the result they were hoping for.
I imagine we could pick out the ones who planned this in the photos, as they were probably so excited to do it that they either
1) can't hide their satisfied expressions or 2) intentionally made a certain smirk/face as another way to taunt your daughter.

I understand that you want to respect your daughters wishes, however as a mother I'd be concerned about two specific things.
One, by saying nothing your daughter has already grown that target on her back exponentially, as she's now shown them that she will be a good little victim & not tell anyone. This will most definitely make her a much larger target in the future, as why would they move onto someone else to victimize who may actually stand up for themselves & get them in trouble, when they know that this victim will stay good & quiet no matter what they do?

Secondly, getting away with this gave them a little high & now that they got away with it, they're going to have to amp up the velocity of the "prank" they do next.

They'll need to outdo this one, get more of a reaction from their friends, otherwise they won't get the validation they so seek (which is why so many teens are so obsessed with the number of followers they have or how many likes their post get.. it's all about validation).

This may have started out as simply wanting to leave your daughter out for whatever reason, but now that they're going to get a sick kind of validation from their peers (trust me that everyone will find out about it, as I imagine they're very proud of themselves & gossip travels around high schools at the speed of sound), the skies will be the limit on what they do next, as they won't want to disappoint their new fans.

If I were you, I'd talk to the coach but make it absolutely clear that he knows that it can never come out it came from you. He can tell the principal or whoever asks that it came from either another member of the teams parents or the gossip got around school (please know that it definitely will) & he overheard it in the halls/during class/at lunch time, etc. Both are plausible, however with the latter he won't have to provide a name if asked who told.

Actually I could see how is would be a very simple act to pull off that no one would even notice until the actual event. The parent left it up to the kid to communicate the final details. The kid did so last minute. The kid did this by using some electronic means where she copied the whole team except the OPs DD. None one on the team went through to see who was copied to receive it, they just assumed it was the whole team. The event comes, all the team shows up but OPs DD and the kid in question then tells everyone what she did. Very little pre planning and no need to involve anyone else ahead of time.

The PP said it was a brazen act to pull off & they had a lot of balls to do it, not that it required a lot of planning... sheesh.

And what I am telling you is that it was NOT a brazen act and it took VERY LITTLE thought or confidence to pull off.

The poster who wrote this is thinking like the Gen X'er he/she is and not like a teen today.

Technology allows a kid can make a spur of the moment decision without involving anyone else, do it, and then tell others about it after it's done.

Seriously, there is just no masterminding here. It's way to simple of a situation. Stop thinking teen girls are "masters of manipulation". They are not. Most use simple manipulation tactics that any thinking adult should be able to spot a mile away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this was a BRAZEN act that took some real cojones to pull off.

These girls clearly didn't have a concern in the world about getting caught.

Think about it.. if this plan were in the works for weeks, that means the entire team knew that this was about to going down FOR WEEKS & nobody blabbed.
Do you have any idea how implausible that is??

Any one of the 10-15 girl who knew during that time could have either grown a conscious and told their mother, the coach, your daughter, etc OR they could have done what typical teenagers do... blab to their other friends not on the team who are "safe" to tell, which also definitely could have gotten back to your daughter.

The fact that nobody leaked this information beforehand is either an absolute miracle, or more so as I suspect - good old intimidation.
I imagine that the other girls on the team were intimidated into not telling (ie; "if she finds out beforehand, whoever told won't get to go either!").

Either way, thes bullying girl's didn't have a concern in the world about repercussions if your daughter or the coach found out before the event. At the very least, they should have had a tad bit of fear... hesitation... something! They should have been scared to death that their mom would cancel the whole thing if she found out what was about to go down beforehand... but they weren't, right?
They were confident.

This tells me that these girls have probably been getting away with doing similar manipulative things like this probably on a smaller scale over the years & because nobody has called them out on their sh!t before, they have no fear of getting caught or in trouble.
These girls didn't just choose something as hurtful as this as their foray into manipulative bullying (better known as psychological warfare) & if they're not called out or punished, this certainly won't be their last.

They already have some gripe against your daughter, because girls don't do something as calculating & malicious as this this to a friend as a prank... they just don't.
This wasn't something that can be blamed on the lack of impulse control of teenagers, this wasn't done in the spur of the moment.

This was planned, it was methodical, devious & well thought out.
I can only imagine the dozens of text messages between the girls that went back & forth planning this.

This was never going to be a silly, harmless prank.

They knew with all certainty that this would DEVASTATE your daughter & that's exactly the result they were hoping for.
I imagine we could pick out the ones who planned this in the photos, as they were probably so excited to do it that they either
1) can't hide their satisfied expressions or 2) intentionally made a certain smirk/face as another way to taunt your daughter.

I understand that you want to respect your daughters wishes, however as a mother I'd be concerned about two specific things.
One, by saying nothing your daughter has already grown that target on her back exponentially, as she's now shown them that she will be a good little victim & not tell anyone. This will most definitely make her a much larger target in the future, as why would they move onto someone else to victimize who may actually stand up for themselves & get them in trouble, when they know that this victim will stay good & quiet no matter what they do?

Secondly, getting away with this gave them a little high & now that they got away with it, they're going to have to amp up the velocity of the "prank" they do next.

They'll need to outdo this one, get more of a reaction from their friends, otherwise they won't get the validation they so seek (which is why so many teens are so obsessed with the number of followers they have or how many likes their post get.. it's all about validation).

This may have started out as simply wanting to leave your daughter out for whatever reason, but now that they're going to get a sick kind of validation from their peers (trust me that everyone will find out about it, as I imagine they're very proud of themselves & gossip travels around high schools at the speed of sound), the skies will be the limit on what they do next, as they won't want to disappoint their new fans.

If I were you, I'd talk to the coach but make it absolutely clear that he knows that it can never come out it came from you. He can tell the principal or whoever asks that it came from either another member of the teams parents or the gossip got around school (please know that it definitely will) & he overheard it in the halls/during class/at lunch time, etc. Both are plausible, however with the latter he won't have to provide a name if asked who told.

Actually I could see how is would be a very simple act to pull off that no one would even notice until the actual event. The parent left it up to the kid to communicate the final details. The kid did so last minute. The kid did this by using some electronic means where she copied the whole team except the OPs DD. None one on the team went through to see who was copied to receive it, they just assumed it was the whole team. The event comes, all the team shows up but OPs DD and the kid in question then tells everyone what she did. Very little pre planning and no need to involve anyone else ahead of time.

The PP said it was a brazen act to pull off & they had a lot of balls to do it, not that it required a lot of planning... sheesh.

And what I am telling you is that it was NOT a brazen act and it took VERY LITTLE thought or confidence to pull off.

The poster who wrote this is thinking like the Gen X'er he/she is and not like a teen today.

Technology allows a kid can make a spur of the moment decision without involving anyone else, do it, and then tell others about it after it's done.

Seriously, there is just no masterminding here. It's way to simple of a situation. Stop thinking teen girls are "masters of manipulation". They are not. Most use simple manipulation tactics that any thinking adult should be able to spot a mile away.

All bully girl had to do was start a new group text without one cell number. I bet most didn’t know until after the event.

[Anonymous]

You really think you can round up an entire team except one person at the last minute?