Reply to WWYD? Struggling to help my devastated teen DD whose friends/teammates pranked her.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]OP, this was a BRAZEN act that took some real cojones to pull off. [/b]

These girls clearly didn't have a concern in the world about getting caught.

Think about it.. if this plan were in the works for weeks, that means the entire team knew that this was about to going down FOR WEEKS & nobody blabbed.
Do you have any idea how implausible that is??

Any one of the 10-15 girl who knew during that time could have either grown a conscious and told their mother, the coach, your daughter, etc OR they could have done what typical teenagers do... blab to their other friends not on the team who are "safe" to tell, which also definitely could have gotten back to your daughter.

The fact that nobody leaked this information beforehand is either an absolute miracle, or more so as I suspect - good old intimidation.
I imagine that the other girls on the team were intimidated into not telling (ie; "if she finds out beforehand, whoever told won't get to go either!").

Either way, thes bullying girl's didn't have a concern in the world about repercussions if your daughter or the coach found out before the event.  At the very least, they should have had a tad bit of fear... hesitation... something! They should have been scared to death that their mom would cancel the whole thing if she found out what was about to go down beforehand... but they weren't, right?
They were confident.

This tells me that these girls have probably been getting away with doing similar manipulative things like this probably on a smaller scale over the years & because nobody has called them out on their sh!t before, they have no fear of getting caught or in trouble. 
These girls didn't just choose something as hurtful as this as their foray into manipulative bullying (better known as psychological warfare) & if they're not called out or punished, this certainly won't be their last.

They already have some gripe against your daughter, because girls don't do something as calculating & malicious as this this to a friend as a prank... they just don't.  
This wasn't something that can be blamed on the lack of impulse control of teenagers, this wasn't done in the spur of the moment.

This was planned, it was methodical, devious & well thought out.
I can only imagine the dozens of text messages between the girls that went back & forth planning this.

This was never going to be a silly, harmless prank. 
 
They knew with all certainty that this would DEVASTATE your daughter & that's exactly the result they were hoping for. 
I imagine we could pick out the ones who planned this in the photos, as they were probably so excited to do it that they either 
1) can't hide their satisfied expressions or 2) intentionally made a certain smirk/face as another way to taunt your daughter.

I understand that you want to respect your daughters wishes, however as a mother I'd be concerned about two specific things.
One, by saying nothing your daughter has already grown that target on her back exponentially, as she's now shown them that she will be a good little victim & not tell anyone.  This will most definitely make her a much larger target in the future, as why would they move onto someone else to victimize who may actually stand up for themselves & get them in trouble, when they know that this victim will stay good & quiet no matter what they do?

Secondly, getting away with this gave them a little high & now that they got away with it, they're going to have to amp up the velocity of the "prank" they do next.

They'll need to outdo this one, get more of a reaction from their friends, otherwise they won't get the validation they so seek (which is why so many teens are so obsessed with the number of followers they have or how many likes their post get.. it's all about validation).

This may have started out as simply wanting to leave your daughter out for whatever reason, but now that they're going to get a sick kind of validation from their peers (trust me that everyone will find out about it, as I imagine they're very proud of themselves & gossip travels around high schools at the speed of sound), the skies will be the limit on what they do next, as they won't want to disappoint their new fans.

If I were you, I'd talk to the coach but make it absolutely clear that he knows that it can never come out it came from you. He can tell the principal or whoever asks that it came from either another member of the teams parents or the gossip got around school (please know that it definitely will) & he overheard it in the halls/during class/at lunch time, etc.  Both are plausible, however with the latter he won't have to provide a name if asked who told. [/quote]

Actually I could see how is would be a very simple act to pull off that no one would even notice until the actual event. The parent left it up to the kid to communicate the final details. The kid did so last minute. The kid did this by using some electronic means where she copied the whole team except the OPs DD. None one on the team went through to see who was copied to receive it, they just assumed it was the whole team. The event comes, all the team shows up but OPs DD and the kid in question then tells everyone what she did.  Very little pre planning and no need to involve anyone else ahead of time.[/quote]

The PP said it was a brazen act to pull off & they had a lot of balls to do it, not that it required a lot of planning... sheesh.[/quote]

Read the next four paragraphs, you dimwit.  [/quote]

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