WWYD? Struggling to help my devastated teen DD whose friends/teammates pranked her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will the stars be moving on to varsity next year?

No same age, same year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will the stars be moving on to varsity next year?

No, same age and same year.

[Anonymous]

I probably wouldn't approach it myself, so as not to give them room to tease her that a parent got involved. However, HOLY COW, I'd be pissed. What assholes. I'm so sorry this happened to her. I agree, she needs to deal with it, and to make friends outside of this dumb ass team. They're not her friends. Maybe she can stay there, but definitely not trust them.

[Anonymous]

Would talk to coach. Honestly those kids should be kicked off the team instantly.

[Anonymous]

I would alert the coach and/or the parents. That's pretty crappy behaviour on the part of those kids, and I have my doubts it was the first time or the last time they've done something that mean. I would let them know in a factual way, not demanding an apology or any action, but I wouldn't let it go unnoticed by people with some authority in their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I would phone or talk face-to-face with each of the organizers (parents, coach?) and ask for both clarification and a public apology to my daughter in front of the entire team.

I would explain that their behavior was gratuitously exclusionary and hurtful, and that fit the definition of bullies. This is what bullies do. I would add that it was unprofessional on the part of the coach and that it greatly jeopardizes his or her credibility on the job. I would conclude that they should be ashamed of themselves for thinking this could ever be construed as a fun prank.

And I would talk about it with everyone in the community, naming names.

I would very much like to do this but I am worried that this is just my Mama Bear/Revenge/Retaliation instinct. If she decides to stay on the team, would this have a net positive or net negative effect? If she decides to leave, then yes, absolutely, everyone should know why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would alert the coach and/or the parents. That's pretty crappy behaviour on the part of those kids, and I have my doubts it was the first time or the last time they've done something that mean. I would let them know in a factual way, not demanding an apology or any action, but I wouldn't let it go unnoticed by people with some authority in their lives.

Kids who behave that way usually have parents who behave that way or have no issue with it. I would not contact the parents. Either the coach or take her off the team and go private. Those kids are cruel and this was not a prank. They don't want her on the team.

[Anonymous]

If I was the parent of one of the kids that initiated this prank I would want to know.

[Anonymous]

I would talk to the coach. I would be involved in making it known to the coach this happened. What they choose to do with that info is up to them.

If the coach (whether they knew it was happening or not) is interested in fostering a team spirit, they need to get back to basics - some team building, apologies, etc. I mean, this had to be pretty involved for the kids to all keep mum about it, and at the event, if someone asked where your daughter was/noticed she was missing, they probably lied aloud then as well.

This would be a moment for your daughter to let them know (and if they are good friends and have known each other a while she shouldn't be nervous about doing that) how this made her feel. Let the team settle it amongst themselves and then walk away. It's better in the long run for everyone and hopefully better for the team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would alert the coach and/or the parents. That's pretty crappy behaviour on the part of those kids, and I have my doubts it was the first time or the last time they've done something that mean. I would let them know in a factual way, not demanding an apology or any action, but I wouldn't let it go unnoticed by people with some authority in their lives.

How could I phrase this? I am really, really struggling here. I alternate between rage and desire to weep.

[Anonymous]

That's not a prank, that's straight up bullying and something your daughter will remember for the rest of her life. I would let her quit the team if she wants. How awful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would talk to the coach. I would be involved in making it known to the coach this happened. What they choose to do with that info is up to them.

If the coach (whether they knew it was happening or not) is interested in fostering a team spirit, they need to get back to basics - some team building, apologies, etc. I mean, this had to be pretty involved for the kids to all keep mum about it, and at the event, if someone asked where your daughter was/noticed she was missing, they probably lied aloud then as well.

This would be a moment for your daughter to let them know (and if they are good friends and have known each other a while she shouldn't be nervous about doing that) how this made her feel. Let the team settle it amongst themselves and then walk away. It's better in the long run for everyone and hopefully better for the team.

I agree -- that was another thing that was so weird. In younger years, we all carpooled. I cannot understand how one of the parents didn't think, oh! Is Larla late? Let me check with Larla's mom to see where they are so they don't miss this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I would phone or talk face-to-face with each of the organizers (parents, coach?) and ask for both clarification and a public apology to my daughter in front of the entire team.

I would explain that their behavior was gratuitously exclusionary and hurtful, and that fit the definition of bullies. This is what bullies do. I would add that it was unprofessional on the part of the coach and that it greatly jeopardizes his or her credibility on the job. I would conclude that they should be ashamed of themselves for thinking this could ever be construed as a fun prank.

And I would talk about it with everyone in the community, naming names.

I would very much like to do this but I am worried that this is just my Mama Bear/Revenge/Retaliation instinct. If she decides to stay on the team, would this have a net positive or net negative effect? If she decides to leave, then yes, absolutely, everyone should know why.

She stays on the team and holds her head up high. You raise hell. Doing nothing for the sake of keeping the peace is teaching her the wrong thing here.

[Anonymous]

Op, you have an obligation to tell the coach

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would talk to coach. Honestly those kids should be kicked off the team instantly.

+1 Unsportsmanlike behavior.