WWYD? Struggling to help my devastated teen DD whose friends/teammates pranked her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is great. At one point you said you were planning an update after a couple of other things happened - you felt like a parent (who had maybe read here?) had reached out to you. Did that happen?

In any case, I'm glad your daughter found her voice. It sounds like a good outcome.

This is OP.

Yes -- a few extraneous pieces of info:

1. I did have coffee with another parent. I think it was a solidarity moment for her without openly talking about what happened. No real news there. But, at least, I feel like there is one other parent who I can sit with at events and that is huge for me. I had wondered how I would show up for things from this point forward.

2. Some PPs have asked whether the coach ever found out at all even if not through me or my DD. I suspect yes but don't know for sure. There were enough photos on Instagram that I think it would have been impossible to miss -- I believe the Teacher-Parent knows for sure and the equivalent of Coach's Assistant (another employee of school) as well. She has an Instagram account related to the sport that some of the teammates follow and vice versa and would have at least seen the photos. It is the lack of chatter by the coaching staff and support staff that makes me wonder. Almost as if they know it is a sensitive subject and therefore haven't mentioned the event itself at any subsequent practices or events. I also wonder whether some of the kind comments about my DD's newfound confidence are related to them knowing and wanting to show her support.

3. My DD has also had several sessions now with the private coach I offered to hire for her and that she finally decided to take me up on. This person is a former professional though not a long-standing one or one that ever made more than the minimum salary (no endorsements, no big contract, no international or even national presence, no one anyone would know). But this person has seen. it. all. While the eagle eye coaching specific to my daughter has been great to smooth out some skills, the sisterhood of "let me tell you how to handle this situation" has been even better. It is like having a big sister who talks the same language. I think this has also helped my DD walk into the locker room everyday -- it's like the knowledge exchange with the private coach has given her a layer of armor in some way. It isn't cheap but has been worth every penny and we don't plan to stop anytime soon.

-OP

Hi Op. Thank you for this update. I still am hoping that someone on here that knows what school and team this is will tell the coach and the school so they can take appropriate action. I still feel that the girls got off easily and if one of the coaches knows the fact that they didn’t make a public announcement or discipline the girls means that the girls got away with this reprehensible behavior. I still don’t think it’s OK that they got off without getting into trouble.

[Anonymous]

This is my first time posting on this thread and I want to say I really appreciated the updates. I admire your daughter and your parenting.

[Anonymous]

OP, thanks for the thoughtful updates, and I can only echo the kudos to your daughter, and to you.

With respect to #2, I really, really hope that the coaches don't actually know and are just keeping it on the down low. That would reflect extremely poorly on them. Whether or not your dd told them, or you told them -- for them to know and NOT talk about it frankly with the team is a sign that they are bad coaches and care only about the appearance of a successful team rather than actually being a successful team in the sense that the girls become better people, not just better athletes, for participating.

I hope your dd will feel that she can talk to the coaches, especially with her newfound confidence. I very much doubt the mean girls will bully *her* again, but it doesn't mean their bullying will stop.

[Anonymous]

This is also my first time posting here. Good job with your daughter's actions - straightforward and objective. To take revenge is to fall prey to the bullying mentality. To expose the behavior and explain the consequences is much better.

One other life lesson that is lost in all this: bullying does exist in the real world, and if your DD thought she was close friends with everyone on the team, she does need to really examine her choices and decision making. She may have swept previous instances of less than friendly behavior "under the rug." Explain to her that she should have trusted her intuition and paid attention. End result of this prank was your DD gained self confidence. If she were older and the prank involved drugs... it could have been very tragic.

[Anonymous]

Thank you OP and all who provided counsel for this post. I also have learned a lot.

OP I am so proud of your daughter and of you. You did all that soul searching to find out what you did "wrong" but your daughter's BRILLIANT handling of the situation shows you *were* giving her the right influence and tools all along. Bravo!

[Anonymous]

Unless someone tells the coach and the school these girls are getting off very easily.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is a boss!

[Xymox]

I can’t even imagine how that would feel. I feel so sorry for you both!

[Anonymous]

These girls are assholes. Plain and simple. Every last one of them.

[Anonymous]

This is truly the best possible outcome. Don't be hard on yourself OP for not playing the political soccer mom game. Your daughter spread her wings and it will take the other kids a very long time to do the same.