Bullying at NCS

[Anonymous]

We are another happy NCS upper school family. I just don't understand the vitriol here. DD has a solid group of friends who are all enjoying their high school years. In my experience, the administration has been caring and compassionate and very supportive of the girls and receptive to suggestions on how to relieve their stress. I'm sorry to hear that some girls have not had a positive experience at the school, but I find it hard to believe that "the administration" doesn't care---maybe there is one individual who has rubbed some people the wrong way? Metro DC is a tough area for any girl attending high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are another happy NCS upper school family. I just don't understand the vitriol here. DD has a solid group of friends who are all enjoying their high school years. In my experience, the administration has been caring and compassionate and very supportive of the girls and receptive to suggestions on how to relieve their stress. I'm sorry to hear that some girls have not had a positive experience at the school, but I find it hard to believe that "the administration" doesn't care---maybe there is one individual who has rubbed some people the wrong way? Metro DC is a tough area for any girl attending high school.

What are the suggestions you made that the administration implemented?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I don't know how many times I need to point this out but as a former NCS parent I am not a teen, not from a rival school and not paid by anyone. And the other disgruntled parents are clearly NCS parents to me, I recognize the inside information. If you haven't been directly involved you really have no basis to say its just like other schools.

So did you write the post about how "not a single girl has ever been happy at NCS?" Do you agree with it?

Because it sounds like a looney-tunes hater, or a bored teenager. A PP came on to say that she knows happy girls at NCS. And so do I, although my DD turned it down for another school. This crazed-type hatred takes away from the credible posters with credible points, including inside information, to make.

I didn't write that post and I don't agree with it, though I do believe more girls are unhappy than happy. After we left I heard from other moms and it really blew me away how many girls were unhappy. I agree that the vast majority of girls are happy to leave. So I wouldn't say not a single girl is happy but I really believe there are no more than ten or twelve happy girls in each class. And it shouldn't be that way.

Its not "crazed-type hatred" and you could only say as much because you have absolutely no direct experience. Its very difficult to watch your daughter go through an experience that grinds her down like that. My DD entered NCS a happy, confident girl and even after being toward the top of her class left a very unhappy girl. Its difficult not to be angry about that, especially when you have conversations about it with the administration and they don;t seem to care, they make it seem like its just your DD's problem, and then you learn that so many other girls are experiencing it as well.

The anger and disappointment you read on this thread is not crazy, its real. I think its one thing for someone with a daughter at NCS to come in here and disagree (though did you notice not a single parent of a 10th, 11th, or 12th grade girl has done so) but its quite another for someone like you who has no connection with the school to not only dismiss us but to call us names. You really have no basis to do that.

I am a parent of two girls at NCS, including one in 10th grade. Neither of my daughters has experienced any form of bullying, and both are getting a great education and building solid friendships. Just thought I'd give you a first hand account. I put them at NCS because I admired the teaching philosophy, the focus on building self esteem and the self possession of the students I met. My only complaint is the workload can get intense. I understand people have less positive experiences, but I thought I'd share what I've found.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most people aren't talking about bullying at all anymore, but about the environment once the college pressures get extreme. The school apparently isn't good at helping the girls deal with the pressure cooker atmosphere.

Here is the takeaway I've gotten from this thread. There are mean girls everywhere. There is academic pressure everywhere. But other schools are not solely occupied by perfectionist girls with overachieving parents. They need more support at school than they get from the uncaring administration.

+1 Bingo.

Its not about bullying or mean girls. Its about an environment that pits girls against each other, rather than having them support each other and an administration that doesn't care about the emotional health of the students.

Bingo? I wrote that first post, and I say nothing about pitting girls against each other.

I have read this thread quite attentively, and it seems to me that you - and any other person claiming to be an unhappy parent of an unhappy daughter - have unrealistic expectations of what high school is. Intense academic pressure, which clearly affects some people more than others, is endemic at ALL top high schools. There is no school where the kids are magically exempt from these pressures. NCS girls do tend to be high-achieving kids of high-achieving parents, which gives another dimension to the insane pressure. Can the school do more? Undoubtedly. I think it would be great for all involved if the school made it more of a priority, but it won't suddenly make all the girls not feel pressure to be academic successes.

For goodness' sake, the same complaints are made about public schools around here. Surely I am not the only person who listened to the NPR report on this very topic yesterday morning.

[Anonymous]

It's worse at NCS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most people aren't talking about bullying at all anymore, but about the environment once the college pressures get extreme. The school apparently isn't good at helping the girls deal with the pressure cooker atmosphere.

Here is the takeaway I've gotten from this thread. There are mean girls everywhere. There is academic pressure everywhere. But other schools are not solely occupied by perfectionist girls with overachieving parents. They need more support at school than they get from the uncaring administration.

+1 Bingo.

Its not about bullying or mean girls. Its about an environment that pits girls against each other, rather than having them support each other and an administration that doesn't care about the emotional health of the students.

Bingo? I wrote that first post, and I say nothing about pitting girls against each other.

I have read this thread quite attentively, and it seems to me that you - and any other person claiming to be an unhappy parent of an unhappy daughter - have unrealistic expectations of what high school is. Intense academic pressure, which clearly affects some people more than others, is endemic at ALL top high schools. There is no school where the kids are magically exempt from these pressures. NCS girls do tend to be high-achieving kids of high-achieving parents, which gives another dimension to the insane pressure. Can the school do more? Undoubtedly. I think it would be great for all involved if the school made it more of a priority, but it won't suddenly make all the girls not feel pressure to be academic successes.

For goodness' sake, the same complaints are made about public schools around here. Surely I am not the only person who listened to the NPR report on this very topic yesterday morning.

I'm the bingo parent and yours is another post from an outside ho has no idea what we're talking about.

My DD was a great student, fantastic grades. Her problem wasn't the academic pressure. I have another DC at another area private and I know for a fact that the atmosphere at NCS is not typical. It is toxic because of the way girls are pitted against each other, especially the closer they get to college apps, the way they are taught that ALL that matters is what they can put on a college application, the way they are discouraged from being supportive of each other (this is what I found particularly weird. Its not so much that there are bullies but that when a girl runs into any trouble, whether social, emotional or academic, the other girls just walk away -- there's no mutually supportive spirit). You can have a highly demanding curriculum without these elements. Basically if you don't fit the mold, you are ostracized.

I don't understand the need of some of you who don't have girls at the school to defend it. I am not arguing with the NCS parents whose girls are having a positive experience. They are expressing their direct experience. What I find odd is that so many outsiders are questioning whether those of us whose daughters had bad experiences are even for real. There are quite a few of us with similar themes (and not the same "mean girls" meme that outsiders throw around about NCS). If you don't have a daughter there, why are you so threatened by what we have to say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most people aren't talking about bullying at all anymore, but about the environment once the college pressures get extreme. The school apparently isn't good at helping the girls deal with the pressure cooker atmosphere.

Here is the takeaway I've gotten from this thread. There are mean girls everywhere. There is academic pressure everywhere. But other schools are not solely occupied by perfectionist girls with overachieving parents. They need more support at school than they get from the uncaring administration.

+1 Bingo.

Its not about bullying or mean girls. Its about an environment that pits girls against each other, rather than having them support each other and an administration that doesn't care about the emotional health of the students.

Bingo? I wrote that first post, and I say nothing about pitting girls against each other.

I have read this thread quite attentively, and it seems to me that you - and any other person claiming to be an unhappy parent of an unhappy daughter - have unrealistic expectations of what high school is. Intense academic pressure, which clearly affects some people more than others, is endemic at ALL top high schools. There is no school where the kids are magically exempt from these pressures. NCS girls do tend to be high-achieving kids of high-achieving parents, which gives another dimension to the insane pressure. Can the school do more? Undoubtedly. I think it would be great for all involved if the school made it more of a priority, but it won't suddenly make all the girls not feel pressure to be academic successes.

For goodness' sake, the same complaints are made about public schools around here. Surely I am not the only person who listened to the NPR report on this very topic yesterday morning.

I'm the bingo parent and yours is another post from an outside ho has no idea what we're talking about.

My DD was a great student, fantastic grades. Her problem wasn't the academic pressure. I have another DC at another area private and I know for a fact that the atmosphere at NCS is not typical. It is toxic because of the way girls are pitted against each other, especially the closer they get to college apps, the way they are taught that ALL that matters is what they can put on a college application, the way they are discouraged from being supportive of each other (this is what I found particularly weird. Its not so much that there are bullies but that when a girl runs into any trouble, whether social, emotional or academic, the other girls just walk away -- there's no mutually supportive spirit). You can have a highly demanding curriculum without these elements. Basically if you don't fit the mold, you are ostracized.

I don't understand the need of some of you who don't have girls at the school to defend it. I am not arguing with the NCS parents whose girls are having a positive experience. They are expressing their direct experience. What I find odd is that so many outsiders are questioning whether those of us whose daughters had bad experiences are even for real. There are quite a few of us with similar themes (and not the same "mean girls" meme that outsiders throw around about NCS). If you don't have a daughter there, why are you so threatened by what we have to say?

Very funny. You said earlier that I could have no credibility because my dd is not yet in 10, 11 or 12. But I am in fact and NCS parent, and in a year I will have an US girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think most people aren't talking about bullying at all anymore, but about the environment once the college pressures get extreme. The school apparently isn't good at helping the girls deal with the pressure cooker atmosphere.

Here is the takeaway I've gotten from this thread. There are mean girls everywhere. There is academic pressure everywhere. But other schools are not solely occupied by perfectionist girls with overachieving parents. They need more support at school than they get from the uncaring administration.

+1 Bingo.

Its not about bullying or mean girls. Its about an environment that pits girls against each other, rather than having them support each other and an administration that doesn't care about the emotional health of the students.

Bingo? I wrote that first post, and I say nothing about pitting girls against each other.

I have read this thread quite attentively, and it seems to me that you - and any other person claiming to be an unhappy parent of an unhappy daughter - have unrealistic expectations of what high school is. Intense academic pressure, which clearly affects some people more than others, is endemic at ALL top high schools. There is no school where the kids are magically exempt from these pressures. NCS girls do tend to be high-achieving kids of high-achieving parents, which gives another dimension to the insane pressure. Can the school do more? Undoubtedly. I think it would be great for all involved if the school made it more of a priority, but it won't suddenly make all the girls not feel pressure to be academic successes.

For goodness' sake, the same complaints are made about public schools around here. Surely I am not the only person who listened to the NPR report on this very topic yesterday morning.

I'm the bingo parent and yours is another post from an outside ho has no idea what we're talking about.

My DD was a great student, fantastic grades. Her problem wasn't the academic pressure. I have another DC at another area private and I know for a fact that the atmosphere at NCS is not typical. It is toxic because of the way girls are pitted against each other, especially the closer they get to college apps, the way they are taught that ALL that matters is what they can put on a college application, the way they are discouraged from being supportive of each other (this is what I found particularly weird. Its not so much that there are bullies but that when a girl runs into any trouble, whether social, emotional or academic, the other girls just walk away -- there's no mutually supportive spirit). You can have a highly demanding curriculum without these elements. Basically if you don't fit the mold, you are ostracized.

I don't understand the need of some of you who don't have girls at the school to defend it. I am not arguing with the NCS parents whose girls are having a positive experience. They are expressing their direct experience. What I find odd is that so many outsiders are questioning whether those of us whose daughters had bad experiences are even for real. There are quite a few of us with similar themes (and not the same "mean girls" meme that outsiders throw around about NCS). If you don't have a daughter there, why are you so threatened by what we have to say?

Very funny. You said earlier that I could have no credibility because my dd is not yet in 10, 11 or 12. But I am in fact and NCS parent, and in a year I will have an US girl.

You two need to get a room. Good grief, let it go.

[Anonymous]

Bullying at NCS? You betcha. Don't get me started about the white board in the Head's office that is updated hourly with net worth figures on each family but.. the worst part is the Fight Club that NCS now sponsors. The girls gather in a crypt under the Cathedral on a weekly basis and beat the shit out of the smaller girls. You either get tough or drop out. My daughter, though small, wouldn't trade her experience at NCS for anything.

[Anonymous]

Wow, strong feelings on all sides. I think that speaks to how raw women still are from our own "relational aggression" experiences. I have 2 girls currently at NCS. Between them, they have experienced lower, middle and upper school. I have appreciated the school's proactive approach to all types of bullying, meaness, etc. and when a problem came up for one daughter she was supported and all moved on quickly. They love their school and do not want leave. If concerned, I suggest direct conversations with current parents in the grade. Each class truly is unique, through it can change at big entry grades. No school is perfect, but we are having a great experience, amazing teachers, and (just our experience) kind, supportive friends. Both of my girls were bullied at their prior co-ed schools, so I have been watching carefully. I think, because they have had this reputation, they are better than most schools about taking it seriously and responding quickly and keeping the conversation on-going with the students themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, strong feelings on all sides. I think that speaks to how raw women still are from our own "relational aggression" experiences. I have 2 girls currently at NCS. Between them, they have experienced lower, middle and upper school. I have appreciated the school's proactive approach to all types of bullying, meaness, etc. and when a problem came up for one daughter she was supported and all moved on quickly. They love their school and do not want leave. If concerned, I suggest direct conversations with current parents in the grade. Each class truly is unique, through it can change at big entry grades. No school is perfect, but we are having a great experience, amazing teachers, and (just our experience) kind, supportive friends. Both of my girls were bullied at their prior co-ed schools, so I have been watching carefully. I think, because they have had this reputation, they are better than most schools about taking it seriously and responding quickly and keeping the conversation on-going with the students themselves.

So why didn't they do these wonderful things for my DD? Because we saw none of this. So it actually makes me feel worse, like maybe they didn't care about her specifically?

[Anonymous]

not everyone at ncs is bullied. literally have never heard of traditional singling-out happening. i'm saying the social environment is manipulative and awful, not that bullying is a rite of passage. also, pretty sure there are no 13-year-olds on here.

i'm unsurprised that there are many parents who have no idea about all this. it's super weird to explain to parents..

also, i doubt there are students from other schools here trying to promote their own school by bashing ncs. no one cares about their school THAT much.

[Anonymous]

"women are still raw from their own "relational aggression" experiences"

you clearly do not understand the school from all sides. it's not tons of people being bullied. it's just the culture; it took me a REALLY long time to even notice it because, like a lot of others, i grew up with it as a lifer.
It is unfair and really, really untrue to say that every person who doesn't like NCS is just bitter. Are you serious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:not everyone at ncs is bullied. literally have never heard of traditional singling-out happening. i'm saying the social environment is manipulative and awful, not that bullying is a rite of passage. also, pretty sure there are no 13-year-olds on here.

i'm unsurprised that there are many parents who have no idea about all this. it's super weird to explain to parents..

also, i doubt there are students from other schools here trying to promote their own school by bashing ncs. no one cares about their school THAT much.

You've never seen a girl shunned or marginalized and her so-called friends walk away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"women are still raw from their own "relational aggression" experiences"

you clearly do not understand the school from all sides. it's not tons of people being bullied. it's just the culture; it took me a REALLY long time to even notice it because, like a lot of others, i grew up with it as a lifer.
It is unfair and really, really untrue to say that every person who doesn't like NCS is just bitter. Are you serious?

So you are also an alum who sent her DD there, who had a bad experience? Thats me as well. I'm wondering what about the school has changed because I had a great experience there back in the day. Its become colder, more monolithic. more competitive, more . . . what happened?