Bullying at NCS

[Anonymous]

Is this a typical problem at all girls schools? Because it seems this type of bullying is typical among girls vs. boys. Exclusion and shunning is not something my shy introverted son at an all boys school has experienced. But if he were a girl with that personality, I could see this happening. Mix in boys into the equation, and I think there is an out for the victim, especially if she is not a girl's girl. My daughter is outgoing, but doesn't really connect with other girls on a deep level. I just can't see her in an environment like this because I am afraid she would be on of the victims. If there were boys in the school, I can see her connecting with them as well as the girls without all the girly drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a typical problem at all girls schools? Because it seems this type of bullying is typical among girls vs. boys. Exclusion and shunning is not something my shy introverted son at an all boys school has experienced. But if he were a girl with that personality, I could see this happening. Mix in boys into the equation, and I think there is an out for the victim, especially if she is not a girl's girl. My daughter is outgoing, but doesn't really connect with other girls on a deep level. I just can't see her in an environment like this because I am afraid she would be on of the victims. If there were boys in the school, I can see her connecting with them as well as the girls without all the girly drama.

I totally agree with this! Exclusion has been something my daughter has experienced but not my son.

[Anonymous]

Boys form hierarchies, girls form groups. One of the easiest ways of determining who is "in" is by delineating an unlucky short straw holder who is "out". It's not personal. Its sociology. There's lots that can be done to mitigate it, support the outsider (which can be fluid), and promote "positive cliques" - but you'll never do away with girl and boy nature entirely, at least in the near term.

[Anonymous]

As a parent looking at NCS along with two other coed schools (all top notch academically) - it’s daunting to wonder if my daughter will thrive in an all girls environment or be subjected to more mean girl behavior. I have a introverted but smart young girl, but she has trouble connecting to peers at times. I sometimes think an all girls environment could be beneficial, and other times it feels like it could be too critical or harsh. Anyone have any insights or perspectives?

[Anonymous]

Put two girls through NCS (very involved parent) here's the skinny: The mean girls were the ones who were excluded so they either A. Formed their own clique and were ignored, or B. Stopped the BS. They are in the minority.


Move along now dears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put two girls through NCS (very involved parent) here's the skinny: The mean girls were the ones who were excluded so they either A. Formed their own clique and were ignored, or B. Stopped the BS. They are in the minority.


Move along now dears.

Can you hear yourself?

[Anonymous]

I just read through this whole thread and don’t know what to think. Different people have different experiences, I get that, but it’s like one group of people is taking about a different school than the other group. I’m interested because my DS started STA this year (MS) after attending a charter in another state for most of his life. We picked STA in part because all the social issues at his previous school were caused by a couple of girls. 2-3 girls did nothing but stir up trouble in ways that I now know are called relational aggression. It wasn’t limited to the girls; the boys seemed to be important pawns in this game. Sending him to a single sex school has eliminated all the social issues we previously dealt with, and we couldn’t be happier. For that reason, I’ve assumed we would send DD to NCS when she hits MS because it would be nice to have them in the same location. But I don’t want DD in a toxic social environment!

Is NCS worse than other all-girls’ schools? Are all-girls’ schools inherently worse for girls on the bullying front than co-ed? Or do the boys in co-ed just provide another reason to bully? I want my DD to fit in but not go along with mean girl behavior. So far, she’s a sweet but opinionated girl. She’s smart but lives for soccer and basketball. She’s always played with her big brother, so she’s tough in that way and not really a girly girl. Is NCS likely to be a good environment for her?

[Anonymous]

I can only speak for my daughter but she joined NCS in middle school as a relatively quiet, quirky/ clever and sporty kid who didn't know anyone. She has found a super group of friends and there have been zero issues around bullying or mean girl behavior in her group of friends. We feel like it has been a wonderful fit for her - just right academics, good sports programs, supportive environment. We're not in Upper School yet but so far, so good for us.

[Anonymous]

I've always heard the 'mean girl' reputation of NCS, but actually, every girl I know who has gone/goes there is happy and doesn't fit this 'mean girl' reputation...

Mean girls/boys/parents/etc exist at all schools in some way or form. You can't protect your child from getting their feelings hurt of from being bullied. Unfortunately, but true.

[Anonymous]

"Unfortunate"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just read through this whole thread and don’t know what to think. Different people have different experiences, I get that, but it’s like one group of people is taking about a different school than the other group. I’m interested because my DS started STA this year (MS) after attending a charter in another state for most of his life. We picked STA in part because all the social issues at his previous school were caused by a couple of girls. 2-3 girls did nothing but stir up trouble in ways that I now know are called relational aggression. It wasn’t limited to the girls; the boys seemed to be important pawns in this game. Sending him to a single sex school has eliminated all the social issues we previously dealt with, and we couldn’t be happier. For that reason, I’ve assumed we would send DD to NCS when she hits MS because it would be nice to have them in the same location. But I don’t want DD in a toxic social environment!

Is NCS worse than other all-girls’ schools? Are all-girls’ schools inherently worse for girls on the bullying front than co-ed? Or do the boys in co-ed just provide another reason to bully? I want my DD to fit in but not go along with mean girl behavior. So far, she’s a sweet but opinionated girl. She’s smart but lives for soccer and basketball. She’s always played with her big brother, so she’s tough in that way and not really a girly girl. Is NCS likely to be a good environment for her?

No have not experienced mean girl behavior at NCS. Have heard of more mean boy incidences to be honest elsewhere. They just don't get reported as often because parents have no idea. Anyone that thinks social bullying only happens at girl schools and thinks that NCS is worse than anywhere else is completely not in touch with reality. NCS is so on top of it that is gets taken care of swiftly when it does happen, which is not often. Have heard of worse happening at other schools - coed, single sex, etc… They just don't get reported on this site but they do happen.

[Anonymous]

All I can say is that I thought they counseled out all the problem 2021 girls. Seems that the new admittees have already been co-opted by the few surviving Queen Bees. Ya just can't stop it...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All I can say is that I thought they counseled out all the problem 2021 girls. Seems that the new admittees have already been co-opted by the few surviving Queen Bees. Ya just can't stop it...

I thought the rumors about a bunch of girls leaving were untrue..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I can say is that I thought they counseled out all the problem 2021 girls. Seems that the new admittees have already been co-opted by the few surviving Queen Bees. Ya just can't stop it...

I thought the rumors about a bunch of girls leaving were untrue..

It is true that a number of mean to the core girls left. But a few remained. Though I'm thinking more and more this is about the Instition rather than Individuals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All I can say is that I thought they counseled out all the problem 2021 girls. Seems that the new admittees have already been co-opted by the few surviving Queen Bees. Ya just can't stop it...

I’m looking forward to finding out what this “queen bee” business is all about before DD graduates.