Be honest- what do you think about women who are content to be just wives and mothers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fairly boring and reductive and reduce anyone to what they are doing for what is the end is probably only like 20% or 30% of their life.

I also think competency is such an underrated thing, so if you are competent and energetic about whatever you’re doing you’re like in the top 5% of people.

Huh? It’s your job that has an end date, aka your retirement. Unless the worst happens and you experience a loss, you are a wife and mother for good.

Are you one of the people that call yourself a SAHM when your kid is 30?

SAHM wasn’t in the sentence. Read it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was younger, I thought it was an embarrassment. Now that I'm older (kids in middle school), I don't really care all that much. But, to be honest, I only know one person who is a SAHM, and she came to the U.S. to marry and have kids, so I don't think she's representative of the lifestyle.

I do know several women who have these weird ambiguous consultant gigs--they are neither a SAHM nor a WOHM. And I don't have any particular thoughts about them, they are all quite different from one another.

I think there is probably more difference in women with different kinds of jobs (let's say nanny versus lawyer) than between women who work and women who SAH.

As long as they are not telling me "how busy they are", then that is fine with me.

Okay, as long as parents of one kid stop complaining about how hard it is. Bring in #2 or #3 and then you'll find out what hard is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really think about it as a concept?

I know a few SAHMs who are the "I'm so busy I'm so busy listen to ALL THE THINGS I have to do!" type which is kind of in insufferable when it's a huge part of their personality. Not that I am judging, but it's an odd schtick and hard to be on the receiving end of because I never know how to respond. Am I supposed to share my work tasks? List my mom tasks? Tell them they are the #1 busiest? Steer the conversation to something else? When I used to SAH I did not do this, largely because I felt self-conscious.

I feel lucky to have a flexible yet fulfilling career that I am good at and recognized for, but it's not my whole personality and a career isn't necessary to be a whole person. People should be free to do what they want, but I do think it's healthy for their identities to expand beyond the boundaries of WOH or SAH.

I’m a sahm with 3 busy kids and I do say that we are busy. Now I feel self conscious to say that we are busy. We have 2-3 things per day in the afternoon. Our weekends are busy with tournaments, dance recitals and scouts.

To be fair, I think my friends (working and non working) also say they are busy. It isn’t some busy competition but it is just how we talk about our lives. I think of it more as a vent that we are always shuffling from one place to the next. Our kids are various ages.

Don't let anonymous posters keep you from describing your own life as you see fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was younger, I thought it was an embarrassment. Now that I'm older (kids in middle school), I don't really care all that much. But, to be honest, I only know one person who is a SAHM, and she came to the U.S. to marry and have kids, so I don't think she's representative of the lifestyle.

I do know several women who have these weird ambiguous consultant gigs--they are neither a SAHM nor a WOHM. And I don't have any particular thoughts about them, they are all quite different from one another.

I think there is probably more difference in women with different kinds of jobs (let's say nanny versus lawyer) than between women who work and women who SAH.

As long as they are not telling me "how busy they are", then that is fine with me.

Okay, as long as parents of one kid stop complaining about how hard it is. Bring in #2 or #3 and then you'll find out what hard is.

Not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inspired by a quote by Nicole Kosman’s character from the Expats. What do you truly think about women who just want to stay home, tend to the family and are happiest doing this if they can afford to?

I did this and I think it is a mistake

I was very lucky.

However this could have gone horribly wrong.

Having your own job is better. I have adult daughters I taught them better

Best advice my mother gave me the day I was to be married.

Know your families finances ladies, have all passwords, both names on everything or just yours. You run those finances.
The part she was wrong about was being a full time stay at home mother. Even with fantastic finances top 1%.

Good advice,pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really think about it as a concept?

I know a few SAHMs who are the "I'm so busy I'm so busy listen to ALL THE THINGS I have to do!" type which is kind of in insufferable when it's a huge part of their personality. Not that I am judging, but it's an odd schtick and hard to be on the receiving end of because I never know how to respond. Am I supposed to share my work tasks? List my mom tasks? Tell them they are the #1 busiest? Steer the conversation to something else? When I used to SAH I did not do this, largely because I felt self-conscious.

I feel lucky to have a flexible yet fulfilling career that I am good at and recognized for, but it's not my whole personality and a career isn't necessary to be a whole person. People should be free to do what they want, but I do think it's healthy for their identities to expand beyond the boundaries of WOH or SAH.

I’m a sahm with 3 busy kids and I do say that we are busy. Now I feel self conscious to say that we are busy. We have 2-3 things per day in the afternoon. Our weekends are busy with tournaments, dance recitals and scouts.

To be fair, I think my friends (working and non working) also say they are busy. It isn’t some busy competition but it is just how we talk about our lives. I think of it more as a vent that we are always shuffling from one place to the next. Our kids are various ages.

Don't let anonymous posters keep you from describing your own life as you see fit.

Pp here. We have 4 parties this weekend. My kids have various sports. Another mom and I may carpool. The other mom said it is busy with 4 kids. It actually made me feel better. I only have 3 kids and we will be shuffling around this weekend. You know what? I don’t even know if this mom works or not. I know she had a baby last year and was home. I have no idea if she was on maternity leave or not because she is always just dropping off and very little time to talk because she always has another kid in the car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really think about it as a concept?

I know a few SAHMs who are the "I'm so busy I'm so busy listen to ALL THE THINGS I have to do!" type which is kind of in insufferable when it's a huge part of their personality. Not that I am judging, but it's an odd schtick and hard to be on the receiving end of because I never know how to respond. Am I supposed to share my work tasks? List my mom tasks? Tell them they are the #1 busiest? Steer the conversation to something else? When I used to SAH I did not do this, largely because I felt self-conscious.

I feel lucky to have a flexible yet fulfilling career that I am good at and recognized for, but it's not my whole personality and a career isn't necessary to be a whole person. People should be free to do what they want, but I do think it's healthy for their identities to expand beyond the boundaries of WOH or SAH.

I’m a sahm with 3 busy kids and I do say that we are busy. Now I feel self conscious to say that we are busy. We have 2-3 things per day in the afternoon. Our weekends are busy with tournaments, dance recitals and scouts.

To be fair, I think my friends (working and non working) also say they are busy. It isn’t some busy competition but it is just how we talk about our lives. I think of it more as a vent that we are always shuffling from one place to the next. Our kids are various ages.

You are busy AFTER your kids get out of school, it sounds like. PP is likely referencing SAHMs who say they're SO busy from 8-3. I mean, most working moms do the same stuff you do between 8-3, just at different hours of the day.

Of all my neighborhood friends, the one that is the hardest to get to do anything is the SAHM. The rest of us work, pretty much all of us full-time, many outside the house, some have tons of travel. But the SAHM is always just too busy to get together for anything but says she misses us. Somehow the rest of us manage to make it work...

[Anonymous]

I’m sure this has been said by others in the thread, but it’s weird that the title refers to JUST wives and mothers. Like, if I’m a mother and stay at home, I can’t have any other identity? I can’t have other things that will my time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's great. I am perfectly content. I have a master's degree and worked a low paying job for about 10 years before staying home as child care for one would have been my entire salary and my job sucked. I planned to go back but then things popped up and they were more important.

Why are you so judgemental against others who make different lifestyle choices than yourself?

I am not saying it's okay to be judgemental -- but I admit I am. I am working on it.
I tend to think that they are a little borning, to be honest- - but it's more of a stereotype/assumption versus reality, I admit. I also admit I have a mix of pity and a bit of impatience about the obsession about things that don't need to be focused on. Again, working on it.
And I am actually an expat, and have found that those who don't work outside the home can be pretty small town in their thinking. but obviously there are exceptions.

Honestly, if you are posting here (esp given what you are posting), you are NOT working on being less judgmental. Posting here is pretty much leaning into your desire to be judgmental.

I am the person you quoted- and good point.
I think I said that to not be attacked about the fact that I am judgemental. I am. Not a ton, not something I spend a lot of time thinking about -- but you are right, I should own it./

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really think about it as a concept?

I know a few SAHMs who are the "I'm so busy I'm so busy listen to ALL THE THINGS I have to do!" type which is kind of in insufferable when it's a huge part of their personality. Not that I am judging, but it's an odd schtick and hard to be on the receiving end of because I never know how to respond. Am I supposed to share my work tasks? List my mom tasks? Tell them they are the #1 busiest? Steer the conversation to something else? When I used to SAH I did not do this, largely because I felt self-conscious.

I feel lucky to have a flexible yet fulfilling career that I am good at and recognized for, but it's not my whole personality and a career isn't necessary to be a whole person. People should be free to do what they want, but I do think it's healthy for their identities to expand beyond the boundaries of WOH or SAH.

I feel like this stems from insecurity, perhaps theyve been judged as lazy before and now make such a big fluff about how much they actually do.

I disagree because I know plenty of SAHM *and* WOHM moms that do this. I think some women bond over venting about the busyness of their lives, while recognizing that whether it’s their kids or their career, they wouldn’t change a thing. A SAHM going on and on about the chaos of travel soccer isn’t looking for you to feel bad for her, it’s more like an invitation for you to respond “ugh I totally get it! I am closing on two real estate deals tomorrow and the clients are being so difficult…let’s go grab a cocktail and forget about it all for an hour.”

+1. Yes! You get it. This is exactly it. And I complain about all of it - my kids, my work, my dogs. Whatever. It’s banter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really think about it as a concept?

I know a few SAHMs who are the "I'm so busy I'm so busy listen to ALL THE THINGS I have to do!" type which is kind of in insufferable when it's a huge part of their personality. Not that I am judging, but it's an odd schtick and hard to be on the receiving end of because I never know how to respond. Am I supposed to share my work tasks? List my mom tasks? Tell them they are the #1 busiest? Steer the conversation to something else? When I used to SAH I did not do this, largely because I felt self-conscious.

I feel lucky to have a flexible yet fulfilling career that I am good at and recognized for, but it's not my whole personality and a career isn't necessary to be a whole person. People should be free to do what they want, but I do think it's healthy for their identities to expand beyond the boundaries of WOH or SAH.

I feel like this stems from insecurity, perhaps theyve been judged as lazy before and now make such a big fluff about how much they actually do.

I disagree because I know plenty of SAHM *and* WOHM moms that do this. I think some women bond over venting about the busyness of their lives, while recognizing that whether it’s their kids or their career, they wouldn’t change a thing. A SAHM going on and on about the chaos of travel soccer isn’t looking for you to feel bad for her, it’s more like an invitation for you to respond “ugh I totally get it! I am closing on two real estate deals tomorrow and the clients are being so difficult…let’s go grab a cocktail and forget about it all for an hour.”

+1. Yes! You get it. This is exactly it. And I complain about all of it - my kids, my work, my dogs. Whatever. It’s banter.

I'm a SAHM and I never complain about being busy (because I'm not), but lots of working parents tell me they know I must be crazy busy, and they talk about how busy they are too. I really do think it's just bonding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really think about it as a concept?

I know a few SAHMs who are the "I'm so busy I'm so busy listen to ALL THE THINGS I have to do!" type which is kind of in insufferable when it's a huge part of their personality. Not that I am judging, but it's an odd schtick and hard to be on the receiving end of because I never know how to respond. Am I supposed to share my work tasks? List my mom tasks? Tell them they are the #1 busiest? Steer the conversation to something else? When I used to SAH I did not do this, largely because I felt self-conscious.

I feel lucky to have a flexible yet fulfilling career that I am good at and recognized for, but it's not my whole personality and a career isn't necessary to be a whole person. People should be free to do what they want, but I do think it's healthy for their identities to expand beyond the boundaries of WOH or SAH.

I’m a sahm with 3 busy kids and I do say that we are busy. Now I feel self conscious to say that we are busy. We have 2-3 things per day in the afternoon. Our weekends are busy with tournaments, dance recitals and scouts.

To be fair, I think my friends (working and non working) also say they are busy. It isn’t some busy competition but it is just how we talk about our lives. I think of it more as a vent that we are always shuffling from one place to the next. Our kids are various ages.

You are busy AFTER your kids get out of school, it sounds like. PP is likely referencing SAHMs who say they're SO busy from 8-3. I mean, most working moms do the same stuff you do between 8-3, just at different hours of the day.

Of all my neighborhood friends, the one that is the hardest to get to do anything is the SAHM. The rest of us work, pretty much all of us full-time, many outside the house, some have tons of travel. But the SAHM is always just too busy to get together for anything but says she misses us. Somehow the rest of us manage to make it work...

I think SAHMs struggle more with finding childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really think about it as a concept?

I know a few SAHMs who are the "I'm so busy I'm so busy listen to ALL THE THINGS I have to do!" type which is kind of in insufferable when it's a huge part of their personality. Not that I am judging, but it's an odd schtick and hard to be on the receiving end of because I never know how to respond. Am I supposed to share my work tasks? List my mom tasks? Tell them they are the #1 busiest? Steer the conversation to something else? When I used to SAH I did not do this, largely because I felt self-conscious.

I feel lucky to have a flexible yet fulfilling career that I am good at and recognized for, but it's not my whole personality and a career isn't necessary to be a whole person. People should be free to do what they want, but I do think it's healthy for their identities to expand beyond the boundaries of WOH or SAH.

I feel like this stems from insecurity, perhaps theyve been judged as lazy before and now make such a big fluff about how much they actually do.

I disagree because I know plenty of SAHM *and* WOHM moms that do this. I think some women bond over venting about the busyness of their lives, while recognizing that whether it’s their kids or their career, they wouldn’t change a thing. A SAHM going on and on about the chaos of travel soccer isn’t looking for you to feel bad for her, it’s more like an invitation for you to respond “ugh I totally get it! I am closing on two real estate deals tomorrow and the clients are being so difficult…let’s go grab a cocktail and forget about it all for an hour.”

+1. Yes! You get it. This is exactly it. And I complain about all of it - my kids, my work, my dogs. Whatever. It’s banter.

I'm a SAHM and I never complain about being busy (because I'm not), but lots of working parents tell me they know I must be crazy busy, and they talk about how busy they are too. I really do think it's just bonding.

If you are not busy, then your kids are small or don’t do any busy activities. I wasn’t busy either until my kids hit middle school. Now they are 13 and 16 and I honestly feel busier than when they were preschoolers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really think about it as a concept?

I know a few SAHMs who are the "I'm so busy I'm so busy listen to ALL THE THINGS I have to do!" type which is kind of in insufferable when it's a huge part of their personality. Not that I am judging, but it's an odd schtick and hard to be on the receiving end of because I never know how to respond. Am I supposed to share my work tasks? List my mom tasks? Tell them they are the #1 busiest? Steer the conversation to something else? When I used to SAH I did not do this, largely because I felt self-conscious.

I feel lucky to have a flexible yet fulfilling career that I am good at and recognized for, but it's not my whole personality and a career isn't necessary to be a whole person. People should be free to do what they want, but I do think it's healthy for their identities to expand beyond the boundaries of WOH or SAH.

I’m a sahm with 3 busy kids and I do say that we are busy. Now I feel self conscious to say that we are busy. We have 2-3 things per day in the afternoon. Our weekends are busy with tournaments, dance recitals and scouts.

To be fair, I think my friends (working and non working) also say they are busy. It isn’t some busy competition but it is just how we talk about our lives. I think of it more as a vent that we are always shuffling from one place to the next. Our kids are various ages.

Please don't feel self conscious based on other posters' judgmental notes. People who know you will hopefully not be evaluating everything you're saying with a focus on judgment. You can be a very busy SAHM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really think about it as a concept?

I know a few SAHMs who are the "I'm so busy I'm so busy listen to ALL THE THINGS I have to do!" type which is kind of in insufferable when it's a huge part of their personality. Not that I am judging, but it's an odd schtick and hard to be on the receiving end of because I never know how to respond. Am I supposed to share my work tasks? List my mom tasks? Tell them they are the #1 busiest? Steer the conversation to something else? When I used to SAH I did not do this, largely because I felt self-conscious.

I feel lucky to have a flexible yet fulfilling career that I am good at and recognized for, but it's not my whole personality and a career isn't necessary to be a whole person. People should be free to do what they want, but I do think it's healthy for their identities to expand beyond the boundaries of WOH or SAH.

I feel like this stems from insecurity, perhaps theyve been judged as lazy before and now make such a big fluff about how much they actually do.

I disagree because I know plenty of SAHM *and* WOHM moms that do this. I think some women bond over venting about the busyness of their lives, while recognizing that whether it’s their kids or their career, they wouldn’t change a thing. A SAHM going on and on about the chaos of travel soccer isn’t looking for you to feel bad for her, it’s more like an invitation for you to respond “ugh I totally get it! I am closing on two real estate deals tomorrow and the clients are being so difficult…let’s go grab a cocktail and forget about it all for an hour.”

+1. Yes! You get it. This is exactly it. And I complain about all of it - my kids, my work, my dogs. Whatever. It’s banter.

Yes! Glad to know you all exist!