Be honest- what do you think about women who are content to be just wives and mothers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inspired by a quote by Nicole Kosman’s character from the Expats. What do you truly think about women who just want to stay home, tend to the family and are happiest doing this if they can afford to?

I think as long as they're committed to the "homemaker" role and don't just see themselves as a "stay at home MOM" it's fine. Also acknowledge they have it easy and not whine about being a default parent and demand equal contribution in house chores from their husbands -- if you sign up for this, you sign up for the whole thing. You're not just a glorified nanny to your children. Do the job, recognize that it's a LOT easier than being employed, and smile a lot. Be sure to greet your husband at the door with a cocktail and a smile when he comes home.

Oh please, a lot of us have done both, and it is not always a lot easier than being employed. Lots of people say they'd go crazy if they stayed at home and that's because it is hard. The joy of putting the house behind you, and listening to music along the commute, hanging out with your adult peeps at work, and then bracing yourself for the onslaught on the way home ... it's real.

[Anonymous]

This thread is toxic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for them! Hope it works out.

This. But if it were my daughter I would be privately disappointed after spending so much money on sending her to college and then to not work professionally. I could have saved that money in my retirement instead and retired earlier. I do believe that the world needs more women in the workforce, especially in leadership roles and science, to change the status quo for all women.

There are plenty of women in the workforce. We have a female vice president, female governors, female senators. There are more female law school graduates than male. Medical school is about equal. More teachers are female. MIT has almost equal amounts of females and males. The leadership roles for women are rising every year.

It’s too bad you think women “waste” their education by not working at an office or wherever. It would be more disappointing if you didn’t pay for an education because your daughter chose to be a full time mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's great. I am perfectly content. I have a master's degree and worked a low paying job for about 10 years before staying home as child care for one would have been my entire salary and my job sucked. I planned to go back but then things popped up and they were more important.

Why are you so judgemental against others who make different lifestyle choices than yourself?

I am not saying it's okay to be judgemental -- but I admit I am. I am working on it.
I tend to think that they are a little borning, to be honest- - but it's more of a stereotype/assumption versus reality, I admit. I also admit I have a mix of pity and a bit of impatience about the obsession about things that don't need to be focused on. Again, working on it.
And I am actually an expat, and have found that those who don't work outside the home can be pretty small town in their thinking. but obviously there are exceptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get zero fulfillment from work personally, none. I do it for the money. I would feel fantastic having more time to workout, read, paint, garden...To me that is a much fuller life than mine now. I assume most women who are "just wives and moms" have such hobbies in addition to taking care of their families.

Oh-- and PP expat person here. i tend to think they CAN be a bit simple (not dumb, but straightforward) and I am a also a little jealous because hey, if it works for them, I wish it would work for me. I don't mean I have the $ to do it -- I mean, I know I wouldn't be happy but my life would be easier

[Anonymous]

I don't really think about it as a concept?

I know a few SAHMs who are the "I'm so busy I'm so busy listen to ALL THE THINGS I have to do!" type which is kind of in insufferable when it's a huge part of their personality. Not that I am judging, but it's an odd schtick and hard to be on the receiving end of because I never know how to respond. Am I supposed to share my work tasks? List my mom tasks? Tell them they are the #1 busiest? Steer the conversation to something else? When I used to SAH I did not do this, largely because I felt self-conscious.

I feel lucky to have a flexible yet fulfilling career that I am good at and recognized for, but it's not my whole personality and a career isn't necessary to be a whole person. People should be free to do what they want, but I do think it's healthy for their identities to expand beyond the boundaries of WOH or SAH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been reading this board for more than ten years, and have always worked, adn needed to work. I was a child prodigy and today am tremendously successful in a field of biomedicine where I both do good and make quite a bit of money.
I have a DH who also makes plenty of money and works hard, but not like big law.
AS my kids finish elementary school I am so, so, tired. I am not doing the best job at either my work, where I increasingly realize my colleagues are childless or empty nesters and fitness nuts. I have a SN child and my other is high needs. I have a fantastic nanny, family in town and a great, helpful DH who does it all, but there is still too much.

I do not know what the answer is and I could not SAH - my nanny is better at most things than me, and we are sending my kids to private to deal with the rest, but..it is too much. So if SAH is working for someone, who am I to judge? (I know this last comment is virtually sacrilege on DCUM, but I told you I was tired!)

The answer is not to have children if you want an important career. You can't do well at both. Chose the career -- and spare the humans you are forcing to sacrifice on your behalf.

What sexist misogynistic bullsh@t. Saying that working mothers should never have children? Wtf is wrong with you?

DP. Isn't the very question posed by the OP inherently sexist and misogynistic too? It's an invitation for women to judge other women based on gender roles and social expectations.

No one is saying that SAHM shouldn't have a career or a happy life. But this (and other) SAHM posters are saying that working mothers are failing as parents and shouldn't have children. You really think these are the same? You really think women who want to work and make money should not be allowed to have children?

It looks like my comment went over your head there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's great. I am perfectly content. I have a master's degree and worked a low paying job for about 10 years before staying home as child care for one would have been my entire salary and my job sucked. I planned to go back but then things popped up and they were more important.

Why are you so judgemental against others who make different lifestyle choices than yourself?

I am not saying it's okay to be judgemental -- but I admit I am. I am working on it.
I tend to think that they are a little borning, to be honest- - but it's more of a stereotype/assumption versus reality, I admit. I also admit I have a mix of pity and a bit of impatience about the obsession about things that don't need to be focused on. Again, working on it.
And I am actually an expat, and have found that those who don't work outside the home can be pretty small town in their thinking. but obviously there are exceptions.

Honestly, if you are posting here (esp given what you are posting), you are NOT working on being less judgmental. Posting here is pretty much leaning into your desire to be judgmental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't really think about it as a concept?

I know a few SAHMs who are the "I'm so busy I'm so busy listen to ALL THE THINGS I have to do!" type which is kind of in insufferable when it's a huge part of their personality. Not that I am judging, but it's an odd schtick and hard to be on the receiving end of because I never know how to respond. Am I supposed to share my work tasks? List my mom tasks? Tell them they are the #1 busiest? Steer the conversation to something else? When I used to SAH I did not do this, largely because I felt self-conscious.

I feel lucky to have a flexible yet fulfilling career that I am good at and recognized for, but it's not my whole personality and a career isn't necessary to be a whole person. People should be free to do what they want, but I do think it's healthy for their identities to expand beyond the boundaries of WOH or SAH.

I feel like this stems from insecurity, perhaps theyve been judged as lazy before and now make such a big fluff about how much they actually do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been reading this board for more than ten years, and have always worked, adn needed to work. I was a child prodigy and today am tremendously successful in a field of biomedicine where I both do good and make quite a bit of money.
I have a DH who also makes plenty of money and works hard, but not like big law.
AS my kids finish elementary school I am so, so, tired. I am not doing the best job at either my work, where I increasingly realize my colleagues are childless or empty nesters and fitness nuts. I have a SN child and my other is high needs. I have a fantastic nanny, family in town and a great, helpful DH who does it all, but there is still too much.

I do not know what the answer is and I could not SAH - my nanny is better at most things than me, and we are sending my kids to private to deal with the rest, but..it is too much. So if SAH is working for someone, who am I to judge? (I know this last comment is virtually sacrilege on DCUM, but I told you I was tired!)

The answer is not to have children if you want an important career. You can't do well at both. Chose the career -- and spare the humans you are forcing to sacrifice on your behalf.

What sexist misogynistic bullsh@t. Saying that working mothers should never have children? Wtf is wrong with you?

DP. Isn't the very question posed by the OP inherently sexist and misogynistic too? It's an invitation for women to judge other women based on gender roles and social expectations.

No one is saying that SAHM shouldn't have a career or a happy life. But this (and other) SAHM posters are saying that working mothers are failing as parents and shouldn't have children. You really think these are the same? You really think women who want to work and make money should not be allowed to have children?

It looks like my comment went over your head there.

So you do think that women who want to work shouldn't be allowed to have children? That's a really awful POV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Inspired by a quote by Nicole Kosman’s character from the Expats. What do you truly think about women who just want to stay home, tend to the family and are happiest doing this if they can afford to?

I think as long as they're committed to the "homemaker" role and don't just see themselves as a "stay at home MOM" it's fine. Also acknowledge they have it easy and not whine about being a default parent and demand equal contribution in house chores from their husbands -- if you sign up for this, you sign up for the whole thing. You're not just a glorified nanny to your children. Do the job, recognize that it's a LOT easier than being employed, and smile a lot. Be sure to greet your husband at the door with a cocktail and a smile when he comes home.

And here come the misogynists telling women they need to smile more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You mean people like me, who are very well-read, can discuss most current events with intelligence and some background knowledge, and also earn significant passive income from my dividends?

I'm doing great, thank you. Feel free to think whatever you want about me.

NP. There is always some version of this post whenever the mommy-war threads start. You don't sound great and secure. You sound bothered and insecure.

To the OP: I don't have a single answer for your question. You know why? Because I try to take each person as an individual and find something good in each person. You shouldn't generalize about all women who are not working (other than managing a house/raising kids). I'm most interested in whether you are a kind person, interesting to talk to, a good listener, etc. And each woman who is a SAHM or wife has her own story of how she got there.

[Anonymous]

It wouldn’t be for me but who am I to judge. Women can be miserable regardless of the choices they make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't really think about it as a concept?

I know a few SAHMs who are the "I'm so busy I'm so busy listen to ALL THE THINGS I have to do!" type which is kind of in insufferable when it's a huge part of their personality. Not that I am judging, but it's an odd schtick and hard to be on the receiving end of because I never know how to respond. Am I supposed to share my work tasks? List my mom tasks? Tell them they are the #1 busiest? Steer the conversation to something else? When I used to SAH I did not do this, largely because I felt self-conscious.

I feel lucky to have a flexible yet fulfilling career that I am good at and recognized for, but it's not my whole personality and a career isn't necessary to be a whole person. People should be free to do what they want, but I do think it's healthy for their identities to expand beyond the boundaries of WOH or SAH.

I’m a sahm with 3 busy kids and I do say that we are busy. Now I feel self conscious to say that we are busy. We have 2-3 things per day in the afternoon. Our weekends are busy with tournaments, dance recitals and scouts.

To be fair, I think my friends (working and non working) also say they are busy. It isn’t some busy competition but it is just how we talk about our lives. I think of it more as a vent that we are always shuffling from one place to the next. Our kids are various ages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really think about it as a concept?

I know a few SAHMs who are the "I'm so busy I'm so busy listen to ALL THE THINGS I have to do!" type which is kind of in insufferable when it's a huge part of their personality. Not that I am judging, but it's an odd schtick and hard to be on the receiving end of because I never know how to respond. Am I supposed to share my work tasks? List my mom tasks? Tell them they are the #1 busiest? Steer the conversation to something else? When I used to SAH I did not do this, largely because I felt self-conscious.

I feel lucky to have a flexible yet fulfilling career that I am good at and recognized for, but it's not my whole personality and a career isn't necessary to be a whole person. People should be free to do what they want, but I do think it's healthy for their identities to expand beyond the boundaries of WOH or SAH.

I feel like this stems from insecurity, perhaps theyve been judged as lazy before and now make such a big fluff about how much they actually do.

I disagree because I know plenty of SAHM *and* WOHM moms that do this. I think some women bond over venting about the busyness of their lives, while recognizing that whether it’s their kids or their career, they wouldn’t change a thing. A SAHM going on and on about the chaos of travel soccer isn’t looking for you to feel bad for her, it’s more like an invitation for you to respond “ugh I totally get it! I am closing on two real estate deals tomorrow and the clients are being so difficult…let’s go grab a cocktail and forget about it all for an hour.”