Disgusted by Wife’s Obesity But Don’t Want a Divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obesity is heavily linked to poor health. Even 20 - 40 pounds overweight is linked to poor health markers particularly in the 40 pound number OP mentioned.

True, but being mildly overweight is associated with better health.

You don’t know where OPs wife started.

If she’s 5’2” and started at 100 lbs, and is now 140lbs, she is barely overweight. To be obese, she would have had to be overweight to start with.

Huh? At 5'2" that is about 30 pounds overweight.

No. 135 pounds is a normal BMI at 5 foot two. Look it up.

Overweight starts at 136. https://www.bmi-chart.info/

Not that I need a chart to tell me a 5'2" woman is overweight at 140. And women that short do NOT carry that weight well at all.

The BMI standard is really quite forgiving. My wife is 5'6" and 120. I remember when she was mid pregnancy and got up to 140. She was... a big girl. I can't imagine someone 5'2" thinking they're any semblance of healthy at that weight. Wife felt HUGE at 140.

I’m 5’6 and 180 and not that overweight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obesity is heavily linked to poor health. Even 20 - 40 pounds overweight is linked to poor health markers particularly in the 40 pound number OP mentioned.

True, but being mildly overweight is associated with better health.

You don’t know where OPs wife started.

If she’s 5’2” and started at 100 lbs, and is now 140lbs, she is barely overweight. To be obese, she would have had to be overweight to start with.

Huh? At 5'2" that is about 30 pounds overweight.

No. 135 pounds is a normal BMI at 5 foot two. Look it up.

Overweight starts at 136. https://www.bmi-chart.info/

Not that I need a chart to tell me a 5'2" woman is overweight at 140. And women that short do NOT carry that weight well at all.

The BMI standard is really quite forgiving. My wife is 5'6" and 120. I remember when she was mid pregnancy and got up to 140. She was... a big girl. I can't imagine someone 5'2" thinking they're any semblance of healthy at that weight. Wife felt HUGE at 140.

I’m 5’6 and 180 and not that overweight

You are at least 40 pounds overweight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obesity is heavily linked to poor health. Even 20 - 40 pounds overweight is linked to poor health markers particularly in the 40 pound number OP mentioned.

True, but being mildly overweight is associated with better health.

You don’t know where OPs wife started.

If she’s 5’2” and started at 100 lbs, and is now 140lbs, she is barely overweight. To be obese, she would have had to be overweight to start with.

Huh? At 5'2" that is about 30 pounds overweight.

No. 135 pounds is a normal BMI at 5 foot two. Look it up.

Overweight starts at 136. https://www.bmi-chart.info/

Not that I need a chart to tell me a 5'2" woman is overweight at 140. And women that short do NOT carry that weight well at all.

The BMI standard is really quite forgiving. My wife is 5'6" and 120. I remember when she was mid pregnancy and got up to 140. She was... a big girl. I can't imagine someone 5'2" thinking they're any semblance of healthy at that weight. Wife felt HUGE at 140.

140 pounds is not HUGE.

It's huge on a 5'2" woman. That woman would have no waist line at all. Just belly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her health matters to you and is important for your kids. It should not be a conversation about "her wanting to look good for you" (freaking shallow that); but about you and her children loving her and wanting her to stay alive and healthy.

Of course, she knows this, but sometimes we have to hear the difficult words coming from an unselfish place of love and concern. Unfortunately, that is not where you are coming from, so I don't expect you'll be able to fool her and the conversation will go poorly.

Maybe take up hiking as a family.

This is basically the approach I took with my DH. He had put on 120+ lbs.since we got married 14 years ago. I gained about 20 after two pregnancies. go

We went on a fateful hike last summer. Fateful because he was so winded I though he was going to have a heart attack. I told him that he was slowmo committing suicide and that If he didn't get serious about his health I would need to prepare to be a widow. I changed my own eating habits (fewer carbs) and started working out in earnest (adding weights) so I wouldn't be a hypocrite and lost @ 15 lbs. He has started changing his diet and.working out. With the pandemic and WAH, he is working out daily and has lost @32 lbs. With his weight loss and his motivation I'm finding him much more attractive and were having sex more often. REally, it's the fall t that he cares enough to do this.for me and the kids and he's making the effort that I find most attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her health matters to you and is important for your kids. It should not be a conversation about "her wanting to look good for you" (freaking shallow that); but about you and her children loving her and wanting her to stay alive and healthy.

Of course, she knows this, but sometimes we have to hear the difficult words coming from an unselfish place of love and concern. Unfortunately, that is not where you are coming from, so I don't expect you'll be able to fool her and the conversation will go poorly.

Maybe take up hiking as a family.

This is basically the approach I took with my DH. He had put on 120+ lbs.since we got married 14 years ago. I gained about 20 after two pregnancies. go

We went on a fateful hike last summer. Fateful because he was so winded I though he was going to have a heart attack. I told him that he was slowmo committing suicide and that If he didn't get serious about his health I would need to prepare to be a widow. I changed my own eating habits (fewer carbs) and started working out in earnest (adding weights) so I wouldn't be a hypocrite and lost @ 15 lbs. He has started changing his diet and.working out. With the pandemic and WAH, he is working out daily and has lost @32 lbs. With his weight loss and his motivation I'm finding him much more attractive and were having sex more often. REally, it's the fall t that he cares enough to do this.for me and the kids and he's making the effort that I find most attractive.

Interesting story. I see this a lot at Disney. There are large swaths of morbidly obese parents at Disney that have a difficult time walking the park. They have young children. It is a health emergency waiting to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obesity is heavily linked to poor health. Even 20 - 40 pounds overweight is linked to poor health markers particularly in the 40 pound number OP mentioned.

True, but being mildly overweight is associated with better health.

You don’t know where OPs wife started.

If she’s 5’2” and started at 100 lbs, and is now 140lbs, she is barely overweight. To be obese, she would have had to be overweight to start with.

Huh? At 5'2" that is about 30 pounds overweight.

No. 135 pounds is a normal BMI at 5 foot two. Look it up.

Overweight starts at 136. https://www.bmi-chart.info/

Not that I need a chart to tell me a 5'2" woman is overweight at 140. And women that short do NOT carry that weight well at all.

The BMI standard is really quite forgiving. My wife is 5'6" and 120. I remember when she was mid pregnancy and got up to 140. She was... a big girl. I can't imagine someone 5'2" thinking they're any semblance of healthy at that weight. Wife felt HUGE at 140.

I’m 5’6 and 180 and not that overweight

I'm 5'6" I've been 185 pounds. I felt like a slug. I could only wear tent type dresses. My face was massively puffy. I'm around 140# now. I feel much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I'm OP's wife. He's lying about why he doesn't want a divorce. He doesn't want a divorce because he doesn't want to lose his lifestyle. He didn't tell you that I make all the money in this relationship and he would have nothing if he left me.

I'll admit that I'm fat. I'm trying to lose weight, but I'm tired. And I'm depressed, and he's a huge asshole, and his lack of sensitivity and passive aggressiveness is not helping the situation.

Also, the sex has never been very good, so it's not like I'm missing out on anything. I do a better job of satisfying myself than he ever did.

If you are the OP's wife, are you looking into a divorce now? I sure hope so.

I sure would be, if my husband announced he found me disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Let me tell you something shocking. Everything about everyone is easily replaced. No one is unique and irreplaceable except maybe a child to their parents.

If PP's spouse bails, she'll replace him. Are you somehow under the impression that only skinny or conventionally attractive people have relationships / get married or have sex? The population of the US alone would've taken a serious hit already if that were the case.

No, you're quite incorrect. She may find another sex partner, true. But finding a husband is a different story altogether.

Really? I'm incorrect? Fat people don't get married, only skinny people?

That's just a silly statement to make, considering half the country is overweight.

[Anonymous]

My DH is about 40 pounds overweight and borderline obese. The weight is a turnoff, and I do worry about his health. (And worry that he might have a heart attack during sex, no joke.)
But I would never think of divorcing him over it.

[Anonymous]

I wonder who the folks are that feel compelled to come on a thread like this and issue edits about what weight makes a woman "huge."

I'm guessing men, for starters. I'm guessing they themselves are carrying more than a little extra weight, because it is always dudes with a beer gut who want to police how much space women take up in the world.

To the woman who thinks OP might be her partner: You don't owe him anything. If you, yourself, for your own health, want to make some changes, go for it. But being thin or "beautiful" are not the taxes a woman should have to pay in order to exist in public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she have time to work out when she wants to? Saying "well she has time once the kids go to bed" doesn't count.

+1. I’ve started saying, taking a shower isn’t “me time,” I’m just taking a damn shower. Also, especially with Covid, we all have NO free time. So it’s annoyingly when my husband acts like I’m being gifted 8-10 PM, when I’ve spent 5 AM - 8 PM, teleworking, taking care of children, preparing three meals a day. He’s working too. But come on, a shower isn’t “me time.”

[Anonymous]

Wife is unhappy. Unhappy people become overeating alcoholics. Did she give up her job when she had the baby? I did and was much happier when I went back to work. Also, 99% of the problem is food shopping. If you do ALL the food shopping and cooking and make sure there are no breads, pastas, pastries, sugar, desserts/carb in the house or in the table, what is there? If it’s in the house now, throw it away.

Exercise does not help lose weight. That is a lie. It’s 99% food. So she needs to be drinking lots and lots of water and ice teas and ice coffees (no sugar, no milk, no calories) and eating lots of greens and fish. It will fall off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she have time to work out when she wants to? Saying "well she has time once the kids go to bed" doesn't count.

+1. I’ve started saying, taking a shower isn’t “me time,” I’m just taking a damn shower. Also, especially with Covid, we all have NO free time. So it’s annoyingly when my husband acts like I’m being gifted 8-10 PM, when I’ve spent 5 AM - 8 PM, teleworking, taking care of children, preparing three meals a day. He’s working too. But come on, a shower isn’t “me time.”

AMEN. AMEN.

I am shouting at the top of my lungs. Yes, seriously, do all of our husbands go to some male school together? Ahhhhhhh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I'm OP's wife. He's lying about why he doesn't want a divorce. He doesn't want a divorce because he doesn't want to lose his lifestyle. He didn't tell you that I make all the money in this relationship and he would have nothing if he left me.

I'll admit that I'm fat. I'm trying to lose weight, but I'm tired. And I'm depressed, and he's a huge asshole, and his lack of sensitivity and passive aggressiveness is not helping the situation.

Also, the sex has never been very good, so it's not like I'm missing out on anything. I do a better job of satisfying myself than he ever did.

Get yourself in a good position then to get rid of all that extra weight. I'm talking about the 200 lb dead weight you are carrying.

Good at least you don't have to do the duty sex with him anymore. You'd be happier alone imo. And around people who don't put you down.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she’s depressed. Make sure she has some support and time for herself (real time) and maybe that will help.