Disgusted by Wife’s Obesity But Don’t Want a Divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope she divorces you and finds some man who likes a little more cushion for the pushin

only low class guys like extra

Pierce Brosnan likes extra

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Presumably the same mirrors you have at home work for your wife, right? Maybe she doesn't want to be attractive to/for you.

OP here. I was never the worlds most attractive guy, but I’m basically the same I was when we got married. About 10 lbs heavier maybe half muscle half fat. Far stronger and fitter now.

Did you grow 2 or more babies in your womb for 9 months each, push them out of your vagina, and breastfeed them for a few months? Did you suffer any traumatic (emotionally or physically) injuries from that?

Do you help with the cooking, cleaning, child rearing (without her asking you), schedule doctor and orthodontist appointments, do the laundry, make your bed, plan birthday parties, sign permission slips, buy birthday presents, and carry half the mental load for the family?

I sympathize with your situation and wish your DW all the luck in her health/exercise journey but you sound like a jerk.

All of the above is ridiculous. Tons of us do all that stuff but don’t eat or drink ourselves into obesity. I had three big babies by c-section and my tummy looks awful but I do my best to keep the rest of me in decent shape. Yes, over time we all put on a few pounds but if you care about how you look you will reduce calories and try to get more exercise. But you have to want to do it and it doesn’t sound like she cares.

[Anonymous]

I could be your wife OP. I have put on 40 lbs and it’s due to emotional eating. Depression and anxiety. What’s the state of your marriage? If we were to talk to your wife, how would she rate you as a husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope she divorces you and finds some man who likes a little more cushion for the pushin

only low class guys like extra

+100
Because they’re standards are lower which raises their chances of getting sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could be your wife OP. I have put on 40 lbs and it’s due to emotional eating. Depression and anxiety. What’s the state of your marriage? If we were to talk to your wife, how would she rate you as a husband?

Ah, of course. It’s his fault. God forbid you hold her, an adult human being, responsible for her own actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope she divorces you and finds some man who likes a little more cushion for the pushin

only low class guys like extra

Pierce Brosnan likes extra

Oh yes and he’s the ONLY one! Name another? I’ll wait.. ..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could be your wife OP. I have put on 40 lbs and it’s due to emotional eating. Depression and anxiety. What’s the state of your marriage? If we were to talk to your wife, how would she rate you as a husband?

Ah, of course. It’s his fault. God forbid you hold her, an adult human being, responsible for her own actions.

Did the man make a vow or not? Seems like keeping your word is a pretty big part of being responsible.

[Anonymous]

I started working out in my 40s. DH saw what I was doing and joined in. We have both become very fit. I would say something similar has happened to you but your wife isn’t interested.

I would look at marriage counselling. It doesn’t sound like she is all that interested in the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife is about 40 pounds overweight and short. She’s obese. I’m not really attracted to her anymore. Weight gain mostly started 5 years after last kid—this is not kid related. She just stopped working out and started eating more and more sweets and drinking more and more wine.

She doesn’t seem to care about looking good for me. Also a terrible role mode for our kids.

But I don’t want to hurt our kids with divorce. (The rest of our relationship is ok—not amazing or terrible.)

Any suggestions *from women* about how to talk to wife?

OP, is it possible that she has a food and/or alcohol addiction? (One sign is if she has family members who suffer from addiction.) If so, you can't talk her into anything. If this is her problem, I recommend attending Al-Anon for families and friends of alcoholics. Currently there are zoom meetings online. Another approach would be to consult with a therapist who is experienced in dealing with families with addictions.

I don't know if that is what is going on here, but if it is, you need help focusing on taking care of yourself and not trying to change her. This really sucks. I'm sorry. I hope things get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope she divorces you and finds some man who likes a little more cushion for the pushin

+1

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she's depressed. The not having any motivation is a pretty good indicator. She probably feels bad about herself, feels bad about how you view her, and is doing a lot of self loathing. Have you tried a different approach?

[Anonymous]

Potential strategy: you get really fat too over the next year wake up one day like "I can't go on like this" and then lose the weight together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. I would tell her how you feel. Tell her that her extra weight is bothering you and ask what you can do to help her get healthier.

+1. And follow through with it!
Act like she is an alcoholic. Don’t go anywhere that puts her in a tough situation for a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try hiring a full-time babysitter 3 days a week and telling your wife 'this is your time' but I want to go with you to a personal trainer I found.

Or better yet, you take the kids from after dinner until bedtime 3-5 days a week and tell her to do what she wants for a few hours.

And if she wants to eat chocolate and drink wine?

[Anonymous]

Listen to the book “tiny habits” when she is around. It has lots of ideas for weight loss and healthy eating in a non-shaming way. I’ve made so many changes for the better with myself and I didn’t even buy it for weight loss purposes. But listen to it under the cover of wanting to make some sort of improvement to yourself.