Disgusted by Wife’s Obesity But Don’t Want a Divorce

[Anonymous]

NP here. I reconnected with a HS crush about 20 yrs after graduation. We spoke by phone for a couple of months before I visited her. She opened the door to greet me and I was shocked that she had gained 75 lbs in those 20 yrs. We tried dating for a while, and at one point, I gave her the "gift" of a personal trainer (she quickly gave up on it). I remember explaining to a close relative that I didn't think I could continue the relationship because I was so turned off by her weight. The relative (also overweight) was struck by - and disappointed in - my superficiality. I asked the relative, if my girlfriend weighed 1000 lbs if my opinion would be OK, and she said she could understand being turned off in that situation, but not my own since my HS friend wasn't that obese. So I explained that we're both flawed, superficial people - the differences between us were just based on individual tastes, not differences in character. Luckily, the physical distance and commitment to our local careers was an equally viable reason for the eventual breakup.

[Anonymous]

Obesity is heavily linked to poor health. Even 20 - 40 pounds overweight is linked to poor health markers particularly in the 40 pound number OP mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obesity is heavily linked to poor health. Even 20 - 40 pounds overweight is linked to poor health markers particularly in the 40 pound number OP mentioned.

True, but being mildly overweight is associated with better health.

You don’t know where OPs wife started.

If she’s 5’2” and started at 100 lbs, and is now 140lbs, she is barely overweight. To be obese, she would have had to be overweight to start with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weight gain is complex and yes linked to hormones. The more overweight you are, the more your hormones work against losing weight. We live in a world of giant portions, drive thru style eating, sugar in everything and for many, high stress with low satisfaction in life. All of this leads to the growing obesity issue.

This does not mean it's OP,s fault or responsibility to fix. He can support his wife's decision to lose weight, which takes a lot of work, but no amount of taking on more chores or look g healthy food will help unless she is committed to losing weight and educated about changing habits. That's when his suppoo and encouragement is key. And while I get that bearing children and high stress jobs/,lives,/kids can make it hard , eating crap and overeating and overdrinking are poor coping mechanisms and set poor examples. I know all this because I struggle too with it. It's really hard and it's hard on a marriage. But there should be room.for.a.spouse to express concern (not disgust) empathy and offer support.

If I hear one more stupid hormone excuse I’m going to explode! Please stop already. All it boils down to is the desire and will power. Calories in calories out! At almost 60 I still have a kickass body. Why? Because I want it! Gym gym gym and a little restraint ffs. I’m no different than any other woman on the planet.

Sounds like you have a buttload of support if you are getting to the gym all of the time.

Again with the excuses! During this time with gyms closed I haven’t been exercising like I usually do but guess what!? I have been careful with my calorie intake. Hmm maybe I have a really high IQ.. So is you can’t get to the gym duct tape your mouth.

Yup. Psychopath.

Yup. total psychopath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife knows if she gained 15 pounds I'd be outta here. That's not what I signed up for.

Very interested in the vows you wrote for your wedding. “Till death of 15 pounds of adipose tissue do us part”??? WTF. Please go get a chronic illness so your equally shallow spouse can dump you.

[Anonymous]

Dashing Pierce Brosnan is married to Keely Shay Smith, a beautiful woman who gained a lot of weight. They always look very much in love. You're not very evolved. If she stank or something i could understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I reconnected with a HS crush about 20 yrs after graduation. We spoke by phone for a couple of months before I visited her. She opened the door to greet me and I was shocked that she had gained 75 lbs in those 20 yrs. We tried dating for a while, and at one point, I gave her the "gift" of a personal trainer (she quickly gave up on it). I remember explaining to a close relative that I didn't think I could continue the relationship because I was so turned off by her weight. The relative (also overweight) was struck by - and disappointed in - my superficiality. I asked the relative, if my girlfriend weighed 1000 lbs if my opinion would be OK, and she said she could understand being turned off in that situation, but not my own since my HS friend wasn't that obese. So I explained that we're both flawed, superficial people - the differences between us were just based on individual tastes, not differences in character. Luckily, the physical distance and commitment to our local careers was an equally viable reason for the eventual breakup.

wait, aren't you the guy who posted this in other threads but also indicated that you were married? I think you've got bigger character issues than just not liking someone because of weight.

[Anonymous]

Watch 'King of Queens' episode Gym Neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always hate the “take a family walk” responses on these threads. Assholes are assholes, but normal people honestly believing that “taking a walk” is some kind of huge lifestyle change for those of us in a size 12 is so insulting.

It sort of explains a lot when you think about how many people think that taking a cute little stroll around the neighborhood is all it takes to lose weight/get fit.

I am jealous of those people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obesity is heavily linked to poor health. Even 20 - 40 pounds overweight is linked to poor health markers particularly in the 40 pound number OP mentioned.

True, but being mildly overweight is associated with better health.

You don’t know where OPs wife started.

If she’s 5’2” and started at 100 lbs, and is now 140lbs, she is barely overweight. To be obese, she would have had to be overweight to start with.

Huh? At 5'2" that is about 30 pounds overweight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obesity is heavily linked to poor health. Even 20 - 40 pounds overweight is linked to poor health markers particularly in the 40 pound number OP mentioned.

True, but being mildly overweight is associated with better health.

You don’t know where OPs wife started.

If she’s 5’2” and started at 100 lbs, and is now 140lbs, she is barely overweight. To be obese, she would have had to be overweight to start with.

Huh? At 5'2" that is about 30 pounds overweight.

No. 135 pounds is a normal BMI at 5 foot two. Look it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could be your wife OP. I have put on 40 lbs and it’s due to emotional eating. Depression and anxiety. What’s the state of your marriage? If we were to talk to your wife, how would she rate you as a husband?

+1 I bet she has other symptoms of depression and/or anxiety if the weight gain is at 40 pounds. That's a lot to gain even if you're tall. It's not that she's rejecting you as a person or stopped respecting you or is trying to harm you.
Something is going on with her in her mind. She has lost self esteem and struggling with something mentally.
So you suggesting working out together or eating healthier together will fall on deaf ears until she works through whatever emotional stuff she's going through. And I'm saying this as a woman who went through something similar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obesity is heavily linked to poor health. Even 20 - 40 pounds overweight is linked to poor health markers particularly in the 40 pound number OP mentioned.

True, but being mildly overweight is associated with better health.

You don’t know where OPs wife started.

If she’s 5’2” and started at 100 lbs, and is now 140lbs, she is barely overweight. To be obese, she would have had to be overweight to start with.

Huh? At 5'2" that is about 30 pounds overweight.

No. 135 pounds is a normal BMI at 5 foot two. Look it up.

Overweight starts at 136. https://www.bmi-chart.info/

Not that I need a chart to tell me a 5'2" woman is overweight at 140. And women that short do NOT carry that weight well at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obesity is heavily linked to poor health. Even 20 - 40 pounds overweight is linked to poor health markers particularly in the 40 pound number OP mentioned.

True, but being mildly overweight is associated with better health.

You don’t know where OPs wife started.

If she’s 5’2” and started at 100 lbs, and is now 140lbs, she is barely overweight. To be obese, she would have had to be overweight to start with.

Huh? At 5'2" that is about 30 pounds overweight.

No. 135 pounds is a normal BMI at 5 foot two. Look it up.

Overweight starts at 136. https://www.bmi-chart.info/

Not that I need a chart to tell me a 5'2" woman is overweight at 140. And women that short do NOT carry that weight well at all.

The BMI standard is really quite forgiving. My wife is 5'6" and 120. I remember when she was mid pregnancy and got up to 140. She was... a big girl. I can't imagine someone 5'2" thinking they're any semblance of healthy at that weight. Wife felt HUGE at 140.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obesity is heavily linked to poor health. Even 20 - 40 pounds overweight is linked to poor health markers particularly in the 40 pound number OP mentioned.

True, but being mildly overweight is associated with better health.

You don’t know where OPs wife started.

If she’s 5’2” and started at 100 lbs, and is now 140lbs, she is barely overweight. To be obese, she would have had to be overweight to start with.

Huh? At 5'2" that is about 30 pounds overweight.

No. 135 pounds is a normal BMI at 5 foot two. Look it up.

Overweight starts at 136. https://www.bmi-chart.info/

Not that I need a chart to tell me a 5'2" woman is overweight at 140. And women that short do NOT carry that weight well at all.

The BMI standard is really quite forgiving. My wife is 5'6" and 120. I remember when she was mid pregnancy and got up to 140. She was... a big girl. I can't imagine someone 5'2" thinking they're any semblance of healthy at that weight. Wife felt HUGE at 140.

140 pounds is not HUGE.