Disgusted by Wife’s Obesity But Don’t Want a Divorce

[Anonymous]

Wife is about 40 pounds overweight and short. She’s obese. I’m not really attracted to her anymore. Weight gain mostly started 5 years after last kid—this is not kid related. She just stopped working out and started eating more and more sweets and drinking more and more wine.

She doesn’t seem to care about looking good for me. Also a terrible role mode for our kids.

But I don’t want to hurt our kids with divorce. (The rest of our relationship is ok—not amazing or terrible.)

Any suggestions *from women* about how to talk to wife?

[Anonymous]

Presumably the same mirrors you have at home work for your wife, right? Maybe she doesn't want to be attractive to/for you.

[Anonymous]

Try hiring a full-time babysitter 3 days a week and telling your wife 'this is your time' but I want to go with you to a personal trainer I found.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try hiring a full-time babysitter 3 days a week and telling your wife 'this is your time' but I want to go with you to a personal trainer I found.

Or better yet, you take the kids from after dinner until bedtime 3-5 days a week and tell her to do what she wants for a few hours.

[Anonymous]

Does she have time to work out when she wants to? Saying "well she has time once the kids go to bed" doesn't count.

[Anonymous]

I couldn't live with wife + 40lbs. Kids will get over. Divorce is what I recommend.

[Anonymous]

It’s pretty simple. She needs to stop pigging out. No amount of working out can counteract a diet that put on 40 extra pounds.

[Anonymous]

I think the kindest and most effective way to do this is to set an example with your own health/fitness, and if she’s the one cooking the dinners, to ask for healthier meals. Frame any discussions about weight or health around your own “journey”, and hopefully she will either be inspired or get the hint.

[Anonymous]

Her health matters to you and is important for your kids. It should not be a conversation about "her wanting to look good for you" (freaking shallow that); but about you and her children loving her and wanting her to stay alive and healthy.

Of course, she knows this, but sometimes we have to hear the difficult words coming from an unselfish place of love and concern. Unfortunately, that is not where you are coming from, so I don't expect you'll be able to fool her and the conversation will go poorly.

Maybe take up hiking as a family.

[Anonymous]

Volunteer to do the grocery shopping from now on.

[Anonymous]

I hope she divorces you and finds some man who likes a little more cushion for the pushin

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope she divorces you and finds some man who likes a little more cushion for the pushin

only low class guys like extra

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife is about 40 pounds overweight and short. She’s obese. I’m not really attracted to her anymore. Weight gain mostly started 5 years after last kid—this is not kid related. She just stopped working out and started eating more and more sweets and drinking more and more wine.

She doesn’t seem to care about looking good for me. Also a terrible role mode for our kids.

But I don’t want to hurt our kids with divorce. (The rest of our relationship is ok—not amazing or terrible.)

Any suggestions *from women* about how to talk to wife?

May not be pregnancy related, but often it's kid related.

Does she have time to work out? Actual time, not "after the kids go to bed" or "she can wake up an hour earlier". Pitch in with the kids more and take over morning/evening routines so she can get a workout in.

Who cooks? Take over half of the cooking (breakfast, lunch, and dinner - not just 3 dinners a week) and make healthy food.

The wine is a coping mechanism for something. What's she stressed about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Presumably the same mirrors you have at home work for your wife, right? Maybe she doesn't want to be attractive to/for you.

OP here. I was never the worlds most attractive guy, but I’m basically the same I was when we got married. About 10 lbs heavier maybe half muscle half fat. Far stronger and fitter now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try hiring a full-time babysitter 3 days a week and telling your wife 'this is your time' but I want to go with you to a personal trainer I found.

OP here. She has frequently declined when I tried to suggest joint activities and workouts.