Disgusted by Wife’s Obesity But Don’t Want a Divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my nightmare as a man

Just don't get married. And if you feel like you might want to get married, read this board for an hour or so and it will cure you of those feelings very quickly, if not forever. it works for me.

If you want to see what your wife will look like when she’s older, take a look at her mother.

THIS! Mother’s appearance will reflect both genetics and ingrained attitudes about lifestyle and physical fitness, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my nightmare as a man

Just don't get married. And if you feel like you might want to get married, read this board for an hour or so and it will cure you of those feelings very quickly, if not forever. it works for me.

If you want to see what your wife will look like when she’s older, take a look at her mother.

THIS! Mother’s appearance will reflect both genetics and ingrained attitudes about lifestyle and physical fitness, etc.

Meh. My facial features look like my mom’s, but that’s where the resemblance ends. We have very different body types.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If you've got an entire pool of women willing to date you, what do you care what one 45-year-old thinks?

I care because she might have an interesting perspective on why she thinks what she does. Is that not what this board is about, people sharing perspectives?

Because I do not want to date her does not mean that I do not care what she thinks.

If she does not want to date men over 45, and she is 45, who does she date? I am curious because her outlook is different than mine for any number of reasons (e.g., age, gender, etc.)

Do you want to date people older than you? If not, who do you date? Why do you assume it’s any different for you than for her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obesity is heavily linked to poor health. Even 20 - 40 pounds overweight is linked to poor health markers particularly in the 40 pound number OP mentioned.

True, but being mildly overweight is associated with better health.

You don’t know where OPs wife started.

If she’s 5’2” and started at 100 lbs, and is now 140lbs, she is barely overweight. To be obese, she would have had to be overweight to start with.

Huh? At 5'2" that is about 30 pounds overweight.

No. 135 pounds is a normal BMI at 5 foot two. Look it up.

Overweight starts at 136. https://www.bmi-chart.info/

Not that I need a chart to tell me a 5'2" woman is overweight at 140. And women that short do NOT carry that weight well at all.

The BMI standard is really quite forgiving. My wife is 5'6" and 120. I remember when she was mid pregnancy and got up to 140. She was... a big girl. I can't imagine someone 5'2" thinking they're any semblance of healthy at that weight. Wife felt HUGE at 140.

Your wife is underweight at her current weight. Just because you like skeletal women doesn’t make someone 5’6” and 140 a “big girl” as you so charmingly put it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wife is unhappy. Unhappy people become overeating alcoholics. Did she give up her job when she had the baby? I did and was much happier when I went back to work. Also, 99% of the problem is food shopping. If you do ALL the food shopping and cooking and make sure there are no breads, pastas, pastries, sugar, desserts/carb in the house or in the table, what is there? If it’s in the house now, throw it away.

Exercise does not help lose weight. That is a lie. It’s 99% food. So she needs to be drinking lots and lots of water and ice teas and ice coffees (no sugar, no milk, no calories) and eating lots of greens and fish. It will fall off.

Ridiculous. These can all be eaten in moderation. If my spouse threw out a bunch of my food, I’d simply go buy more. And rip them a new hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband loves me. No matter what I've looked like. For 36 years and counting. And he's supportive. He's bald, we're both aging, I've had health issues along the way, and it doesn't interfere with our actual relationship.

Everyone should be loved.

Try dropping 20-30 pounds and see how much more he loves/lusts after you.

If I dropped 20-30 pounds I’d weigh 80-90 pounds and be dead, most likely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife is unhappy. Unhappy people become overeating alcoholics. Did she give up her job when she had the baby? I did and was much happier when I went back to work. Also, 99% of the problem is food shopping. If you do ALL the food shopping and cooking and make sure there are no breads, pastas, pastries, sugar, desserts/carb in the house or in the table, what is there? If it’s in the house now, throw it away.

Exercise does not help lose weight. That is a lie. It’s 99% food. So she needs to be drinking lots and lots of water and ice teas and ice coffees (no sugar, no milk, no calories) and eating lots of greens and fish. It will fall off.

Ridiculous. These can all be eaten in moderation. If my spouse threw out a bunch of my food, I’d simply go buy more. And rip them a new hole.

I would definitely lose the few extra Covid pounds I’m carrying if DH would stop buying so much ice cream. I am home 24/7, in a house with delicious ice cream bars...my willpower can’t handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my nightmare as a man

Just don't get married. And if you feel like you might want to get married, read this board for an hour or so and it will cure you of those feelings very quickly, if not forever. it works for me.

I thought it was me who wrote this !

I love being a single mom by choice. If I date an a-hole, I break up with him. No need for divorce. And, I could never give another human legal access to my child as long as I am alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband loves me. No matter what I've looked like. For 36 years and counting. And he's supportive. He's bald, we're both aging, I've had health issues along the way, and it doesn't interfere with our actual relationship.

Everyone should be loved.

Try dropping 20-30 pounds and see how much more he loves/lusts after you.

If I dropped 20-30 pounds I’d weigh 80-90 pounds and be dead, most likely.

I got very sick when i spend a month in India I dropped down to 90 pounds from 110. (I am 5/1") When I finally got home my parents met me at the plane and said I looked like an Auschwitz survivor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I'm OP's wife. He's lying about why he doesn't want a divorce. He doesn't want a divorce because he doesn't want to lose his lifestyle. He didn't tell you that I make all the money in this relationship and he would have nothing if he left me.

I'll admit that I'm fat. I'm trying to lose weight, but I'm tired. And I'm depressed, and he's a huge asshole, and his lack of sensitivity and passive aggressiveness is not helping the situation.

Also, the sex has never been very good, so it's not like I'm missing out on anything. I do a better job of satisfying myself than he ever did.

Get yourself in a good position then to get rid of all that extra weight. I'm talking about the 200 lb dead weight you are carrying.

Good at least you don't have to do the duty sex with him anymore. You'd be happier alone imo. And around people who don't put you down.

OP's wife: Dump him and make sure that you lose 200 lbs. of that man and make sure he loses his lifestyle that he's so attached to. He sounds like an a-hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband loves me. No matter what I've looked like. For 36 years and counting. And he's supportive. He's bald, we're both aging, I've had health issues along the way, and it doesn't interfere with our actual relationship.

Everyone should be loved.

Try dropping 20-30 pounds and see how much more he loves/lusts after you.

If I dropped 20-30 pounds I’d weigh 80-90 pounds and be dead, most likely.

So what is the point of your, "My husband loves me. No matter what I've looked like" post? Sure he loves your look when you wigh a buck ten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my nightmare as a man

Just don't get married. And if you feel like you might want to get married, read this board for an hour or so and it will cure you of those feelings very quickly, if not forever. it works for me.

If you want to see what your wife will look like when she’s older, take a look at her mother.

THIS! Mother’s appearance will reflect both genetics and ingrained attitudes about lifestyle and physical fitness, etc.

My mom was mentally ill, and was obese due to the drugs she took for schizophrenia. I work out daily, eat well, and am the same weight as my prepregnancy weight and ten pounds up from my wedding day weight. (I also, very thankfully, am not mentally ill.) My mother's mental and physical health had a huge impact on how I care for myself, probably needless to say. So you can't go by what someone's mother looks like as a strict guide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my nightmare as a man

Just don't get married. And if you feel like you might want to get married, read this board for an hour or so and it will cure you of those feelings very quickly, if not forever. it works for me.

If you want to see what your wife will look like when she’s older, take a look at her mother.

THIS! Mother’s appearance will reflect both genetics and ingrained attitudes about lifestyle and physical fitness, etc.

My mom was mentally ill, and was obese due to the drugs she took for schizophrenia. I work out daily, eat well, and am the same weight as my prepregnancy weight and ten pounds up from my wedding day weight. (I also, very thankfully, am not mentally ill.) My mother's mental and physical health had a huge impact on how I care for myself, probably needless to say. So you can't go by what someone's mother looks like as a strict guide.

Forgot to mention that I'm 48 and have been married for 14 years, and have two kids. My DH is the one who put on a.lot of weight since we've been married (100+). I love him and am sticking by him while he works to lose weight (35 lbs so far).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my nightmare as a man

Just don't get married. And if you feel like you might want to get married, read this board for an hour or so and it will cure you of those feelings very quickly, if not forever. it works for me.

If you want to see what your wife will look like when she’s older, take a look at her mother.

THIS! Mother’s appearance will reflect both genetics and ingrained attitudes about lifestyle and physical fitness, etc.

Meh. My facial features look like my mom’s, but that’s where the resemblance ends. We have very different body types.

Same here. I have my mom's face shape and nose but my dad's build. My mom in 5'2" and even at her thinnest as a college student was never smaller than a size 8 - normally around a size 10. I'm 5'3" and a 0-2. The only time I weighed more than 115 lbs was when I was pregnant. I'm naturally around 110 even when I don't exercise.

Ironically enough, my slender dad always told me I was too thin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband loves me. No matter what I've looked like. For 36 years and counting. And he's supportive. He's bald, we're both aging, I've had health issues along the way, and it doesn't interfere with our actual relationship.

Everyone should be loved.

Try dropping 20-30 pounds and see how much more he loves/lusts after you.

If I dropped 20-30 pounds I’d weigh 80-90 pounds and be dead, most likely.

So what is the point of your, "My husband loves me. No matter what I've looked like" post? Sure he loves your look when you wigh a buck ten.

The point is, you shouldn't advise strangers on the internet to "drop 20-30 pounds" when you have no idea what their height or weight is. It's moronic.