Disgusted by Wife’s Obesity But Don’t Want a Divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try hiring a full-time babysitter 3 days a week and telling your wife 'this is your time' but I want to go with you to a personal trainer I found.

You may as well get a divorce. You can’t issue an ultimatum or your marriage will never be the same, unless it was already crappy and transactional.

OP needs to guide her towards a path of health, but he can’t order her to do as he wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife is about 40 pounds overweight and short. She’s obese. I’m not really attracted to her anymore. Weight gain mostly started 5 years after last kid—this is not kid related. She just stopped working out and started eating more and more sweets and drinking more and more wine.

She doesn’t seem to care about looking good for me. Also a terrible role mode for our kids.

But I don’t want to hurt our kids with divorce. (The rest of our relationship is ok—not amazing or terrible.)

Any suggestions *from women* about how to talk to wife?

May not be pregnancy related, but often it's kid related.

Does she have time to work out? Actual time, not "after the kids go to bed" or "she can wake up an hour earlier". Pitch in with the kids more and take over morning/evening routines so she can get a workout in.

Who cooks? Take over half of the cooking (breakfast, lunch, and dinner - not just 3 dinners a week) and make healthy food.

The wine is a coping mechanism for something. What's she stressed about?

OP here. I do more than half the cooking and she works less than me. I make the time to workout. She doesn’t and refuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife is about 40 pounds overweight and short. She’s obese. I’m not really attracted to her anymore. Weight gain mostly started 5 years after last kid—this is not kid related. She just stopped working out and started eating more and more sweets and drinking more and more wine.

She doesn’t seem to care about looking good for me. Also a terrible role mode for our kids.

But I don’t want to hurt our kids with divorce. (The rest of our relationship is ok—not amazing or terrible.)

Any suggestions *from women* about how to talk to wife?

May not be pregnancy related, but often it's kid related.

Does she have time to work out? Actual time, not "after the kids go to bed" or "she can wake up an hour earlier". Pitch in with the kids more and take over morning/evening routines so she can get a workout in.

Who cooks? Take over half of the cooking (breakfast, lunch, and dinner - not just 3 dinners a week) and make healthy food.

The wine is a coping mechanism for something. What's she stressed about?

OP here. I do more than half the cooking and she works less than me. I make the time to workout. She doesn’t and refuses.

Riight. She doesn't want to look for YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife is about 40 pounds overweight and short. She’s obese. I’m not really attracted to her anymore. Weight gain mostly started 5 years after last kid—this is not kid related. She just stopped working out and started eating more and more sweets and drinking more and more wine.

She doesn’t seem to care about looking good for me. Also a terrible role mode for our kids.

But I don’t want to hurt our kids with divorce. (The rest of our relationship is ok—not amazing or terrible.)

Any suggestions *from women* about how to talk to wife?

May not be pregnancy related, but often it's kid related.

Does she have time to work out? Actual time, not "after the kids go to bed" or "she can wake up an hour earlier". Pitch in with the kids more and take over morning/evening routines so she can get a workout in.

Who cooks? Take over half of the cooking (breakfast, lunch, and dinner - not just 3 dinners a week) and make healthy food.

The wine is a coping mechanism for something. What's she stressed about?

OP here. I do more than half the cooking and she works less than me. I make the time to workout. She doesn’t and refuses.

Lazy is lazy bro. She’s addicted to food and booze. Just like an alcoholic you can’t tell a fat person not to eat. Their rational brain can’t control their addiction to food

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try hiring a full-time babysitter 3 days a week and telling your wife 'this is your time' but I want to go with you to a personal trainer I found.

Or better yet, you take the kids from after dinner until bedtime 3-5 days a week and tell her to do what she wants for a few hours.

My dh does this and I spend the time munching on snacks and watching Netflix. I'm thin, though, so....I guess that's not a problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Presumably the same mirrors you have at home work for your wife, right? Maybe she doesn't want to be attractive to/for you.

OP here. I was never the worlds most attractive guy, but I’m basically the same I was when we got married. About 10 lbs heavier maybe half muscle half fat. Far stronger and fitter now.

Did you grow 2 or more babies in your womb for 9 months each, push them out of your vagina, and breastfeed them for a few months? Did you suffer any traumatic (emotionally or physically) injuries from that?

Do you help with the cooking, cleaning, child rearing (without her asking you), schedule doctor and orthodontist appointments, do the laundry, make your bed, plan birthday parties, sign permission slips, buy birthday presents, and carry half the mental load for the family?

I sympathize with your situation and wish your DW all the luck in her health/exercise journey but you sound like a jerk.

[Anonymous]

DW here and I understand. Obesity in a monogamous relationship is selfish. A dealbreaker.

[Anonymous]

Woman here. I would tell her how you feel. Tell her that her extra weight is bothering you and ask what you can do to help her get healthier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Presumably the same mirrors you have at home work for your wife, right? Maybe she doesn't want to be attractive to/for you.

OP here. I was never the worlds most attractive guy, but I’m basically the same I was when we got married. About 10 lbs heavier maybe half muscle half fat. Far stronger and fitter now.

Did you grow 2 or more babies in your womb for 9 months each, push them out of your vagina, and breastfeed them for a few months? Did you suffer any traumatic (emotionally or physically) injuries from that?

Do you help with the cooking, cleaning, child rearing (without her asking you), schedule doctor and orthodontist appointments, do the laundry, make your bed, plan birthday parties, sign permission slips, buy birthday presents, and carry half the mental load for the family?

I sympathize with your situation and wish your DW all the luck in her health/exercise journey but you sound like a jerk.

I feel like he's trying to get to a mental place where he can justify (eventually) cheating on her.

[Anonymous]

For men, weight is more about working out. For women, it’s 90% about food. People who push working out most likely have not lost or maintained weight loss.

Changing any habit is extremely hard (read The Power of Habit). It’s going to take a big shift to change her eating habits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't live with wife + 40lbs. Kids will get over. Divorce is what I recommend.

And maybe she can’t live with your balding, Dad body. Men are always so quick to criticize women.....you do know that you all change as well when you age? I don’t care how much you work out....things change for men. And you all expect women to accept it.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure it's not kid related? I tend to turn to food when mine are stressing me out.

[Anonymous]

+1. I wouldn’t typically say that but on this board, I totally believe this is what OP is leading
to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure it's not kid related? I tend to turn to food when mine are stressing me out.

That’s not kid related. That’s stress related.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Presumably the same mirrors you have at home work for your wife, right? Maybe she doesn't want to be attractive to/for you.

OP here. I was never the worlds most attractive guy, but I’m basically the same I was when we got married. About 10 lbs heavier maybe half muscle half fat. Far stronger and fitter now.

Come back when you get pregnant, gain weight, deliver and then take care of kid. See how your body handles it! Oh wait...men cant get pregnant!

You can only control yourself. Honestly, you dont sound attractive and very shallow!