What’s the best joke you’ve ever heard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing.

I tried to catch fog yesterday, mist.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye Matey.

What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire.

I came up with a new word yesterday.
Plagiarism.

I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.
If anything, it made him more sluggish.

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A professor of ancient Greek goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended.


The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”

Orestes Rex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A professor of ancient Greek goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended.


The tailor asks: “Euripides?” The professor replies: “Yes. Eumenides?”

Orestes Rex

Haha, my mom knew that Greek joke from NYC in the 1950s.

[Anonymous]

My solution to getting rid of a lot of excess fat was to get divorced.

Forget long term investing, if you want to double your net worth marry your ex wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did the Chinese Janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

Supplies!

Seriously? Racist and not even remotely funny.

Dude, I am chinese, and that one had me literally LOL!

Lol, +1

This is from the movie UHF, and it was hilarious.

[Anonymous]

What's better than roses on a piano?

Tulips on an organ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did the Chinese Janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

Supplies!

Seriously? Racist and not even remotely funny.

Dude, I am chinese, and that one had me literally LOL!

Never heard that joke with the ancestry of the janitor included before. It works w/o it.

It doesn't. The whole point of the joke is that he is saying Surprise but due to the accent, it comes out as supplies.

PP. I completely disagree. I always thought that the janitor was clever and making a pun. I assume an intelligent and clever maintenance staff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did the Chinese Janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?

Supplies!

Seriously? Racist and not even remotely funny.

Dude, I am chinese, and that one had me literally LOL!

Lol, +1

This is from the movie UHF, and it was hilarious.

+3!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My solution to getting rid of a lot of excess fat was to get divorced.

Forget long term investing, if you want to double your net worth marry your ex wife.

What’s with all the anti-women jokes? You guys trade these on the Incel boards?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was found to be the funniest joke by a psych professor in England.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

This one has been top rated elsewhere

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My solution to getting rid of a lot of excess fat was to get divorced.

Forget long term investing, if you want to double your net worth marry your ex wife.

What’s with all the anti-women jokes? You guys trade these on the Incel boards?

There’s literally one male joke and one female joke.

[Anonymous]

Two guys see a dog licking his balls...

First guy says "Man, I wish I could do that!"

Second guy replies "Maybe you should pet him first."

[Anonymous]

Why is the anti-vaxxer's 4 year old child crying?

Mid life crisis.

[Anonymous]

What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.

[Anonymous]

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years?

Church / Synagogue / Mosque