Women whose partner's make enough for them to stay home, why do you prefer working?

[Anonymous]

The real question is to ask what motivates people to work?

I meet a lot of people in finance/banking who don't enjoy their work, so I think I can see why OP feels this way. But I think she should also talk to people in professions that attract more passionate people...

[Anonymous]

Here is what I don't get about the SAHMs and the vast majority of the posts.

There is some underlying insecurity or feeling of less worth...nearly all the posts justify not working to take care of the kids and manage household chores.

So, either you feel like you need to present that to DCUM or you really think that way.

I mean, the trust fund baby has no problem saying they are a "philanthropist" or the progeny of the Disney or Johnson & Johnson family have no problem doing the same.

Why can't you just say if given the option between working or not working with absolutely no change in lifestyle...I opt for not working?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

She doesn't do much

l

Do you guys say the same thing about retired people?

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because I am highly educated and I believe my purpose is to help society beyond just keeping my house clean and kids fed.

This. And your children are watching, and learning about adults and what is expected of them.

It is also much safer (financially and psychologically) for you to retain your independence.So many women seem to stay in unhappy marriages because they will take a dramatic fall if they were forced to support themselves.

We need to evolve.

I used to be a working mom of two little boys. I once spoke to a friend who is always asking theoretical questions and is a wannabe therapist. I’m not sure how the topic even came up but I said I hoped that my sons would marry smart pretty nice girls but hopes the wives would stay home with my future grandchildren. I wouldn’t want a nanny. She asked why I didn’t do the same and it made me wonder why. We had a wonderful nanny who was good with infants and toddlers but she wasn’t an enriching type of nanny. I was interviewing well educated nannies and decided I wanted the job. I ended up having another child and have stayed home since.

Wow. I am happy I work but my husband was adamant he didn’t want me to stay at home because his worst nightmare was ending up married to someone like you (and his mom). I have a son too and I hope he marries someone who loves him and makes him happy, full stop.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

Ha, ok. My kids are at the private they all want to be at and we're very happy there. So yeah, I have the resources to send them wherever I want. So "obviously" you are wrong.

Someone who has five hours a day and who has no time left after working out, showering, running errands, cooking, and cleaning isn't good at managing their time. You realize that many people do all those things in far less than five hours, right? Again, good thing she doesn't have too much on her plate.

lol…how long does it take you to brush your teeth, pp? Like 10 seconds?


I’m a different poster, but I added that stuff up, and I don’t see how you could do it in “far less” than 5 hours.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

She doesn't do much

Yep, I agree. I don't have to listen to my child play while I fold laundry, because I outsource the laundry and take the kid somewhere we can bond. The kids can play with stickers with our nanny, who is paying attention - i cant pay attention to this for long periods of time without thinking that my brain is turning to mush. I don't need to be there for that or for every blob of paint they put to a page. I'll take the important moments. I work and when I'm done I have dedicated time with my kids. I outsource the crap jobs (cleaning, laundry, groceries, etc) and prioritize quality time with my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is what I don't get about the SAHMs and the vast majority of the posts.

There is some underlying insecurity or feeling of less worth...nearly all the posts justify not working to take care of the kids and manage household chores.

So, either you feel like you need to present that to DCUM or you really think that way.

I mean, the trust fund baby has no problem saying they are a "philanthropist" or the progeny of the Disney or Johnson & Johnson family have no problem doing the same.

Why can't you just say if given the option between working or not working with absolutely no change in lifestyle...I opt for not working?

I don’t think that you are reading this right.
They aren’t saying that they SAH because there is no other way to manage household chores. They are responding to people asking what they do all day, and they say “household chores.”

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

Who cares that some people are super organized and some aren’t. Why does it matter?

Because the original post was about why you continue to work. If you are not organized, you are going to find working harder.

I work because I’m super organized. I don’t find it hard to have kids in different schools and multiple sports.

When people say they “run errands” daily or even 3x a week I have no idea what they are talking about.

I like working, I like my job, it gives my h agency at work to leave for dr appts/sports/volunteer.

Its also okay to say.. I don’t work because I’m not organized , my H doesn’t like going to sports/dr appts/volunteering and he prefers to be out of the house 24x7.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Because I am highly educated and I believe my purpose is to help society beyond just keeping my house clean and kids fed.

This. And your children are watching, and learning about adults and what is expected of them.

It is also much safer (financially and psychologically) for you to retain your independence.So many women seem to stay in unhappy marriages because they will take a dramatic fall if they were forced to support themselves.

We need to evolve.

I used to be a working mom of two little boys. I once spoke to a friend who is always asking theoretical questions and is a wannabe therapist. I’m not sure how the topic even came up but I said I hoped that my sons would marry smart pretty nice girls but hopes the wives would stay home with my future grandchildren. I wouldn’t want a nanny. She asked why I didn’t do the same and it made me wonder why. We had a wonderful nanny who was good with infants and toddlers but she wasn’t an enriching type of nanny. I was interviewing well educated nannies and decided I wanted the job. I ended up having another child and have stayed home since.

Why would any self-respecting woman become a trophy wife to your sons?

Why would any self-respecting woman become a corporate cog?

Because then she can stand on her own two feet. (You really think this is some kind of gotcha? You stay home because your husband is a corporate cog).

Maybe she has tons and tons of family money and fulfills herself with exciting volunteer work? Or maybe she writes successful romance novels on the side?

Why do you care so much about somebody who isn’t requiring anything from you? I get being angry about welfare recipients, but as long as you’re not asking me to foot the bill, I couldn’t care less what you do.

This level of contempt for a stranger’s choices that have no effect on you, leads me to the conclusion that you are very, very jealous.

Lots of people are posting here. You are assuming a level of emotion from pretty vanilla words. Seems to me like you are very, very insecure.

Pot meet kettle. You’re assuming a lot, too.

I am responding to the poster who said that the posts show anger and contempt. No need for assumptions. She spelled it out.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

The fine art of wiling away the time! Bravo!

My husband makes a lot of money. Juggling three kids in different schools with different sports and activities is a lot. It would be very difficult to do by myself while also working full time. I would have to get childcare and I would not have any time for myself. I would also have to go back to running errands in the evenings and weekends.

I won’t feel bad for having the resources to enjoy my family and life.

Between all the teacher work days, school breaks, summer break, sick days, doctor and dentist appointments, field trips, etc, there really isn’t that much time.

Don’t listen to these ninnies. They’re not cancer researchers. They’re mostly jealous women with secretarial government jobs who have to work for the money. Anyone who was in a real high power position wouldn’t have the time to read let alone write on these boards. I’ve had the high powered job and I’ve stayed at home with the kids; if anything sitting in a meeting pretending to worry about how to keep a rich Saudi oil family from paying taxes in America is willing away time, not running errands after dropping my kids off at school. You do work hard to keep organized and you are doing it for people you care about. Many people are jealous.

Only in DC is a job as a nurse and teacher compared to being a lawyer who commits tax evasion. Pathetic.

Being a nurse or a teacher is not a high powered career. Both jobs provide hours that make working and taking care of your family possible. I’ve never looked at a nurse who was also a mother and wondered “how does she do it?” Because it is easily done. This isn’t the same as an investment banker or BigLaw partner with 80 hour work weeks.

That being said, I don’t know many nurses or teachers who are married to very wealthy men, either. The ones who I know have to work. They aren’t in the position to stay at home, so the OP’s question would not apply to them. She asked about women married to wealthy men, not women who have to work.

This is weird...nurses and teachers actually have to show up at an office every day, while lawyers and bankers don't. Also, nurses and teachers can't just decide to run out and pick up the kids or catch the winter concert because their time is not their own.

Neither is easy...but white collar jobs with flexible WFH certainly make it more doable.

Lol, if you think a partner at JP Morgan can decide to run out and pick up her kids at the spur of the moment, you clearly know nothing about investment banking. Nurses and teachers have set schedules. Their work, especially for nurses, stays at work. Most importantly, they have far, far fewer hours than BigLaw lawyers and investment bankers. A nurse can choose her hours and can cut a shift, most BigLaw lawyers cannot. The fact that you can’t understand the difference speaks to your ignorance.

Sometimes it's better to keep your mouth closed, especially when you have no idea what you are talking about.

It's clear you have absolutely no idea what nurses and teachers actually do so maybe sit this one out.

My nurse friends make their own schedule and teachers are home all summer. Though teachers work too much at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is what I don't get about the SAHMs and the vast majority of the posts.

There is some underlying insecurity or feeling of less worth...nearly all the posts justify not working to take care of the kids and manage household chores.

So, either you feel like you need to present that to DCUM or you really think that way.

I mean, the trust fund baby has no problem saying they are a "philanthropist" or the progeny of the Disney or Johnson & Johnson family have no problem doing the same.

Why can't you just say if given the option between working or not working with absolutely no change in lifestyle...I opt for not working?

I don’t think that you are reading this right.
They aren’t saying that they SAH because there is no other way to manage household chores. They are responding to people asking what they do all day, and they say “household chores.”

We are on page 25 There were definitely posters who said that they don't work because there was no other way to manage house and kids (like OP).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

Ha, ok. My kids are at the private they all want to be at and we're very happy there. So yeah, I have the resources to send them wherever I want. So "obviously" you are wrong.

Someone who has five hours a day and who has no time left after working out, showering, running errands, cooking, and cleaning isn't good at managing their time. You realize that many people do all those things in far less than five hours, right? Again, good thing she doesn't have too much on her plate.

I’m guessing that the PP’s schedule looks something like this:

Workout = 1 hour

Half and hour doesn’t cut it for a decent workout.

Shower + make up/dressing = 1/2 hour

If you spend less time, you look disheveled, no matter what. You especially need to blowdry your hair.

Errands = 1 hour

With traffic it’s going to take you an hour to go to the grocery store, the post office, or to drop off unsuccessful on-line purchases at Fed Ex/UPS. Maybe you can do it faster, but that’s how the traffic is where I am.

Cleaning = 2 hours

If you have a 4,000 to 6,000 square foot house with five bathrooms, it’s going to take about two hours a day of maintenance to keep it decent.

Cooking = 1 hour

If you’re preparing healthy meals with lots of vegetables, it takes a lot of time to clean them and chop them up, properly.

I’ve already gone over the five hours here. But I’ll assume some days PP, won’t have errands and that you’ll tell me how good you can make yourself look in under ten minutes. Or how you can chop vegetables in five. I get it. But it looks to me like PP really doesn’t have that much extra time if she’s doing all the things she has to do.

What’s your abbreviated timeline for completing these tasks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

Ha, ok. My kids are at the private they all want to be at and we're very happy there. So yeah, I have the resources to send them wherever I want. So "obviously" you are wrong.

Someone who has five hours a day and who has no time left after working out, showering, running errands, cooking, and cleaning isn't good at managing their time. You realize that many people do all those things in far less than five hours, right? Again, good thing she doesn't have too much on her plate.

I’m guessing that the PP’s schedule looks something like this:

Workout = 1 hour

Half and hour doesn’t cut it for a decent workout.

Shower + make up/dressing = 1/2 hour

If you spend less time, you look disheveled, no matter what. You especially need to blowdry your hair.

Errands = 1 hour

With traffic it’s going to take you an hour to go to the grocery store, the post office, or to drop off unsuccessful on-line purchases at Fed Ex/UPS. Maybe you can do it faster, but that’s how the traffic is where I am.

Cleaning = 2 hours

If you have a 4,000 to 6,000 square foot house with five bathrooms, it’s going to take about two hours a day of maintenance to keep it decent.

Cooking = 1 hour

If you’re preparing healthy meals with lots of vegetables, it takes a lot of time to clean them and chop them up, properly.

I’ve already gone over the five hours here. But I’ll assume some days PP, won’t have errands and that you’ll tell me how good you can make yourself look in under ten minutes. Or how you can chop vegetables in five. I get it. But it looks to me like PP really doesn’t have that much extra time if she’s doing all the things she has to do.

What’s your abbreviated timeline for completing these tasks?

Wait - I am a pretty low fuss person. But if I were to shower, wash my hair, dry my hair, and put on makeup, I need way more than 30 minutes (which is why I am low fuss). Can someone point me in the right direction of how to make this faster?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

The fine art of wiling away the time! Bravo!

My husband makes a lot of money. Juggling three kids in different schools with different sports and activities is a lot. It would be very difficult to do by myself while also working full time. I would have to get childcare and I would not have any time for myself. I would also have to go back to running errands in the evenings and weekends.

I won’t feel bad for having the resources to enjoy my family and life.

Between all the teacher work days, school breaks, summer break, sick days, doctor and dentist appointments, field trips, etc, there really isn’t that much time.

Don’t listen to these ninnies. They’re not cancer researchers. They’re mostly jealous women with secretarial government jobs who have to work for the money. Anyone who was in a real high power position wouldn’t have the time to read let alone write on these boards. I’ve had the high powered job and I’ve stayed at home with the kids; if anything sitting in a meeting pretending to worry about how to keep a rich Saudi oil family from paying taxes in America is willing away time, not running errands after dropping my kids off at school. You do work hard to keep organized and you are doing it for people you care about. Many people are jealous.

Only in DC is a job as a nurse and teacher compared to being a lawyer who commits tax evasion. Pathetic.

Being a nurse or a teacher is not a high powered career. Both jobs provide hours that make working and taking care of your family possible. I’ve never looked at a nurse who was also a mother and wondered “how does she do it?” Because it is easily done. This isn’t the same as an investment banker or BigLaw partner with 80 hour work weeks.

That being said, I don’t know many nurses or teachers who are married to very wealthy men, either. The ones who I know have to work. They aren’t in the position to stay at home, so the OP’s question would not apply to them. She asked about women married to wealthy men, not women who have to work.

This is weird...nurses and teachers actually have to show up at an office every day, while lawyers and bankers don't. Also, nurses and teachers can't just decide to run out and pick up the kids or catch the winter concert because their time is not their own.

Neither is easy...but white collar jobs with flexible WFH certainly make it more doable.

Lol, if you think a partner at JP Morgan can decide to run out and pick up her kids at the spur of the moment, you clearly know nothing about investment banking. Nurses and teachers have set schedules. Their work, especially for nurses, stays at work. Most importantly, they have far, far fewer hours than BigLaw lawyers and investment bankers. A nurse can choose her hours and can cut a shift, most BigLaw lawyers cannot. The fact that you can’t understand the difference speaks to your ignorance.

Sometimes it's better to keep your mouth closed, especially when you have no idea what you are talking about.

It's clear you have absolutely no idea what nurses and teachers actually do so maybe sit this one out.

You are the one who has no idea what you are talking about. Google it. The average work week for a full time nurse is 36-40 hours. The average work week for a full time teacher is 52 hours. The average work week for a BigLaw attorney is 80 hours per week. The average work week for an investment banker ranges from 60 to 100 hours a week, but is usually in the 80 hour range.

The typical nurse has 40 hours less work a week then the typical BigLaw attorney and investment banker. Nurses work half as much! That gives them way, way more time! Yes, her schedule is set and she can’t walk out of her job, but there’s a lot less job!

The typical teacher works more than the typical nurse, but it’s still much less than the typical BigLaw attorney or investment banker. There’s a 28 hour difference. That’s huge!!!

Stop being so sensitive and obtuse. Nurses and teachers do great work, but they have very reasonable hours that don’t make good parenting nearly impossible.

Just stop.

You have no idea what you are talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the many pages of replies, but my DH is in biglaw and I'm an academic. I get a different type of joy out of the intellectual stimulation my work provides than being around my family. Not more, but complementary. I am a better mom and wife after a day of interacting with my students and collaborators. Admittedly I also take comfort in knowing I could support myself if I ever had to. We outsource plenty and have local involved grandparents, which also makes a big difference, and my schedule at this point in my career is very flexible.

I could have written this. I'm also an academic, DH is a biglaw partner who pulls in close to $3M/year. We have a pretty low-key lifestyle and don't need my income. I'm not necessarily a better mom with regard to day-to-day stuff with my career, but I definitely feel like I am a good example to my girls. What's kept me in the work force are 1) feeling an obligation to the next generation of college students - imagine the message higher ed would send if the only professors on campus were men and dads, as if only men were intellectually capable of generating knowledge; 2) not wanting to throw away the rare benefits of tenure; and 3) feeling satisfaction with my work and joy in my colleagues.
As my girls get older, they have become really proud of me and are impressed that I've written books, which is a nice bonus. I also think that having girls has made my DH far more thoughtful about being an equal parent; he doesn't want a home situation where the girls are raised to believe that their most important job is to support their husband's career.
I think that mothering work is meaningful, but doesn't necessarily require a fancy college degree to do well. Along those lines, I also believe that people who have had the tremendous privilege of a great education, which is a societal good only made possible by the generosity of the larger community, should use it to better the world beyond one's immediate family and friends. I confess that when I meet well-educated moms who never re-entered the work force even after the kids were in middle school, I feel kind of bad for them.

Love all of this. What a great example you're setting for your children and your students!