Women whose partner's make enough for them to stay home, why do you prefer working?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

The fine art of wiling away the time! Bravo!

My husband makes a lot of money. Juggling three kids in different schools with different sports and activities is a lot. It would be very difficult to do by myself while also working full time. I would have to get childcare and I would not have any time for myself. I would also have to go back to running errands in the evenings and weekends.

I won’t feel bad for having the resources to enjoy my family and life.

Between all the teacher work days, school breaks, summer break, sick days, doctor and dentist appointments, field trips, etc, there really isn’t that much time.

Don’t listen to these ninnies. They’re not cancer researchers. They’re mostly jealous women with secretarial government jobs who have to work for the money. Anyone who was in a real high power position wouldn’t have the time to read let alone write on these boards. I’ve had the high powered job and I’ve stayed at home with the kids; if anything sitting in a meeting pretending to worry about how to keep a rich Saudi oil family from paying taxes in America is willing away time, not running errands after dropping my kids off at school. You do work hard to keep organized and you are doing it for people you care about. Many people are jealous.

Only in DC is a job as a nurse and teacher compared to being a lawyer who commits tax evasion. Pathetic.

Being a nurse or a teacher is not a high powered career. Both jobs provide hours that make working and taking care of your family possible. I’ve never looked at a nurse who was also a mother and wondered “how does she do it?” Because it is easily done. This isn’t the same as an investment banker or BigLaw partner with 80 hour work weeks.

That being said, I don’t know many nurses or teachers who are married to very wealthy men, either. The ones who I know have to work. They aren’t in the position to stay at home, so the OP’s question would not apply to them. She asked about women married to wealthy men, not women who have to work.

This is weird...nurses and teachers actually have to show up at an office every day, while lawyers and bankers don't. Also, nurses and teachers can't just decide to run out and pick up the kids or catch the winter concert because their time is not their own.

Neither is easy...but white collar jobs with flexible WFH certainly make it more doable.

Lol, if you think a partner at JP Morgan can decide to run out and pick up her kids at the spur of the moment, you clearly know nothing about investment banking. Nurses and teachers have set schedules. Their work, especially for nurses, stays at work. Most importantly, they have far, far fewer hours than BigLaw lawyers and investment bankers. A nurse can choose her hours and can cut a shift, most BigLaw lawyers cannot. The fact that you can’t understand the difference speaks to your ignorance.

Sometimes it's better to keep your mouth closed, especially when you have no idea what you are talking about.

It's clear you have absolutely no idea what nurses and teachers actually do so maybe sit this one out.

You are the one who has no idea what you are talking about. Google it. The average work week for a full time nurse is 36-40 hours. The average work week for a full time teacher is 52 hours. The average work week for a BigLaw attorney is 80 hours per week. The average work week for an investment banker ranges from 60 to 100 hours a week, but is usually in the 80 hour range.

The typical nurse has 40 hours less work a week then the typical BigLaw attorney and investment banker. Nurses work half as much! That gives them way, way more time! Yes, her schedule is set and she can’t walk out of her job, but there’s a lot less job!

The typical teacher works more than the typical nurse, but it’s still much less than the typical BigLaw attorney or investment banker. There’s a 28 hour difference. That’s huge!!!

Stop being so sensitive and obtuse. Nurses and teachers do great work, but they have very reasonable hours that don’t make good parenting nearly impossible.

Just stop.

You have no idea what you are talking about.

Instead of throwing out a very generic, blanket statements in response to research data, why don’t you enlighten us with the specifics that only you are privy to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because I am highly educated and I believe my purpose is to help society beyond just keeping my house clean and kids fed.

This. And your children are watching, and learning about adults and what is expected of them.

It is also much safer (financially and psychologically) for you to retain your independence.So many women seem to stay in unhappy marriages because they will take a dramatic fall if they were forced to support themselves.

We need to evolve.

I used to be a working mom of two little boys. I once spoke to a friend who is always asking theoretical questions and is a wannabe therapist. I’m not sure how the topic even came up but I said I hoped that my sons would marry smart pretty nice girls but hopes the wives would stay home with my future grandchildren. I wouldn’t want a nanny. She asked why I didn’t do the same and it made me wonder why. We had a wonderful nanny who was good with infants and toddlers but she wasn’t an enriching type of nanny. I was interviewing well educated nannies and decided I wanted the job. I ended up having another child and have stayed home since.

Why would any self-respecting woman become a trophy wife to your sons?

Why would any self-respecting woman become a corporate cog?

Because then she can stand on her own two feet. (You really think this is some kind of gotcha? You stay home because your husband is a corporate cog).

Maybe she has tons and tons of family money and fulfills herself with exciting volunteer work? Or maybe she writes successful romance novels on the side?

Why do you care so much about somebody who isn’t requiring anything from you? I get being angry about welfare recipients, but as long as you’re not asking me to foot the bill, I couldn’t care less what you do.

This level of contempt for a stranger’s choices that have no effect on you, leads me to the conclusion that you are very, very jealous.

Lots of people are posting here. You are assuming a level of emotion from pretty vanilla words. Seems to me like you are very, very insecure.

Pot meet kettle. You’re assuming a lot, too.

I am responding to the poster who said that the posts show anger and contempt. No need for assumptions. She spelled it out.

Since I petered out earlier in this thread and just clicked the last page, let me assure you that more neutral people just prefer not to engage in this bickering. I've yet to see a sahm or wohm post accurately describe what they assume the other options life is like. It's laughable when a wohm thinks sahms are either not free to spend money when many can spend carte blanche or sahms are cleaning and cooking when they do that just as much or just as little as any given wohm. Same goes for sahms assuming nannies are not as good because they zero in on the one nanny who is on her phone when many sahms are too or thinking worms are all in some loathsome mundane work that is not exciting or fulfilling. Everyone just gets snappy and paints the gloomiest picture of other choices to make themselves feel better. The most laughable accusations can be proven wrong by looking at other forum posts where the wohm complains of financially controlling/ unhelpful spouses or sahms complain of falling behind or being too spent to do all the enriching activities they wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

She doesn't do much

l

Do you guys say the same thing about retired people?

Most retired people are living off the hard work they did. Housespouses live off their spouses.

This!
I was not raised to be a sponge and neither are my kids. You can have a loving healthy family AND contribute to the paid workforce as a woman and as a man. I don't store that unique child raising ability in my breasts anymore than my husband stores his ability to make money in his penis. We can both do both things well and we do. It's called balance and priorities. I highly recommend it, very empowering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

How is that plenty? Sorry, I don’t care if people don’t want to work…but don’t think you are doing much either.

Just own the fact that you have $$$s and don’t want to work…it’s no different than somebody with a trust fund.

Pp here.

I wasn’t claiming to do that much. On my days off I tidy the house, do a few loads of laundry, make dinner, go to the store, take a walk, and visit with friends. It isn’t much different than when I had my youngest at home.

I have to work this week, and DH has been out of town. I wish I was off. We had beans, rice, and apple slices for dinner. I’m out of bread and milk for tomorrow because my teenagers ate it all after school. I just bought a bunch of books for the kindle because I didn’t have time to take my daughter to the library for her research project, and I just threw a load in the wash that has just enough clothes to get everyone through tomorrow.

I also still have to log in tonight and sign all of my notes from today.

I know there are women who handle this better than I do, but I don’t need the money, and I don’t want to work full time.

Some folks were very offended by comments on management skills and that we are all different. At this point this thread is a dumpster fire, so I will just type without worrying about smoothing out my language. I am a woman with a stressful job. The idea of running out of milk/bread and clean clothes is unfathomable to me. So when evite lady talks about how working moms miss important details, I’m puzzled because you are defending not having a career kind of job and cannot seem to get an actual dinner on the table. That seems like an important detail to me.

Okay.
If you have never run out of milk, then you are more organized than I am.

I mean, I did work 10 hours yesterday, and I did feed my family and take the kids to scouts and ballet and piano and help with homework. I’m not a total schlub.

Did you not think to look in the fridge on Saturday or Sunday, knowing you would have limited bandwidth on Monday? That’s what I mean by organizational skills. What I just said is so completely basic. Like the pre-k of organizational skills.

+1
PPs brain has turned to mush. She really needed to be around adults more if she cannot manage to get groceries AND feed the family without the imposition of work on top of that. Some people shouldn't have children - she is probably one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

How is that plenty? Sorry, I don’t care if people don’t want to work…but don’t think you are doing much either.

Just own the fact that you have $$$s and don’t want to work…it’s no different than somebody with a trust fund.

Pp here.

I wasn’t claiming to do that much. On my days off I tidy the house, do a few loads of laundry, make dinner, go to the store, take a walk, and visit with friends. It isn’t much different than when I had my youngest at home.

I have to work this week, and DH has been out of town. I wish I was off. We had beans, rice, and apple slices for dinner. I’m out of bread and milk for tomorrow because my teenagers ate it all after school. I just bought a bunch of books for the kindle because I didn’t have time to take my daughter to the library for her research project, and I just threw a load in the wash that has just enough clothes to get everyone through tomorrow.

I also still have to log in tonight and sign all of my notes from today.

I know there are women who handle this better than I do, but I don’t need the money, and I don’t want to work full time.

Some folks were very offended by comments on management skills and that we are all different. At this point this thread is a dumpster fire, so I will just type without worrying about smoothing out my language. I am a woman with a stressful job. The idea of running out of milk/bread and clean clothes is unfathomable to me. So when evite lady talks about how working moms miss important details, I’m puzzled because you are defending not having a career kind of job and cannot seem to get an actual dinner on the table. That seems like an important detail to me.

Okay.
If you have never run out of milk, then you are more organized than I am.

I mean, I did work 10 hours yesterday, and I did feed my family and take the kids to scouts and ballet and piano and help with homework. I’m not a total schlub.

Did you not think to look in the fridge on Saturday or Sunday, knowing you would have limited bandwidth on Monday? That’s what I mean by organizational skills. What I just said is so completely basic. Like the pre-k of organizational skills.

+1
PPs brain has turned to mush. She really needed to be around adults more if she cannot manage to get groceries AND feed the family without the imposition of work on top of that. Some people shouldn't have children - she is probably one of them.

DP
That is just a nasty nasty thing to say to someone. Is that how YOU are raising your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is what I don't get about the SAHMs and the vast majority of the posts.

There is some underlying insecurity or feeling of less worth...nearly all the posts justify not working to take care of the kids and manage household chores.

So, either you feel like you need to present that to DCUM or you really think that way.

I mean, the trust fund baby has no problem saying they are a "philanthropist" or the progeny of the Disney or Johnson & Johnson family have no problem doing the same.

Why can't you just say if given the option between working or not working with absolutely no change in lifestyle...I opt for not working?

+1

My guess is they sacrifice security - like if their DH divorces, cheats, or dies - and they know there will be a HUGE change in lifestyle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

How is that plenty? Sorry, I don’t care if people don’t want to work…but don’t think you are doing much either.

Just own the fact that you have $$$s and don’t want to work…it’s no different than somebody with a trust fund.

Pp here.

I wasn’t claiming to do that much. On my days off I tidy the house, do a few loads of laundry, make dinner, go to the store, take a walk, and visit with friends. It isn’t much different than when I had my youngest at home.

I have to work this week, and DH has been out of town. I wish I was off. We had beans, rice, and apple slices for dinner. I’m out of bread and milk for tomorrow because my teenagers ate it all after school. I just bought a bunch of books for the kindle because I didn’t have time to take my daughter to the library for her research project, and I just threw a load in the wash that has just enough clothes to get everyone through tomorrow.

I also still have to log in tonight and sign all of my notes from today.

I know there are women who handle this better than I do, but I don’t need the money, and I don’t want to work full time.

Some folks were very offended by comments on management skills and that we are all different. At this point this thread is a dumpster fire, so I will just type without worrying about smoothing out my language. I am a woman with a stressful job. The idea of running out of milk/bread and clean clothes is unfathomable to me. So when evite lady talks about how working moms miss important details, I’m puzzled because you are defending not having a career kind of job and cannot seem to get an actual dinner on the table. That seems like an important detail to me.

Okay.
If you have never run out of milk, then you are more organized than I am.

I mean, I did work 10 hours yesterday, and I did feed my family and take the kids to scouts and ballet and piano and help with homework. I’m not a total schlub.

Did you not think to look in the fridge on Saturday or Sunday, knowing you would have limited bandwidth on Monday? That’s what I mean by organizational skills. What I just said is so completely basic. Like the pre-k of organizational skills.

+1
PPs brain has turned to mush. She really needed to be around adults more if she cannot manage to get groceries AND feed the family without the imposition of work on top of that. Some people shouldn't have children - she is probably one of them.

DP
That is just a nasty nasty thing to say to someone. Is that how YOU are raising your kids?

Yep, it's important to always keep your mind and skills sharp and fresh. They know that. I wouldn't say it IRL; I just think it. There is a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am getting divorced and was a SAHM for 10 years. I would say keep working. Or if you stop, get a postnup and layout terms.

My XH is now claiming all of retirement accounts are his and also trying to take the kids and get child support from me.

This…isn’t how it works. Retirement accounts are marital assets, just like the house. Also, in 2024, parents don’t “take” kids from the other parenting barring some horrific, provable abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

Ha, ok. My kids are at the private they all want to be at and we're very happy there. So yeah, I have the resources to send them wherever I want. So "obviously" you are wrong.

Someone who has five hours a day and who has no time left after working out, showering, running errands, cooking, and cleaning isn't good at managing their time. You realize that many people do all those things in far less than five hours, right? Again, good thing she doesn't have too much on her plate.

I’m guessing that the PP’s schedule looks something like this:

Workout = 1 hour

Half and hour doesn’t cut it for a decent workout.

Shower + make up/dressing = 1/2 hour

If you spend less time, you look disheveled, no matter what. You especially need to blowdry your hair.

Errands = 1 hour

With traffic it’s going to take you an hour to go to the grocery store, the post office, or to drop off unsuccessful on-line purchases at Fed Ex/UPS. Maybe you can do it faster, but that’s how the traffic is where I am.

Cleaning = 2 hours

If you have a 4,000 to 6,000 square foot house with five bathrooms, it’s going to take about two hours a day of maintenance to keep it decent.

Cooking = 1 hour

If you’re preparing healthy meals with lots of vegetables, it takes a lot of time to clean them and chop them up, properly.

I’ve already gone over the five hours here. But I’ll assume some days PP, won’t have errands and that you’ll tell me how good you can make yourself look in under ten minutes. Or how you can chop vegetables in five. I get it. But it looks to me like PP really doesn’t have that much extra time if she’s doing all the things she has to do.

What’s your abbreviated timeline for completing these tasks?

This is an example of poor time management

[Anonymous]

I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

The fine art of wiling away the time! Bravo!

My husband makes a lot of money. Juggling three kids in different schools with different sports and activities is a lot. It would be very difficult to do by myself while also working full time. I would have to get childcare and I would not have any time for myself. I would also have to go back to running errands in the evenings and weekends.

I won’t feel bad for having the resources to enjoy my family and life.

Between all the teacher work days, school breaks, summer break, sick days, doctor and dentist appointments, field trips, etc, there really isn’t that much time.

Don’t listen to these ninnies. They’re not cancer researchers. They’re mostly jealous women with secretarial government jobs who have to work for the money. Anyone who was in a real high power position wouldn’t have the time to read let alone write on these boards. I’ve had the high powered job and I’ve stayed at home with the kids; if anything sitting in a meeting pretending to worry about how to keep a rich Saudi oil family from paying taxes in America is willing away time, not running errands after dropping my kids off at school. You do work hard to keep organized and you are doing it for people you care about. Many people are jealous.

Only in DC is a job as a nurse and teacher compared to being a lawyer who commits tax evasion. Pathetic.

Being a nurse or a teacher is not a high powered career. Both jobs provide hours that make working and taking care of your family possible. I’ve never looked at a nurse who was also a mother and wondered “how does she do it?” Because it is easily done. This isn’t the same as an investment banker or BigLaw partner with 80 hour work weeks.

That being said, I don’t know many nurses or teachers who are married to very wealthy men, either. The ones who I know have to work. They aren’t in the position to stay at home, so the OP’s question would not apply to them. She asked about women married to wealthy men, not women who have to work.

This is weird...nurses and teachers actually have to show up at an office every day, while lawyers and bankers don't. Also, nurses and teachers can't just decide to run out and pick up the kids or catch the winter concert because their time is not their own.

Neither is easy...but white collar jobs with flexible WFH certainly make it more doable.

Lol, if you think a partner at JP Morgan can decide to run out and pick up her kids at the spur of the moment, you clearly know nothing about investment banking. Nurses and teachers have set schedules. Their work, especially for nurses, stays at work. Most importantly, they have far, far fewer hours than BigLaw lawyers and investment bankers. A nurse can choose her hours and can cut a shift, most BigLaw lawyers cannot. The fact that you can’t understand the difference speaks to your ignorance.

Sometimes it's better to keep your mouth closed, especially when you have no idea what you are talking about.

It's clear you have absolutely no idea what nurses and teachers actually do so maybe sit this one out.

You are the one who has no idea what you are talking about. Google it. The average work week for a full time nurse is 36-40 hours. The average work week for a full time teacher is 52 hours. The average work week for a BigLaw attorney is 80 hours per week. The average work week for an investment banker ranges from 60 to 100 hours a week, but is usually in the 80 hour range.

The typical nurse has 40 hours less work a week then the typical BigLaw attorney and investment banker. Nurses work half as much! That gives them way, way more time! Yes, her schedule is set and she can’t walk out of her job, but there’s a lot less job!

The typical teacher works more than the typical nurse, but it’s still much less than the typical BigLaw attorney or investment banker. There’s a 28 hour difference. That’s huge!!!

Stop being so sensitive and obtuse. Nurses and teachers do great work, but they have very reasonable hours that don’t make good parenting nearly impossible.

Just stop.

You have no idea what you are talking about.

Instead of throwing out a very generic, blanket statements in response to research data, why don’t you enlighten us with the specifics that only you are privy to?

No here, but you clearly have no idea what you are talking about if you think teachers do nothing all summer and that both teachers and nurses just ock out at a designated time and that's it.
This is what is wrong with this foru and DC in general people think they are experts on everything because they know a couple of people or read an article and become absolutely belligerent when told they are ignorant.


You are wrong please STFU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

Sounds like you don’t do much of anything.

She cooks and cleans and takes care of her children after school. That’s plenty.

DP here. I have 3 kids in 3 different schools. I basically have 5 hours from last kid drop off to first kid ending school. I work out, shower, run errands, cook, clean up, etc. There isn’t that much time left. I do meet up with a friend for lunch or go to the spa but it is like once per week.

Your time management skills are severely lacking. I guess it's good you don't have to work because it doesn't sound like you'd make it through a day.

So much hate! How do you know that her time management skills are lacking?

You’d put all three kids in the same school, right? Because you’re so brilliant, yeah? That actually sounds lazy to me. Maybe she’s chosen to make her life a little more difficult to put each kid at the best place for that child. She’s doing it because she can and she wants the best fit for all three.

For a third party like me, it’s obvious that you are seething with jealousy that you do not have the resources to send your kids to three different schools.

Ha, ok. My kids are at the private they all want to be at and we're very happy there. So yeah, I have the resources to send them wherever I want. So "obviously" you are wrong.

Someone who has five hours a day and who has no time left after working out, showering, running errands, cooking, and cleaning isn't good at managing their time. You realize that many people do all those things in far less than five hours, right? Again, good thing she doesn't have too much on her plate.

I’m guessing that the PP’s schedule looks something like this:

Workout = 1 hour

Half and hour doesn’t cut it for a decent workout.

Shower + make up/dressing = 1/2 hour

If you spend less time, you look disheveled, no matter what. You especially need to blowdry your hair.

Errands = 1 hour

With traffic it’s going to take you an hour to go to the grocery store, the post office, or to drop off unsuccessful on-line purchases at Fed Ex/UPS. Maybe you can do it faster, but that’s how the traffic is where I am.

Cleaning = 2 hours

If you have a 4,000 to 6,000 square foot house with five bathrooms, it’s going to take about two hours a day of maintenance to keep it decent.

Cooking = 1 hour

If you’re preparing healthy meals with lots of vegetables, it takes a lot of time to clean them and chop them up, properly.

I’ve already gone over the five hours here. But I’ll assume some days PP, won’t have errands and that you’ll tell me how good you can make yourself look in under ten minutes. Or how you can chop vegetables in five. I get it. But it looks to me like PP really doesn’t have that much extra time if she’s doing all the things she has to do.

What’s your abbreviated timeline for completing these tasks?

Wait - I am a pretty low fuss person. But if I were to shower, wash my hair, dry my hair, and put on makeup, I need way more than 30 minutes (which is why I am low fuss). Can someone point me in the right direction of how to make this faster?

I’ve figured a way to not dry my hair, it’s curly so I mousse and scrunch it.

I only put in tinted moisturizer/sunscreen, blush and eyeliner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Gives them something to do.

DP but agree.

There is no way anyone "needs" to go to the post office or grocery store every day. And if you do grocery shop every day, you are shopping for very minimal ingredients that do not take long, because you're only buying enough for the day. If you are literally running out of clothing, you/your children must wear the same thing every day? I'm so confused as to how someone can say they are running out of clothing because they didn't do laundry ONE day??

Working out takes time. Cooking takes time. But most SAHMs arent cooking dinner at 3pm before their kids are out of school.

I just tend to think that SAHMs get a lot of heat (see this thread) so try and make it sound like their days are sooo busy, even though it's really not. It's an insecurity because they feel like they have to "keep up" with the working people or ones who are actually busy.

I like the comparison to retired people. I know very few retired people who are like "oh yeah im sooo busy! Busier than when I was working!" They own it and talk about gardening and napping and being bored LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll never understand the daily errands thing

Neither do I. I manage to work FT, volunteer at the school, run kids to activities, feed everyone healthy meals, ensure homework is complete and emotional needs met, work out 7+ hours a week, have a nice house and lawn, and maintain a social life. The key is to not do it alone. I have a spouse, kids do chores, and outsource where needed.

I would flip the question - if you can have and do it all, why wouldn't you?